Liar, liar, pants on fire.

The only thing worse than being caught with your pants down, mid lie, it to lie more to get out of it. Once you reach the stage or having to lie to cover your lies, it's all going to go very wrong! And there is no better current example of this than the goings on on a local community forum.

There is no hiding the fact that I have had my fair share of run-ins with the forum, or more precisely, its admin. No love lost there, but then walking away from the site and not looking back has been one of the best things I have done for my mental health in years. For others, stepping away while their name is being defamed has been a little harder.

Recently a local lady, who I must say does a heck of a lot for the community in her own right, took matters into her own hands.

Having had running battles with the admin for a couple of years now, with back and forth of comments on social media about each others behaviour, things reached a head. The admin of the forum has a habit of making up fake or sock-puppet accounts in order to troll, attack, and stalk people who have blocked him from seeing their accounts on his other 20 or so Twitter accounts etc.

This blog actually got some attention from him a little while ago. Comments made on a couple of entries by "Mateo C" and "Dennis" were indeed without a doubt his work. Strangely, once called out on it, outed on social media, it stopped. Albeit after a little denial and mocking by him.

Comments like this are really appreciated, especially when struggling mentally, and knowing the person posting them knows full well the damage they are doing.

"We are go" sounded pretty exciting... until I read further and discovered another self-obsessed, cringeworthy and boring post. 

Where do you find all this time to write such mundane and repetitive noise, for the benefit of your eleven followers? 

And there's so much pent-up spite and bitterness in everything you write about your area. If you hate the people around you, why not do them a favour and move on to somewhere that has the drab food and drink chains you crave. Basically, any low-rent, undesirable town, anywhere in the country would offer everything you need from life (or so it seems from reading your crappy monologues)

Dennis abuse
Mateo C abuse

So as you can see, there are no lengths the man will not go to, to cause hurt and upset, and in some cases, going further to try and damage peoples names. Mentioning you in tweets about things he doesn't like, telling others to contact you to air their anger or disappointment at something as mundane as a Costa Coffee opening locally. Yup, really! Using the social media accounts of the forum to reach a wider audience, to make sure at least some upset parties read it and get in touch, even if he can't because he is blocked.
Belittling efforts made to be healthier and fitter, suggesting you are overweight and its funny to see you try and do something about it.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg of my experiences.

One person, dozens of stories of mistreatment, mis-use of the forum, it's social media accounts and its following. All for personal satisfaction, and maintaining a little control over things.

So in the latest episode, the admin started up another twitter account, with the intent of getting accepted as a follower, in order to read the tweets on the local ladies account. Not just Dave1947 or something, no no that would be too simple. Instead making up a fake West Indian Bakery, calling it Flava Baker. Complete with images of patties, a bio, use of Patios, following other similar businesses, and following the local forum. Then for authenticity, having a conversation with themselves between the admin account and the Flava Baker account, and putting a post on the forum welcoming the business to the area. Those are some extraordinary lengths to go to, to simply get to see the tweets of someone who doesn't want you reading them. Private means private. Unless you mean private messages on a forum, but that is another matter!

Wise to this behaviour, the local lady became suspicious of the new follower, and started asking questions. These were mainly about the  accounts claim that there was a dispute between the business owner and the webmaster. Another elaborate storyline to draw people into believing it was a real thing. After a bit of back and forth, she was now convinced that is was the admin of the local forum, so in a strange, powerful, and rather far reaching move, she collated a load of information about the forum admin, and sent it in an email to the email address of Flava Baker, confident it was actually the forum admin. Keeping up?? Phew!

This email contained a collection of pieces of information and pictures taken from the admins very open and public social media accounts. Nothing found by means of deception or stalking (as has been suggested). The way it was put together was a little questionable, and for the brief moment it was made public, some felt it was very threatening, although no threats were made in the email.

Now I mention it being made public, this is the strange part. Up until this point, information had been taken from a public internet space, collated and sent to one individual, believed to be the owner of the information, which it indeed turned out to be. It contained no identifying information, first names at best, and no mention of the forum admin
In a very strange move, the admin took the email, pretended that Flava Baker had forwarded it to him, and then posted it publicly on the most open part of the forum. Along with a very damaging statement about the local lady, complete with full names, and a lot of accusatory language. Interestingly, the claim that it had been sent to him by Flava Baker didn't add up. How had they worked out who to sent it to?
After the outrage started on the forum, the victim status now well established, the lies continued. Going on to say that Flava Baker had reached out to him with the information, and allowed him access to their email and social media in order for him to put together a complaint if needed.  Many of the posts on the forum suggested he go to the police with the information. However in what appeared to be an act of compassion, and one that was spelled out very clearly for maximum effect, he stated he didn't want to hurt her or her family by filing a report.

