How the other half live!

A phrase I am sure many have used at some point, and with general reference to those further up the economic and social ladder to oneself. However I was to take a different approach to this age old phrase for a moment, and open your eyes (and mind) a little.

First up I want to say, this is not an egotistical ramble, nor a hunt for praise or recognition. But a genuine heartfelt appeal to others to stop for a moment and think.

A week or so ago a post was made on a community forum I frequent, SE23.com. It was asking for help with a minibus run, a driver to be precise, for an event being organised at a local church hall. From what I understood, the bus trip had been successfully done a couple of times already for Xmas and Boxing day events, but needed a driver for the final New Years Day event.

As I am far from excited about the whole Xmas and New Years thing, and never plan anything, I decided I would put myself forwards for the role. I like driving, know the area, and enjoy a challenge. At this point, I knew nothing else about the job, nor anyone else involved in the event. A few emails later, and names like Alice, Tommo and Rob (CellarDoor) were becoming common place in conversations and emails.

Finally faces were seen, and I met up with Tommo at St Hilda's Church hall in Brockley. Immediately in the mix of things, I found myself loading up the minibus that I would be driving the following week, and helping transfer everything to St Saviours Church Hall where the next event would be held. Meeting Peter and Sue in the process, these were my predecessors and had done the bus run on the past 2 days. A quick handover of the list, then off to meet the next people.

Parking the bus at Alice and Alan's house, I met the couple for the first time. Mental and social overload for me already by this point meeting 5 new people in one day.

Over the next couple of days, once it had become apparent that the bus run could not be done alone, I got in touch with Rob aka CellarDoor, and we begun to arrange how we would plan the logistics for the day. Finally agreeing to meet up, take a look at the minibus, and work things out, Alice and Alan were kind enough to play unsuspecting hosts to what turned out to be the first annual convention of some sort. My apologies again for keeping you both for so long, but Baxter is simply too adorable to be separated from without force.

Rather than dribbling on about me me me I shall fast forward a few more days to New Years Day. Agreeing to get to the hall for about 7.30 on the day was maybe a decision that I made in haste, however it was a good choice in the end. Having roped my niece and nephew into helping at short notice, I picked them up bright and early, and we went to the hall. On walking in, we got straight into potato peeling and Calum (nephew) got started putting the tables out. Rob arrived a little while after, and again got stuck into the spuds with myself and Daryl, leaving Tommo to get on with other things too. Time flies when you have 10kg+ of potatoes to peel, and before we knew it, it was time to get the run started.

All at short notice, a little more help arrived with the driving, in the shape of Elisabeth, Liz or Lizzy depending on who was speaking to her at the time (all one person, and I thought I struggled with Michael or Snazy) and EJ was also on hand to drive. Just before heading out Rob also agreed to drive, so Calum was left helping me on the bus.

Now this is where 'them and us' really starts. All I knew was, we had a list of names and addresses. These were people invited along to the event, and they would come from various social groups, from elderly to isolated. Little did I realise at the time, but I in fact isolate myself to some degree, and as time passed on the day I would realise it more. Calum also is quite an introvert, so this would be a challenge for him also, but a good exercise in operating outside your comfort zone.

Picking the first few people up, it was a great start with some chatty elderly ladies, delightful in conversation, and immediately I began to feel at ease, and slipped into relaxed conversation. With each stop, a different social aspect was added to the group, and soon I started to realise that we are not all the same. In fact in such a small minibus, we were already putting together one of the most diverse groups of social soup I have ever been a part of. But rather than an awkward silence as you see in most confident social groups, when you add an unknown quantity, this group adapted, making the new piece fit, and rearranging itself to accommodate the change.

For a group if people, most who didn't know one another, some who were quite clearly not used to interacting with a group of this size, and in such close quarters, it was amazing to see how such a complex and diverse group of people could just adapt to a constantly changing situation. I have to add that it was also a pleasure to be an ingredient in this social soup as I call it.

By the end of the minibus runs, once the whole group was assembled in the hall for the days events, it was even more intriguing to see how the dynamic continued to change, and evolve. Sub groups developing, people finding their comfort zones, but mostly maintaining conversation. All helped along by another amazing group. The volunteers.

It is an honour to include myself in this group, and I was dumbstruck by how strong minded, and focused each volunteer was. Each with their own individual skill, somehow the people who had put themselves forward to help on this day came together as a faultless and capable crew, who together could achieve all tasks thrown at them. Serving, decorating, clearing, conversing, entertaining, assisting, you name it, it was going on.

