The good news is, mentally I am fine. Phew, that's a relief.
However physically, things are a little more grim for me.
The first couple of months of the year I have struggled with foot pain. To the point where shoes and walking were a no no. Occasionally venturing out on the bike, desperate to keep my legs spinning, only to be rewarded with even worse foot pain.
With that now somewhat under control, my body thought long and hard, before giving me the next challenge. Delivered in a gold envelope by a smug looking twat in a lab coat, no wait, that's Top Gear...
Over the past few weeks, both at work and at home, people have commented on me breathing heavily. At the same time I have noticed that I labour a little with certain tasks. Usually walking or climbing stairs. Up until this time, I have been fine, walked at a good pace, climbed stairs with no issue. (Remember taking the stairs to the 22nd floor at Guys Hospital?). So obviously this has caused some concern for me.
This time of year, a lot of people with asthma (like me) struggle a little more with hayfever and other allergies causing complications. But for me that usually appears along with a chesty cough getting me all blocked up. This time, nothing. Antihistamines don't seem to help either, again they usually would. And finally my inhaler has little if no effect whatsoever.
To just spice things up a little more, my body decided to throw heart palpitations in the mix too. It's all the chest, right! Now as an avid cyclist, who strangely during all this, can actually still cycle like a nutter (confusing right!) I see my heart rate quite a lot, and push my body quite hard. Nothing abnormal shows on my HR, and there are no unexpected weaknesses or shortness of breath etc.
On speaking to my GP, he has arranged for a set of tests to be run. Bloods, heart trace, and a breathing function test. First two are done, 12 lead ECG appears fine, bloods we will see, and breathing function is being tested at the weekend. Hopefully they will point at something, as it would be a lie to say it doesn't concern me slightly. If not, the tests go on, to see what is going on in there.
I reminded myself to write this on the way back from the shops just now. Slow steady pace walking, warm but not uncomfortable day, 1 mile or so round trip. Being overtaken by people with walking trolleys, and feeling like I am labouring to carry on. Taking my heart rate on the way around, nothing shocking to see. 80-85 bpm, which is pretty good going for the conditions. Made the trip fine, but this is just one of many journeys on foot which I have made and struggled with.
The confusing part is, it can be walking or getting up that temporarily knocks me for six. But cycling, I can go on forever. The GP suggested, as expected, that weight may be a contributing factor, which I completely accept. I am indeed overweight, but should add I have not gained weight in months, so why suddenly now feel this way. And why do some less intense activities affect me worse than being bent over cycling?
Right now, it's all a mystery to me, and everyone else, but hopefully there will be some answers soon.
So that is my little update. Thanks for reading.
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Thursday, April 6, 2017
Sunday, July 17, 2016
Giving in to the pain.
A couple of months back my back started playing up more than ever. Most noticeably the amount of times I would have to stretch my back out while walking the dogs. From it being slow and delicate to bend over at the end of the walk to take my shoes off, it became necessary to bend, squat and stretch a number of times mid walk. At that point it all became enough and I went to see a chiropractor.
Prior to this point, I suspended all running after my June 12th run at the Olympic Park. So to date it has been 35 days since I ran. And 28 since my June 19th London to Brighton Bike ride. Fair to say that the after effects of the run were not nice, but the bike ride impact wasn't as harsh.
Here I am after no training of any sort for 4 weeks, now 2 weeks away from the epic, long planned Pru London 100 Ride, with no mental or physical energy to think about doing it, let alone managing it. Another day I had planned to see if I can manage a ride, and it's a no go.
In the last 4 weeks the situation has got worse and worse, to the point where today I have discovered that if I don't stand up straight, the pain is less. So since waking up today I have either stayed in bed, or walked around hunched over. Sitting awkwardly on the sofa now writing this, my brain is convinced that going back to bed it the right thing to do, as otherwise it means pain and discomfort. So far I have resisted medication today, as I am trying to get a feel of what is really going on inside my body. That and the fact I'm still very uncomfortable even on meds.
Right now, this very second I am happy just to give up and do nothing. Avoid the shooting sensations and stabbing pains, no more taking a shot to the balls. Just lay awkwardly and pretend all is well.
With a trip to the doctor booked for the 28th, something tells me I will be asking for an emergency appointment this week. Maybe even in the morning. It's just becoming stupid to try and hang on any longer now. One wrong move and the after effects stay with me for hours. That's no way to live for sure. Trouble is, having the get up and go to do anything about it is fast becoming a fight on its own. Mindset is still very much "sit still, it will go away".
Thinking back the other day I realised that one of my falls from my bike a few weeks back was onto the hip giving me all the problems right now, so was also contemplating going to a walk in centre or something, to get checked out properly to see if that started the progression of this problem in any way. I get the impression the GP will send me to hospital or refer me anyway, so maybe cut out the middleman?
So hard to decide. I can control the pain by limiting movement, so am not in immediate pain. Controlling and limiting movement for the next 11 days might be a bit excessive. A GP will send me for tests anyway, so maybe hospital is the place to start. But then long term pain which doesn't require immediate intervention is more a GP thing, right?
All a minefield really.
Meanwhile in the back of my head there is an argument going on. After all the sponsorship I have received and all the work I have done towards the 100 mile ride, can I still do it a d save face? I did London to Brighton ok, so maybe this won't be so bad? Or maybe I will cripple myself by doing it? I don't want to let people down, I don't want to be a failure to myself or others. I feel obligated to at least try. But to try and fail would be devastating.
How can one physical ailment cause this much unrest for me!
I am starting to think that this pain is bigger than what the chiropractor can sort, maybe something worse. Or maybe me not mentioning the accident might have pointed her in the wrong direction to treat me? Whatever the case, I definitely need to speak to other people about it to get other possible issues checked out.
Guess tomorrow decides what I do next. Until then I am stuck stooping around, eating convenient junk, gaining weight again, feeling disappointed and cheated.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Learning to walk again
For once, not a metaphor.
Following years of pain in my feet, mainly in my Achilles tendons, I finally decided to go to see the doctor about it. Coinciding with a flare up of gout, and with pain in the same region being hard to differentiate, I needed to know what was what. So as the gout subsided and the pain remained in my Achillies, I got the doctor to check them out. The diagnosis, Achillies Tendinopathy, aka a swelling and stiffness in the tendon, causing pain and difficulty walking. Anyone who reads this blog a lot will know, I LOVE walking! It is a huge part of my daily routine, and of course needs to be with the dogs.
One referral to the physios at Lewisham Hospital later, and I was examined, and given a series of exercises and stretches to do daily.
We went through a series of tests do check the distances the tendons moved. Measurements taken on day one showed quite a large difference between my left and right tendons. The right has always caused me the most pain, but the left plays up too.
After the first appointment I came away with a positive mindset that something could be done about the situation, and got stuck into the routine of following the program I had been given. Much to my surprise I started to notice a bit of a difference, and by the next appointment I felt like I was getting somewhere with it.
Unfortunately I was starting to get pain in my lower back and glutes now. Transference of the issue to another point. By the time of the second appointment I had a new physio with a new idea and checks. On mentioning my pain she checked the strength in my glutes by doing a side leg raise, then pushing the leg back down. Now she is only a little lady, so on the good leg she probably could have hung off it without it moving. But when we got to the right side, I was shocked, I lifted my leg fine, but it just collapsed as soon as she put any pressure on it at all. Truly shocking as I have never felt had any weakness in there at all.