Very quickly it became talk of social media, as well as questions being asked on the forum thread itself. Until one local well respected gent called the admin out on the story, and picked a few holes in it publicly.

From this point on, the lies to cover the lies really got going.
In an unexpected act of honesty, the forum admin posted a tell all statement, admitting he was indeed the owner of the Flava Baker account, and had used the account to try and get access to the private tweets of the local lady. Stating that it was to defend himself again the hurt and defamation he believed she was posting. Initially this was welcomed, and he was wooed with compliments for his openness and honesty, and how terrible it must be to "live in fear" of such a person. However that didn't last for long.

Questions about his honesty and integrity soon started to appear. So in a regular move, a mod moved in and stated the thread would be closed as it had served its purpose. Again, this was met with resistance, and people demanded it stay public and open. To prove their point, mods posted a poll asking what they should do with the thread. Within hours the votes were not going their way, so it was moved to another part of the forum, which while visible, allowed far less people to interact with the thread and the poll. 24 hours later and a vast percentage had voted to keep the thread open and visible to all.

Shortly thereafter, it was announced that a police investigation had been launched, so the thread needed to be locked, and moved from public view, so not to influence or interfere with the "ongoing inquiry". Convenient?

Meanwhile on a neighbouring community forum all hell was breaking loose, and people were free to express their thoughts on the man and the matter, without being moderated, or told off for doing so.

That thread is here.... Open and free discussion

Statements were posted on the local forum asking for people to stop discussing the matter, and not to mention it again on the forum, all for the sake of the police investigation.
Now it is worth noting that when asked for proof of this investigation, namely in the form of a Crime Reference Number, everyone from the forum declined to provide one, simply stating that they had seen it, and were satisfied that it was genuine. When asked to name the people named on it, and confirm that the local lady who had sent the email, and was therefore involved in the thread which had been moved to protect the investigation, was the subject of the police report. Again, this request was denied, and a statement saying, no names would be given, was made.

Now anyone who watches CrimeWatch, the local news, reads the local papers, or follows Police on Twitter, will know a Crime Reference Number is a simple code which can be used by people to offer information to ongoing investigations. It identifies no-one, mentions no names, indicates nothing about a crime, and only means something to anyone directly involved. If you approached the Police with the number and had no relation to the case, you would be left none the wiser. However in this case it is a crucial and secret piece of information. Or is it.

My theory is that while this CRN may or may not exist at all, the speculation about it is being used by the admin to continue his abusive control over the local lady. Much as he was happy to make deeply hurtful comments to me while I was low, he feels this is his the only thing he has left to try and maintain some control over her. Occasionally mentioning it when the opportunity to gather some pity and support presents itself, like recently on Twitter.

The above was posted recently, strangely, discussing matters which are apparently not to be mentioned in public as they are part of an ongoing investigation, so some would have you believe.

Up until now, the entire moderation team of the forum have stood behind his statements of desperation driving him to use the Flava Baker account, and that this is the only time he has used sock-puppet accounts to attack someone like this. Dozens of other people would say otherwise. The same group of people who are slowly coming together, sharing stories of how they have feared repercussions for speaking out or against the admin and his ways. Sadly, it is all very convincing from his side of things, or at least in the very controlled way information is allowed to be exchanged. In favour, all is well, speak up. Against or questioning, shut your filthy mouth!

As the weeks go on, the appetite for the topic is fading, but the questions remain. Still unwilling to part with the CRN, even though a number of parties have made inquiries with a number of police forces, and come up with nothing after extensive checks against many parameters. However the appetite for speaking out against this treatment is growing, fast!

From all this we can see that the admin is of questionable integrity, happy to hurt people for his own personal gain. So much so that he has apparently decided not to moderate the forum any longer. However keeps being seen active on the forum. A couple of previously low profile accounts have suddenly assumed a very high profile presence, and almost become a moderator in their own right, strangely using very similar language, and having very similar tells to the admin himself. Strange!

