Happy New Year

While you think I may finally be joining in the spirit of things, embracing tradition, and being positive about things for once, you qre sadly mistaken.

Instead I say those words with my tongue pressed firmly in my cheek. Happy New Year, seriously? The is nothing wrong with wanting to write off a bad year, put the past behind you and forget it all, but its the hope we enter the new year with, and pressure we put ourselves under that cracks me up.

In 2010 I lost my oldest friend John Littlebury to a motorcycle accident, at the end of the year mum was diagnosed with brain cancer to reinforce her breast cancer. So as I entered 2011 I did the traditional thing of accepting mum would pass soon, but planned for a better year. However soon I would discover all this planning, hoping and promising things to ourselves is hopeless. No one could have predicted Tas dying so suddenly, Graeme to take such a decline and pass like that, and for me personally, for my mental state to reach rock bottom, almost lose my job of 11 years, and then for mums condition to fall off a cliff and for me to watch her pass kind of so unexpectedly.

All the wishes being batted around right now, there is no harm in it really. But I feel for those with so much invested in the New Year thing. Face facts, about 5% of the population will start their New Year hung over, great start. Maybe 1% of those will spend it in hospital or receiving some form of treatment, not forgetting the other poor sods who have to work through the new year in order to nurse and mother the pathetic people back to full health again.

What I am getting at here is, please don't promise yourself 2012 will be a better year, or hope for too much from it. Most of what will happen is totally out of your hands, and for those dieting, seeking new employment, or wanting to change their lives, I wish you the best of luck. But just remember, the New Year is a dawn like any other, the sun will rise, and new day will begin, and opportunity will once again present itself to us. Treat every day like a new chance, not just tomorrow, and live it like it was the last, as for quite a few, it quite literally will be their last.

Stay safe, have fun, and I leave you with my preferred greeting.... Happy New Day.... Embrace it!
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I GOT IT!!

No stupid, not an infection or anything like that. I have worked out the reason of why I'm feeling the way I am. All I have done for days now is slept. I am not unhappy, not miserable or depressed, but whenever I'm on my own I just........ sleep!

It has just occurred to me this is the first extended period I have been on my own since mum passed. Its not that its Xmas, I'm sure of that. Just time to reflect for the first time in a long time, and there is a lot to reflect on.

I don't think its a bad thing, but having just woken from a type of dream I have not had for months, the signs are clear and obvious. I chose to spend most of Xmas alone, as I usually do anyway, maybe it was a subconscious decision to invoke this?

Really I would love to have spent a bit more time catching up with people I have not seen for a while, up and down the country and faces and embraces I miss dearly, but circumstances just have not allowed for it. Maybe I will make an effort over the coming week.

I just seem to have run out of steam right now, the ideas are there, but the motivation lacks, seriously. Decorating the house has come to an abrupt halt, even though I have the materials to do what I need to do.

Right now I need a kick up the bum, and a big one at that. So much lays ahead of me in the coming months, and again maybe that is something that is weighing on my mind, I'm not sure, but I need to get ready to deal with these things as they all start to arrive.

Right, time for some music on my new headphones, A-Jays 3's you know lol, and then try and get off my arse. Maybe a long walk?
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WTF

OK so as this letter says, this is my first involvement in this debt, until now my sister has been good enough to deal with mums affairs.

However... Right at this very second I am angry and offended by the language used in the letter. Yes I have agreed a payment plan, but never was a date discussed. And yes a sum is outstanding, but this is Day 1 for me, so mention of debt collection agencies etc in their first written contact with me is somewhat OTT.

I know it is a letter to my sister which I am cc'ed in on, but maybe as first contact they could have gone to the effort of writing to me separately, maybe even emailing me to first check a suitable payment date.

I am sure most will think I'm over reacting, but this has been a farce from Day 1 with this funeral director, with misinformation, and a number of other issues which I won't go into right now.

Friendly family run business..... Hmmmm

So much going on, so little time.

Time to blog that is. It has once again been a while since I managed to write anything meaningful, so as the dust settles, quite literally, I thought I would take a few mins out.

Currently sitting at the kitchen table watching the timer on the cooker counting down, coming closer to the moment my dinner is ready. Exciting or what. However in this case it is. I have undertaken a challenge (my own) to do something about the weight I have been gaining recently, and am in the first week of taking direct action.

Setting myself a target of around 1000 calories a day, and making sure I return to my original physical routines of walking the dogs etc, I am hoping to make some headway into the excess I am carrying. In the first few days as the body adjusts, losses are inevitable, but maintaining the routine and the loss is key. So I am having cereal in the mornings, fruit and snacks in the afternoon, and finishing up with a high protein dinner. Occasionally some fruit or cereal a little later if still actually hungry.

