Or so mu body would have you believe anyway. Aches and pains, coughs and sneezes, I'm full of them all right now. Or though then again, maybe its something to do with being in close proximity to someone with filthy self hygiene. Sneezing openly into the office, and other foul behaviour makes me cringe and feel slightly ill just at the sight of it.
That said, one thing that has changed is my reliance on public transport, and more recently I have driven into work. So I am sure I am avoiding a whole bunch of germs on there. Not sure I could handle it right now. So I am left dosed up and feeling slightly sorry for myself, and just wanting my duvet.
Meanwhile in the real world, the house in Wales is officially marked as 'under offer' on the website, and has been removed from the listings. This is Week 5 of the legal side of the sale since the offer was accepted. Frustratingly slow, I now feel for people who go through this again and again. And even more so for those who get caught in a chain sale, wondering every day if one of the links will break. Fingers crossed it wont be too much longer now.
I haven't heard from the solicitor or agent since accepting, but as they say, no news is good news. That said, I am ever so curious about how things are progressing, what stage we are at, etc. But the idea of contacting them seems like I would cause myself some bad luck or something.
In other walks of life, for some reason I have been doing a lot of thinking about Sian recently. Possibly brought on by the troubles of other friends and their relationships with their children. Or maybe its just 'that season', who knows. Either way, the thoughts are nothing I would act on, just a whole bunch of random memories, milestones I have missed, and curious of her thoughts (although unlikely to be having many I guess).
As the sale of the house approaches completion, my mind is all over the place with lots of financial matters, trying to balance the books until completion arrives, planning what to prioritise on getting done in life and on the house, and getting my affairs in order. Over the last week I have cancelled no less than THREE contracts with Orange, some might say I had too many in the first place, but others understand the logic behind it, in its own twisted way. As well as getting other financial affairs under control also. Feels somehow empowering to finally take control, every once in a while.
Birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries all roll around, some require attention, others just take my concentration for a moment to think them over. But all together, this time of year keeps my mind busy. Speaking of minds... I caught an episode of 999 Whats your emergency last night, which mostly focused on mental health, and wow did it strike a chord with me.
Now I don't claim to have suffered from schizophrenia, nor have I been in a dire mental state, but I have most definitely suffered with depression. So seeing how people cope, and don't cope with their feelings and thoughts was a real eye opener for me. Its television like this that really moves me, and makes me wish more people understood what it was like to be in such a desperate mental state.
For me, my defining moment was a bad one, finally reaching breaking point, and losing all sense of control over my thoughts. Reaching that point is bad enough, but doing it a in another country, with limited support, and being the weak link in what was meant to be a fun time... Not great.
Far away from my GP, off my meds, and drowning in thoughts and emotions (not self pity) was such a horrible feeling, and thankfully for me, only short lived.
So my thoughts and heart go out to those who truly suffer on a daily basis with mental health issues. Not out of control over emotional drunks, or attention seekers, but people who truly have no control over it, and wish just for one day of normality.
The UK has a lot to learn about these cases, and the normal people out there would benefit from realising that some people are not just playing up, not crazy, and don't want to hurt anyone. But they are fighting an inner demon who fights them for control over their mind and body on a daily basis.
Phew, deep thoughts for this time of day... I need chocolate.!
Thanks for reading.