What will become of all this, what will happen next, well that is anyones guess. But one thing is for sure. In the process of all this, the interest and trust in the local forum has been damaged, and if the apparent love for the local forum is really what drives the admin, he will do something to let things recover. Step away? People fear this is not possible from a technical standpoint. But how can trust return with someone lacking in integrity at the helm?

As I say, we will all have to wait and see, but all I can take away from this is, the whole thing was caused by himself, dragging mods into the whole situation by asking them to manage the forum in favour of his side of the story. So if anything should become of it, the whole admin and mod team will be in the line of fire for action and inaction.


PS, I should add, the irony value of any sock-puppet account being used to comment on this will be priceless.

Self reflection.

Taking stock of the past few days, it is important to me to make sure I am fully aware of what has happened across the board, and the impact my actions may have had on others. And maybe others should too?

I don't like to be told what to do, never have, never will. Nor do I like being spoken down to. If anyone puts me in such a position, they will generally receive a response of sorts, and in some cases it can be knee jerk, and possibly a little excessive. Emotions are a powerful driver.

Sadly, when things like this happen, people who have no role in the situation sometimes get caught up in the moment, and for this I am sorry. For example, my other half choosing to leave the local forum, due to her being dragged into things. On this occasion, not by myself, but instead the admin of the forum. Contacting her, suggesting her account was being used to access information on threads, which they were then called out on.

Unfortunately, the tone of the emails took its toll on Ann, making her angry and upset at how she was being treated, and she made the decision to leave the forum. Requesting her account be deleted.
Strangely, I do not yet know the reason why, but her posts were also deleted from the forum. Not that this is a bad thing, but it is different to how my request was handled. Strange, but hey.... I'm sure there is a little game involved in there somewhere.

Now I know this sounds a little bit like a willy wave, but it is not. It is simply a fact, but one others may dispute.
The number of people who have contacted me (double figures) and either said they have received similar treatment, and felt too bullied to do anything about it. Or have simply stated they see the same issues I do, with the way people get treated for not conforming to the requirements of forum membership, is quite shocking.

I knew there were one or two who questioned the hierarchy, but the response to the blog has been quite the eye opener. And quite a relief too.

As some know, I can be a little bit nutty at times, and get too caught up in things. Blurred lines, over reacting, and suffering mentally for it.  So when I become embroiled in a cock fight on the internet, I can really make myself suffer. The bad outweighing the good on most occasions. A fact some have taken advantage of in the past.
It is a tough battle with my inner self, do I get treated like dirt, or do I stand up for myself (and others) and suffer the consequences of what it does to my state of mind. Usually the latter wins.

Over the weekend I received many threats of legal action, reports to the authorities, and other such things, as a way of making me panic and edit or remove the blog entry I posted. Initially I had to take a long hard look at things, and wonder if I was indeed in hot water. However as I did more digging, fact checking and research, I realised it was not all as it seemed.

The comments I made in the post were, to the best of my knowledge, factual. Having been involved in all matters I had raised, my recollection was supported by written and published forum posts, on various local forums. In fact, on doing a little research, I was quite astounded at some of the things I was reading. From suggesting people were not ready to have children as they received a form of financial support, from the eradication of local foxes. Detailed personal opinions on local people of influence, something I found quite amusing, given that I was in the middle of receiving threats to make me stop doing exactly that....Hmmm.

Another thing that tickled me was a post on a local forum where someone had divulged information about a private meeting which was due to take place. Using quotes from a private conversation to bolster the facts that this meeting would indeed take place.
Unfortunately, the other party had had no desire for this meeting to have been made public, and the repercussions of this revelation were quite damaging. Although part of me things this may have been the plan all along, in order to destabilise things, in order to make a move.

A move which would subsequently fail.

 There are questions to be asked about the actual intentions of some, with their actions not matching up with their comments of intent. Looking at things in a broader scope, alarm bells start to ring. In one arena the same topic is discussed in a very different manner. From harmless interest, to a desire of dominance, the messages are very mixed.
That in itself is very telling on some levels. Any person who has the need to have different personas in order to remain in certain circles gets my hackles up immediately.  That said, I too confess to having different personas, however most are aware of both. Polite and articulate on one hand, brash and a total prick on the other. Both sides of me are on display to all people I know, depending on the situation. I would say brash prick has been hanging around lately, but polite guy has kept him in check for the main part.