As the day drew to an end, and as the guests were slowly dropped back off home, I realised that I had been a part of a fantastic, amazing, and revealing day. I know for a fact that Calum and Daryl both benefited in some way from the day. The social interactions, the challenges, and the insight into how others live their lives. For me also, the chance to socialise and interact with social groups that I would not usually have reason to. I think I learned more about myself in the past few days, than I have in a long time, and hope others came away with the same.

When I said at the start 'how the other half live' What I in fact meant was, we all THINK we understand the person on the bus who won't make eye contact, or the person in the shop queue who just wants to strike up a conversation. We guess they are a little bit different to us, and for that reason, stay comfortable, don't engage in conversation, and play it safe. But maybe if we exercised our minds a little from time to time, stretched our boundaries and gave a little of our precious time more often, we would not only do something positive for someone, but also learn something new each time we dare to dive right in.

Life isn't about playing the hero, or being a saint. But it's also not meant to be about just yourself, or being the best of everyone. Its about being a part of society as a whole, playing a role, and doing the right thing. 

In the past week, I have truly expanded my horizons, reached WAY outside my comfort zone, and reconnected with the person inside me that wants to be there for others whenever I can.

So thank you sincerely to everyone I have met, socialised with, and interacted with in the last week. Thank you for the awakening from within that I so badly needed. What a fantastic way to start a new year. 

So.... next time you look up the food chain and think to yourself, 'it's alright for some', just remember, it's pretty tough for many more people other than yourself. Sure there is always someone better off, but I guarantee there are 10 more who are worse off for ever one that is better off.

Thank you for reading :)

Fantastic New Years Day

For some, the night before is about getting blind drunk, over indulging, and 'celebrating' a little too much. For others its a quiet night in and just another day in the morning. For others however its another day of loneliness, and isolation.

Being anyone who falls into the category of vulnerable in this day and age is not easy, especially in the hustle and bustle of a city. Over looked, forgotten, and brushed aside by a society which has become too busy and self involved to take a moment to lend a hand.

So this New Years Day, a large group of volunteers in the SE23 area got together to assist a wonderful man Tommo, who has been organising a lunch and fun afternoon for such groups over Xmas and NY for over a decade now. Following a post for help on the local SE23.com forum by Alice, a whole host of people jumped on board to help out with the last of the 3 days. Some however had helped the whole time, so hats off to those people.

A minibus would collect groups of people from the surrounding area, and the interactions with one another would begin. I ran  the minibus with my nephew Calum, who for a young shy lad did a great job knocking on doors, and helping people to and from the bus. A great exercise for overcoming the shyness he suffers from. As each new character joined the bus, the mood changed up a gear, excitement, general conversation, and some wonderful interactions.

On arriving back at the hall after the first trip, the volunteers had done an amazing job starting to set the place up, and by the end of the last trip, the place was transformed in both image and energy. (as you can see)

By the early afternoon the logistics planning of getting everyone home again, but without making them feel rushed or left out was underway. Talking to people about what time they wanted to leave, while they were trying to concentrate on a game of bingo was not the easiest task. However, along with many other tasks, like phoning ahead to let people know we were on our way to pick them up, Daryl, my niece, took to it like a duck to water, and got the job done.

By the end of the day, after a few misunderstandings, a few unplanned diversions, and a whole lot of fun, all the guests were safely dropped back home, the minibus returned to Sidcup, the keys back to Swanley, and the final curtain fell.

This morning, we got the rest of the clearing up done, all the cooking equipment, food, and decorations back to their home, and the hall was like new again.

So I want to sum up by saying this:

Thank you to everyone who volunteered time, goods, or just a little effort to the whole event. I only did the one day, and have huge respect for those who did all three. I only found out about all this at the last moment, and seeing the way Forest Hill and its people pulled together to help on the day was quite touching. So if you are local, or were drafted in, like helicopter crazy Ali :) Thank you all for answering the call.

The call, which came from Alice, who took on a huge task so soon after having her first beautiful little baby. Awww. Looking after a newborn is quite a task in itself, but to have managed to coordinate all this too was really quite amazing. So thank you Alice for bringing us all together, putting us all in touch, and especially for the hospitality and patience having myself and Rob (CellarDoor) over to start getting sorted.

A special thank you to Calum and Daryl, who for my end of the job played a HUGE role in the day, and made things work as clockwork as they possibly could. It was a great experience for you both, as well as a heck of a long day, so well done, you both did a brilliant job, and I really could not have done it without you.

Events like this not only make you realise how fortunate you are, but also how important you are, and what a difference a small gesture or bit of time can make to someone else's life.
So here's to the next time we are all able to do something as amazing as this, I hope opportunity comes knocking soon. Tommo, you are a great guy for making things like this happen :)

What a year!

Well its been a long long time since I blogged anything simple and down to earth, let alone just about me, and not moaning about companies and organisations. So I thought it was about time I did, so here goes.

