Funerals are confusing places

In the past year or two I have attended probably a few more funerals than I should have at my age, sadly most for people were way too young to leave us. But you can't change the cards you are dealt can you.
One alarming thing I have found at too many funerals is bullshit. People bringing baggage, assumed authority, and all sorts of things that are quite simply not welcomed at such events.
The purest I have attended would without a doubt be Breeny's. No fakeness, no falseness, just pure respect for the person we had all mutually lost, and that was both refreshing and beautiful. At previous funerals it seemed that a battle erupted for authority, people feeling they knew what was best and wanted. A doorman attitude appears, and people feel they have the right to dictate who comes, who does what, and try to control all sorts of behaviour of those attending.
Tas's was without a doubt a shocking example of this. Such a beautiful man, and his day of departure tarnished with the behaviour of others, all in the name of being his 'best friend'. Too many people feeling they knew what Tas would have wanted, and so much infighting it was unreal. Truly damaging not only to the day, but also for the memories of those not involved in all the bullshit.
Funeral etiquette to me is not a hard thing to grasp. The family hold all the cards, and their respects should be combined and respected. No baggage should be brought to a funeral. We are gathering to pay our respects and send off some one we clearly all care about. Strangers, friend and enemies will all come together for a day to remember someone who we will never see again. We should make the most of this one last chance to see this person, and send them off with warmth in our hearts, and purity in our minds.
Sadly people use these occasions to be fake, be false, and worst of all, to display poor timing and blatant disrespect to the event. Raising topics that should not be discussed, using it as an impromptu opportunity to raise matters that are for personal benefit etc.... Such people are prize idiots and if they cannot conduct themselves properly, they should simply just avoid such occasions for everyones sake. You disrespectful little twats!
So... Should I be blessed enough to be allowed to attend Darrens funeral when it is announced, this is what you can expect from me. Now this might seem rude, but I'm just putting it out there.
I, Me, Michael Snasdell, Snazy will be there to pay my respects to a guy who put a smile on my face. Never did we exchange a bad word, but always I enjoyed his company. I am there for him.... And of course his immediate family.
The rest is a mixed bag, let me be clear. If I have not seen someone for years it will be great to see them, and I will make that known. If there is history between us, we have fallen out, or don't see eye to eye, this is NOT the place I will discuss it. I am not going to smile and be your friend for a day, nor pretend things are different.
I won't be agreeing that we should all meet up more, see more of each other or engaging in any other falseness. I have heard it all before.
Let me repeat, I am there for Darren, his family and my friends so I can offer a shoulder to, talk to, and help them cope, while we enjoy a few chosen memories of the great man himself.
I apologise again if this seems rude, and understand if it rules me out from being there. Call me old fashioned, respectful, disrespectful or just an idiot... But that's me.
I hope that the day will be one to remember for years to come, and that the media continue to give the big fella the publicity he deserves. Lest we forget!
Speaking of the media..... http://www.suttonguardian.co.uk/news/9563309.Tributes_to_car_lover_killed_in_crash/
Dear Media...
Thank you for covering this story of our dear friend who has passed, but if I am sure I speak for many when I say 'Mr Green' was Darren or Dazza (as well as some unprintable names) to most of us, and it would be lovely to see him spoken of as the person he was, not the formal Mr Green. He won't mind, honest. Just like Mr Steer is BJ, always makes me smile calling him that lol.
Anyway. Enough of what I want, and back to the family. Angela, Tony, any of you, if you need anything (inc me shutting up), please just say.
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Farewell

Just sitting at Oxford services off the M40 at the moment after attending Stourbridge Crem for Tas's send off. I have to say the first thing I noticed was how small the number attending was. I realise people have commitments, and would not for one second expect the whole world to show up, but Tas was such a loving a popular guy I am shocked at how few made the trip. Tas's side of the family was missing, for what I understand to be religious reasons, so it was left to some close friends and loved ones to be in on the service.

I have not seen Tas for a number of years now, and while he was dear to my heart, I didn't feel I had a place in the actual service, so waited just outside while it all took place. I waited and spoke with Kim, Tas's ex-wife who also wanted to pay her respects.

Once the service had finished and people begun to exit, I left. The one thing I hate about funerals is the falseness of some of the people you will meet there. Fake smiles, false recollections, and empty "nice to see you, we should get together" stuff. Seen and heard it all before, and quite frankly it makes me feel sick, so I prefer to avoid it.

The setting and the weather however... Beautiful to say the least. A warm, clear, sunny spring day, and a hill top crematorium for him to begin his final journey.

So as I put distance between myself and the event, I sit in the sunshine reflecting on 10 or so years of knowing Tas, the moments we shared, and how things went over the years. A quiet loveable guy, loved to smile and be in groups of car lovers, pride in his ride, and an appetite for life. Tas, you were one of the genuine ones out there and your passing is a great loss to many many more than who came to say farewell today.

I am thankful that I managed to get to see Cadell and Archie (my newly adopted son lol) too. Its nice to mix some happiness with the sadness of today. Another Travelodge ticked off my to-do list. This is becoming a bit of a habit now. And a visit to a Sainsburys which seemed like something from the past lol.

So as I drive back towards London shortly I wave farewell to much from the past and present, and wonder when I will next travel these roads. Possibly to see my aunt at the weekend, who knows.

Til then, its back to the realities of home again. Sort mum out, get the dogs walked and get back on with life. Time to get off my arse, out of the sun and back on the road now I guess. *sigh
Regards
Michael

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Complex in life, complex in death.

How complicated can life possibly be, and how can it get even more complex after the life has ended? Its amazing how living your own life is complicated in itself, but once decisions start being made for you in your absence it gets wild and crazy. Reading of wills causes bickering between immediate family, final wishes cause confusion between loved ones.
It is truly astounding that while many live selfish lives, that in your passing the fighting doesn't end, but instead seems to intensify. Everyone knowing a small aspect of a persons life, one little piece of an entire existence, yet we all become experts in their wishes and wants in life.
The passing of a friend, an acquaintance, or a loved one is a time for grieving, celebrating and coming to terms with the fact that they are no longer with us. Not a time to dig up the dirt of the past, hold grudges or start fights. From near or afar anyone who has shared a connection with the person has a right to pay their respects in some form. Maybe not be a speaker at the service, maybe not the closest person to the deceased any longer, but if done tactfully and in line with the wishes and respects of those closest, they should be allowed to say farewell.

When my nan died, the first thing that happened was an out and out war over her house. How it should be sold, what price etc. Nan's final wish was for the two sides of the family to be one again, but that lasted all of about 2 hours! Now, the family is divided as it ever was. All the wishes of nan left behind, all the respect that should have been paid to her and her wishes have been lost in greed and selfish behaviour of others wanting to be in control of the situation. Acting in "the best interests" of the deceased.

It honestly sickens me when this happens. An hour, a day, the last one we can share with a person we claim to care about, but instead it descends into turmoil and one final bitch fight.

Its times like this I think, when I die, shove me in a box, invite no-one, burn me and let me just disappear without being the cause of more anger and conflict!
Regards
Michael

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