For me it works well, being able to make my point without being too polite or intimidated to leave anything out. Sadly for others, especially a couple of people I have spoken to, this has not been the case. Personally I find it outrageous that any person who desires to hold a position of any kind of trust in a local environment, should conduct themselves in a threatening and intimidating way. Especially on the basis that they simply do not like what another person thinks or has said. People like that really get on my nerves, and I will not stand by idle and watch someone be treated like that!

Sadly, some are blinkered to this behaviour, and refuse to accept that any wrong doing is taking place. Deciding to fully back the initial aggressor, rather than fact checking the situation, or taking a little time to actually ponder over the fact. Or of course, they just agree, even when presented with all the facts. Each to their own.
However, when the majority agree with the unwarranted behaviour are in a shared position of power, and able to almost decide the fate of someone, without any right to reply or appeal, then it becomes a much bigger problem. For some at least. If you play nicely, and say the right things of course, you would be none the wiser.

This was pretty much the reason I eventually decided to leave the forum. That is not to say that all were of the same mindset. This is NOT the case, and I want to be completely clear on this. However, with just enough support and goading, as well as assistance in mud slinging, anything is achievable, especially if you hold all the aces. Open and blatant "threats" about how people will get their comeuppance in time are tolerated because..... well because they can! When those who govern need governing, things go bad.

When other people of influence tell you they too feel something is wrong, you are clearly not barking up the wrong tree. I have received messages on a couple of platforms from such people, expressing their sadness at how things have evolved, and suggesting that things need to change. It is good to be in agreement, even if it is from within the silence.

Some walk the line to be respectful, included and remain involved. Then there are people like me, who walk along the line, scuffing it with our soles, blurring it, so others are not restricted by it.

Dear Mr Mod......

Some time ago now, I wrote an entry called "Dear Steve Shaw". It was a very blunt and open entry regarding the behaviour of the owner and admin of SE23.com.
At the time of writing the piece, I had had a number of fallings out with Mr Shaw, and I was part of a new beginning for a local forum for the area.

SE23.life was born, and the pissing contest begun. Most stones being thrown from .com at .life, and a few low blows along the way, with Wikipedia being edited, porn links being posted, and reports being made to the local authority for posting a few flyers up.

When I wrote the piece, Mr Mod was delighted, and felt the tone was fair and just, and raised topics which seemed to have gone under the radar for the majority. All is fair in love and war so they say.

However, as time has gone by, myself and Mr Mod have grown apart. Differences in opinions on religious and political matters to name just a couple of the subjects which have caused much debate. Sadly due to me confessing to mental health issues, and choosing to step back from the forum a number of times, first from Moderator, then as a user, I have for some reason been deemed unstable, and this has been to topic of many a personal snipe and attack on the forum ever since.

When I first stepped back, I was unhappy with comments being made about lower income families, and the proposed social cleansing of the area, with Mr Mod expressing that people who could not afford to pay their rent themselves should move to an area they can afford, and make space for those more affluent.  For someone who has come from a low income family, and lived in the area all my life, that is a bitter pill to swallow.

When I finally decided to leave the forum once and for all, and felt my name had been dragged through the mud enough, I asked for my posts to be deleted. I was told this was technically possible, but was a lot of work, and did I really want to damage some well established threads by rendering them unreadable.

So my presence was now undesirable, but the conversations I had started when I was in favour, well they could stay. Trying not to rock the cart too much, I agreed to leave my posts be.

I have attempted to engage in various conversations on the forum since this time, but for some reason, Mr Mod sees any comments opposing his opinions as "personal attacks". In fact on a number of occasions, both via PM and more recently on a lesser read forum section, Mr Mod has taken it upon himself to claim to be the victim of personal attacks himself, all the while throwing stone after stone of accusation at my name.  Usually in these cases, the right to reply has been removed by closing the discussion, only allowing people of certain forum privileges to be able to comment. Needless to say, these spats have gone on and on.

On the matter of personal attacks, the same topic arises time and time again, which is a conversation which was had on Facebook and Facebook Messenger regarding some activities by a group of Muslims during Eid. The story made the news, as heavy rain had washed the blood of morning sacrifices into the streets, and a photo showed the streets "running red with blood".

