For a long time now I have found myself as a moving part within peoples lives. Playing a part, be it emotional, sexual or physical, which is a piece of a bigger movement. Starting the ball rolling for a seperation, being supportive for a hard time, or just giving comfort at a time of need. One way or another I have somehow become a facilitator.
I am not quite sure how this role comes about each time. Big cuddly (ok fat) me pops up somewhere, becomes a part of a persons everyday life, and before you know it something is happening. My role changes to one of emotional support of some kind, and suddenly a ball is rolling, and there is no stopping it.
Over many years now I have found myself doing this, and have played a part in relationship breakups, helping people through confusing and conflicting times in their lives, right up to just being a friend til the end, giving strength and support to a person as they find their own way through a maze or conflict in their life.
Of course, becoming so deeply 'invovled' with someone has its risks, and emotional attachement is always present. If it wasn't I dont think I would be very good at doing what I do. Breaking that, or even just defining that attachement can sometimes be a bit of a pain, a heartbreak, or even a big arguement. I dont set out to mislead, nor to pretend to be someone im not, but in the blur of all the heat and action, sometimes lines get crossed.
There are people who I have encountered, and still remain in their lives. There are others that simply drift away, set back on course for what lays ahead of them, and on their proper path. Those who remain in my life are people of importance that have made a bigger impact on me, and people who I feel i have not yet finished being there for. Maybe I dont have enough faith in them to get it right, maybe the bond is too strong to just let them go, I dont know. But either way, I enjoy still having them about, so its not a bad thing.
So this joking title of Facilitator, just seems a little fitting for me. As I meddle in other peoples lives, trying to do what I can to make their situation right, I wonder to myself who is there to do the same for me. Or do I indeed choose people to help, who in some way return the favour as part of the whole situation. Maybe that is it. I have never felt like I have been hard done by, nor come out of the situation down on the deal. I guess it is entirely possible that the whole matter works the other way around, and I indeed choose people who I am needy of, and as by chance, in some way need me. In which case I guess that should be changed to The User then.
However you view this, from whatever angle I look at it from, I can only hope that those involved in these circles take away from the situation as much as I think they do. A little happiness, satisfaction, and direction at the very least.
As I have ponderd this entry over the past days, so many thoughts have filled my head, but none of them seemed worthy of putting on the final draft. I have many views on the whole situation, but as I look back over the course of my encounters, casual and emotional, I really do think more good than bad has come from it. So given the chance I will engage in facilitating as much as I can in the future.
If you have not worked out what I mean by facilitating, its like this.
Being 'the other man' has given someone in the past the vision to realise they were not stuck where they were, there was more to life than the same old pressured routine, and this gave them the hunger to be away from their routine.
In other cases there has been call for a wingman. To be there as someone who could be relied upon to bounce ideas of, talk to when things got hairy. A good mate I guess you would say, but one that was not too close to all the intricate details of your personal life.
On other occasions its just been a shoulder, strength when needed, and on call 24 hours a day to get someone though a tough spot in their life. Usually short term, just to cover off a low point in life, but this seems to be the most common these days.
Just in case there is a misunderstanding... this is not about sexual conquests, bedpost notches, or anything crude like that. And the time scale I am talking on stretches 12+ years now, in fact thinking about it now, I have actually been doing this since I was 15-16, before I could drive.
The first time I remember, I would travel 6 miles a night almost every night to spend time with a girl who was really struggling with her life. Down about as low as a person can get before completely shutting down, I tried in vain to help raise her from this point, but failed miserably. Looking back that is probably my motivation for carrying on the way I do these days.
All round nice guy, or selfish predator, you decide. But I know there are some out there who have appreciated my time.
PS, Most cases have indeed been females, but there have been odd occasions that I have been there for male friends too. However I should point out that there were NO sexual favours there lol.