By all accounts, while I have been subconsciously managing the pain in my right achillies, I have in fact avoided using my right leg a lot, and because of this the muscle strength in that side has deteriorated quite badly. Cue the addition of more exercises to bolster strength in the right side. Side leg raises, and one leg stand to squats.
By the third appointment a few days ago, things have improved remarkably, and the balance between left and right is slowly equalising. The strength returning to my right glute and quads, and the pain when walking disappearing by the day.
And finally I reach the reason for the title of the entry. Learning to walk again.
Since realising there was hope, and taking health seriously again, I have decided to make my own contribution towards the fight for recovery, and made some changes of my own.
The main one being, teaching myself to walk in a different way to how I have done so for 40+ years.
I have always been a powerful walker, able to average 4.2mph a few years back (GPS measured) long strides, good endurance, and able to chalk up 10-20 miles in a day without worrying too much about it. In recent years my goal has been 10 miles a day, but the flare up of the tendinopathy has really dented that goal, with some days me not even wanting to walk the dogs.
However it was time for change.
Just a quick note, so powerful are my downward thrusts with my feet when walking, that I am prone to slipping, so as I push off with the leading foot, the foot will slip on the surface as I roll onto my toes. I also wear through trainers at an alarming rate!
So, with all the progress being made with the physio, I decided to give my feet a second chance. Consciously walking with less vigour, taking the pressure out of the strides, smaller steps, a more upright stance, and trying to block out the goal of time or distance, and instead concentrate on my strides and keeping them smooth.
Amazingly it seems to be working, I can do a full 5 mile walk in the mornings now with no ill effect on my achillies or any other part of my feet really. Maybe a little tightness in the toes, but I guess that is all down to a transference of impact from one part to the next.
The last time my tendons were measured, and the test done on my glutes, the improvement was huge. Greater range and motion in the side leg raises, surprising the physio somewhat as the leg carried on rising into the air almost out of reach for her. As well as an improvement in the strength too, able to resist the downward pushing much more. As for the elasticity of the tendons, the lunges I can do now are massive compared to when I started, even causing the physio to suggest easing off on stretches for the stronger left side, as otherwise I will be doing the splits next time I'm in.
I am really grateful to the NHS for providing me this physio, they take a lot of stick, but at times like this, they are a god send, and very competent at what they do. I can feel the changes happening as I do my stretch routine daily, so know it is playing its part.
The tough part for me now is to stay focused enough to continue with both aspects of the program, and maintain my determination to learn to walk again, but in a way which is beneficial to my body and health, and caring less about getting somewhere quickly, and being the fastest person on the pavement. Changing the way you walk at this time in life really isn't easy. I realise there are other people out there overcoming much greater challenges with their walking, but from this small experience I have learned to respect them even more.
Just to add, I am familiar with changing how I walk regularly in the past, with flare ups of gout causing me to improvise, it be immobile. From those short spells alone, you soon learn about weight and pressure transference, and how it impacts other parts of the body.
Anyway, after a long morning of walking, training and physio stretches (3 hours to be precise) its time for me to have breakfast.... Or is that lunch now?
Following years of pain in my feet, mainly in my Achilles tendons, I finally decided to go to see the doctor about it. Coinciding with a flare up of gout, and with pain in the same region being hard to differentiate, I needed to know what was what. So as the gout subsided and the pain remained in my Achillies, I got the doctor to check them out. The diagnosis, Achillies Tendinopathy, aka a swelling and stiffness in the tendon, causing pain and difficulty walking. Anyone who reads this blog a lot will know, I LOVE walking! It is a huge part of my daily routine, and of course needs to be with the dogs.
One referral to the physios at Lewisham Hospital later, and I was examined, and given a series of exercises and stretches to do daily.
We went through a series of tests do check the distances the tendons moved. Measurements taken on day one showed quite a large difference between my left and right tendons. The right has always caused me the most pain, but the left plays up too.
After the first appointment I came away with a positive mindset that something could be done about the situation, and got stuck into the routine of following the program I had been given. Much to my surprise I started to notice a bit of a difference, and by the next appointment I felt like I was getting somewhere with it.
Unfortunately I was starting to get pain in my lower back and glutes now. Transference of the issue to another point. By the time of the second appointment I had a new physio with a new idea and checks. On mentioning my pain she checked the strength in my glutes by doing a side leg raise, then pushing the leg back down. Now she is only a little lady, so on the good leg she probably could have hung off it without it moving. But when we got to the right side, I was shocked, I lifted my leg fine, but it just collapsed as soon as she put any pressure on it at all. Truly shocking as I have never felt had any weakness in there at all.
By all accounts, while I have been subconsciously managing the pain in my right achillies, I have in fact avoided using my right leg a lot, and because of this the muscle strength in that side has deteriorated quite badly. Cue the addition of more exercises to bolster strength in the right side. Side leg raises, and one leg stand to squats.
By the third appointment a few days ago, things have improved remarkably, and the balance between left and right is slowly equalising. The strength returning to my right glute and quads, and the pain when walking disappearing by the day.
And finally I reach the reason for the title of the entry. Learning to walk again.
Since realising there was hope, and taking health seriously again, I have decided to make my own contribution towards the fight for recovery, and made some changes of my own.
The main one being, teaching myself to walk in a different way to how I have done so for 40+ years.
I have always been a powerful walker, able to average 4.2mph a few years back (GPS measured) long strides, good endurance, and able to chalk up 10-20 miles in a day without worrying too much about it. In recent years my goal has been 10 miles a day, but the flare up of the tendinopathy has really dented that goal, with some days me not even wanting to walk the dogs.
However it was time for change.
Just a quick note, so powerful are my downward thrusts with my feet when walking, that I am prone to slipping, so as I push off with the leading foot, the foot will slip on the surface as I roll onto my toes. I also wear through trainers at an alarming rate!
So, with all the progress being made with the physio, I decided to give my feet a second chance. Consciously walking with less vigour, taking the pressure out of the strides, smaller steps, a more upright stance, and trying to block out the goal of time or distance, and instead concentrate on my strides and keeping them smooth.
Amazingly it seems to be working, I can do a full 5 mile walk in the mornings now with no ill effect on my achillies or any other part of my feet really. Maybe a little tightness in the toes, but I guess that is all down to a transference of impact from one part to the next.
The last time my tendons were measured, and the test done on my glutes, the improvement was huge. Greater range and motion in the side leg raises, surprising the physio somewhat as the leg carried on rising into the air almost out of reach for her. As well as an improvement in the strength too, able to resist the downward pushing much more. As for the elasticity of the tendons, the lunges I can do now are massive compared to when I started, even causing the physio to suggest easing off on stretches for the stronger left side, as otherwise I will be doing the splits next time I'm in.
I am really grateful to the NHS for providing me this physio, they take a lot of stick, but at times like this, they are a god send, and very competent at what they do. I can feel the changes happening as I do my stretch routine daily, so know it is playing its part.
The tough part for me now is to stay focused enough to continue with both aspects of the program, and maintain my determination to learn to walk again, but in a way which is beneficial to my body and health, and caring less about getting somewhere quickly, and being the fastest person on the pavement. Changing the way you walk at this time in life really isn't easy. I realise there are other people out there overcoming much greater challenges with their walking, but from this small experience I have learned to respect them even more.
Just to add, I am familiar with changing how I walk regularly in the past, with flare ups of gout causing me to improvise, it be immobile. From those short spells alone, you soon learn about weight and pressure transference, and how it impacts other parts of the body.
Anyway, after a long morning of walking, training and physio stretches (3 hours to be precise) its time for me to have breakfast.... Or is that lunch now?