While happily discussing this with a friend on FB, Mr Mod added his opinions, and begun expressing his disgust at the event. Fair enough, it is not to everyones taste.  However as the comments became stronger, I received a message from Mr Mod on FB Messenger , expressing his surprise and shock that I, as an owner of a few dogs, would make excuses for such a barbaric act, and telling me how medieval the behaviour of the Muslims featured in the story was.
As the conversation went on, in my opinion, it became apparent that Mr Mod has some deep seated issues with Islam, so I ended the conversation, and later blocked him from my FB.

Later posts on the forum from Mr Mod have time and time again brought into question his stance on Islam and Muslims. With links being posted to extremism stories, followed by a "disclaimer" saying that not all Muslims are bad, and most are fine. Might as well add "I have a friend who is a Muslim" just for good measure.

So back to personal attacks, it is this exchange which is used as the example each time. Vaguely touching upon the actual story, but instead focusing on "sharing private messages without permission, and misquoting what was actually said". Strangely, although I am asked to provide the whole story or say nothing, as soon as I mention anti Islam comments, suddenly I am making another personal attack. Ignoring the fact that I have just been asked to quote.... Strange.

Now, a while back I rejoined the forum, new name, trying to keep things lower key, but still have an opinion. All was well until clever Mr Mod recognised the IP and suddenly everything I said was being negative, or having a personal dig (again!).
Since this time, things have gotten bad, I mean real bad. With myself and a number of other forum members being "identified" as trouble makers, and it would seem, been subject of a number of private discussions.

While it is fair to say that I will "poke the bear" from time to time, (stealing the expression from someone else I saw use it today), it is always with a little wink, and in no means is it personal. However, this is not how it is perceived. Instead warnings are sent, strongly worded PM's sent, and more often than not, a discussion begins, in which I am usually not allowed to participate, even though it is on a public forum. Topics will skew violently from the actual matter at hand, to the behaviour of certain forum members, expressing how the comments were made as personal attacks, and that enough warnings have been given.

The strange part about this is, a personal attack will be made, openly and violently, stating that Mr Mod believes the comments made originally were a personal attack on himself. Can you keep up with this? I am not sure even I am keeping up with myself here. It's all a bit too strange to explain, let alone comprehend from the outside.

The big issue here is quite simple. If a topic has a comment made on it, with which Mr Mod agrees, all is well. However, if he has shown an interest in it, and you DISagree, then you are stirring trouble, being personal and trying to derail the topic, and disrupt a meaningful discussion with your negativity. Apparently quoting someone, and "calling them out" on their comments, something Mr Mod does on a VERY regular basis, usually with very condescending overtones, you are a bully, and are trying to silence people. Oh the irony!

The biggest issue for me is this. I love the area I live in, and have lived here all my memorable life. Unlike some who are new to the area, welcome gentrification, and don't like people who do not share the same ideals. So to have someone like this start a forum, which has grown be become friendly, successful and a great tool for the area. Only for them to then start to preach their beliefs on it, and try and suggest those who disagree are bullies, is a real shame.

What has become apparent over recent weeks, is that there is a small group of users on the forum who too get the same treatment, snide little comments,strongly worded PM's and it would appear that there are suspicions of some sort of "plan" to cause the downfall of the forum. All very MI6 I must say. The levels of self importance really are at a whole new level. To think that grown adults would take the time to organise some sort of coup, to overthrow Mr Mod, and destroy a community forum we all helped build.

When having a rant about these plans, Mr Mod will regularly say how he will not stand by and watch others destroy what he and "the team" have created. Forgetting of course that I was once one of the "team" and contributed a lot of time and thought into the whole thing myself. Including starting some of the popular threads on the forum, which to this day are still active. However I don't think he has actually forgotten, more conveniently excludes these pieces of information when trying to belittle me and others. After all, these are the same threads which he desperately wants to keep on the forum, along with my other posts. As proven by the guilt trip comments when I first asked to be deleted from the forum.

What has become even more apparent is that I have no place on a shared platform with Mr Mod. Especially one owned, and governed  by someone who I would describe as an egotistical megalomaniac. Only my opinion of course. Unable to differentiate between being a user and the owner of the forum, posts cross from being a user to a mod, to admin, to the OWNER of the forum on a regular basis.  While berating others for "liking" posts which contain comments which are deemed personal attacks (not permitted by community guidelines), Mr Mod continues to cheer for any corner which sticks up for him, and openly "likes" the posts which are made in retaliation in his name.


