Friday, February 24, 2012

Quite frankly.... Bollox to it!

That's honestly how I feel about today if I'm honest about it all. I could reel off reasons til I'm blue in the face, but ultimately today has quite simply been a depressing fuckin waste of time and energy.

Now call me negative, or question my reasons for saying this you may, but change my mind you may not. I'm not saying everything has been bad, but its a day I would rather not repeat any time soon.

Starting the day with plumber appointments I knew the morning would be slow and a little disruptive to my usual routine. So I planned ahead for this, and took the day off work to accommodate the plumbers that were coming, and allowing for myself to catch up with my routine also. All morning appointments, and no really major jobs, I was sure the day from mid afternoon would be mine. But no.

Day seemed to turn to night before the last plumber left, and when I looked at the clock my heart sank, and my motivation weakened. Gone 3pm! Now the schools would be kicking out, so walking the dogs was going to be a chore. But without walking them I would not be happy doing my P90X. So off I went.

By the time the dogs were walked, exercises done, dogs fed, and me bathed it is now almost half past 7 in the evening. And all I have to show for the whole day is a new tap in the kitchen, a bath panel, and clear drains. Not forgetting my morning routine completed. So what would usually be done by 11am has taken an extra 8 and a half hours to achieve. Like I say, what a frickin waste!

Another thing that has affected me somewhat today is isolation. Now I'm not blaming people for having things to do in their lives, nor for them maybe even not wanting to talk to me for today, we are all individuals. However the isolation from not being at work today, no one at home with me, no social interaction, and hall VERY little I'm interaction has driven me insane. There, I said it, I long for attention at times.

It would have been mums birthday yesterday, and me battling with finances to make the trip to Wales next week to see my Aunt, I guess I woke in a bit of a bad mood today anyway. So maybe with hindsight I should have told the plumbers to do one, and just gone to work instead.

I am battling my demons day and night right now, and am reaching levels of stress I don't like very much. I know there is a way out of some of the problems I am having right now, but its just finding the drive to deal with them head on.
The biggest thing for me right now, hand on heart is my Aunt. I am so desperate to get to see her for her birthday, she will be 85 on Monday, and I haven't seen her for what seems an eternity now. I would just love to drive up there to give her a birthday hug, see how she is doing. And of course speak to her carer about how the tests at the hospital have been going. My Aunt has been battling cancer for a number of years now, as well as other health issues, so now mum has passed I can spend more time checking up and keeping and eye on Joan (Aunt). Recent weeks or months make me feel like I have neglected her a little.

My battle now is to get the money to tax the car and get up there. I have already booked the day off work so I am free to do it.

Phew I'm feeling a little better already just from getting all this out there, I do love a good grumble blog from time to time.

Right, I'm aching like crazy physically from working out, aching mentally from working stuff out about Wales, and am still pretty pissed off in general, so I'm gonna leave it there. So if you are reading this and think I'm a little quiet tonight.... There you go.

Not a good day to be on my own. Thank heavens for P90X.

Now do one!
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