Sunday, October 18, 2015
What an interesting week its been.
I have had some busy weeks in my life, some confusing ones, and some ground breaking monumental ones, but this one has taken the biscuit really.
I should start by saying, I am writing this blog while testing some SoundPEATS Q800 headphones, and listening to Years and Years. But I am sure I will mention the headphones again at some point, as I am reviewing them for the company.
Right, back to my week...
My week started with a visit from a surveyor to see how much movement there has been in the walls since the house collapse years ago, and to see about starting to make good the damage caused by the movement of the walls. Some fair sized cracks, but he is happy they are now totally stable and work can commence. So that is now another room I can get on with smartening up a bit, and who knows, I might even put a spare bed in there. Just in case one day I have guests. Unlikely I know!
Tuesday was a little busier with a visit from the gas people to do the annual safety check on the place, which I am happy to say was a pass. Last time this guy came to do the check, the cooker was condemned! Doh. Amazingly and almost irritatingly, the guys came pretty early to do the check, which left me with a void in my morning. So I made the most of it and did..... NOTHING!
The afternoon was a bit different, another of my trips to Guys Hospital for another session of ongoing treatment. As its the same ladies I see each time, it makes the visits a little less daunting, and a relationship of humour has been built quickly.
Visiting Guy's is a bit love hate for me. Each time I enter the building I see the signs for Tabbard Annexe and cringe slightly. Remember the many visits with mum during her fight with cancer. The staff in there were always amazing, but I guess it's memories like that which provoke the sadness of the whole matter. Even walking across the car park reminds me of having to rush into the hospital on the day mum collapsed getting out of the car. A trip which resulted in her going through a whole load of tests. Amazing place all the same.
Anyway, thankfully I am NOT visiting Tabbard, so it's not so bad I guess.
Tuesday was also the day that Florida was finally cancelled. Since splitting up, I guess I have always just wondered when the trip would be cancelled, and maybe would have liked it to have happened sooner, but hey, it was hardly unexpected. So no hard feelings or anything. Sure its disappointing, and strange not going to see The Gabbay's for the annual food and insults even of the year haha, but I am sure it will happen sooner or later. It's for the best, and all part of moving on in separate directions, so all is well. Shame British Airways are so harsh with their cancellation fees. 60% 30 days before really takes the biscuit. Not like re-selling a holiday to Florida is exactly going to be hard now is it?
Wednesday was weird, I got up, walked the dogs, went to work, came home and didn't really do much at all. After doing so much on the days prior, it was nice to not have anything to do. Catch up with Gotham which I have been meaning to watch for ages now, do some stretching for my back and achillies, and an early night.
Thursday was an unexpected trip to the vets with Aana. Having gone last week with concerns about her breathing, and being so lethargic at times, a week of antibiotics had not had an effect. The dogs had got into a couple of fights this week too, with the changing behaviours and moods of both causing clashes. One with a very near miss to Aana's eyes. Her leaving her food on Thursday morning was enough to trigger another call to the vets to get her seen asap. A short notice evening appointment was arranged, and I have to be grateful to my work and a colleague for being kind enough to make arrangements allowing me to make the appointment.
Getting Aana in the car raised more concerns on the way to the vets. Her usual playful excited bound to get in the car is gone, and replaced with a hesitant, jerky rocking trying to get in the car.
Arriving at the vets it was nice to see Rafa, the amazing and ever caring man who takes such good care of the dogs, and has a wonderful bond with them both. Aana immediately relaxed as he examined her. Thankfully within a minute of walking in, she presented her symptoms clearly, coughing and choking in the examination room in front of Rafa. So at least he knew exactly what I was trying to explain.
Sadly the examinations were inconclusive, so bloods were taken to check for a few things. I should add, on mentioning that she licks her paw / leg when shaved for a blood draw or cannula, Rafa suggested drawing from the neck, and as quickly as it was said, it was done, no fuss. Accompanied by another of his great stories of being in Spain, and how he drew blood from large flocks of sheep up in the Spanish mountains when he was a young vet. No sheering, just line up and hit the vein.
Another course of antibiotics have been given, and we are back in on Monday to follow up on her progress, and admit her for sedation and proper checks on her throat if needed. Its gonna get expensive, but hey, she is worth it really. The stinky, psychotic little furball.
Friday, I was back in hospital again, so another day off work. Which was nice timing really, as it meant I could keep an eye on Aana too, and see how she is getting on with the antibiotics too. The trip to the hospital was a nice one, out of rush-hour for both trains and the lifts at the hospital. It is strange having to factor in lift waiting time, into your travel time to appointments, but it is a reality.
So, that was my activity for the week. But of course that gets mixed in with a whole load of other stuff, so lets cover that off too.
First up, I should go back to the headphones I am still listening to the Years and Years album on. Midweek I was contacted by someone via twitter, asking if I would be interested in doing a review of their headphones, and writing a blog about it for them. Strange to be approached that way, and no idea why I was selected like that, but honestly, I was grateful for the opportunity, so after doing some checks and speaking to them about it, I accepted. There is a possibility when I am done with the review, that I will be able to arrange a giveaway of another pair of them. So watch this space for the chance to win a pair. I have to say, early days, I'm honestly surprised and pleased with them.
When I got home yesterday evening, the box from Amazon was at my door, and the testing begun.
There have been highs and lows over the past week for sure. Moments of realisation, and a few genuine smiles. Feels strange.
A neighbour I have spoken to for a long time (who now reads this blog from time to time, (nosey cow!) has been kind enough to spend more time chatting, and keeping an eye out for me, so it has been nice to pop around and spend some time chatting with her and her brother (Hamilton fan, poor sod!) about a million and one topics.
I have always been quite solitary, but have always needed a sounding board, an outlet. For years mum played that role, then of course poor Chantal, who was forced to endure my moaning every evening while walking the dogs or watching TV(or trying to). So recently, being on my own has honestly been driving me crazy. All the thoughts, experiences, and noises in my head, trapped there unable to get them out into the open world. Apart of course by blogging them. But that doesn't always work for me.
I have to say at this point, that for a man of my stature, with drives, emotions, and habits like mine, I really do rely on females a LOT in my life. I'm not sure if I trust them more, relate better with women, or its just how it freakishly works out. Either way, I surround myself with women, and some rather gorgeous ones at that. Hopefully, it is a two way thing, and they benefit from me being around too. I would hate to think I impose myself on them, or am a chore.
I do of course speak and socialise with guys too, but I think at some times, rather than opening my soul and revealing the true issues eating away at me, I modify them, and get all testosterone filled, and macho about it, and avoid the issue completely. I have my moments of openness and honesty with some, but that is rare in comparison to how I am in the presence of women. It is almost like there is some male bullshit barrier and awkwardness. Shame really, as when the roles are reversed and a guy wants to chat to me about things, I am usually able to show compassion and be honest about their situation. Maybe it is just me holding back, and making the conversation more awkward than it needs to be. Barriers up, mask on.... Sounds about right for me, but then that is me over thinking things to the extreme, as usual.
Speaking of the women in my life who I find it easy to speak to, respect their opinions, and usually come away feeling better for speaking to, one of them without a doubt has to be Nikki.. Well in fairness there seem to be a lot of people around called Nikki (with that spelling) these days, but I'm sure the right one knows I mean her.