With this in mind, and given the constant mental strain placed upon me by the ongoing bullshit that spews from Team Mod, I have decided it is time for me to leave the forum once and for all. A request will soon be made to SE23.life , asking that all my user data, including my public posts be removed with immediate effect. Not sure how GDPR backs me on this one, but I think regardless of law and legislation, it would be the decent and correct thing to do. Although I am sure this will meet some resistance along the way, and my name will be dragged through the mud.

I thought it would be nice, before of course I am banned for life from ever viewing the forum again, to share a few of the charming messages I have been sent. Rules and regulations I have been told I must abide by if I wish to be part of the community, and the consequences of not doing so. No paranoia or ego at work in this one.

Michael,
The mod team is here to ensure that everyone gets an equal say on local issues.
We will moderate comments that do not follow the forum guidelines 1, and whilst we allow pseudonyms on SE23.life moderators will pay particular attention to posts from all unverified accounts due to the risks associated with sock puppetry.
Here are some points to bear in mind:

• If you’d like to get verified (for the second time), you will need to adopt your old account, @Snazy or rename your new account to @MichaelSnasdell. Our verification system is designed to avoid sock puppets.

• The forum has a right to know that two accounts belong to the same person when that person expresses opinions about local planning matters or businesses. Consider your future posts with this in mind.

• If you publicise private messages from other forum members to make points against them you will be instantly and permanently banned.

• If you choose to leave the forum for a fourth time, you will not announce it in the forum but instead you will privately message the moderators, and your account will be anonymised and deactivated.

Please respect the guidelines and the positive and cooperative community that you helped build.
Thanks,
SE23.life Team

My reply was

Well I have to say, with the hope of making a clean start and leave the whole past behind, the message seems very negative with the comments about leaving the forum for the forth time etc.
Totally up to you, although I would prefer if you were just as transparent as you wish me to be, and say if you would rather I not participate, rather than some the personal snipes above.
With regards to making my new account into my own name, this is not something which has been demanded of others by the looks of things, even with unverified accounts.
I am however of course more than happy to say openly who I am.
Like I say, your forum, your decision. If the above is not acceptable, then I guess it is decided.

Obviously, I was wrong, I did't understand the reasons for these extra rules, so it was explained to me in detail.

Hello Michael,
You may have misunderstood the first message. We will treat your @TheNewGuy account in the same fair way that we would any other known second account.
We value transparency on this forum. Next time you want to make a clean start we’d recommend you do so transparently rather than adopting an artificial persona.
Using a single account under a pseudonym is acceptable, though, as many others do.
However, bear in mind that we scrutinise all anonymous unverified accounts that choose to dominate topics on sensitive issues (e.g. planning), especially when those anon accounts repeatedly and forcefully state their opinion and cast negative aspersions on other members with different opinions:

• “All just seems a bit snobby the way people are going on.”

• “Not sure why people are getting so uptight about it. Why doesn’t one of you open a more appropriate shop if you know better?”

• “Maybe the area isn’t as good or attractive as some would like to believe.”

• “such a negative audience. Forums aren’t for everyone.”

• “a small group of people on a forum saying negative things”

• “stamping all over a new business venture because they use mopeds, and you don’t like their pizza.” [no other commenter said they didn’t like Domino’s pizza]

• “I get it, people don’t want a Dominos on their pretty main road row of shops.”

I hope you understand why this pattern of posting might be seen as problematic by any reasonable mod team.
The mod team is happy for you to return to the forum and contribute positively and respectfully.
We will reactivate your @Snazy account if you wish to use a verified account here. If you wish to remain anonymous and unverified, that is fine too. We will moderate your posts in the same even-handed way that we moderate other accounts.
If you wish to leave the forum again, we ask that you PM us and we will anonymise your posts.
Please respect the guidelines and the positive tone of the forum, where you are most welcome.
SE23.life Team

A lot of the comments and "concerns" were based on a forum thread about a plan for a Domino's Pizza in Honor Oak, how very dare they, Honor Oak is a quaint village with no place for such common businesses, let alone a chain. With exception of course to Sainsburys, who are welcome. And heavens forbid a Waitrose were to open, well that would be the icing on the cake, a true sign of gentrification if there ever was one. But alas.....

