Funerals are confusing places

In the past year or two I have attended probably a few more funerals than I should have at my age, sadly most for people were way too young to leave us. But you can't change the cards you are dealt can you.
One alarming thing I have found at too many funerals is bullshit. People bringing baggage, assumed authority, and all sorts of things that are quite simply not welcomed at such events.
The purest I have attended would without a doubt be Breeny's. No fakeness, no falseness, just pure respect for the person we had all mutually lost, and that was both refreshing and beautiful. At previous funerals it seemed that a battle erupted for authority, people feeling they knew what was best and wanted. A doorman attitude appears, and people feel they have the right to dictate who comes, who does what, and try to control all sorts of behaviour of those attending.
Tas's was without a doubt a shocking example of this. Such a beautiful man, and his day of departure tarnished with the behaviour of others, all in the name of being his 'best friend'. Too many people feeling they knew what Tas would have wanted, and so much infighting it was unreal. Truly damaging not only to the day, but also for the memories of those not involved in all the bullshit.
Funeral etiquette to me is not a hard thing to grasp. The family hold all the cards, and their respects should be combined and respected. No baggage should be brought to a funeral. We are gathering to pay our respects and send off some one we clearly all care about. Strangers, friend and enemies will all come together for a day to remember someone who we will never see again. We should make the most of this one last chance to see this person, and send them off with warmth in our hearts, and purity in our minds.
Sadly people use these occasions to be fake, be false, and worst of all, to display poor timing and blatant disrespect to the event. Raising topics that should not be discussed, using it as an impromptu opportunity to raise matters that are for personal benefit etc.... Such people are prize idiots and if they cannot conduct themselves properly, they should simply just avoid such occasions for everyones sake. You disrespectful little twats!
So... Should I be blessed enough to be allowed to attend Darrens funeral when it is announced, this is what you can expect from me. Now this might seem rude, but I'm just putting it out there.
I, Me, Michael Snasdell, Snazy will be there to pay my respects to a guy who put a smile on my face. Never did we exchange a bad word, but always I enjoyed his company. I am there for him.... And of course his immediate family.
The rest is a mixed bag, let me be clear. If I have not seen someone for years it will be great to see them, and I will make that known. If there is history between us, we have fallen out, or don't see eye to eye, this is NOT the place I will discuss it. I am not going to smile and be your friend for a day, nor pretend things are different.
I won't be agreeing that we should all meet up more, see more of each other or engaging in any other falseness. I have heard it all before.
Let me repeat, I am there for Darren, his family and my friends so I can offer a shoulder to, talk to, and help them cope, while we enjoy a few chosen memories of the great man himself.
I apologise again if this seems rude, and understand if it rules me out from being there. Call me old fashioned, respectful, disrespectful or just an idiot... But that's me.
I hope that the day will be one to remember for years to come, and that the media continue to give the big fella the publicity he deserves. Lest we forget!
Speaking of the media..... http://www.suttonguardian.co.uk/news/9563309.Tributes_to_car_lover_killed_in_crash/
Dear Media...
Thank you for covering this story of our dear friend who has passed, but if I am sure I speak for many when I say 'Mr Green' was Darren or Dazza (as well as some unprintable names) to most of us, and it would be lovely to see him spoken of as the person he was, not the formal Mr Green. He won't mind, honest. Just like Mr Steer is BJ, always makes me smile calling him that lol.
Anyway. Enough of what I want, and back to the family. Angela, Tony, any of you, if you need anything (inc me shutting up), please just say.
Sent using BlackBerry®

One day later, the feelings start to numb.

Its been a whole 24 hours now since getting the news of the passing of Darren, and in that time some amazing things have been said, tributes paid, and even a gathering in his memory. A group has been started on Facebook, and it has already exploded in numbers, as you would expect with someone as dynamic as Darren.

If even proof was needed that he impacted a LOT of peoples lives, these comments and tributes have certainly provided it.

Since hearing the news I have been on a journey with myself, as I am sure many more people have, and on the way I have reminded myself of a few things. Each time someone passes, for every person I/we lose along the way, the first thing that springs back into the front of my mind is, how precious life is. Day to day we just plod around, heads down and we just take things for granted. But when something tragic like this happens suddenly we are reminded that our existence is a gift, and not a right. One that can be taken away at any time, and in any way.

Thats not to say that losing someone is not a terrible things, of course it is. But rather than hiding away, and letting it beat us down, we should dig deep to find the strength to be strong. To celebrate the life of the person who has left us, and live the way we know they would have wanted us to carry on. No person ever wishes to leave behind loved ones, and a sudden departure is far from ideal. But at the same time, the same person would never want our lives to be filled with sorrow and grief for any period of time.

Its right to mourn, and to grieve, we all need to deal with our loss in a way that suits us best. For me, talking about the person, reliving memories, and remembering why that person impacted my life the way they did is the best way. Not the departure, not the event itself, just everything before it. Picturing smiles, remembering antics, and other such things.

For me in general the period of loss is a very short one. I realise for some people, Tony, Angela and other close family members will take much longer to accept Darren is not there. No silly text exchanges, no blowing off steam to them, no invites to parties and social gathering etc. It all takes a long time to actually stop that train of thought. I know with mum for months after I still kept thinking 'mum would like this' or 'I must tell mum about this. Its human nature, but its a bitch too. Tripping you up on a good day, catching you out just when you think you are coping.

So this is a message to anyone who is sharing this loss. Be you closer or more detached from Darren than I was. Such a happy loving guy would never want to cause other people pain, certainly not to those who he loved and cared for. While we are all feeling lost, and a little helpless without Darren around, we also need to carry on with our lives. OK this is harsh and a little premature for those closer to Darren, but the sentiment remains. Live each day to the fullest, carry the memories of Darren with you forever.

I offer my condolences once again, and hold out my hand to anyone I can help in any way with their grieving process. My thoughts are with everyone else sharing this loss.

Once again, Rest In  Peace Darren Green