As a deep thinker, an over thinker, and someone who obsesses about some very strange things at times, I have come to realise that one thing bugs me over and over. My legacy!
I recently blogged about dying, cheerful I know, but it was on my mind, so I put it out there. In that piece I questioned what it was all about. Is death to be feared, or lived for? When we are gone, what is left, and what difference does our passing make to everyone else.
Having lost quite a few friends over the years, as well as some good acquaintances, its quite easy for me to make this next observation. Some people I have known who have died rarely ever cross my mind. Other however come into my thoughts on an almost daily basis. Not as sadness, but as memories of times gone by, thinking how a certain person would have liked whatever it is I'm doing at that moment, or just missing them for a moment.
In reality, I'm sure we all strive to be the latter. I know I do. I think I actually fear just being forgotten. I know I have shared some very special moments with some amazing people, and hope already that I have left my mark in life, at least in my own generation. I hope that I have done enough in life to generate a huge amount of 'do you remember when we' type conversations, as I have done about friends who have passed.
But there is a bone of contention in there, and one that doesn't sit well with me. My true legacy.
I am 42 years old now, far from old, but certain opportunities in life have reached a point of no return now. Choosing to have a child now, the primeval instinct of the human race, is quite a stretch in my world now, and not a choice I would make. Like a woman with her biological clock ticking away, I share that feeling of a door closing.
Of course, I have a child, or should I say, I fathered a child who is now a 20 year old woman.
It doesn't get to me too often, not something that I dwell on too much. I know in the years I have been absent she has been well looked after and loved. Raised well, and strives to make great academic achievements. I would say I'm really proud, but then that is a little glory grabbing really as its none of my doing.
Or is it? On a gross and scientific level, I do have something to be proud of. My genes after all went into her genetic makeup, she is 50% me, and while one part of the biological equation seems to have forgotten I am quite intelligent, thankfully her brain hasn't, and a part of me is indeed responsible for her success.
The truth is, my legacy as it stands is in 2 very separate pieces.
On the one hand, another generation has a life, will out live me, and a bloodline will continue. Regardless of my role and presence in the past 16 years, without me, there would be no her. Someone else maybe, but not her. Regardless of our interactions in years to come, her wishes to know me or involve me, she is my legacy. Like it or not.
Then the second part is the lives I have shared. The memories of the people I hold dearest to me, and who I have shared moments of happiness, sadness and of course stupidity with. A part of my life I have full control over, decisions I have made, and futures I have shaped. I hope I have done enough in those peoples lives to be remembered until their final days too, and for the stories of our adventures together to be told for decades to come.
Do you strive for a legacy? Or just take each day as it comes, and not care about what happens when you are gone?
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Saturday, February 14, 2015
In the blink of an eye...
I have blogged about this quite a lot over the years, but from time to time the urge to try and connect with my true feelings on the matter resurfaces, and eats away at me for a bit. Like now. For some reason, after watching the scene from a TV drama, the matter of death comes flooding back.
February is always a pretty dark month for me anyway, even with the sunshine on top, below the surface bubbles a little anxiety, and I guess a little sadness. For years it was about my daughter. How dare I celebrate a birthday without her in my life. Especially with hers being just a few short days before my own. But as the years have passed, the reasoning has changed, and possibly to more morbid reasoning.
Feb 13th 2008, my mum came to me and told me she thought she might have cancer. My birthday that year (the next day) was spent at the doctors, first getting her an appointment for that day, and then being there while the doctor examined her and confirmed she very much had breast cancer. And a long journey began.
With her 70th birthday just around the corner the appointments started, and a few days after her 70th we went the hospital where I was called in to the consult room and asked to reason with her by the specialist. Having examined her she had cancer in both breasts, and was refusing ANY treatment. By the time we left she was open to the idea.
After a long fight, and some true highs, on August 5th 2011 mum finally passed away. Sitting by her side, watching her breathing become laboured, before finally exhaling for the last time, it was quite a surreal moment to watch your only parent die before your eyes. Thankfully, it was a rare occasion that myself and my sister were with her, with no kids etc. So part of me feels she found peace in that moment, and chose it herself.
Medically the morphine inhibited her breathing, and her already weak body gave out. Either way, she went peacefully and with dignity, just as she would have wanted.
Mum's passing is probably one of the most profound for me, as you would expect, but the list of people I have lost in all manner of ways is just too long, and one that haunts me every time I recall who, how and when.
