Tuesday, December 27, 2011


No stupid, not an infection or anything like that. I have worked out the reason of why I'm feeling the way I am. All I have done for days now is slept. I am not unhappy, not miserable or depressed, but whenever I'm on my own I just........ sleep!

It has just occurred to me this is the first extended period I have been on my own since mum passed. Its not that its Xmas, I'm sure of that. Just time to reflect for the first time in a long time, and there is a lot to reflect on.

I don't think its a bad thing, but having just woken from a type of dream I have not had for months, the signs are clear and obvious. I chose to spend most of Xmas alone, as I usually do anyway, maybe it was a subconscious decision to invoke this?

Really I would love to have spent a bit more time catching up with people I have not seen for a while, up and down the country and faces and embraces I miss dearly, but circumstances just have not allowed for it. Maybe I will make an effort over the coming week.

I just seem to have run out of steam right now, the ideas are there, but the motivation lacks, seriously. Decorating the house has come to an abrupt halt, even though I have the materials to do what I need to do.

Right now I need a kick up the bum, and a big one at that. So much lays ahead of me in the coming months, and again maybe that is something that is weighing on my mind, I'm not sure, but I need to get ready to deal with these things as they all start to arrive.

Right, time for some music on my new headphones, A-Jays 3's you know lol, and then try and get off my arse. Maybe a long walk?
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