A moment of clarity.

So from time to time we have a bad day, sulk a bit, complain and grumble. But then something happens which gives us a moment of clarity.
Now that's not to say that I have been feeling sorry for myself recently, in fact quite the opposite, but todays events still have an impact.

Early this afternoon I received word that a building local to where I live had collapsed, causing a major incident. The building in question, 14 Waldram Park Road, SE23 has recently been undergoing renovation or conversion to flats if you may. Over recent months I have been repeatedly alarmed by the way the building has been treated. The largest of these concerns was the removal of almost the entire front of the building.

Being that the same company owns the land next to my house ( the scene of a previous collapse hence only being a plot of land now ), I have followed their work and plans very closely. Their recent application to build on the land was refused on the basis of trying to cram too many flats into the proposed building, aka greed!

Now today, early this afternoon a large number of emergency service vehicles including the London Air Ambulance, descended upon 14 Waldram to attend another collapse, this time a partial collapse at the rear of the property. Sadly, in spite of so many professionals attending, they were unable to save the life of the Vietnamese man injured in the incident.

On my arrival home this evening, the curious part of me insisted on visiting the site (not knowing at this time that someone had perished). Moments after arriving I was alarmed by the arrival of a private ambulance (black van) which only means one thing. Sure enough a few minutes later the men returned with the body of the deceased.

Its moments like that you do a reality check (one-two, one-two) and realise that for all your worries and woes, YOU HAVE LIFE! No money or happiness, no success or privilege can give a life. It is precious, and a gift, and something not to be taken for granted.

My heart goes out to the family of the deceased. I hope they are taken care of, and their loved ones departure is not in vain.

On the flip side I hope to hell and back that someone takes the fall for this "accident". Given the track record of the previous owners of the property, Earlsfield Estates, and seemingly the recklessness of the new owners, Mincove Global, it is about time someone was held to account for this constant abuse of building and planning regulation. Let alone the poor standard of building and construction.

Emails were exchanged between myself and Lewisham planning, building control and indeed the mayors office a few months ago, raising my concerns at the state of the building, the unsafe practises, and a number of other issues, such as damage to public property. But all that became of these was notice that there would be no intervention unless it was believed the structure was unsafe.
An apparent change in regulation recently allows developers to nominate their own building officer, taking the responsibility away from the local authority. Sadly in this case, regardless of my concerns, Lewisham were not willing to make an inspection, and allowed the developers to keep it in-house. A costly decision?

So I leave you with a picture of the site of the incident, at the time the private ambulance arrived.

RIP lost soul. And condolences to the family of the deceased.

External link for story

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-11446890


Regards
Michael

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The demise of 14 Waldram Park

Could this be the beginning of the end of another of Forest Hill's great houses. Only time will tell, but for now forensics are all over it due to the injuries sustained by a worked trapped in the collapse. Later transported to hospital by the London Air Ambulance (god bless HEMS)
Regards
Michael

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Still positive, against the odds.

Ok so its been one of those days from the start. You know the sort where everything seems to be going right, but all along the way there are just little things to poke and prod at you, in an otherwise normal day.

Nothing serious to report as such, a little lay in this morning followed by the daily routine of walking the dogs, porridge, tv and then work. Work threw up a couple of unexpected surprises, but nothing that didn't just keep the day fresh and funky for me.

Through it all I have stayed positive, I mean why wouldn't I? But it was only this evening I began to realise how positive I am now feeling about thing. A soaking wet, dark evening to drive home in, compounded further by being stuck in huge tailbacks of traffic. Used to the daily slog of battling traffic I thought nothing of it. Until I reached the cause of the problem. A little blue Nissan Micra sitting smack in the middle of the A205, reducing it to a single lane for both directions of traffic to use. NOW I could see why the traffic!

In a split second, after watching buses and cars going head on, running the gauntlet against eachother just to pass this car, I decided I was going to have to be the one to step up. So after popping the car on the kerb, a swift knock on the window, and him finally taking the car out of gear, a swift push put the car on the kerb and voila, the traffic flowing in both directions once again.

I always feel a little sad and disappointed after such encounters, to really believe that ALL the cars that had been passing this one for over half an hour now didn't contain ONE human being willing to give 30 seconds of their precious time (even though they has wasted plenty of it already sitting in the taffic caused by it) to help move a single stranded car. Yes the driver could have done more, but what a wonderful society we live in, when we can't even help another in order to help ourselves.

Other than that, and thanks to that, I feel great now. A little damp for getting out of the car in the pouring rain. However I can come home tonight and say I solved an issue, and did something that made a difference to others.