In fact the above is the reason I am writing this now, as another year ticks around for me, and I turn 42 now, I look back at the long list of friends who have not even made it this far in life. Ill health, accidents, and suicide, has taken some of my closest friends over the years, all my junior. I said many years ago, back in my twenties, that I would be dead before I was 40. However at that time I really don't think I had given the thought of death much real consideration. Greatly unaffected by it at that point, it was just brave to talk trash about death, but as the years have passed by, it means more.
Given it can come in so many ways, never knowing what the cause will be. So many lose their lives at the hands of others, through no fault of their own. Accidents on the UK motorways today are a great example of this.
Take a look at the statistics for a moment. In the last week of January this year, 12,900 people in the UK died. That's 1,842 people a day or 76 people an hour. More than one a minute.
Now of course yes a lot of these are natural causes, illness etc, but what difference does that make? Mum knew she was going for 3 years, but still left 2 kids, 5 grand kids and her sister all with a hole in their lives.
My point is, and its a very vague one, death is all around us, just around the corner, how many people in the UK alone have died in the time you have been reading this. How many families every hour begin the painful journey of letting someone go?
The age old question, are you scared of death? Well are you? I have thought about this over and over for years, and still can't make sense of my conclusions. Death itself is final, once its happened, its done with, for the deceased at least. Fear goes away, pain too, but for the families it is only just starting.
My feelings on it are maybe a little too rational for some to comprehend. In conversations I have had about it in the past, I have come out looking a little strange to say the least.
When I think about death, it makes me sad. I like being a part of peoples lives, I like making a difference, and creating memories with people. When I look back at people I have lost, its the memories which keep the person with us. The thought of that ending is sad for me. Just as it saddens me that I no longer have them in my life to enjoy their company and make more memories.
The cold harsh truth is though, we all move on. While we remember those we have lost, our lives continue and adapt. So to believe that our passing is anything but an event in our friends and loved ones lives, is to me at least, somewhat irrational.
That said, my take on death in general might not be what you would call the average or common perception.
The other part about dying which really sucks, is the future. The crazy and dynamic world we live in is constantly promising and making leaps forward, space travel, technology, health care etc. To think that at some point I will stop seeing these advances is one which actually saddens me deeply. Maybe its my techy geekiness that drives that emotion. Maybe its my detachment from others around me which makes me feel this way. Grasping for something to hold on to and be relevant to me.
So am I scared of death, and the event it is? Hard to say, I have never been close enough to know the answer to that. My rational is simple, I can't control it, I am not the master of my final act, and whatever lifes plan is for me, I have to suck it up. Its nice to imagine it will be painless, but not for me. More for those around me. I don't want a wake of sadness left behind me, and I guess that is one of the reasons I try to be so open about my thoughts and feelings. I can't say another word when I am gone, so would love to think that in my ramblings both verbally and written, that people can find the answers to their questions. Who I care about, love, and my feelings on all aspects of life.
I like to think I am an open book, I encourage those in my life to challenge me, question me, and discover all they want to know on a daily basis. One day, the final day will come, and I hope dearly that I leave no confusion or unanswered questions behind. Until that day, I will keep throwing my thoughts out there, and try and make sure I have it all covered.
I do have a project I really must complete one day, one I have spoken of before. It has had many names, but 'If tomorrow never comes' seems the most prudent.
A frank summary of all things truly meaningful to me. Feelings, memories etc, which I would want those involved in it to know, just to confirm they know, and will forever know how I feel about them and our time together.
So, that's my thoughts for this Valentine's Day 2015, and of course my birthday.
Live every day like your last. Tell people how you really feel about them, and don't try and find the right time for things... It might never come, then it will never happen. Most of all, smile, and enjoy the gift of life you have, and spend it with people you care about.
Thanks for reading, sorry for the downer.
PS, some stats for those interested. A full breakdown of the 491,348 deaths in England and Wales in 2009 (yup almost half a million people in one year)
http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-files/Guardian/documents/2011/01/14/Mortality_England_and_Wales_2009.pdf
February is always a pretty dark month for me anyway, even with the sunshine on top, below the surface bubbles a little anxiety, and I guess a little sadness. For years it was about my daughter. How dare I celebrate a birthday without her in my life. Especially with hers being just a few short days before my own. But as the years have passed, the reasoning has changed, and possibly to more morbid reasoning.
