Friday, December 18, 2015

Thank God that's over with.

So since being off sock with anxiety and depression,  and realising it was becoming a long term thing,  I kinda knew I would end up seeing the company doctor at some point. I have had a good relationship with him over the years with tennis elbow,  gout,  depression etc,  so know he is a good man with no ill intent.

None the less,  the thought of being judged by another in this state, and having to dig deep to explain myself all over again is a rather overwhelming experience to say the least.

So today was the day,  and sitting in the waiting room alone was a huge stress. Thankfully the train journey to London Bridge was nice and quiet,  and with headphones in I was in my own little world. When the time came to be called in,  the ever softly spoken Dr Mason came out and called me in. Formalities over with,  the conversation started. I gave him all the supporting paperwork etc,  and  he listened carefully as I tried to explain myself.

After a quick chat I filled out another anxiety / depression questionnaire and he totted up the score. Discussion turned to my meds and dose,  he suggested speaking to the GP again and getting an increase as he feels what I am on is a bit of a "girls dose" he said with a smile on his face.

Next he asked about work, then moved on to how he wanted to progress with me. Suggesting he would like to speak to me again once I have had some counselling,  and see how I am with that and the increase in dose of Citalopram.

Finishing up he asked how I was feeling,  I expressed how anxious I have been about the appointment since getting the letter,  and how it had made me feel. He reassured me there was nothing bad going to happen,  and that he wished me a good recovery,  and looked forward to speaking to me again and hearing some improvement.

Leaving the building my heart was pounding like crazy,  and feeling the fresh air of freedom outside was a relief. So glad it's over with now. Really has had me on edge for a few days now.

So I shall make a new GP appointment once I receive his report as suggested by him,  and see if the dose needs to be increased and if we are making progress yet. And also of course point out to them how long I have to wait for counselling,  as it doesn't look  like I will be working until that is underway.

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