Right I'm off to dry off now, and reflect on today. Pondering over what makes people behave this way.
Regards
Michael

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My day in a picture!

Slow, wet and going nowhere.
Welcome to picture of today.
Regards
Michael

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Picture of the day.

Today is the Horniman's Museum. Aka Horney-man
Regards
Michael

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Solid.....solid as a rock.

Ok a stone at least.
Today I left my session with Peter not only with positive thoughts, but also a physical reminder for me to THINK!

Today's session was a real eye opener, and probably the most effective session to date. After a few minutes of chatting and starting the session, hearing what I was saying, I started to realise that change is happening without me even being aware of it.

Talking things through, reflecting on how things are changing for me right now, and how my attitude towards things, it all starts to become a little more obvious to me what I do right and wrong during a normal day. From anger and frustration towards selfish arseholes blocking my driveway, to how I react to being cut up, or someone cutting in in traffic, its all about being aware of the emotions that are being invoked, and how I choose to work with them, deal with them and vent them.

One revelation that arose from today's session was, how I treat anger and sadness in a very similar way. The process of feeling them both is almost identical, however I manage anger in a better way, if that's the right way of looking at it. From trigger, emotional reaction, and expression, right through to resolution. Anger for me goes through all the motions. And while dealt with badly at times, it reaches its conclusion. Where as sadness just seems to stall at expression, or maybe even before at the reaction stage.

Never concluding an emotional cycle seems to be where I trip up, and rather than being a 100 metre sprint, it becomes a never ending 400 metre loop that just keeps going on and on. To draw an analogy, running the 100 metres is a straight clear journey with the ending in sight. But running emotions round an oval just goes on forever. Yes we know there is a finishline there somewhere, but where? We keep going, running hoping and praying it will all end soon, but with the line nowhere in sight, we just keep running, tiring out and losing hope and motivation. To me, THIS is sadness.

Anger, a dash, a quick journey, and straight forward.
Sadness right now is the loop, so what I need to do now is find the tail of the 100 metre track, the emotional run off, and find the place I know I can end the cycle when it occurs.
To me, sadness is a deeper, longer process, to taking a longer journey is fine, as long as that line is in sight.

So, that was deep eh! And that's the real me coming out again. Unleashed again into the wild world (sorry about that)

But that's a good thing. Now I have a parallel to draw on, I can maybe start to see why sadness seems to be such a hard emotion to deal with. Am I afraid to cry, no. Am I emotionally detached? Nope. I am more than capable of understanding sadness, and feeling it. But when its something like grief, I seem incapable of seeing it through to its conclusion, which is the problem we have here, hence the sessions with Peter.

On my provisional chat with Peter on the phone before the first session even started I was asked what I felt I needed from the sessions. At this point I said I needed someone to sound off against, a sounding board. Someone to bounce thoughts off, to help me make sense of what I was thinking. 3 weeks later, as we sat in session I said that I felt in control, having known what I needed from the start.

As we talk in the sessions a weird thing happens. I will say something, something relevant, an emotion or a situation. Peter will then repeat it to me with his wording on the matter. Then the weird part happens. I will then take what he has said to me as his own problem, reflect on it and start to break it down, make sense of it and understand it. Helping myself more than anything else.
The exact process that usually occurs with me helping someone else, but somehow as I am replying, I am feeling myself start to understand.

All a little complex I guess, but hell its working.

Right, with all that said, I had better return to the daily grind and get a wiggle on.

So thank you Peter for my thought stone, and today's session. And thank YOU for reading :)

Regards
Michael

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Random pic of the day.

A new idea for daily entries on the blog.
Regards
Michael

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A whistlestop tour of my weekend.

Not sure where to begin really, after a flying start to the day on Friday, it all went wrong with work. Nightmare day, pain in the arse journey home etc. But all was better once the dogs had their say, and we took our evening walk.

So the real weekend, Saturday rolled around and the plan was to go to the London Tattoo Convention. Chantal agreed to work the morning, so we were not going to be able to go there too early. Which worked out quite nicely as the show didnt open until midday (was open til 2am) She went off to work, and randomly I decided to get up an hour earlier than I do on week days... What the hell is that about?

Once up, the daily routine kicked in, walking the dogs, some housework, and some washing amongst other things achieved in a short space of time. Before I knew it 2pm had come around, Chantal had informed me she was running late (as expected) and it was time to get ready to go out. By just before 3 we left the house, and for me it was going to be a mini-adventure. Travelling to East London, the route planner had suggested using the new London Overground service. Having not been on it, I expected just a clean train, but was shocked to see a very open plan layout, with the same walk-thru ability of a bendy bus (of which I have been on .... ONE !)

