OK so over recent years I have got into a somewhat "night owl" routine, sometimes not settling for sleep til 1-2am. But that has usually been based around a routine of getting up at 9am or so (lazy I know).
But recently I just can't settle. Regardless of how tired I am, and how early or late I put my head down, it just takes forever to get to sleep. And then when I do get to sleep, its badly broken sleep, either waking up randomly throughout the night, or being awoken by my mum going out in the back garden at 3am for a cigarette (which she denies ever doing).
But now there is a further frustration, one I am suffering from right NOW! The carer. Ok I can't be hard on her, she gets buses everywhere, today is an exceptionally bad day with the schools going back and all.... But she is late!
I struggled to get up this morning, so I would be awake properly for when she arrived so I could let her in. Plan being, let her in, pop back to bed for 45 mins, sleep my headache off, be back up for when she leaves. Instead I am perched on the end of my bed, slowly waking up, hoping she shows up soon. Almost twenty past eight now, so becoming pointless to go back to bed.
It was the same story yesterday too. Pain in the ass bit is, if I wake normally and have slept well, sods law dictates that she will arrive on time. And if I decide I can't be bothered getting up in time to wake up a bit, she arrives a little early.
Now normally if I was feeling down, the world would hate me right now, and I would be feeling like such a victim of circumstances. So this is a gentle reminder to myself for such days, that the world is NOT against me, but some days its just a bit crappier than others.
On the other hand..... I still really wanna sort my sleep out. While I know I am a bit stressed and depressed which will play havoc with sleep patterns, depression making me want to sleep all day, and stress stopping me dropping off, there is middle ground to be found. I know 5-6 hours a night is not enough for me right now, and that I need an hour or two more. But to complicate things, of I go back to bed after the carer leaves I will end up over sleeping and spend the whole day groggy. Lose-lose situation lol.
Right, I'm going to commit to waking up and starting my day now I guess. 8.25, still no sign (which is a bit wrong really). So once she has been and gone, give mum meds and breakfast, call the hospital, walk the dogs, do some cleaning (floors need mopping), and all the other stuff one does daily.
Hope your day started better than mine, have a great day.
Sent using BlackBerry®