Today while not feeling 100% on waking this morning, I have managed to get stuck into a few things. Lunch plans with an old friend had to be cancelled at the last minute, while bumping into and even older friend has knocked me for six. I have been looking forwards to catching up with David for some time now, so much has changed since we last met, but the right time will come. For now he needs to do what's right for him and his family. Out time will come soon enough David,
This afternoon while feeling a little beaten up over the past 24 hours, I decided to get a little more fresh air, so took the dogs on a random afternoon walk. Amazing how things turn out, and as I neared home walking little Aana my path started to cross with a petit little young lady. As she got closer she begun to smile.... Then it his me..... OMG it's only Heena! Having not actually seen her for oooh 11-12 years, iys always a shock to see someone in person like that. Jeez I just thought, if bumping into her was this WOW, Sian is gonna be damned scary!
Anyway, after Aana had introduced herself by trying to wear Heena's headphones, we had a quick exchange, I was still lost for words, and we said we will meet up soon. So Heena, it was lovely to see you, you have brought a grin to my face, and made the walk worthwhile. Knew there was a reason I went out lol. Now give up smoking!! Eeew!
To make the day a little better still, I have also just filled my face with chicken and veg. I think I might be addicted to such intake now, with a touch of naughty here and there in the form of jelly beans.... Food of the devil. So I'm just sitting here now, letting my food go down, and trying to make sense of what has happened over the past 24 hours, and why.
I'm not going to get all deep and gloomy again, there is no point. But I think I have narrowed it down to a few things.
Attention, I love it ( you might have noticed). Not prancing around trying to look good, vanity attention. But more the real meaning of attention. Privacy (he says blogging) intimacy, trust, and confiding in someone you trust. I think I might have been greedy recently and had more than my fair share of it, but it felt so darn good it's hard to turn down.
Whore is the word that comes to mind, attention whore! That's what most would think anyway. Me, I might agree if the boot were on the other foot. However in this case it's a little more complex. As per usual in my life it's never just one thing happening at any one time. Instead there are a number of things going on, all for which I have different people I will turn to. So yesterday for example I was looking to people to get advice from, and at one point had conversations about four different topics on the go at once, with about seven people! And I wonder why I got mixed up lol.
Blessed is the next word, most people would not even have that many people to turn to, let alone about so many different things, and getting good advice from all. It's after the storm, at times like this that I look at the situations and realise how blessed I am. I know I go on about it but seriously! I have been a proper arse hole in my life, alienated a lot of people, and fallen into the bad books of countless more. Yet through it all there is a core of friends and associates who have stood by me. Ok, so I do my bit too, and always help when I can, but I know the load I put on others is immense at times.
Inspired, that's my last word for now. I feel inspired to open up, to communicate, and to give back now.
Right, quite a bit left to do today so I better get on.
Have a good one.