Sunday, October 18, 2015

What an interesting week its been.

I have had some busy weeks in my life, some confusing ones, and some ground breaking monumental ones, but this one has taken the biscuit really.

I should start by saying, I am writing this blog while testing some SoundPEATS Q800 headphones, and listening to Years and Years. But I am sure I will mention the headphones again at some point, as I am reviewing them for the company.

Right, back to my week...

My week started with a visit from a surveyor to see how much movement there has been in the walls since the house collapse years ago, and to see about starting to make good the damage caused by the movement of the walls. Some fair sized cracks, but he is happy they are now totally stable and work can commence. So that is now another room I can get on with smartening up a bit, and who knows, I might even put a spare bed in there. Just in case one day I have guests. Unlikely I know!

Tuesday was a little busier with a visit from the gas people to do the annual safety check on the place, which I am happy to say was a pass. Last time this guy came to do the check, the cooker was condemned! Doh. Amazingly and almost irritatingly, the guys came pretty early to do the check, which left me with a void in my morning. So I made the most of it and did..... NOTHING!
The afternoon was a bit different, another of my trips to Guys Hospital for another session of ongoing treatment. As its the same ladies I see each time, it makes the visits a little less daunting, and a relationship of humour has been built quickly.

Visiting Guy's is a bit love hate for me. Each time I enter the building I see the signs for Tabbard Annexe and cringe slightly. Remember the many visits with mum during her fight with cancer. The staff in there were always amazing, but I guess it's memories like that which provoke the sadness of the whole matter. Even walking across the car park reminds me of having to rush into the hospital on the day mum collapsed getting out of the car. A trip which resulted in her going through a whole load of tests. Amazing place all the same.
Anyway, thankfully I am NOT visiting Tabbard, so it's not so bad I guess.

Tuesday was also the day that Florida was finally cancelled. Since splitting up, I guess I have always just wondered when the trip would be cancelled, and maybe would have liked it to have happened sooner, but hey, it was hardly unexpected. So no hard feelings or anything. Sure its disappointing, and strange not going to see The Gabbay's for the annual food and insults even of the year haha, but I am sure it will happen sooner or later. It's for the best, and all part of moving on in separate directions, so all is well. Shame British Airways are so harsh with their cancellation fees. 60% 30 days before really takes the biscuit. Not like re-selling a holiday to Florida is exactly going to be hard now is it?

Wednesday was weird, I got up, walked the dogs, went to work, came home and didn't really do much at all. After doing so much on the days prior, it was nice to not have anything to do. Catch up with Gotham which I have been meaning to watch for ages now, do some stretching for my back and achillies, and an early night.

Thursday was an unexpected trip to the vets with Aana. Having gone last week with concerns about her breathing, and being so lethargic at times, a week of antibiotics had not had an effect. The dogs had got into a couple of fights this week too, with the changing behaviours and moods of both causing clashes. One with a very near miss to Aana's eyes. Her leaving her food on Thursday morning was enough to trigger another call to the vets to get her seen asap. A short notice evening appointment was arranged, and I have to be grateful to my work and a colleague for being kind enough to make arrangements allowing me to make the appointment.
Getting Aana in the car raised more concerns on the way to the vets. Her usual playful excited bound to get in the car is gone, and replaced with a hesitant, jerky rocking trying to get in the car.
Arriving at the vets it was nice to see Rafa, the amazing and ever caring man who takes such good care of the dogs, and has a wonderful bond with them both. Aana immediately relaxed as he examined her. Thankfully within a minute of walking in, she presented her symptoms clearly, coughing and choking in the examination room in front of Rafa. So at least he knew exactly what I was trying to explain.
Sadly the examinations were inconclusive, so bloods were taken to check for a few things. I should add, on mentioning that she licks her paw / leg when shaved for a blood draw or cannula, Rafa suggested drawing from the neck, and as quickly as it was said, it was done, no fuss. Accompanied by another of his great stories of being in Spain, and how he drew blood from large flocks of sheep up in the Spanish mountains when he was a young vet. No sheering, just line up and hit the vein.
Another course of antibiotics have been given, and we are back in on Monday to follow up on her progress, and admit her for sedation and proper checks on her throat if needed. Its gonna get expensive, but hey, she is worth it really. The stinky, psychotic little furball.

Friday, I was back in hospital again, so another day off work. Which was nice timing really, as it meant I could keep an eye on Aana too, and see how she is getting on with the antibiotics too. The trip to the hospital was a nice one, out of rush-hour for both trains and the lifts at the hospital. It is strange having to factor in lift waiting time, into your travel time to appointments, but it is a reality.

So, that was my activity for the week. But of course that gets mixed in with a whole load of other stuff, so lets cover that off too.

First up, I should go back to the headphones I am still listening to the Years and Years album on. Midweek I was contacted by someone via twitter, asking if I would be interested in doing a review of their headphones, and writing a blog about it for them. Strange to be approached that way, and no idea why I was selected like that, but honestly, I was grateful for the opportunity, so after doing some checks and speaking to them about it, I accepted. There is a possibility when I am done with the review, that I will be able to arrange a giveaway of another pair of them. So watch this space for the chance to win a pair. I have to say, early days, I'm honestly surprised and pleased with them.
When I got home yesterday evening, the box from Amazon was at my door, and the testing begun.