Feb 13th 2008, my mum came to me and told me she thought she might have cancer. My birthday that year (the next day) was spent at the doctors, first getting her an appointment for that day, and then being there while the doctor examined her and confirmed she very much had breast cancer. And a long journey began.
With her 70th birthday just around the corner the appointments started, and a few days after her 70th we went the hospital where I was called in to the consult room and asked to reason with her by the specialist. Having examined her she had cancer in both breasts, and was refusing ANY treatment. By the time we left she was open to the idea.
After a long fight, and some true highs, on August 5th 2011 mum finally passed away. Sitting by her side, watching her breathing become laboured, before finally exhaling for the last time, it was quite a surreal moment to watch your only parent die before your eyes. Thankfully, it was a rare occasion that myself and my sister were with her, with no kids etc. So part of me feels she found peace in that moment, and chose it herself.
Medically the morphine inhibited her breathing, and her already weak body gave out. Either way, she went peacefully and with dignity, just as she would have wanted.
Mum's passing is probably one of the most profound for me, as you would expect, but the list of people I have lost in all manner of ways is just too long, and one that haunts me every time I recall who, how and when.
In fact the above is the reason I am writing this now, as another year ticks around for me, and I turn 42 now, I look back at the long list of friends who have not even made it this far in life. Ill health, accidents, and suicide, has taken some of my closest friends over the years, all my junior. I said many years ago, back in my twenties, that I would be dead before I was 40. However at that time I really don't think I had given the thought of death much real consideration. Greatly unaffected by it at that point, it was just brave to talk trash about death, but as the years have passed by, it means more.
Given it can come in so many ways, never knowing what the cause will be. So many lose their lives at the hands of others, through no fault of their own. Accidents on the UK motorways today are a great example of this.
Take a look at the statistics for a moment. In the last week of January this year, 12,900 people in the UK died. That's 1,842 people a day or 76 people an hour. More than one a minute.
Now of course yes a lot of these are natural causes, illness etc, but what difference does that make? Mum knew she was going for 3 years, but still left 2 kids, 5 grand kids and her sister all with a hole in their lives.
My point is, and its a very vague one, death is all around us, just around the corner, how many people in the UK alone have died in the time you have been reading this. How many families every hour begin the painful journey of letting someone go?
The age old question, are you scared of death? Well are you? I have thought about this over and over for years, and still can't make sense of my conclusions. Death itself is final, once its happened, its done with, for the deceased at least. Fear goes away, pain too, but for the families it is only just starting.
My feelings on it are maybe a little too rational for some to comprehend. In conversations I have had about it in the past, I have come out looking a little strange to say the least.
When I think about death, it makes me sad. I like being a part of peoples lives, I like making a difference, and creating memories with people. When I look back at people I have lost, its the memories which keep the person with us. The thought of that ending is sad for me. Just as it saddens me that I no longer have them in my life to enjoy their company and make more memories.
The cold harsh truth is though, we all move on. While we remember those we have lost, our lives continue and adapt. So to believe that our passing is anything but an event in our friends and loved ones lives, is to me at least, somewhat irrational.
That said, my take on death in general might not be what you would call the average or common perception.
The other part about dying which really sucks, is the future. The crazy and dynamic world we live in is constantly promising and making leaps forward, space travel, technology, health care etc. To think that at some point I will stop seeing these advances is one which actually saddens me deeply. Maybe its my techy geekiness that drives that emotion. Maybe its my detachment from others around me which makes me feel this way. Grasping for something to hold on to and be relevant to me.
So am I scared of death, and the event it is? Hard to say, I have never been close enough to know the answer to that. My rational is simple, I can't control it, I am not the master of my final act, and whatever lifes plan is for me, I have to suck it up. Its nice to imagine it will be painless, but not for me. More for those around me. I don't want a wake of sadness left behind me, and I guess that is one of the reasons I try to be so open about my thoughts and feelings. I can't say another word when I am gone, so would love to think that in my ramblings both verbally and written, that people can find the answers to their questions. Who I care about, love, and my feelings on all aspects of life.
I like to think I am an open book, I encourage those in my life to challenge me, question me, and discover all they want to know on a daily basis. One day, the final day will come, and I hope dearly that I leave no confusion or unanswered questions behind. Until that day, I will keep throwing my thoughts out there, and try and make sure I have it all covered.
