OK so the day started pretty poorly really with me over sleeping as I have already mentioned, but from that point on I like to think that I made sure things only got better.
Remembering how much drive and positive feeling music gives me, I managed to supercharge my morning with some dance tracks, and smile most of the way to work. Probably looking like a little bit of a nutter on the train. Walking down the road in the rain with a grin on my face probably did little for my image either. But you know what... Who cares what others think. This fight is in my head, and its there that I shall win or lose.
By Thursday I am going to start on the shakes again. 100% shakes, none of this mix and match I have been trying over and over. This is something I need to do, and after a kick up the bum and a message of support from 'Aunt Sally', I'm sure I'm doing this right. Reminding me that there are certain things in life that I cannot influence or change, and supporting the view that I can't take responsibility for everything and everyone in my life. Both important issues that I really needed someone else to confirm I was right to leave alone.
The next few weeks are all about me. My success, my future, and my feelings. For now everything else takes second place in my mind. By the time I reach 8th Feb I want to be focused and ready for the challenging days that lay ahead, and not confused and vulnerable as I have been over recent months.
Today I went to see my manager about a whole bunch of issues that have been getting to me, and I have no intention of hiding my feelings towards these matters. Work related issues that those involved in are aware of and clearly too arrogant to recognise what impact their actions have on others. Well, I for one am not about to stand by and watch bullshit like that. Especially after the way I was treated for daring to have a mental breakdown while my mother was dying. (How dare I indeed!)
So if I work with you, and you are reading this, ask yourself a question... Do you take the piss? And if the answer is yes, then maybe your ears burned a little today.
I also came clean about my overall feelings of satisfaction and happiness at work, and made it clear that I appreciate the wage, don't hate my job, but am certainly not happy there right now. But then I don't think I'm the only one.
All in all I got a lot off my chest today, and when I got home I felt mentally drained. Either from being a bit down, or having expended all that energy thinking about what to say to my manager, and actually putting it all out of there. On a plus, I managed a good long walk with the dogs tonight. They are both laying on the floor as I type, snoring, farting and twitching as they dream. Bless them, who needs kids when you have stinky farting dogs.
And that's a perfect link into my closing statement of the night.
Yesterday I spoke of friends, and how rare they are. Well tonight one of my friends of over 20 years now, is in hospital with his girlfriend awaiting the arrival of their first child. So I dedicate this entry to Steve and Anna, and wish them all the best in the labour and birth, and look forwards to seeing the little blighter some time soon. Congratulations guys. (PS I better get a BBM straight away!)
Thanks as ever for reading, and good night y'all.
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