After I left at about 8 last night I finally had some time to relax, and reflect. As well as call the care agency to cancel them again til mum is back out. I would love to say I had a good nights sleep, but that would be a lie.
So this morning I have come to the hospice (currently sitting on a wall by a tree, see pic) and am astounded in the change in mum. She was very upset last night when they tried to put her to bed, so was eventually sedated, and from that had a good nights sleep. Strangely she seems to have woken as a new woman.
Last night she struggled with her date of birth, what year it was, and counting backwards. Today she is as I would usually expect her to be. Talkative, coherent, and a lot happier in herself. Delighted to be back in the hospice. Which leads me to a strange conclusion.
While I won't dispute that she is genuinely unwell right now, and that the illness could be having some baring on the situation, I have to acknowledge that there is something stress related there too. After being sedated last night she calmed down, and I wonder if there is something still in her system, or just being back in a stress free environment that is causing such a radical and sudden reversal of most of the issues, especially with her mind.
While she showed happiness at being back at home, I do wonder if she stresses about being a burden to me and my sister, as well as stresses about the carers coming 'harassing' her and other such goings on, are having a negative effect on her health.
The carers have been brilliant til now, so there have been no visible signs of mum stressing or being distressed about them, but from day one being back home she has been confused about who is coming when, and has gradually gotten worse.
So being back here seems to have changed a lot of that, maybe the sedative has helped too. That would also indicate that using anti depressents would have been of benefit a while ago, just like the doctor ordered. This takes me back to wonder if a home is the better place for her now.
We have just finished speaking with the social worker, and I have expressed my feelings about the stress side of things, which Marilyn feels this could also be the case. While the sedatives are still in her system she seems much calmer. However as we sat and talked, and time passed she has become a little more confused again. But nothing like yesterday. Just getting stories a little muddled, crossing facts up, and repeating stories.
So let's see what happens with the doctor today, what line they pursue. I will try and give some feedback to them about what I have seen, and hopefully we will be on the same page :)
Right, back on duty I guess.
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