We share a common attitude to everyday life, and find honesty and openness being the best way to live your life. Think it, say it, act on it! So thank you to Nikki for her blatant, say it like it is attitude in our conversations. I would say you have no idea how refreshing and helpful it is, but I actually think you do. Given how frequently the conversations are two way about the same subject and predicaments we both find ourselves in. Last nights brief exchange was both hilarious and grounding, so cheers for that one too.
It has also been a week of realising I'm not as washed up as I maybe thought I was. Broken mentally and physically, it has never been an appealing feature for many, but it would appear I seem to focus on the negatives, and have ignored the positives. Positives others seem to have found in me from our occasional and short encounters. It is quite flattering really, and dare I say motivating too. Inspiring me to think a little higher of myself, and look after myself a bit better. It is probably what I need right now, a boost, and that feel good factor to make me push a little harder to get back into shape, and care for myself, as much as I seem to care for others.
Sure I have physical limitations which I need to explore and push a little to get to where I want, but hopefully a little positive mental attitude will go a long way for me.
The issue I have now is staying in control. Not letting the moment run away with me, not get caught up in the moment, and to take baby steps. Making sure that each step is the right one, a wanted one, and taking me where I feel comfortable and want to be. This is one of my biggest issues. Past being a coward who is too timid to take the first step onto a path. After taking the first step, my brain takes off running. I am miles along the road, and lost inside my head within seconds. Thinking is fine, taking the time to give matters thought is important in fact, but over thinking, obsessing and dreaming up doom outcomes is where my head works best. So if I have darkened your inbox with messages for chats in the past, prepare yourself. Shit might get real soon!
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in all this is, after a long, interesting and slightly challenging week, thanks to some great women, I am back up there. In a happy place with a positive mind. So thank you all. Three main ones ;)
And finishing up with this vague little gem. Thank you for making me realise I wasn't imagining things all this time.
I should start by saying, I am writing this blog while testing some SoundPEATS Q800 headphones, and listening to Years and Years. But I am sure I will mention the headphones again at some point, as I am reviewing them for the company.
Right, back to my week...
My week started with a visit from a surveyor to see how much movement there has been in the walls since the house collapse years ago, and to see about starting to make good the damage caused by the movement of the walls. Some fair sized cracks, but he is happy they are now totally stable and work can commence. So that is now another room I can get on with smartening up a bit, and who knows, I might even put a spare bed in there. Just in case one day I have guests. Unlikely I know!
Tuesday was a little busier with a visit from the gas people to do the annual safety check on the place, which I am happy to say was a pass. Last time this guy came to do the check, the cooker was condemned! Doh. Amazingly and almost irritatingly, the guys came pretty early to do the check, which left me with a void in my morning. So I made the most of it and did..... NOTHING!
The afternoon was a bit different, another of my trips to Guys Hospital for another session of ongoing treatment. As its the same ladies I see each time, it makes the visits a little less daunting, and a relationship of humour has been built quickly.
Visiting Guy's is a bit love hate for me. Each time I enter the building I see the signs for Tabbard Annexe and cringe slightly. Remember the many visits with mum during her fight with cancer. The staff in there were always amazing, but I guess it's memories like that which provoke the sadness of the whole matter. Even walking across the car park reminds me of having to rush into the hospital on the day mum collapsed getting out of the car. A trip which resulted in her going through a whole load of tests. Amazing place all the same.
Anyway, thankfully I am NOT visiting Tabbard, so it's not so bad I guess.
Tuesday was also the day that Florida was finally cancelled. Since splitting up, I guess I have always just wondered when the trip would be cancelled, and maybe would have liked it to have happened sooner, but hey, it was hardly unexpected. So no hard feelings or anything. Sure its disappointing, and strange not going to see The Gabbay's for the annual food and insults even of the year haha, but I am sure it will happen sooner or later. It's for the best, and all part of moving on in separate directions, so all is well. Shame British Airways are so harsh with their cancellation fees. 60% 30 days before really takes the biscuit. Not like re-selling a holiday to Florida is exactly going to be hard now is it?
Wednesday was weird, I got up, walked the dogs, went to work, came home and didn't really do much at all. After doing so much on the days prior, it was nice to not have anything to do. Catch up with Gotham which I have been meaning to watch for ages now, do some stretching for my back and achillies, and an early night.
Thursday was an unexpected trip to the vets with Aana. Having gone last week with concerns about her breathing, and being so lethargic at times, a week of antibiotics had not had an effect. The dogs had got into a couple of fights this week too, with the changing behaviours and moods of both causing clashes. One with a very near miss to Aana's eyes. Her leaving her food on Thursday morning was enough to trigger another call to the vets to get her seen asap. A short notice evening appointment was arranged, and I have to be grateful to my work and a colleague for being kind enough to make arrangements allowing me to make the appointment.
Getting Aana in the car raised more concerns on the way to the vets. Her usual playful excited bound to get in the car is gone, and replaced with a hesitant, jerky rocking trying to get in the car.
Arriving at the vets it was nice to see Rafa, the amazing and ever caring man who takes such good care of the dogs, and has a wonderful bond with them both. Aana immediately relaxed as he examined her. Thankfully within a minute of walking in, she presented her symptoms clearly, coughing and choking in the examination room in front of Rafa. So at least he knew exactly what I was trying to explain.
Sadly the examinations were inconclusive, so bloods were taken to check for a few things. I should add, on mentioning that she licks her paw / leg when shaved for a blood draw or cannula, Rafa suggested drawing from the neck, and as quickly as it was said, it was done, no fuss. Accompanied by another of his great stories of being in Spain, and how he drew blood from large flocks of sheep up in the Spanish mountains when he was a young vet. No sheering, just line up and hit the vein.
Another course of antibiotics have been given, and we are back in on Monday to follow up on her progress, and admit her for sedation and proper checks on her throat if needed. Its gonna get expensive, but hey, she is worth it really. The stinky, psychotic little furball.
Friday, I was back in hospital again, so another day off work. Which was nice timing really, as it meant I could keep an eye on Aana too, and see how she is getting on with the antibiotics too. The trip to the hospital was a nice one, out of rush-hour for both trains and the lifts at the hospital. It is strange having to factor in lift waiting time, into your travel time to appointments, but it is a reality.
So, that was my activity for the week. But of course that gets mixed in with a whole load of other stuff, so lets cover that off too.
First up, I should go back to the headphones I am still listening to the Years and Years album on. Midweek I was contacted by someone via twitter, asking if I would be interested in doing a review of their headphones, and writing a blog about it for them. Strange to be approached that way, and no idea why I was selected like that, but honestly, I was grateful for the opportunity, so after doing some checks and speaking to them about it, I accepted. There is a possibility when I am done with the review, that I will be able to arrange a giveaway of another pair of them. So watch this space for the chance to win a pair. I have to say, early days, I'm honestly surprised and pleased with them.
When I got home yesterday evening, the box from Amazon was at my door, and the testing begun.
There have been highs and lows over the past week for sure. Moments of realisation, and a few genuine smiles. Feels strange.
A neighbour I have spoken to for a long time (who now reads this blog from time to time, (nosey cow!) has been kind enough to spend more time chatting, and keeping an eye out for me, so it has been nice to pop around and spend some time chatting with her and her brother (Hamilton fan, poor sod!) about a million and one topics.
I have always been quite solitary, but have always needed a sounding board, an outlet. For years mum played that role, then of course poor Chantal, who was forced to endure my moaning every evening while walking the dogs or watching TV(or trying to). So recently, being on my own has honestly been driving me crazy. All the thoughts, experiences, and noises in my head, trapped there unable to get them out into the open world. Apart of course by blogging them. But that doesn't always work for me.