I do have a project I really must complete one day, one I have spoken of before. It has had many names, but 'If tomorrow never comes' seems the most prudent.
A frank summary of all things truly meaningful to me. Feelings, memories etc, which I would want those involved in it to know, just to confirm they know, and will forever know how I feel about them and our time together.
So, that's my thoughts for this Valentine's Day 2015, and of course my birthday.
Live every day like your last. Tell people how you really feel about them, and don't try and find the right time for things... It might never come, then it will never happen. Most of all, smile, and enjoy the gift of life you have, and spend it with people you care about.
Thanks for reading, sorry for the downer.
PS, some stats for those interested. A full breakdown of the 491,348 deaths in England and Wales in 2009 (yup almost half a million people in one year)
http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-files/Guardian/documents/2011/01/14/Mortality_England_and_Wales_2009.pdf
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Everybody dies....
Well I guess its true, sooner or later our time is up, and we leave behind everything we have grown to know and love. Leave them to cope without us, and for them to find a way to accept and deal with the fact that we have gone.
Recent months and years have seen me lose quite a few people, some extremely close to me, others have been more casual acquaintances, but ones that I still care about. The one thing that has always confused me is how in one breath I can lose someone dear to me, and be 'ok' with it, and then someone else will go, and suddenly its much harder to deal with.
Today, on hearing the news that Darren had passed I was left stunned, shocked, and pretty upset at the news. Even though I have not seen him for a couple of years, it got to me deep inside. Then finally the penny dropped.
I was having a conversation on BBM when I had an epiphany. I have always accepted that death is a certain part of the cycle of life. And as much as it pains me to let people go, its makes sense that we have to eventually. But during the conversation today I said something that is the key to it all. Its HOW I lose someone, not so much who has been lost and how close they were to me.
Knowing mum was ill, knowing Graeme was ill, it all was pre thought out, their time was short, and sooner or later their light would go out. There was time for goodbyes, time to finish off business with them. Most importantly there was time to accept that it would soon be over, and as my counsellor once suggested, we almost grieve in advance. Grieve is a complex word really, the same meaning to all, but a totally different process for many of us. My way of grieving is to remember, reflect, and let go. As little sadness as possible, remembering positives, and continuing the way I know that person would want their memory to be carried. With pride and courage.
For others, their passings have been so sudden, violent in a couple of senses, and so unexpected, that it knocks you for six, and leaves you bewildered. So much unsaid, so many dreams unfulfilled, and so many people left with an open page, yet nothing left to complete it with. When John passed we had spoken recently, and I felt that we had lived through so much, and said so much in that last conversation, that we left no unfinished business. That was easy for me to say, but many others I know did not have that blessing.
In Darrens case, time has gifted me with distance, and separation from certain things. Namely the day to day life events that were current to Darren and his family/loved ones. That's not to say that I do not feel a great sense of loss. For years now, our occasional encounters would always bring laughter and joy to me. An evening with Darren and Tony was always on a knifes edge, and full of uncertainty. But that's who Darren was. A joker, a playful guy, but someone who was passionate about others. He had his flaws, hell we all do, but for the most part you could forget that, and just have a laugh.
Now reflecting on others who have passed in recent times, it all makes sense, a pattern appears and I can start to see what my course is for dealing with these losses. I actually lose track at times of how many people in what time frame I have lost. But one thing I never forget is, I am not the only one feeling empty, lost and sad. These people who leave us leave behind a whole group of family, friends, and casual contacts. And as each one who passes seems so damn special, they leave many many people with the sense of loss.
Its a strange thought I know, and I am not competing for a second. I'm sure we have all done it, but I find myself wondering if I am blessed enough to have the same impact on my friends. I wish and hope that we will never find the answer to that question, but its one of the strange things, amongst many, that goes through my head.
Speaking of me and strange, this is another thing that I find eats away at me. Knowing information, the anatomy of the event, how, why, what and where. I feel I need to know every detail before I can let something go properly. Illness is simple to accept, and with mum I was there at the moment she passed. No questions, and I think my exposure to the whole journey to the very end helped me cope. Cope in a way some still find quite strange. No true grief, just a little confusion.
But with accidents, Kevin, John Weston, John Littlebury, Adam King and so on, including Darren, its different. I always pray there was no suffering, that it was quick. With a positive thought still in mind at the moment the light went out. No panic or fear, no pain or distress. Not knowing this drives me crazy, but its obviously strange and unethical to even try and know for sure.