So 19 mins later we roll into Shadwell, East London, after a great smooth and quick journey, very impressed by the new service, and how many places it has opened up for me to get to with ease. Decathlon in Surrey Quays, here I come!
Anyway, arriving at the station it was immediatly obvious who was going to the show, for errrm, obvious reasons.
After a quick walk down to Tobacco Dock, we were there. Lovely, yet a little complex for a setting for the event I have to say, shocking layout. But im getting ahead of myself here. We queued for a few mins before paying the £25 per person to get in. Was kinda hoping for a tattoo or t-shirt included in the price, but alas, not to be.

Once inside, as I have said the layout was a bit complex, with tiny little "halls" or rooms all over the place, so getting lost was a definate. Walking around it was a real eye opener to see the kind of coverage and styles that people were going for these days. Some stunning work was seen there.

I wont bore you anymore with the details of the show, other than to say, it was a very worthwhile show, but more of a one off event, for me anyway. £25 to be an onlooker at a mainly static event is a one off thing. Amazing to see some of the traditional styles being demonstrated, and some of the body suit pieces were incredible. Not for me, but stunning work. Tim Hendrix (Miami Ink) charging an apparent £470 per hour, was unsuprisingly quiet. Great to see Phil Kyle doing his very relaxed style, but with some amazing results.

So after leaving the show at a bit after 6, we took the same route home, and decided on having a chinese for the evening meal. Weight was 218 for the day, so a few pounds shifted over the past week. A well deserved treat in my eyes.

So that was Saturday, and Sunday..... well not a lot to say really. Didnt do much, walked the dogs, ate loads, and slept, BADLY !
Probably because of the carb load up, but the night sleep was utter crap.


So on to today, well a flying start, out of bed nice and early, dogs walked and few, me fed, and off to work. Or that was the plan. Lucky for me an irritating arrogant woman had decided to park across my driveway. Attempting to keep calm I waited and eventually the owner turned up. On speaking to her it turns out it was my fault, and I should just be patient and she was leaving now. Well done luv, only 20 mins late for work. Arsehole.

What lays ahead now then? Well back on the wagon with the diet and lose a few more pounds this week if I can. Counselling on Tuesday, so can hopefully get a bit of my stress out. Oh and trying to find a holiday for 5-7 days for November, as Chantal wants to get away, which right now sounds like a good idea.

Right im losing focus now, so will call it a day, catch you soon.

A fine start to the day

Up a little late, I rushed off to walk the dogs. Seemingly done in record time, and beating a massive downpour of rain by seconds. Got to love lucky timing.

On getting home and feeling the dogs, and having a weigh in, great news for me as 1lb gone again in the last day. Finally below the 220 mark for the. First time in ages.

And now kicking back with a lovely bowl of fruity porridge. What else can the day bring? Let's wait and see.

Happy damn Friday all!
Regards
Michael

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Time to relax with a cuppa.

Phew, that's another day over with, and I'm glad to see the back of it. So time to kick back with a cup of hot chocolate, and maybe a sneeky biscuit. Aaaah.

So today, pretty average really, dog walks, got caught in the rain slightly while walking around with them. Then onto breakfast, porridge of course, and onto work.

My back is a little tense and sore today as expected, still a bit of tension in there which is a shame. But hopefully a hot bath in a bit will help with that a bit. So something to look forwards to. In fact I think I will start running that now!

So the rest of the day, some interesting yet pointless training today, all revolving around quality and customer focus, which I have to say I find hilarious in the current situation, so that was boring!
Journey to and from was a bit mind numbing really, I must start mixing it up a bit before I start blocking out the whole journey, and driving on auto pilot.

I was just thinking that I have not been doing too much over the past day or two, which is a very good thing, to give my mind a rest. But hoping to spend some time with my mind very soon. Maybe get some book writing done again soon, hopefully the weekend.

Speaking of the weekend, I think I will find my way to the London Tattoo Convention in Tobacco Dock and see what's going on in the world of art and body customisation. Other than that, so big plans.

Spinning the clock back to 24 hours ago, I spent the evening by the river with Chantal, Amber and Brad, taking in the changed landscape, some of the crazy people, and finishing up with a coffee, so that was definatly a good way to end the day. Only a shame Amber didn't get the photo she was looking for, but I'm sure where there is a will there is a way.

Right, bath almost done, and hot choc going cold, so I'm off. Have a nice evening.
Regards
Michael

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