I have to say at this point, that for a man of my stature, with drives, emotions, and habits like mine, I really do rely on females a LOT in my life. I'm not sure if I trust them more, relate better with women, or its just how it freakishly works out. Either way, I surround myself with women, and some rather gorgeous ones at that. Hopefully, it is a two way thing, and they benefit from me being around too. I would hate to think I impose myself on them, or am a chore.
I do of course speak and socialise with guys too, but I think at some times, rather than opening my soul and revealing the true issues eating away at me, I modify them, and get all testosterone filled, and macho about it, and avoid the issue completely. I have my moments of openness and honesty with some, but that is rare in comparison to how I am in the presence of women. It is almost like there is some male bullshit barrier and awkwardness. Shame really, as when the roles are reversed and a guy wants to chat to me about things, I am usually able to show compassion and be honest about their situation. Maybe it is just me holding back, and making the conversation more awkward than it needs to be. Barriers up, mask on.... Sounds about right for me, but then that is me over thinking things to the extreme, as usual.
Speaking of the women in my life who I find it easy to speak to, respect their opinions, and usually come away feeling better for speaking to, one of them without a doubt has to be Nikki.. Well in fairness there seem to be a lot of people around called Nikki (with that spelling) these days, but I'm sure the right one knows I mean her.
We share a common attitude to everyday life, and find honesty and openness being the best way to live your life. Think it, say it, act on it! So thank you to Nikki for her blatant, say it like it is attitude in our conversations. I would say you have no idea how refreshing and helpful it is, but I actually think you do. Given how frequently the conversations are two way about the same subject and predicaments we both find ourselves in. Last nights brief exchange was both hilarious and grounding, so cheers for that one too.
It has also been a week of realising I'm not as washed up as I maybe thought I was. Broken mentally and physically, it has never been an appealing feature for many, but it would appear I seem to focus on the negatives, and have ignored the positives. Positives others seem to have found in me from our occasional and short encounters. It is quite flattering really, and dare I say motivating too. Inspiring me to think a little higher of myself, and look after myself a bit better. It is probably what I need right now, a boost, and that feel good factor to make me push a little harder to get back into shape, and care for myself, as much as I seem to care for others.
Sure I have physical limitations which I need to explore and push a little to get to where I want, but hopefully a little positive mental attitude will go a long way for me.
The issue I have now is staying in control. Not letting the moment run away with me, not get caught up in the moment, and to take baby steps. Making sure that each step is the right one, a wanted one, and taking me where I feel comfortable and want to be. This is one of my biggest issues. Past being a coward who is too timid to take the first step onto a path. After taking the first step, my brain takes off running. I am miles along the road, and lost inside my head within seconds. Thinking is fine, taking the time to give matters thought is important in fact, but over thinking, obsessing and dreaming up doom outcomes is where my head works best. So if I have darkened your inbox with messages for chats in the past, prepare yourself. Shit might get real soon!
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in all this is, after a long, interesting and slightly challenging week, thanks to some great women, I am back up there. In a happy place with a positive mind. So thank you all. Three main ones ;)
And finishing up with this vague little gem. Thank you for making me realise I wasn't imagining things all this time.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
A&E at breaking point
I am the first to admit that I have probably spent more time than some in hospital A&E departments, so coming from me this might all be a little hypocritical I know. But stick with me for this one, and see the subtle differences.
From an early age I have been 'unluckly' shall we say, and managed to find myself in many situations which have resulted in trips to the hospital. In the 80's growing up, I was so well known in fact at Sydenham Children's Hospital (now flats) that Sister Bell could get most of the paperwork done without asking my mum a single question. Broken arms (plural!), knocked down by a car, and referrals from the GP for various things like ingrowing toe nails, ruptured testicle (sorry I had to include that one) etc. It all happened there.
But in my defence, as a child 'shit happens' Seemingly more to me than others, but kids just have accidents, fact.
As I have got older, I have managed to take the stupidity a bit, and my visits have become less and less frequent. Which I have to say is a blessing for two reasons. Firstly I'm not hurting myself as much, and secondly the kind of people you get in these places is alarming. And it's this point that it all really starts with.
For those lucky enough not to have visited an A&E or an ER, it will all be a little alien to them, seeing these shows like 24hours in A&E, and 999 what's your emergency. How it all works, what the system deals with, and who uses it.
Let's look at the name Accident and Emergency.
An accident which causes you harm requiring immediate attention, or an emergency situation where your physical well being is for some reason jeopardised. Now that's a wide spectrum and does indeed have scope for everyone and everything in there. But apply a little common sense for starters.
The TV shows occasionally show us scenes where someone has done something really quite minor and has chosen to blow it out of proportion, and turn it into a drama. Deciding that their situation is so horrific and unbearable, that they require IMMEDIATE attention. And I mean immediate. You see, for some reason, the more trivial the injury, the lesser the need for attention, the MORE irritation, anger and impatience oozes from these people.
'I have only sprained my finger and you want me to wait 4 hours?'... you know, you're right... FUCK OFF HOME THEN!
For anyone who has not visited an A&E dept, for you lucky people, allow me to tell you one thing for a fact... Certainly in London, if you visit one between 8pm and 6am, you can be sure that a LOT of the people seeking attention are under some level of influence of drink. And will see things like black eyes, sprained wrists and ankles, bumped heads, and other stupid falling over drunk kind of accidents.
Now of course, any incident causing injury to yourself which may require attention should be attended to, no doubt there. But maybe there needs to be some adjudication here, and maybe compare it to car insurance. Most of us pay PAYE tax and National Insurance which is our contribution towards health care, so consider this a third party insurance policy. Anyone making a genuine claim would be covered.
But... if you are a drunk who always likes to spend the early hours in A&E because you fell over for the 5th time this year, then maybe you need to be fully comp, or pay for your own repairs. I use drunks as an example, there are of course many more people who fall into the time wasting or self inflicted categories, as well as the pure time wasters.
Anyone visiting A&E is booked in, and 90% are at least seen by triage. People who think A&E is just like a GP but is a walk in clinic are clearly stupid, and people like this should be charged, or at least warned that charges may apply for further misuse. There are specific walk in clinics around the country, which are NOT A&E departments. Having just waited 2 days to get an appointment to see a GP, and having spent the end of last week and whole weekend in agony, with no sleep and in lots of pain, YES, I know it's not ideal, but sometimes you just have to wait your turn, plain and simple.
The culture of 24 hour shopping, banking, car washes and a life of convenience seems to have gone a little too far now, and people seems to misunderstand the role of these vital A&E departments.
They are over stretched, under staffed, and over run with time wasting morons who are drunk and think they are funny, bored and think it's a pass time, or people who are far too important to wait their turn. Meanwhile ambulances are stacking up, serious cases are being kept waiting, and seriously ill people are being left for hours undiagnosed or untreated, while 2 more stupid people have their little boo boos attended to.
Seriously now, WAKE UP BRITAIN!
It's the same time wasters and arrogant people who choke up these services with petty things, that sit there complaining that their toe nail which is torn needs URGENT attention, and that 3 hours is too long to wait, and how ridiculous is it. Stating that there should be more staff working, seeing people quicker, and then make sharp intakes of breath when they read the latest waiting time figures.
Don't you get it.... IT'S YOU! You are the cause of these issues. The staff are adequate on most shifts to deal with the genuine cases that come through the door. It's the time and resource wasting antics of stupid and arrogant people that cause these figures to skyrocket.