When Adam died, the first person I knew who was suddenly gone, it was as a pedestrian vs car. Sadly for me my best friend at the time was the son of the coroner, and was telling me a story of the boy his father had dealt with that day. The way the boy was struck by a car, and left unable to move due to injured legs. Able to push himself up on his hands he was able to raise himself and look up, just in time for the second car to strike him in the face and head.....
So as you can see, left with memories like that, I find it hard to put something down without knowing that they didn't suffer. Its true that we really are programmed by previous experiences in our lives. Sorry if the above causes distress. But that's what I live with day to day.
As I veer back on track, it all starts to make more sense to me now.
I have spent the whole afternoon trying to make sense of things, and come to terms with the fact that yet another person from my past has left us. To try not to get too emotional about it, and to instead think of those who have today lost someone far closer to them than I have. For those people I bow my head, and I hope deeply for you to be able to cope with this in the best possible way you can find.
Darren was about strength, and always carried a big smile on his face, and imprinted that on others wherever he went. Today I for one, and I hope others can do the same, want to remember Darren for the man he was, and make him proud by carrying my head high. Looking to the skies with the same smile he imprinted on me, and adding his memory to the others I carry with me daily. I take pride that I knew you Darren, and thank you for the friendship you shared with me and so many others. I no longer feel empty, as the physical hole you leave behind has now been filled with so many great memories.
Thank you Darren for the memories you gave us all, the kindness you offered, and the memories you leave us with. I will miss you for an eternity, but never will I forget you.
R.I.P Darren Green, who's light was extinguished on 28th Feb 2012.
Love you brother.
X
Sent using BlackBerry®
Recent months and years have seen me lose quite a few people, some extremely close to me, others have been more casual acquaintances, but ones that I still care about. The one thing that has always confused me is how in one breath I can lose someone dear to me, and be 'ok' with it, and then someone else will go, and suddenly its much harder to deal with.
Today, on hearing the news that Darren had passed I was left stunned, shocked, and pretty upset at the news. Even though I have not seen him for a couple of years, it got to me deep inside. Then finally the penny dropped.
I was having a conversation on BBM when I had an epiphany. I have always accepted that death is a certain part of the cycle of life. And as much as it pains me to let people go, its makes sense that we have to eventually. But during the conversation today I said something that is the key to it all. Its HOW I lose someone, not so much who has been lost and how close they were to me.
Knowing mum was ill, knowing Graeme was ill, it all was pre thought out, their time was short, and sooner or later their light would go out. There was time for goodbyes, time to finish off business with them. Most importantly there was time to accept that it would soon be over, and as my counsellor once suggested, we almost grieve in advance. Grieve is a complex word really, the same meaning to all, but a totally different process for many of us. My way of grieving is to remember, reflect, and let go. As little sadness as possible, remembering positives, and continuing the way I know that person would want their memory to be carried. With pride and courage.
For others, their passings have been so sudden, violent in a couple of senses, and so unexpected, that it knocks you for six, and leaves you bewildered. So much unsaid, so many dreams unfulfilled, and so many people left with an open page, yet nothing left to complete it with. When John passed we had spoken recently, and I felt that we had lived through so much, and said so much in that last conversation, that we left no unfinished business. That was easy for me to say, but many others I know did not have that blessing.
In Darrens case, time has gifted me with distance, and separation from certain things. Namely the day to day life events that were current to Darren and his family/loved ones. That's not to say that I do not feel a great sense of loss. For years now, our occasional encounters would always bring laughter and joy to me. An evening with Darren and Tony was always on a knifes edge, and full of uncertainty. But that's who Darren was. A joker, a playful guy, but someone who was passionate about others. He had his flaws, hell we all do, but for the most part you could forget that, and just have a laugh.
Now reflecting on others who have passed in recent times, it all makes sense, a pattern appears and I can start to see what my course is for dealing with these losses. I actually lose track at times of how many people in what time frame I have lost. But one thing I never forget is, I am not the only one feeling empty, lost and sad. These people who leave us leave behind a whole group of family, friends, and casual contacts. And as each one who passes seems so damn special, they leave many many people with the sense of loss.