The original thread re Domino's was here. Lots of negative NIMBY comments made, so I added some more positive comments, suggesting it was not all bad, and why should a business be chased away because it doesn't fit someones agenda.

https://se23.life/t/dominos-honor-oak-park/6855

Of course, once I had re-joined the forum, and openly commented supporting the plan, it was time for the shit to REALLY hit the fan. This is where it all became rather apparent that the rules of the forum, for some at least are , do as I say, not as I do.
A new section called Moderator Actions was opened, and a thread started, apparently about the Domino's thread, however it quickly became apparent that Mr Mod had other plans. A character assassination of his very own. Swiftly turning the topic away from Domino's , a series of accusations begun, and the onslaught begun. Post after post, calling me out on my comments, refusing to believe that they were just my own feelings, and instead somehow turning them into the "personal attack" he likes to refer to all the time. Have a look for yourself.

https://se23.life/t/intervention-on-second-dominos-topic/8648

I have a saved copy of the page, just in case it disappears, or posts are edited over and over as they usually are, removing offensive or threatening content. Just like the FB post.

I could go on like this for hours, of course this is only my side of the story, and I am sure Mr Mod has a fantastic tale to tell, quotes to share, and interpretations of comments made which will make your toes curl.

I will close on saying, SE23.life is a great concept, an invaluable tool to the community, and a fantastic way to socialise and get to know more about the area and its people. Sadly, as a growing number of people are starting to feel, the head honcho has issues. While the public persona is likeable and friendly, behind the scenes he is a paranoid, and rude individual, almost the textbook definition of a sociopath. While seemingly adored by some, the same cannot be said for others. Although present Mr Mod with this information, and you will be told that they are jealous, and are trying to damage his good standing in the community. Trying to undo all the good he has done, blah blah blah.

Every time someone speaks out against one of his beliefs, they suffer the wrath of his other personality. Most opting to just sit back, shut up, and do as they are told, in order to have some sort of input into the forum. With a growing list of displeased users, I can only hope that something changes soon, and the forum is allowed to breathe, and behave normally, without the constant nursing it currently has.


Since writing and publishing this blog entry I have received notification from Mr Mod stating the following.

"it’s potted with lies. Lies intended to defame my character. I take defamation very seriously. Take down the post within an hour or I’ll raise this with the authorities."

I of course take such comments seriously, and am happy to address any specific comments made by myself which are deemed and proven as defamatory.


UPDATE.
Following a discussion with someone I respect very much, I have edited the post to remove the names. Please don't let this be confused with complying with any threats I have received.

How the other half live!

A phrase I am sure many have used at some point, and with general reference to those further up the economic and social ladder to oneself. However I was to take a different approach to this age old phrase for a moment, and open your eyes (and mind) a little.

First up I want to say, this is not an egotistical ramble, nor a hunt for praise or recognition. But a genuine heartfelt appeal to others to stop for a moment and think.

A week or so ago a post was made on a community forum I frequent, SE23.com. It was asking for help with a minibus run, a driver to be precise, for an event being organised at a local church hall. From what I understood, the bus trip had been successfully done a couple of times already for Xmas and Boxing day events, but needed a driver for the final New Years Day event.

As I am far from excited about the whole Xmas and New Years thing, and never plan anything, I decided I would put myself forwards for the role. I like driving, know the area, and enjoy a challenge. At this point, I knew nothing else about the job, nor anyone else involved in the event. A few emails later, and names like Alice, Tommo and Rob (CellarDoor) were becoming common place in conversations and emails.

Finally faces were seen, and I met up with Tommo at St Hilda's Church hall in Brockley. Immediately in the mix of things, I found myself loading up the minibus that I would be driving the following week, and helping transfer everything to St Saviours Church Hall where the next event would be held. Meeting Peter and Sue in the process, these were my predecessors and had done the bus run on the past 2 days. A quick handover of the list, then off to meet the next people.

Parking the bus at Alice and Alan's house, I met the couple for the first time. Mental and social overload for me already by this point meeting 5 new people in one day.

Over the next couple of days, once it had become apparent that the bus run could not be done alone, I got in touch with Rob aka CellarDoor, and we begun to arrange how we would plan the logistics for the day. Finally agreeing to meet up, take a look at the minibus, and work things out, Alice and Alan were kind enough to play unsuspecting hosts to what turned out to be the first annual convention of some sort. My apologies again for keeping you both for so long, but Baxter is simply too adorable to be separated from without force.