Responsibility for our actions was shunned a long time ago, and now society demands that whatever the cause, whatever the issue, public services should bow to your needs, and you should be given the attention you demand of it. Well, tell you what, NO! It needs to stop.
Refuse collection used to be one bin fits all, now it's broken up, and people who don't comply end up with unemptied bins. Drink driving used to be tolerated, but now it is frowned upon.
So maybe it's time for the NHS to have bouncers at the reception desk, and to turn away anyone who is not an A or an E, and refer them to another service.
Oh hold on, I can hear it now....'but its my human right'.... well that can fuck off too! Stop the pandering, ease up on the pussy footing around, and just get hard with it. Fast track these people the hell out the door, and give the people who deserve and need the attention, every second they need.
And while I'm on the matter.. If you rock up to an A&E with a genuine case, and the waiting time is a bit long, text a mate, slap it on Facebook, hell send a whiny tweet.... don't take it out on the staff eh!
I think that's my rant over for now. But will finish up by saying this.
The NHS as a whole is an amazing system, providing health care in a way that some countries envy. For someone who has spent a lot of time in the system both as a patient and as a carer, I think the NHS and all its staff are fantastic. From call centre staff right down to surgeons, and everything in between, I salute you and thank you for you choice in life to help others and work in some horrible conditions, with some truly foul and undeserving people.
Rant over :)
Thanks for reading.
PS, if you know a time wasting arsehole that likes to chew up the NHS's time, push them down a flight of stairs and show them the difference between a boo boo and a real emergency!
Regards
Michael
Sent from my BlackBerry Q10
Michael
Sent from my BlackBerry Q10
Monday, October 17, 2011
A new week, a new start..
But lets take a look back at last week shall we, highlights and outcomes.
First up, the most popular topic searched on my blog last week was..... The great RIM outage of 2011. Affecting millions, infuriating most of them, and getting LOTS of media publicity over the course of the 3 day outage, and a hell of a lot of bad press. It sure was a testing time, and showed a lot of users how dependent they are on their Blackberry devices. With the loss of BBM some felt like a limb had been removed, others felt relieved and thankful for the peace and quiet. I was somewhere in the middle there I think. I wont deny im glad to have it back, but I was shocked at how annoying the notifications of BBM, email, Facebook etc can get when you are doing something else. In reply to the outrage of the outage, RIM have today announced a $100 gift to each subscriber to purchase apps from Blackberry App World, including a lot of their premium apps. Not only this, they are including apps that are for the Blackberry Playbook too, which means my games collection is about to increase somewhat.
So at the end of the day, thank you RIM, thats good compensation, and great customer relations.
Then of course we cant forget the launch of the iPhone 4S. Not the long awaited iPhone 5, but a step towards it. Following the passing of Steve Jobs recently, I think there were great expectations on the company, but most were unlikely to admit disappointment, but rather keep their opinions guarded out of respect. iOS5 was also launched at almost the same time, and that too had its fair share of disappointments. Firstly with users struggling to get it to download, due to the huge demand on the servers, followed by a few having issues with the install itself. Either failing or losing their data during the restore process. Everything is bound to have a glitch along the line, and like Blackberry their time was now. So a bad week for technology no doubt.
At the tail end of the week some of the major cities saw mass protests, like the one I blogged on Sunday, with Occupy London taking over the steps of St Pauls Cathederal, quite clearly inplicated in the financial crisis of course!? From being there it was interesting to monitor Twitter at the same time, and observe the number of bullshit posts from the unwashed claiming they were being kettled, crushed, denied access to food and water or toilet facilities. All of which was un-true. Certainly for the 5 hours I observed it for. Always nice to see both sides of the fence. From my perspective the police were very tolorant of the protesters, treated them fairly and spoke to them with respect. Any advances into the containment were clearly communicated, and done fairly... But then you are never going to get the truth from the 'victims' now are you! it was a great photographic opportunity though.
So what else was there.....
Oh, the F1. Seeing Lewis Hamilton finally coming back to form after so much time below par during the past few races. Coming good during quali, and snatching pole position from the Redbulls sure put a smile on peoples faces. The race... well it didnt go as well as it could have I guess, but second is still respectable against the destructive force that has dominated F1 this season. Meanwhile Lewis remains on an all time low, not being able to put his finger on the cause. All we can do is wish him well, and hope that he returns to form for 2012. Wishing you all the best Lewis. And not forgetting of course the surprising Jenson Button. Underdog for so long, but springing to his full potential with Brawn, Jenson continues to go from strength to strength. With a win last race, and some consistancy, he is also going to be exciting to watch in the McLaren in 2012.
Speaking of motor racing, last night saw a horrific crash at the Indycar in Vegas, with a 15 car collision, resulting in the death of Dan Wheldon, a well respected racer from the lower series in here in the UK, and very popular Indycar racer. Winning the Indy500 twice, he was by all accounts a stunning driver. Leaving behind and wife and children, and a lot of fan. Like the death of others, this was televised life, so a nation watched on as the events unfolded until it was determined he was deceased. Having done this when Senna died, I can say its a gutwrenching experience to know you have just watched a fatal accident.
That said, the the amount of flames and smashed cars, and the speeds of the collisions, it is amazing that so few were injured. The safety standards of Indy are nothing compared to F1, with concrete and mesh as guard rails, and different construction in the cars, the scope for serious injury is high. R.I.P Dan Wheldon
Oh, I guess I had better put something about me here as well, its meant to be about me isnt it!
So last week and this week. Well money matters are pissing me off a little, I really need to get on top of things before they spiral out of control again. Due to coming off benefits, all the 'you owe us' letters are arriving thick and fast now, so they need addressing. Then I also need to ensure I am on top of the other bills hitting the mat. on the other hand my 'mental state' seems pretty stable, and the reduction in Citlopram is working nicely, down from 40mg to 20mg and all is well. Cant wait for the next drop then the ending of the meds.
On the other side of things, I had my ultrasound today, finally after a month of waiting. It was quite a long winded process, far more in depth than I thought it would be. Nothing was said, but lots of screen captures were made and prepared to be sent to my GP, so I await hearing from him to see what the outcome is. I am still getting stabbing and cramping pains there after all this time, but not during yawning now, so I dont know what to think.
I have managed to get myself a cold too this weekend, so an coughing and spluttering everywhere at the moment, trying to focus on my work, and taking all the medication I can to try and keep it from going to my chest. If it gets there then I am pooped for the next month as it lingers for so long if it does. I just need a nice sunny holiday right now I think, that would hit the spot. However if any holiday is on the horizon it is a snow holiday. Speaking of snow I am buying winter clothes and jackets like their is no tomorrow. Maybe my spidey senses can feel an arctic winter coming!
Whilst on the subject of cold weather.... Wales. I am off there at the weekend hopefully to introduce my neice and nephew to my Aunty Joan. Its been way too long since I was last up there, and Joan has never really met either of them, not at speaking age anyway. I just think it is important for them to meet eachother. So there is some knowledge there. Joan can be proud of then next generation of her family, and the kids will get to meet their nanny's sister, and learn more about her up bringing. I want to spend at least a whole day up there so I can show them around a bit, and share some of my favourite places around the area, as well as showing them where mum grew up. At the same time I have borrowed a DSLR from Noel, so I can help Katie explore her interest in photography, and see if she is really interested in following up with it.