My starting point was 247lb, and the first goal is to drop that below 240, anything with 23* will signal the arrival at the first goal. Over all weight as a number isn't the objective, waist size and physical fitness is the true goal here and one I am dead set on.

In other news, major refurbishment of the house is under way, with the lounge being stripped and plastered this week. New roof going on, and some serious decorating to be done over the coming weeks that's for sure. Some great ideas in my head, now to turn them in to reality, that's the hard part.

Other than that, the main story has to be I'm DRUG FREE, over 3 weeks now, and about the only side effect as such is my lack of concentration, and memory loss from time to time, on a very small and short term scale. I'm forgetful, nothing more lol.

Hmmm what else was I going to say.....

Not a lot really at this point, other than to say you can follow my diet progress on Twitter. @therealslimsnaz . I was going to blog it all again but with my train of thought like it is, I thought best to keep the character count down.

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Long time, no blog

Well it has been hasn't it! I haven't looked at the date of the last one, but I know its been a while now.
So what's changed. Well I am 2 weeks clean from anti depressants, and feeling my normal self again. I have put weight on and know I need to sort myself out before it gets out of control again. The clothes are already starting to take the strain.
I have also just spoken to my aunt after not seeing her for a good few weeks now. He status is a bit up in the air at the mo, so I will have to make some more calls to find out what's really going on. She has requested no visitors til after Xmas now, and has a hospital appointment this afternoon as a follow up from one last week. So I'm not quite sure what's going on there. A call to Chris is needed.

So what's ahead for me. Well Xmas is around the corner, but I won't be doing much about that to be honest. Got work going on in and on the house at the moment, so the place is a bloody mess. Hallway in the middle of decorating, bathroom being torn apart, new roof being fitted, so the driveway is a mess. Oh its a great dusty place to be *sniff sniff.

My plan, get away from it all for a bit, get some fresh air on the day and enjoy it with myself. While trying to resist the temptations of fatty foods over the festive period.

To be honest, the whole weight thing is the important part to me right now, so I really wanna take the bull by the horns and get back under control and feeling healthier again. My poor Specialized Hardrock Pro really needs a good workout, so come Jan I want to be back on that again, and into a routine with the dogs, getting out twice a day.

Aaaah this looks rubbish, so I will try blogging again later.

Peace!
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Dear Odeon Greenwich... Thank you for your service.

Living proof that I am fair in all my words, here goes a positive to cancel out a negative, or at least to balance it.
I am currently seated back in the Odeon Greenwich, this time to watch Twilight. On sheepishly approaching the security guy near the ticket collections on the ground floor and asking what time we could go to the Gallery, we were informed now, and that we could go straight in.
On suggesting we didn't wish to jump any queue he informed us that it is policy that Gallery patrons do NOT queue with the rest of the screen patrons, and that they should go straight to the Gallery upto 30 mins before the start of the film.

I informed him this was not what we were told, and explained what had happened on a prior visit. He seemed offended and disgusted that we had been spoken to that way, and went on to apologise on behalf of everyone at the location. He said he was going to raise the matter at the next GM, as this was not satisfactory, and wanted to make sure it didn't happen again.

I thank him for his polite encounter, and clarification of the previous situation. Maybe if I could find out who the mystery poster was on my previous blog about the Odeon, they could speak to this guy and learn some manners.

So, thank you Odeon Greenwich. My faith is restored.
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Operation 'new roof' begins shortly

aka Snazy, aka The Facilitator

For a long time now I have found myself as a moving part within peoples lives. Playing a part, be it emotional, sexual or physical, which is a piece of a bigger movement. Starting the ball rolling for a seperation, being supportive for a hard time, or just giving comfort at a time of need. One way or another I have somehow become a facilitator.

I am not quite sure how this role comes about each time. Big cuddly (ok fat) me pops up somewhere, becomes a part of a persons everyday life, and before you know it something is happening. My role changes to one of emotional support of some kind, and suddenly a ball is rolling, and there is no stopping it.

Over many years now I have found myself doing this, and have played a part in relationship breakups, helping people through confusing and conflicting times in their lives, right up to just being a friend til the end, giving strength and support to a person as they find their own way through a maze or conflict in their life.

Of course, becoming so deeply 'invovled' with someone has its risks, and emotional attachement is always present. If it wasn't I dont think I would be very good at doing what I do. Breaking that, or even just defining that attachement can sometimes be a bit of a pain, a heartbreak, or even a big arguement. I dont set out to mislead, nor to pretend to be someone im not, but in the blur of all the heat and action, sometimes lines get crossed.