Its a strange thought I know, and I am not competing for a second. I'm sure we have all done it, but I find myself wondering if I am blessed enough to have the same impact on my friends. I wish and hope that we will never find the answer to that question, but its one of the strange things, amongst many, that goes through my head.
Speaking of me and strange, this is another thing that I find eats away at me. Knowing information, the anatomy of the event, how, why, what and where. I feel I need to know every detail before I can let something go properly. Illness is simple to accept, and with mum I was there at the moment she passed. No questions, and I think my exposure to the whole journey to the very end helped me cope. Cope in a way some still find quite strange. No true grief, just a little confusion.
But with accidents, Kevin, John Weston, John Littlebury, Adam King and so on, including Darren, its different. I always pray there was no suffering, that it was quick. With a positive thought still in mind at the moment the light went out. No panic or fear, no pain or distress. Not knowing this drives me crazy, but its obviously strange and unethical to even try and know for sure.
When Adam died, the first person I knew who was suddenly gone, it was as a pedestrian vs car. Sadly for me my best friend at the time was the son of the coroner, and was telling me a story of the boy his father had dealt with that day. The way the boy was struck by a car, and left unable to move due to injured legs. Able to push himself up on his hands he was able to raise himself and look up, just in time for the second car to strike him in the face and head.....
So as you can see, left with memories like that, I find it hard to put something down without knowing that they didn't suffer. Its true that we really are programmed by previous experiences in our lives. Sorry if the above causes distress. But that's what I live with day to day.
As I veer back on track, it all starts to make more sense to me now.
I have spent the whole afternoon trying to make sense of things, and come to terms with the fact that yet another person from my past has left us. To try not to get too emotional about it, and to instead think of those who have today lost someone far closer to them than I have. For those people I bow my head, and I hope deeply for you to be able to cope with this in the best possible way you can find.
Darren was about strength, and always carried a big smile on his face, and imprinted that on others wherever he went. Today I for one, and I hope others can do the same, want to remember Darren for the man he was, and make him proud by carrying my head high. Looking to the skies with the same smile he imprinted on me, and adding his memory to the others I carry with me daily. I take pride that I knew you Darren, and thank you for the friendship you shared with me and so many others. I no longer feel empty, as the physical hole you leave behind has now been filled with so many great memories.
Thank you Darren for the memories you gave us all, the kindness you offered, and the memories you leave us with. I will miss you for an eternity, but never will I forget you.
R.I.P Darren Green, who's light was extinguished on 28th Feb 2012.
Love you brother.
X
Sent using BlackBerry®
Thursday, October 20, 2011
What a terrible day.
Such conflict in my emotions today, caused by the passing of two people.
Firstly there is a sense of happiness that the world no longer hosts one of its cruellest dictators. A man who has ruled with tyranny for decades, and created a country so misunderstood by the world, that until a few months ago most thought they were a nation of terrorists, and a country full of trouble. As the story has developed, it has become clear that Libya stood for so much more, and was determined to cease the movement of the North African nations against their rulers, and finally stand up for what they believed in.
Today they gained their freedom. In what some might describe as an unjust and bloody way, but it has ended the terror he inflicted once and for all. The name Gadaffi will no doubt live of for years, with the likes of Hussain and Bin Laden, and connected to their distant crazy relatives of tyranny like Hitler. All crazy people who used terror and torture to install themselves in power, and who turned people against their own in the promise of a better life in return for inflicting pain and hate upon their own.
The past few years have seen the fall of most of there hateful people, and we can only hope it was assisted by the West for the right reasons, and words like money and oil don't start creeping up in agreements. The British Empire was historically greedy and selfish, so let us not see the birth of the American Empire for this generation.
Then I have to turn my attention the the conflict in my own mind. Another passing has occurred today, which has provoked a completely different reaction in my mind and heart. The father of a dear friend of mine. In fact it is fair to say the entire family have been dear to my heart for many years now. He has been suffering what most would consider unbearable pain for as long as I can remember. The kind of discomfort you would beg to be freed from, and the sort of decline in health that makes a grown man weep to even consider, let alone experience.
Throughout the twenty years I have had the pleasure of knowing him, he has fought tooth and nail to maintain his quality of life, not giving up driving until it was impossible, refusing to roll over and let illnesses get the better of him, and never really feeling sorry for himself. I know many people who have suffered illness and pain, but few who have been so nobel in their journey, and who have maintained such dignity.