Rather than dribbling on about me me me I shall fast forward a few more days to New Years Day. Agreeing to get to the hall for about 7.30 on the day was maybe a decision that I made in haste, however it was a good choice in the end. Having roped my niece and nephew into helping at short notice, I picked them up bright and early, and we went to the hall. On walking in, we got straight into potato peeling and Calum (nephew) got started putting the tables out. Rob arrived a little while after, and again got stuck into the spuds with myself and Daryl, leaving Tommo to get on with other things too. Time flies when you have 10kg+ of potatoes to peel, and before we knew it, it was time to get the run started.

All at short notice, a little more help arrived with the driving, in the shape of Elisabeth, Liz or Lizzy depending on who was speaking to her at the time (all one person, and I thought I struggled with Michael or Snazy) and EJ was also on hand to drive. Just before heading out Rob also agreed to drive, so Calum was left helping me on the bus.

Now this is where 'them and us' really starts. All I knew was, we had a list of names and addresses. These were people invited along to the event, and they would come from various social groups, from elderly to isolated. Little did I realise at the time, but I in fact isolate myself to some degree, and as time passed on the day I would realise it more. Calum also is quite an introvert, so this would be a challenge for him also, but a good exercise in operating outside your comfort zone.

Picking the first few people up, it was a great start with some chatty elderly ladies, delightful in conversation, and immediately I began to feel at ease, and slipped into relaxed conversation. With each stop, a different social aspect was added to the group, and soon I started to realise that we are not all the same. In fact in such a small minibus, we were already putting together one of the most diverse groups of social soup I have ever been a part of. But rather than an awkward silence as you see in most confident social groups, when you add an unknown quantity, this group adapted, making the new piece fit, and rearranging itself to accommodate the change.

For a group if people, most who didn't know one another, some who were quite clearly not used to interacting with a group of this size, and in such close quarters, it was amazing to see how such a complex and diverse group of people could just adapt to a constantly changing situation. I have to add that it was also a pleasure to be an ingredient in this social soup as I call it.

By the end of the minibus runs, once the whole group was assembled in the hall for the days events, it was even more intriguing to see how the dynamic continued to change, and evolve. Sub groups developing, people finding their comfort zones, but mostly maintaining conversation. All helped along by another amazing group. The volunteers.

It is an honour to include myself in this group, and I was dumbstruck by how strong minded, and focused each volunteer was. Each with their own individual skill, somehow the people who had put themselves forward to help on this day came together as a faultless and capable crew, who together could achieve all tasks thrown at them. Serving, decorating, clearing, conversing, entertaining, assisting, you name it, it was going on.

As the day drew to an end, and as the guests were slowly dropped back off home, I realised that I had been a part of a fantastic, amazing, and revealing day. I know for a fact that Calum and Daryl both benefited in some way from the day. The social interactions, the challenges, and the insight into how others live their lives. For me also, the chance to socialise and interact with social groups that I would not usually have reason to. I think I learned more about myself in the past few days, than I have in a long time, and hope others came away with the same.

When I said at the start 'how the other half live' What I in fact meant was, we all THINK we understand the person on the bus who won't make eye contact, or the person in the shop queue who just wants to strike up a conversation. We guess they are a little bit different to us, and for that reason, stay comfortable, don't engage in conversation, and play it safe. But maybe if we exercised our minds a little from time to time, stretched our boundaries and gave a little of our precious time more often, we would not only do something positive for someone, but also learn something new each time we dare to dive right in.

Life isn't about playing the hero, or being a saint. But it's also not meant to be about just yourself, or being the best of everyone. Its about being a part of society as a whole, playing a role, and doing the right thing. 

In the past week, I have truly expanded my horizons, reached WAY outside my comfort zone, and reconnected with the person inside me that wants to be there for others whenever I can.

So thank you sincerely to everyone I have met, socialised with, and interacted with in the last week. Thank you for the awakening from within that I so badly needed. What a fantastic way to start a new year. 

So.... next time you look up the food chain and think to yourself, 'it's alright for some', just remember, it's pretty tough for many more people other than yourself. Sure there is always someone better off, but I guarantee there are 10 more who are worse off for ever one that is better off.

Thank you for reading :)