Sunday, June 5, 2011

Another day draws to a close.

And so the weekend ends. Pretty quiet weekend for me this weekend, compared to those of recent weeks anyway. A lot of time spent at the hospice, and with mum, starting with our trip to Bromley onm Saturday.
A great confidence boost for mum on many levels, not feeling like an oddity to be stared at in public, and building confidence in being able to be around the shops and choose things for herself once again. Not to mention the exercise walking to the car on her walker. A long way compared to recent walking expeditions.
The evening was spent relaxing and not doing a whole lot, in fact I believe for a weekend I had quite an early night. Then again this morning, back to the hospice for cigarette duties. 3 visits today (as usual). The 2 days have been so different, from blistering heat on Saturday to a chilly, rainy day today, which has proved lazy and non productive.
I am at the hospice for my last visit tonight now, sitting in the gardens under shelter, watching mum smoke away, and listening to the raindrops falling, and the koi jumping in the pond nearby.
I have noticed the latest change in mums behaviour is quite interesting. Her memories are formed from conversations and triggers. I was here for her dinner being brought around this evening and it was omelette and salad. She protested about the salad saying she didn't like salad, so would eat the omelette.
However on my return this evening and asking her what she had, she told me it was omelette and cauliflower. The cauliflower was a memory from earlier in the day when I showed her the kitchen working on lunch. She had not actually had any at all. She has done this a number of times today, and over recent days, but this was the most prominent example to date.
At the same time her memory itself is wavering away, some long term stuff right up there, short term not so good for her. Losing track of time frequently, and replacing content of conversation with things she would rather have heard. That bit gets awkward at times, especially after meetings when agreements have been made about her care.

All in all though, her general health seems pretty good, and her spirits high. Speaking to her sister, Joan, on the phone for 20 mins this afternoon, their longest convo by far for some time. Eating well, craving chocolate and fizzy drinks like an 8 year old. Her worries are mainly about my sister, and her well being. Constantly worrying that she is not looking after herself. Obviously a worry mum really doesn't need right now.

Things as ever are strange between them, some strange comments made by both. Coping mechanism, or true feelings, I don't know which it is, but its hell to be in the middle at times. Whisperings of my distance are again rearing their heads. Quite how I am distant, coming 3 times a day, working and living a home life inc the dogs, is beyond me, but hey, my critics have spoken.

Right, I better get mum back inside now, and let them get her ready for bed. Oh speaking of which, getting ready for bedm mum has slipped back to the old "they come when they want to" story about nurses getting her ready for bed. Shying away again from the buzzer, and asking to be put to bed. Instead preferring to wait til they come, then complaining the next day about how late it was, and how she begged for her tablet. Her other grip today is how a nurse dared to ask for the wheelchairs to be returned to the top of the hallway after use. Seems fair to me, but not to mum lol.

Oh one more bit, we had a great conversation in the garden this afternoon with another lady, proper exchange of thoughts and words, and mum said how enjoyable it had been. On coming out tonight she commented on how she hoped that woman was not out here again, as she talks too much and was irritating. My my!


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