Having lost my mother only a couple of months ago, I can truly empathise with how Steven is feeling right now. However as mums decline was so one directional it was always clear to see where things were going. For Steven and Andrew (brothers) they have had to watch their fathers health behave like an ECG, up and down, bottomless lows only to bounce back to the top of the scale again. Strokes and mini strokes which rewrite the medical rules of how many one person can endure.
The world has lost a true fighter in every sense of the word tonight, and I say proudly that it has been a true pleasure being part of the life of such a true gentleman, father and husband to the Warwick family.
My thoughts are with you guys, and if you need a single thing, you know where I am.
Sent using BlackBerry®
Sunday, October 3, 2010
The weekend is almost over.
Well it might as well be, the weather is crap, the other half has gone home for a family dinner, and I'm broke. So it looks like another day in front of the TV for me.
On the plus side, it gives me a little time to thin about this whole building collapse thing, and think of new angles and approaches to get things in motion.
Its not so much whats happened now, more about what is left that could still happen. The wet weather has arrived for the season now, and also freezing weather is approaching, which is all bad news for unstable ground, and buildings sitting on the edge of it.
So with the issues at the site down the road, I am going to selfishly attempt to steal a little of the spot light it is receiving and focus it on the site remaining empty at 6 Church Rise. Since its collapse there has never been a detail investigation carried out, nor an inspection on the foundations of the property I live in.
Now correct me if I am wrong here, but if a building collapses from the foundations up, with a huge pit dug BELOW the house, just a couple of metres from the house next door, would you too not assume that your property and foundations had been compromised? Especially when the cracks start to open up in your rooms nearest to the collapse. When floorboards no longer reach the skirting boards, and the concrete path between the properties moves over half an inch AWAY from your property. Am I just being paranoid here, or do I have a valid point that someone needs to look at this properly?
In an idea world I would call in a private surveyor, pay for a full survey, and put my mind at rest. However we all know this can cost a lot of money, especially when its foundations you are looking at. So my next angle may be to approach Lewisham and ask if they will send their own surveyors. if they are not willing to, then I shall take the angle of "If you are SO confident that there is nothing wrong, I will call the surveyor in, and if they find anything, not only will I claim back the costs, but I will sue too for failure of duty of care". Next step, find out how much this kind of survey costs lol.
Anyway, im getting caught up on this whole house thing again. My god I thought I was done with it all, but realise now that it has only just begun. With the change of management of the property, maybe I need to contact the new company to see if they are happy with the situation too. OK thats enough about that for now.
So the rest of the weekend, only thing I can say really is FAIL. That just about sums up my weekend. Things planned to do, not done. Things planned NOT to do, done! Too much eating, not enough getting out there and doing things.
Which leads me neatly to the next part. Failing to get the dog food from the shops yesterday, has led to the the other half leaving here today a little pissed off with me, and me a little grr at us for being lazy. Its only a quick trip to a shop a few miles away, but we didnt bother, so thats the dog food running dangerously low.
My plan for the remainder of the day, sulk a little, eat a little, get the Wii Fit out and mess about a bit.
Hope your weekends have been a little better than mine.
PS, pissed off but still positive :)
Oh PS.... I got a letter from my mates at Orange yesterday. Over 2 months since I cancelled my home broadband account they send me a letter which simply says "you own use £27, pay in 7 days or we take you to court" OK there were a few more words that than, but totally unprofessional, unacceptable, and something I will be following up agressively. Bloody cheek!
On the plus side, it gives me a little time to thin about this whole building collapse thing, and think of new angles and approaches to get things in motion.
Its not so much whats happened now, more about what is left that could still happen. The wet weather has arrived for the season now, and also freezing weather is approaching, which is all bad news for unstable ground, and buildings sitting on the edge of it.
So with the issues at the site down the road, I am going to selfishly attempt to steal a little of the spot light it is receiving and focus it on the site remaining empty at 6 Church Rise. Since its collapse there has never been a detail investigation carried out, nor an inspection on the foundations of the property I live in.
Now correct me if I am wrong here, but if a building collapses from the foundations up, with a huge pit dug BELOW the house, just a couple of metres from the house next door, would you too not assume that your property and foundations had been compromised? Especially when the cracks start to open up in your rooms nearest to the collapse. When floorboards no longer reach the skirting boards, and the concrete path between the properties moves over half an inch AWAY from your property. Am I just being paranoid here, or do I have a valid point that someone needs to look at this properly?
