Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Wow, I just realised something.

How the hell did I miss this one, its so obvious now I have just had the conversation, but until now it has evaded me. What the hell am I talking about? Read on and see.

For as long as I can remember I have had lots and lots of 'girl friend', notice the space between the words. For years now some of my best friends have been girls. Clicking with them, and having far more open and intimate conversations than I would ever have with age old guy friends. And at the same time, I always seemed to be the one they would turn to, trust and confide in. No blurry lines, no confusion about the relationship, just trust, friendship, and honesty.

What's brought this on you ask? Anna, that's who (yes you titch). Meeting her way back in about 2001-2002, she was the girlfriend of one of many people I used to hang out with back in my 'facinated by cars' phase of my life. A delicate pretty little thing, she caught many guys eyes. Funny, cocky and a great sense of humour, she only seemed to lack one thing... Security! She was a great showman though, putting on the brave face, the determined and loving mother, who just happened to get treated like shit from time to time by her boyfriend.

Things were strange but pleasant between us, not really knowing her that well, but whenever we spoke there was an air of comfort there in which you could discuss anything. After some time it became obvious, to me at least that she wasn't as happy as it first seemed, all was not well in paradise.
The bizarre part about this is, while being there more and more for Anna, with her being a great friend and lending me her car, spending time popping to see her at work and chat about our woes, I found myself in the middle of a second almost identical situation.

This was let's say Natalie (not the real name), and while the situation was identical in one way, it was totally different in another. She was in a very similar relationship to Anna, but things between us would get a little more complex. With a sexual relationship going on with Nat, I suddenly became aware of how deeply the way the guys treated these girls affected them, and how much hurt was being caused. This was not only skin deep, a few tears and all was well again. This was long term emotional damage being caused here, changing how the girls would be forever more.

So now when I spoke to Anna from this point in, I had a greater understanding of what she was going through, and somehow felt compelled to do more, be there more, and do anything I could just to make sure the little munchkin smiled whenever possible. Often talking for long periods, then spending the rest of the evening texting to make sure all was well, it started to seem like although the hurt was still there, the pressure was somehow being released. So that felt good to know I was serving a purpose for someone. Meanwhile it was also nice to have someone so close, that I both trusted and didn't have a complicated relationship with, to talk to when I needed to let off steam too.

So thank you Anna for being there when no one else quite understood what I was going through. Male ego just wants to discuss sex, positions and other bullshit, but having someone to talk to about the emotional and more delicate things really made the difference. I hope in some way I repaid you for this.

Phew, deep!

So looking back over a longer span of time there have been other cases when the same has occurred, when I have been a shoulder, taken the time out to listen, advise, and watch the girl fail to make the break for a long period of time. Strange how the name John comes round again and again... Its my middle name too, how about that for coincidence. What I will say though is that as draining as it has been on me at times, and taking great chunks of my time and life, every second has been worth it. To know I can make a difference to someone's day, to know that the smile I see by the end is the real one, the true inner beauty finally shining though again, that feeling is priceless. Try it!

Now however, another challenge lays ahead. Well many in fact, most being personal to me, ambitions, finances, lifestyle choices etc. But there is one that stands out like a sore thumb. The plight of an old friend who finds herself in a very unfortunate, unfair and unsatisfactory position, and one I am not willing to stand by and watch unfold.....
Watch this space.

But for now, thank you Anna the little nutter for making me realise everything I have just written.
Love ya hun, and here for you always (even after you blanked me for so long lol)


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