I will try and keep this brief here as I'm ready to pass out, quite literally. So here goes.
Since my earlier entry about the whole shopping and money issues being a bit crappy, and other bits, things have moved on a bit. I saw my counsellor, who feels that me and my sister really need a sit down to get things sorted out once and for all. I have expressed a number of concerns about doing this, but ultimately I have to try everything once, right?
Also mum mentioned lower back pain this afternoon. First telling my sister just after the nurse had left, then finally telling me she wanted painkillers. As we don't have any, I called the doctor to visit and prescribe. On telling her that he was coming she lost it. Punching the bed, raised voice, angry. Wanting to know why people would not stop interfering in her life. I explained that no doctor means no painkillers, and her response was "I will go without". Now that's mature eh!
I spoke to the doctor later on after cancelling the callout, and he recommended trying the Oramorph we have in the house. This seems to have done the trick for now.
Later on she called me to ask if she could take painkillers with her sleeping pills. I was not sure which painkillers she meant, so I asked her. Again she lost it and said she didn't know. After a bit of shouting from her, and deep breaths from me we finally established what she meant and cleared that up.
Moments later on taking rubbish from her room to the kitchen I noticed her evening pills were untouched. As soon as I walked in the room to ask why they were not taken she lost it again. Ranting she had not eaten today and tablets would make her sick. However she HAS eaten today, on numerous occasions, so I'm a little worried about her recollection of such things now. I will be following up on this asap with the doctor.
With regards to symptoms, she is rapidly losing mobility, struggling to sit and stand, and slowing right down on her feet. Also the constant pain and discomfort in her lower back etc is starting to worry me, and I think she would benefit from a closer examination. She has an appointment at Guys next week, so hopefully we can follow up there.
Needless to say today has been quite stressful.
Then, to add fuel to the fire, what else could possibly go wrong. I will tell you what could and DID! Cadell, my recent pillar of strength and support. The outside voice of sanity (yes dear, you. I called you sane!), is incommunicado due to her phone being off. So all this stress and no vent to release some of the pressure to! Situation critical!
I'm hoping it can be sorted asap, and if not, then I will have to take drastic measures to re-establish contact. Its times like this you realise how important some people are to you, for sometimes very specific reasons. And today I realised without this outlet, without that particular contact, I'm quite literally dead in the water. Since this afternoon when contact was lost, my mind has just shut down, and the best option was sleep.
Fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow. And if not, then I will be on the motorway first thing to just run the hell away from it all!
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