In an idea world I would call in a private surveyor, pay for a full survey, and put my mind at rest. However we all know this can cost a lot of money, especially when its foundations you are looking at. So my next angle may be to approach Lewisham and ask if they will send their own surveyors. if they are not willing to, then I shall take the angle of "If you are SO confident that there is nothing wrong, I will call the surveyor in, and if they find anything, not only will I claim back the costs, but I will sue too for failure of duty of care". Next step, find out how much this kind of survey costs lol.
Anyway, im getting caught up on this whole house thing again. My god I thought I was done with it all, but realise now that it has only just begun. With the change of management of the property, maybe I need to contact the new company to see if they are happy with the situation too. OK thats enough about that for now.
So the rest of the weekend, only thing I can say really is FAIL. That just about sums up my weekend. Things planned to do, not done. Things planned NOT to do, done! Too much eating, not enough getting out there and doing things.
Which leads me neatly to the next part. Failing to get the dog food from the shops yesterday, has led to the the other half leaving here today a little pissed off with me, and me a little grr at us for being lazy. Its only a quick trip to a shop a few miles away, but we didnt bother, so thats the dog food running dangerously low.
My plan for the remainder of the day, sulk a little, eat a little, get the Wii Fit out and mess about a bit.
Hope your weekends have been a little better than mine.
PS, pissed off but still positive :)
Oh PS.... I got a letter from my mates at Orange yesterday. Over 2 months since I cancelled my home broadband account they send me a letter which simply says "you own use £27, pay in 7 days or we take you to court" OK there were a few more words that than, but totally unprofessional, unacceptable, and something I will be following up agressively. Bloody cheek!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
A moment of clarity.
Now that's not to say that I have been feeling sorry for myself recently, in fact quite the opposite, but todays events still have an impact.
Early this afternoon I received word that a building local to where I live had collapsed, causing a major incident. The building in question, 14 Waldram Park Road, SE23 has recently been undergoing renovation or conversion to flats if you may. Over recent months I have been repeatedly alarmed by the way the building has been treated. The largest of these concerns was the removal of almost the entire front of the building.
Being that the same company owns the land next to my house ( the scene of a previous collapse hence only being a plot of land now ), I have followed their work and plans very closely. Their recent application to build on the land was refused on the basis of trying to cram too many flats into the proposed building, aka greed!
Now today, early this afternoon a large number of emergency service vehicles including the London Air Ambulance, descended upon 14 Waldram to attend another collapse, this time a partial collapse at the rear of the property. Sadly, in spite of so many professionals attending, they were unable to save the life of the Vietnamese man injured in the incident.
On my arrival home this evening, the curious part of me insisted on visiting the site (not knowing at this time that someone had perished). Moments after arriving I was alarmed by the arrival of a private ambulance (black van) which only means one thing. Sure enough a few minutes later the men returned with the body of the deceased.
Its moments like that you do a reality check (one-two, one-two) and realise that for all your worries and woes, YOU HAVE LIFE! No money or happiness, no success or privilege can give a life. It is precious, and a gift, and something not to be taken for granted.
My heart goes out to the family of the deceased. I hope they are taken care of, and their loved ones departure is not in vain.
On the flip side I hope to hell and back that someone takes the fall for this "accident". Given the track record of the previous owners of the property, Earlsfield Estates, and seemingly the recklessness of the new owners, Mincove Global, it is about time someone was held to account for this constant abuse of building and planning regulation. Let alone the poor standard of building and construction.
Emails were exchanged between myself and Lewisham planning, building control and indeed the mayors office a few months ago, raising my concerns at the state of the building, the unsafe practises, and a number of other issues, such as damage to public property. But all that became of these was notice that there would be no intervention unless it was believed the structure was unsafe.
An apparent change in regulation recently allows developers to nominate their own building officer, taking the responsibility away from the local authority. Sadly in this case, regardless of my concerns, Lewisham were not willing to make an inspection, and allowed the developers to keep it in-house. A costly decision?
So I leave you with a picture of the site of the incident, at the time the private ambulance arrived.
RIP lost soul. And condolences to the family of the deceased.
External link for story
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-11446890
Regards
Michael
Sent using BlackBerry®
The demise of 14 Waldram Park
Regards
Michael
Sent using BlackBerry®
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