Even the best things don't work.

So I thought coming to Wales,  my place of sanctity,  my true love,  would really do me some good. Knowing how many happy memories I have here,  it was a sure thing that I would feel relief and some relaxation.

But no! Not the case. Arriving here was fine,  but no drive to go to my favourite places,  just headed for the cemetery to pay my respects and lay flowers.

Then off to see Chris and Dyfrig,  the friendly old couple who have given me so much comfort over the years. Plan just to drop a card in,  say hi,  and go. Obviously I had to exchange a few words,  but a minute in and I was shaking,  breathing hard and wanted out. Thankfully I had managed to say I wasn't staying by that time. Dyfrig saw I wasn't comfortable and helped me with my exit.

Wow that felt crappy,  but I promised to return as soon as my head is better.

Now that was a real anticlimax.

We're all different!

No one is the same,  we all behave in different ways,  and react differently to certain situations. Never is it more obvious than when something happens to YOU,  and friends and acquaintances react.
My situation for example (well it's all I'm talking about but this could apply to many things life) with the recent change of circumstances for me,  and the kind offer of friends to put me up in their place in Spain for a breather.

Breaking up is never easy, sometimes painful,  other times confusing. Either way it's nice to get distance and reflect when possible. Add to that that having rooms in your house ripped apart and rebuilt over 10 days is never a great place to be at best of times... I speak from experience here.
Combine the two and it's a mess,  so getting away is good.
Now I have done wild getaways before,  and can say that while fun,  it's not for me.  I like peace,  I like invited and wanted conversation,  and I like being in control of things. So sitting up a mountain overlooking the coast of Spain  and over to Africa with relaxed like minded people is a great solution. Remote,  quiet,  uninterrupted unless I want it.

I'm sure we all have our own  ideas of what a break is,  what constitutes peace and quiet, and for me,  apparently much to the annoyance and dismay of others,  includes using social media. Now being realistic,  social media is where I'm at. It's something I like to use, a lot!  As with all my trips over the years,  I have been all over social media when I'm away,  so this is no different. And just to add, my hosts are also online quite a lot,  so if anything I'm fitting in better.

Now why you ask! Why go all the way to Spain and be online. Well that's easy. It's noise,  it's activity,  and just enough to keep my brain  ticking over and now nose diving into self pity and sorrow about the break up. I didn't come away to cry or be depressed,  I came away to find myself a little,  and get my feet again without my partner in crime.

I know comments are made with the best interests at heart,  and quite frankly those making them for their own reasons can happily stop following me.  I can help with a how to if you don't know how to unfriend,  or block me.

But as I said to someone yesterday,  surely the concern for me should happen if I start acting abnormally,  doing weird shit,  (weirder than usual) or just plummet off the rails.

So, sorry if MY use of social media while I am making adjustment to MY life bothers YOU so much that YOU feel the need to insult or berate me for it.  But for me right now,  it's what works,  and it's what I intend on continuing to do for as long as I please.

For those who have messaged with genuine concern or sadness,  thank you.

Right,  better get back to Facebook,  Twitter and Instagram before it forgets me. Feet up,  lay back,  sun time.

Later!

PS sincere big thanks to my hosts for this break. (it's not a fuckin holiday!)

Its Meh-day

For some reason my brain is having an off day. Ok, so anyone who knows me will know that me having a dumb day is nothing rare. But this isn't me being stupid for once. Today is not about brain not engaging, its just not starting. Flat batteries, flooded with thoughts? I don't know, but its frustrating as hell.

Usually by this time I'm alive with thoughts, ideas, even if they are somewhat depressing but today, nothing really. Instead I'm moping around with nothing but bah and meh on my mind lol.

I'm sure fresh air with the dogs will help, so fingers crossed I can get the morning started soon. Thinking about it, I think one of the other problems is, I have done so many of the important things I needed to do now that there is very little stimulating or worrying left to do. Compared to a few weeks back, with bills building up, problems with the carers, stressing about work etc, this week so far is rather dull and mundane.

Not to say there is nothing to deal with, of course there is. But for once none of it has me in a spin.

Instead I'm left with other things that are months away yet. And other things that I can only wonder about. How is my dear daughter going to do in her exams (I'm sure she will do amazingly well), what is going to happen about my escape to Florida this year, what will I be doing by July/August... So many things, but none that I can influence so far away.

So my plan today, spend some time talking to mum, the weekend has been a bit quiet between us, keep up with the housework, give the dogs a groom with my super new brush from Pets at Home, walk and feed the dogs, feed myself. Oh I just remembered, pick up prescription for mum from the pharmacy... I'm sure more will come to me as the day passes, but for now, that's it.

Quick updates on other things...
Mum, been feeling a little less energetic recently, seems to have more of a job moving about. Quite grumpy (understandable with me about) and spoke to an old friend the other day on the phone. After being asked how she was, she went on to inform her "not that good, I have cancer now, I'm tired of all the fussing and just want to be left to die now". Great way to break the news. But her choice.

As for me, maintaining weight, believe about another 2-3lbs went over the past 10 or so days. Not paying too much attention now, but I'm not gaining, and recent weigh ins have been after food and drink, and are still lower than previous. Happy happy.

Right, I better get on, have a great week all.
Regards
Michael

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