Personally I love photography, and it feels great to have a DSLR back in my hands, so its exciting on two levels for me. So we shall see if Katie can be bothered with the set up and experimentation of a DSLR, or prefers the ease of a point and shoot. It should be an exciting weekend for all, I hope at least. Chances are I will stop off in Derby on the way home, saving money on a hotel, seeing Cadell and Archie, and then possibly bringing them to London the next day. We shall see how it turns out. I have to speak to my Aunt's carer to see if Joan will be up for the visit, and everyone will actually be there. At this late stage I hope this is the case.
Right thats enough now I think, I will do another entry when the rest of the things come back to me. Thanks for reading, and feel free to follow me on Twitter @michaelsnasdell
First up, the most popular topic searched on my blog last week was..... The great RIM outage of 2011. Affecting millions, infuriating most of them, and getting LOTS of media publicity over the course of the 3 day outage, and a hell of a lot of bad press. It sure was a testing time, and showed a lot of users how dependent they are on their Blackberry devices. With the loss of BBM some felt like a limb had been removed, others felt relieved and thankful for the peace and quiet. I was somewhere in the middle there I think. I wont deny im glad to have it back, but I was shocked at how annoying the notifications of BBM, email, Facebook etc can get when you are doing something else. In reply to the outrage of the outage, RIM have today announced a $100 gift to each subscriber to purchase apps from Blackberry App World, including a lot of their premium apps. Not only this, they are including apps that are for the Blackberry Playbook too, which means my games collection is about to increase somewhat.
So at the end of the day, thank you RIM, thats good compensation, and great customer relations.
Then of course we cant forget the launch of the iPhone 4S. Not the long awaited iPhone 5, but a step towards it. Following the passing of Steve Jobs recently, I think there were great expectations on the company, but most were unlikely to admit disappointment, but rather keep their opinions guarded out of respect. iOS5 was also launched at almost the same time, and that too had its fair share of disappointments. Firstly with users struggling to get it to download, due to the huge demand on the servers, followed by a few having issues with the install itself. Either failing or losing their data during the restore process. Everything is bound to have a glitch along the line, and like Blackberry their time was now. So a bad week for technology no doubt.
At the tail end of the week some of the major cities saw mass protests, like the one I blogged on Sunday, with Occupy London taking over the steps of St Pauls Cathederal, quite clearly inplicated in the financial crisis of course!? From being there it was interesting to monitor Twitter at the same time, and observe the number of bullshit posts from the unwashed claiming they were being kettled, crushed, denied access to food and water or toilet facilities. All of which was un-true. Certainly for the 5 hours I observed it for. Always nice to see both sides of the fence. From my perspective the police were very tolorant of the protesters, treated them fairly and spoke to them with respect. Any advances into the containment were clearly communicated, and done fairly... But then you are never going to get the truth from the 'victims' now are you! it was a great photographic opportunity though.
So what else was there.....
Oh, the F1. Seeing Lewis Hamilton finally coming back to form after so much time below par during the past few races. Coming good during quali, and snatching pole position from the Redbulls sure put a smile on peoples faces. The race... well it didnt go as well as it could have I guess, but second is still respectable against the destructive force that has dominated F1 this season. Meanwhile Lewis remains on an all time low, not being able to put his finger on the cause. All we can do is wish him well, and hope that he returns to form for 2012. Wishing you all the best Lewis. And not forgetting of course the surprising Jenson Button. Underdog for so long, but springing to his full potential with Brawn, Jenson continues to go from strength to strength. With a win last race, and some consistancy, he is also going to be exciting to watch in the McLaren in 2012.
Speaking of motor racing, last night saw a horrific crash at the Indycar in Vegas, with a 15 car collision, resulting in the death of Dan Wheldon, a well respected racer from the lower series in here in the UK, and very popular Indycar racer. Winning the Indy500 twice, he was by all accounts a stunning driver. Leaving behind and wife and children, and a lot of fan. Like the death of others, this was televised life, so a nation watched on as the events unfolded until it was determined he was deceased. Having done this when Senna died, I can say its a gutwrenching experience to know you have just watched a fatal accident.
That said, the the amount of flames and smashed cars, and the speeds of the collisions, it is amazing that so few were injured. The safety standards of Indy are nothing compared to F1, with concrete and mesh as guard rails, and different construction in the cars, the scope for serious injury is high. R.I.P Dan Wheldon
Oh, I guess I had better put something about me here as well, its meant to be about me isnt it!
So last week and this week. Well money matters are pissing me off a little, I really need to get on top of things before they spiral out of control again. Due to coming off benefits, all the 'you owe us' letters are arriving thick and fast now, so they need addressing. Then I also need to ensure I am on top of the other bills hitting the mat. on the other hand my 'mental state' seems pretty stable, and the reduction in Citlopram is working nicely, down from 40mg to 20mg and all is well. Cant wait for the next drop then the ending of the meds.
On the other side of things, I had my ultrasound today, finally after a month of waiting. It was quite a long winded process, far more in depth than I thought it would be. Nothing was said, but lots of screen captures were made and prepared to be sent to my GP, so I await hearing from him to see what the outcome is. I am still getting stabbing and cramping pains there after all this time, but not during yawning now, so I dont know what to think.
I have managed to get myself a cold too this weekend, so an coughing and spluttering everywhere at the moment, trying to focus on my work, and taking all the medication I can to try and keep it from going to my chest. If it gets there then I am pooped for the next month as it lingers for so long if it does. I just need a nice sunny holiday right now I think, that would hit the spot. However if any holiday is on the horizon it is a snow holiday. Speaking of snow I am buying winter clothes and jackets like their is no tomorrow. Maybe my spidey senses can feel an arctic winter coming!
Whilst on the subject of cold weather.... Wales. I am off there at the weekend hopefully to introduce my neice and nephew to my Aunty Joan. Its been way too long since I was last up there, and Joan has never really met either of them, not at speaking age anyway. I just think it is important for them to meet eachother. So there is some knowledge there. Joan can be proud of then next generation of her family, and the kids will get to meet their nanny's sister, and learn more about her up bringing. I want to spend at least a whole day up there so I can show them around a bit, and share some of my favourite places around the area, as well as showing them where mum grew up. At the same time I have borrowed a DSLR from Noel, so I can help Katie explore her interest in photography, and see if she is really interested in following up with it.
Personally I love photography, and it feels great to have a DSLR back in my hands, so its exciting on two levels for me. So we shall see if Katie can be bothered with the set up and experimentation of a DSLR, or prefers the ease of a point and shoot. It should be an exciting weekend for all, I hope at least. Chances are I will stop off in Derby on the way home, saving money on a hotel, seeing Cadell and Archie, and then possibly bringing them to London the next day. We shall see how it turns out. I have to speak to my Aunt's carer to see if Joan will be up for the visit, and everyone will actually be there. At this late stage I hope this is the case.
Right thats enough now I think, I will do another entry when the rest of the things come back to me. Thanks for reading, and feel free to follow me on Twitter @michaelsnasdell
Monday, February 14, 2011
Wow this is SO much fun!
The ambulance crews (yes 2 of them) spent the best part of 2 hours with mum. Talking to her, testing her, finding thingd wrong with her etc, and everything points to a trip to the hospital.
As soon as it was mentioned, the defences went up and the arguing started. Refusal to go to Lewisham hospital, they treat her like a prisoner and she is not going there.
A rethink and how about St Thomas's. No, their patient transport there is shocking and she is not going there. The list carried on, Kings College, Guys, but no no no.
Eventually they suggested taking her to St Christophers Hospice, amazing treatment and care etc, but shock horror, NO!
Apparently her visit there last week was very bad, she could not stand the noise there and now doesn't like it.