First off, apologies for any typos I might make and miss, but I am trying this blog entry out on my new ACER Chromebook. I shall come back to that in a bit.

So..... What a year. Without a doubt the main factor has to be the passing of my dear Aunt Joan Hughes. This time last year, this exact time and day in fact, I was in Colwyn Bay making a surprise visit to her. Spending a little too long over at the carers house getting up to speed on how Joan had been, I finally went over to a rather frosty reception, and quite a telling off. Something I have grown used to in the years of visiting.

Slightly taken aback by the changes which had happened since I had see her last, but the time spent there together was as special as ever. Little did I know at the time that this would be the last time I would really see Joan at home, and the last bit of quality time we would spend together. As chatty and argumentative as ever, we spent hours talking about all sorts of things, before it was time for me to head home.

I remember the day well, as on my journey to and from Wales there were a series of nasty accidents resulting in fatalities and major road closures. Leaving me getting home at about midnight, and popping my M&S turkey ready meal in the oven for  very late dinner. No repeat of that this year, with the creation of my own roast dinner, which was delightful.

It seemed only a few weeks later that I returned to Wales, around my birthday, on hearing the news that Joan had taken a turn, and was now in a home. It was only just over a week later, on what would have been mums birthday, that the last of the 3 Lunt sisters from Old Colwyn would pass away, leaving a huge hole in the fabric of my life as I knew it at that time. The end of a generation, the end of the blood connection to a place which has always been dear in my heart.

A sad time was quickly surpassed by a strange time for me. A time spent in Wales, with Chris, Noel, and Chantal to name but a few. A time spent organising what can only be described as the disposal of Joan's estate, and what felt like a deletion of a connection to a special place. Reading the eulogy at Joan's funeral, looking out at all the faces of the people who had come to share that last moment, and pay their respects, I realised that THIS was what really meant something to me. Not the reading, not the attention, but the love respect and connections of friendship.

Since this time I have really started to appreciate my true friendships, and respect those people  deem 'friends'. Knowing that I would move a mountain to help them at a moments notice, and to know that however infrequent the meetings and conversations, that respect is mutual. It gives me great comfort to know, just like my aunt, I too have people like this in my life. So to you, I say thank you.

The rest of the year has been full of stress and distractions. Dealing with solicitors, estate agents (some great, some rubbish), executors, car rental companies, the list is endless. But over this time two things have kept me afloat, material objects, and food. Both things that I actually despise to an extend. But seeing as I am typing on one of those material objects to write this blog, I guess some good comes from them.
Food however is my enemy right now, and I intend on doing something about that starting in a few weeks time. Until then, I shall indulge myself and make the most of it.

Just watching the Queen's Speech after my home made lunch, for the first time I might add. I was surprised to see quite a basic speech, not highlighting the years events, but focusing on the inner person. Something I like to do quite a lot. Time for reflection is something we all need, apparently even the Queen does from time to time. So it turns out im normal after all.

Throughout this year many people I know have suffered in one way or another. From losing a loved one, to suffering from ill health of some sort. Again, it is at times like this you realise who your friends are. Having been through most of the above quite frequently over the past few years, I can appreciate what they are going through. To you all, I wish you all the best in overcoming these times, and striving to be stronger, for yourself and those around you.

So as the end of another year comes into sight, and all the memories of 2013 go into storage, regardless of what has happened, the highs, the lows... Lift your head high, and strive to fight on for another year, with each day of life being a gift in itself, everyday is Xmas, so don't waste the gift you have.

My final thought is a strange one, certainly for me, and might be a bit weird for others, including one certain person. But here goes...
2013 saw my daughter (the one I rarely speak of anymore) turn 18, an age of maturity, an age of independence. With this coinciding with my 40th year, my aunts passing, and many other milestones, something has changed in my life, and for the better (in a nice way).
I am the oldest generation of a family now, the highest tier, I have no legal responsibilities to anyone, I am soon to be debt free for the first time in years, so can catagorically say that I am borderline stress free, string free, chain free etc.
Seeing peoples pictures of their Xmas trees surrounded with gifts, having people reach out to me to ask me not to spend Xmas Day alone this year, and realising that the Xmas spirit I remember from a child is still within me somewhere, well its kinda made me quite sad. But at the same time determined too.
No longer am I in limbo between being a son, but also an absent parent. I no longer have the calling to travel to ensure relatives are ok on this day. But from this point on, I can enjoy Xmas again, and give it the respect it deserves.

So I say this now, and will keep my word. I have NO idea what I will do for Xmas 2014 yet, but I promise you one thing... I WILL celebrate it!

Thank you to everyone for reaching out, and helping reignite the flicker of Xmas within me.