There have been highs and lows over the past week for sure. Moments of realisation, and a few genuine smiles. Feels strange.
A neighbour I have spoken to for a long time (who now reads this blog from time to time, (nosey cow!) has been kind enough to spend more time chatting, and keeping an eye out for me, so it has been nice to pop around and spend some time chatting with her and her brother (Hamilton fan, poor sod!) about a million and one topics.
I have always been quite solitary, but have always needed a sounding board, an outlet. For years mum played that role, then of course poor Chantal, who was forced to endure my moaning every evening while walking the dogs or watching TV(or trying to). So recently, being on my own has honestly been driving me crazy. All the thoughts, experiences, and noises in my head, trapped there unable to get them out into the open world. Apart of course by blogging them. But that doesn't always work for me.

I have to say at this point, that for a man of my stature, with drives, emotions, and habits like mine, I really do rely on females a LOT in my life. I'm not sure if I trust them more, relate better with women, or its just how it freakishly works out. Either way, I surround myself with women, and some rather gorgeous ones at that. Hopefully, it is a two way thing, and they benefit from me being around too. I would hate to think I impose myself on them, or am a chore.

I do of course speak and socialise with guys too, but I think at some times, rather than opening my soul and revealing the true issues eating away at me, I modify them, and get all testosterone filled, and macho about it, and avoid the issue completely. I have my moments of openness and honesty with some, but that is rare in comparison to how I am in the presence of women. It is almost like there is some male bullshit barrier and awkwardness. Shame really, as when the roles are reversed and a guy wants to chat to me about things, I am usually able to show compassion and be honest about their situation. Maybe it is just me holding back, and making the conversation more awkward than it needs to be. Barriers up, mask on.... Sounds about right for me, but then that is me over thinking things to the extreme, as usual.

Speaking of the women in my life who I find it easy to speak to, respect their opinions, and usually come away feeling better for speaking to, one of them without a doubt has to be Nikki.. Well in fairness there seem to be a lot of people around called Nikki (with that spelling) these days, but I'm sure the right one knows I mean her.
We share a common attitude to everyday life, and find honesty and openness being the best way to live your life. Think it, say it, act on it! So thank you to Nikki for her blatant, say it like it is attitude in our conversations. I would say you have no idea how refreshing and helpful it is, but I actually think you do. Given how frequently the conversations are two way about the same subject and predicaments we both find ourselves in. Last nights brief exchange was both hilarious and grounding, so cheers for that one too.

It has also been a week of realising I'm not as washed up as I maybe thought I was. Broken mentally and physically, it has never been an appealing feature for many, but it would appear I seem to focus on the negatives, and have ignored the positives. Positives others seem to have found in me from our occasional and short encounters. It is quite flattering really, and dare I say motivating too. Inspiring me to think a little higher of myself, and look after myself a bit better. It is probably what I need right now, a boost, and that feel good factor to make me push a little harder to get back into shape, and care for myself, as much as I seem to care for others.
Sure I have physical limitations which I need to explore and push a little to get to where I want, but hopefully a little positive mental attitude will go a long way for me.

The issue I have now is staying in control. Not letting the moment run away with me, not get caught up in the moment, and to take baby steps. Making sure that each step is the right one, a wanted one, and taking me where I feel comfortable and want to be. This is one of my biggest issues. Past being a coward who is too timid to take the first step onto a path. After taking the first step, my brain takes off running. I am miles along the road, and lost inside my head within seconds. Thinking is fine, taking the time to give matters thought is important in fact, but over thinking, obsessing and dreaming up doom outcomes is where my head works best. So if I have darkened your inbox with messages for chats in the past, prepare yourself. Shit might get real soon!

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in all this is, after a long, interesting and slightly challenging week, thanks to some great women, I am back up there. In a happy place with a positive mind. So thank you all. Three main ones ;)

And finishing up with this vague little gem. Thank you for making me realise I wasn't imagining things all this time.

4 comments:

  1. There's so many things you need to see in yourself! And frankly if someone doesn't see them who cares. Coz there's plenty of somebody's that will. X
    Just use reverse psychology on yourself, every negative must be changed into the positive opposite and you must repeat it 3times.
    As the book I gave you said f--k it say that to negatives. Xhehe

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    Replies
    1. Only just got round to reading this comment. Haha, thanks hun, the kick in the pants I often need, and it's so close by!
      Love the book too, thank you for that, very thoughtful, you know me too well. X

      Delete
  2. There's so many things you need to see in yourself! And frankly if someone doesn't see them who cares. Coz there's plenty of somebody's that will. X
    Just use reverse psychology on yourself, every negative must be changed into the positive opposite and you must repeat it 3times.
    As the book I gave you said f--k it say that to negatives. Xhehe

    ReplyDelete
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