There are people who I have encountered, and still remain in their lives. There are others that simply drift away, set back on course for what lays ahead of them, and on their proper path. Those who remain in my life are people of importance that have made a bigger impact on me, and people who I feel i have not yet finished being there for. Maybe I dont have enough faith in them to get it right, maybe the bond is too strong to just let them go, I dont know. But either way, I enjoy still having them about, so its not a bad thing.

So this joking title of Facilitator, just seems a little fitting for me. As I meddle in other peoples lives, trying to do what I can to make their situation right, I wonder to myself who is there to do the same for me. Or do I indeed choose people to help, who in some way return the favour as part of the whole situation. Maybe that is it. I have never felt like I have been hard done by, nor come out of the situation down on the deal. I guess it is entirely possible that the whole matter works the other way around, and I indeed choose people who I am needy of, and as by chance, in some way need me. In which case I guess that should be changed to The User then.

However you view this, from whatever angle I look at it from, I can only hope that those involved in these circles take away from the situation as much as I think they do. A little happiness, satisfaction, and direction at the very least.

As I have ponderd this entry over the past days, so many thoughts have filled my head, but none of them seemed worthy of putting on the final draft. I have many views on the whole situation, but as I look back over the course of my encounters, casual and emotional, I really do think more good than bad has come from it. So given the chance I will engage in facilitating as much as I can in the future.

If you have not worked out what I mean by facilitating, its like this.
Being 'the other man' has given someone in the past the vision to realise they were not stuck where they were, there was more to life than the same old pressured routine, and this gave them the hunger to be away from their routine.
In other cases there has been call for a wingman. To be there as someone who could be relied upon to bounce ideas of, talk to when things got hairy. A good mate I guess you would say, but one that was not too close to all the intricate details of your personal life.
On other occasions its just been a shoulder, strength when needed, and on call 24 hours a day to get someone though a tough spot in their life. Usually short term, just to cover off a low point in life, but this seems to be the most common these days.

Just in case there is a misunderstanding... this is not about sexual conquests, bedpost notches, or anything crude like that. And the time scale I am talking on stretches 12+ years now, in fact thinking about it now, I have actually been doing this since I was 15-16, before I could drive.
The first time I remember, I would travel 6 miles a night almost every night to spend time with a girl who was really struggling with her life. Down about as low as a person can get before completely shutting down, I tried in vain to help raise her from this point, but failed miserably. Looking back that is probably my motivation for carrying on the way I do these days.

All round nice guy, or selfish predator, you decide. But I know there are some out there who have appreciated my time.

PS, Most cases have indeed been females, but there have been odd occasions that I have been there for male friends too. However I should point out that there were NO sexual favours there lol.

Financial folly

There comes a time in everyones life (well those of us that skate between the red and the black on our bank accounts monthly anyway) when you have to take stock, and see what the real ins and outs of your finances are.
Well I have just done mine properly for the first time since mum passed away, and its looking rather grim to say the least.

After doing all the adding and subtracting the numbers come up with -£50, so that's a bit of a pain to say the least. To make matters worse, that isn't factoring in any food for the month either, so my weightloss program may well be accelerated somewhat. Where there is a will there is a way, and somehow the numbers will add up somewhere along the line I'm sure. Just need to do a bit of juggling here and there.

On top of this there are a few things I am a little behind on, some of which is sorted, other bits are yet to be discussed and re-arranged, but I will get that done soon. Its just been one of those tough periods where grabbing the bull by the horns is far easier said than done, and hiding the letters away, and ignoring the phone has been far easier. You always know a phonecall from any creditor is bad news.

Good news comes in the shape of utility bills believe it or not. As everyone struggles to keep up with the huge, above inflation rises of fuel prices, my usage has plummeted. Using in some cases half the electricity and gas I was using this time last year. Because of this my accounts are both in credit, and my monthly payments have almost halved.

Then there is my mobile phone usage. Because of choices to arrange mobile phones for friends and family, as well as an addiction to having the latest handset, my mobile bill was huge, for a personal user, I had a bill of about 120- 140 a month. Thankfully with some rehab, a little common sense, and a rethink, I have managed to get this down substantially too. This month will be the first month I get an adjusted bill with the new tariffs etc, so I'm hoping that will half too. If all goes to plan anyway.

I have been in far worse situations than this before, and although its neck deep right now, I am at peace knowing my head is not heading below water, and I can stay afloat. Getting more buoyancy will of course be an improvement, and that is what I am striving for next. If I can pass my part 3 I will have the chance to increase income, so I need to knuckle down and get my shit together.

Things can only get better right... Bootsale time soon, get rid of some junk and get some cash for it.

Right, enough doom and gloom.
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2 men on one Erection

Hope its what you were expecting to see!