OK to me its a choice, and one I discovered I need to start making when a situation arises. What tends to happen with me is I take on someones problems, be it just talking something through, or agreeing to help in some form of physical way. Either way, what tends to happen is before I know what is going on, I am knee deep in emotional mud, and stuck in the middle of a situation.
When I take a step back from some of these now resolved situations and take a long hard look, I realise that with everything I have going on in life at the moment, I don't have the time, nor the mental strength to see these things through. And if I had looked properly at the time, I could have and indeed would have taken a step back BEFORE I started to sink.
So now I have a mental image to work with. Which believe me, is a god send.
In all walks of life, we generally like to make an impression on people, create memories, and have our input remembered. Without making an impression, our lives would serve far less purpose. Be it educating someone, or saving a life. Helping someone out, or being the recipient of help, everything we do makes a footprint in the sand, and that's a good thing.
But as I have found, and I'm sure many more have too, from time to time the ground is soft and uneven, and those are the times I am now looking out for. For when we tread on these, we need to make a quick decision. As our feet make that first impression, do we leave a footprint, or do we indeed stand firm and sink in deeper.
As I say, I have stood far too long in contemplation in the past, and now that I recognise this, what better time to make a change.
Does this mean a less caring me? A more selfish me? Well I would like to say no, its more about perception. I am sure to some I will appear a little self obsessed and all that, but the truth of the matter is, I have been an emotional punchbag for far too long now. From becoming engrossed in helping people writing letters and deal with debt and speeding fines, to spending hours on the phone, usually at my expense, listening to why life is so unfair, I have spent far too long on other peoples problems, and run out of energy to deal with my own. Now is the time for all that to change.
Time to set my own agenda.
My mum is ill (dealing with that)
My aunt is ill (starting to deal with that)
My daughter has been gone 12 years (not anywhere near dealing with that)
Unhappy at work (was dealing with it but have stalled)
Life is changing rapidly all around me, and sometimes keeping up with that is not as easy as it seems, but I like to think in general I am doing ok.
As profound as a lot of this all sounds, I am actually a lot better off today, thanks to Peter and the session this morning. Sounding off about a few things, developing mental pictures to reference with, and making sense of a few things in life has made all the difference. Almost like emotional cleansing, as I spoke I felt my shoulders loosen up, my mood lighten, and my foggy mind clear a little. Slowly but surely its all making sense now.
I am once again the master of my own destiny. I have many lessons to learn on the way, and will encounter obstacle. But with determination, good friends, and positive mental attitude I will reach my destiny, achieve my goals, and leave firm, clear footprints in the sand.
Thank you for reading :)
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