As soon as it was mentioned, the defences went up and the arguing started. Refusal to go to Lewisham hospital, they treat her like a prisoner and she is not going there.
A rethink and how about St Thomas's. No, their patient transport there is shocking and she is not going there. The list carried on, Kings College, Guys, but no no no.
Eventually they suggested taking her to St Christophers Hospice, amazing treatment and care etc, but shock horror, NO!
Apparently her visit there last week was very bad, she could not stand the noise there and now doesn't like it.
So after an almost 2 hour stand-off they finally had to offer her the "I don't want your help" form, which she signed quite happily.
So she is left with, a urine infection, severe dehydration, an irregular heart, no appetite, no strength and no will to go on.
The GP called shortly after they left and bluntly (as he usually is) asked did she not care about the impact she was having on others, she screamed down the phone at him that she was sick and tired of caring what other people wanted, and was doing what she wanted now, and that was doing nothing, and being left to do her own thing and slip away.
Problem with that is, none of the conditions from the symptoms she is displaying are related to the cancer, so it unlikely that "this is it" at all. So instead she is committing to lots of pain and discomfort, weakness and less dependency, and infection spreading to her kidneys. Which she will no doubt say the cancer is spreading to too.
So here I am, at home, on my birthday, 3 years to the day this journey begun, wondering what I am supposed to do. I will admit I am feeling VERY resentful right now. Disappointed that mum is doing this to herself, and feeling its fair on everyone else around her to be left to cope with this.
When my sister asked earlier if she had wished me happy birthday she just grunted "NO!".
Its not about my birthday really, its about her lack of comprehension of how this impacts me and my sister. Mum doesn't want to talk to me at the moment (in the devil), hung up on the doctor, but is nice as pie to my sister, laughing and joking with her.
Oh well, I guess I better get back on track, I was meant to be having celebration pizza today, but for some reason have lost my appetite!
Thanks for reading
Regards
Michael
Sent using BlackBerry®
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Its just.... one of those days!
Yesterday was no better. Started the day with the carer arriving 10 mins early, caught me unaware but a pleasant surprise all the same.
Later in the morning I received a call from the housing association to say there was a problem with mums benefits for the rent. So a series of phone calls later and it turns out the authorities have suspended mums benefits due to a change in circumstances.
The circumstances that changed were the tenancy going into my name, which was about 6 months ago. We were told at the time that they had an in-house benefits worker who would take care of all of that. Apparently not!
So a new claim has been started, and I have informed the housing association about it, so now we wait. All the while, if the claim is unsuccessful, my debt to them rises. Yay!
Later in the morning I received a call from the housing association to say there was a problem with mums benefits for the rent. So a series of phone calls later and it turns out the authorities have suspended mums benefits due to a change in circumstances.
The circumstances that changed were the tenancy going into my name, which was about 6 months ago. We were told at the time that they had an in-house benefits worker who would take care of all of that. Apparently not!
So a new claim has been started, and I have informed the housing association about it, so now we wait. All the while, if the claim is unsuccessful, my debt to them rises. Yay!
That was all closely followed by taking some rubbish outside to discover the garden wall had been knocked down by Savoy Patient Transport picking a neighbour up for hospital. So another call to the housing association to report a repair, which will be done by next week. Pah. Hopefully they will do repairs to the rest of the wall at the same time.
So on to today. Not a bad day really. Slept pretty well, woke with a bit of a headache but nothing serious. Got some fluids in me and that was soon gone. The carer.... Well she was late today, calling (at 8.30) to ask if she could come at 9 today. Well no, not really, seeing as we have to leave for the hospital at 9.15. So that visit was cancelled. Mum was able to get herself ready for the day, so not so bad.
She is still not eating or drinking much at the moment. We are seeing the hospice nurse on Thursday so I will mention it then, and she also has a home visit from them early next week too. Really just need someone to drum into her the importance of fluids. She is not in a terrible state right now, but a lot weaker than recent weeks, so keeping an eye on things. The cough and gunk on her chest is not really helping.
As for me, diet still rock solid. Another week of supplies ordered and I'm ready to go sub 220 at some point this week. Looking forwards to my celebration kebab lol.
Right, I'm all written out, so back to waiting in this waiting room for mum to be called.
Have a good day.
Regards
Michael
Sent using BlackBerry®
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The demise of 14 Waldram Park
Regards
Michael
Sent using BlackBerry®
Monday, March 1, 2010
There is always somthing!
Bah, that scuppered my plan slightly. I thought I had some old foodpacks let, but turns out all I have is Veggie Soup, which is ok, but I can only really stomach one a day lol.
So eBay is my friend, and I have ordered a weeks worth of foodpacks, and can only hope they arrive soon, so I can get in the flow of things. In the meantime I need a new blender too, my old one is destroyed now. (cant use VLCD foodpacks without a blender!)
So its a Slim Fast bar for breakfast, followed by whatever I can pick up in Sainsburys on the way to work for lunch and dinner.
On the plus side, the dogs have had a nice walk this morning, and the weather was rather nice too.
In other news.......
Following mums decision on Saturday to stop taking her medication, guess what. Yup thats right, she is feeling ill again now.
Insistant that she is NOT going back to the doctors to discuss alternative medication (I beg to differ), I get the feeling there is a well thought out plan in amongst this.
One minute she will be gasping, saying how bad her breathing is, the next she is gassing on the phone to her sister with no problems. Which kind of indicates she is laying it on a little thick at times. Her conversations with the doctor on the phone are the same, to the receptionist she can talk normally, as soon as the doc is on the line is wheeze and gasp time.
Anyway, the plan I speak of..... She has an Oncology appointment on Thursday, and I get the feeling her health will fail just enough for her to say she cant make the appointment. Which of course is rubbish as I will carry here there if I have to. But I get the impression she is gonna try it. Why? Simple, she will be seeing the doctor who she saw originally who made the cancer diagnosis, and who she now intensly dislikes.
Whatever the case, she WILL be making her Oncology appointment on Thursday, and she WILL be going back to see the GP regarding alternative meds for her breathing etc. Watch this space.
So eBay is my friend, and I have ordered a weeks worth of foodpacks, and can only hope they arrive soon, so I can get in the flow of things. In the meantime I need a new blender too, my old one is destroyed now. (cant use VLCD foodpacks without a blender!)
So its a Slim Fast bar for breakfast, followed by whatever I can pick up in Sainsburys on the way to work for lunch and dinner.
On the plus side, the dogs have had a nice walk this morning, and the weather was rather nice too.
In other news.......
Following mums decision on Saturday to stop taking her medication, guess what. Yup thats right, she is feeling ill again now.
Insistant that she is NOT going back to the doctors to discuss alternative medication (I beg to differ), I get the feeling there is a well thought out plan in amongst this.
One minute she will be gasping, saying how bad her breathing is, the next she is gassing on the phone to her sister with no problems. Which kind of indicates she is laying it on a little thick at times. Her conversations with the doctor on the phone are the same, to the receptionist she can talk normally, as soon as the doc is on the line is wheeze and gasp time.
Anyway, the plan I speak of..... She has an Oncology appointment on Thursday, and I get the feeling her health will fail just enough for her to say she cant make the appointment. Which of course is rubbish as I will carry here there if I have to. But I get the impression she is gonna try it. Why? Simple, she will be seeing the doctor who she saw originally who made the cancer diagnosis, and who she now intensly dislikes.
Whatever the case, she WILL be making her Oncology appointment on Thursday, and she WILL be going back to see the GP regarding alternative meds for her breathing etc. Watch this space.
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