Sunday, October 10, 2010

A day of mixed emotions (understatement!)

Well its been a few days since my last entry. Been in a funny place the past few days. Not quite sure where or why, but not a good place either way. Eating too much, and lacking enthusiasm have been the main things.

Anyway today I realised one of the things that's been eating away at me, and that has been the secrets that I have been keeping. Mum not knowing that I told my aunt about her cancer, and also not telling mum that my aunt had also told me she had a lump too. So after thirty seconds of thought I decided the time was right to come clean.

With mum feeling a lot better, and having recently been fitted with her prosthesis, I felt that she had sort of reached the end of this journey, and as she is re charging and finding her step again, I thought what the hell. Sitting her down I opened with... "Joan is ill" Which in itself is no revelation, as she has been off her food recently, but there was more to tell.

A few minutes later mum was sitting in quite a shocked state. We talked a little more, just so I knew she was ok. Then I gave her some time, reassuring her I was there if she wanted to talk.

Returning an hour later she looked much happier, and told me she had called Joan back and told her she knew that I had told Joan about mum. With that Joan told mum she was ill too.
Mum went on to tell me more that I didn't know, such as Joan had now seen a doctor, who has confirmed it IS cancer now. So todays news is, mum AND my aunt now have breast cancer. Sadly 200 miles apart, but that's something I plan on changing if I can.

Now that mum has been through the journey, and Joan is just at the start, who better to be there for you than a family member who has been through it all recently. The tough part is now getting mum to travel up to see her. I say tough, in theory its a no brainer. I can drive her NOW if she agrees to go up there. But this is mum, and nothing is ever that simple.

Joan has had her options given to her, and one the options is of course surgery. I'm her case she has been told that she may stay in longer as she has no one at home for her. Cue mum... With her recent experiences, who better to be at home for Joan, and what better reason to go and see her than making sure she can be out of the hospital sooner (having someone at home).

So that is the conversation at the moment. With Joan being off her food, and mum coaching her with what to eat. As well as being someone to talk to about the whole situation. Being living proof that there IS something that can be done about the situation. Joan is a fair few years mums senior, but there is hope. And while there is hope, its my job so to speak, to make sure they are both doing the right thing.

So I'm not sure if the stress level just went up or down, but a part of me feels better that its all out in the open now. I would really love mum to get up there asap, I.e tomorrow. If its not that soon, I would dearly love it to be before I go on holiday. So that's my mission.

Fingers crossed mum sees sense.

Right in done for now, more later maybe.
Thanks for reading.

PS fingers crossed please that Aunty Joan agrees to surgery, AND that mum agrees to go up there soon.

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