Friday, May 4, 2012

Wrong end of the stick

We have all done it I'm sure, seen or heard something and made a snap judgement on it. Be it personal or something not close to us at all, we make judgements everyday. Some are right, some a little misguided, and every now and then we miss the point by a country mile.

Before I go on I want to say two things about this entry. Firstly, just thinking about the situation and needing to write this is making me shake. With upset and a snippet of anger at the thought of even having to set the record straight. And secondly, I don't do empty or unnecessary apologies, which is why this isn't one.

Its almost 2 years ago now that I lost a very old a dear friend in a motorcycle accident. One of a few friends who have perished this way. I grew up with John and his sister Dawn from a very young age, and after some years apart fate brought us all back together again, and we stayed in touch ever since. Losing John was a wow moment for me, hitting nerves that no other loss had ever thrown up for me, and it is a loss that affected me and has remained with me. I carry a symbol of my love for my fallen brother with me daily, and he is still the key to many a story told.

So why do I mention this now? Well simply because of a mish mash of circumstances that led to an unfortunate and unnecessary situation.

A few days ago there was a big accident on the A2, a few miles from the Blackwall Tunnel where John lost his life. This too was a motorcycle accident. It has become a habit for me to share any serious local traffic situations with my friends on Facebook, as I do it as part of my job anyway, and like to make sure people don't get caught up in it.
Comments were posted on it, and some mentioned delays getting home etc, I'm sure we have all done that at some point.

My sister also posted a comment suggesting it sounded serious as it was closed for a long time. My simple reply to this was "bike, high speed road....... enough said".... To the un suspicious eye it would read just as it says... Fast road, fast moving traffic, higher chance of serious injury or fatality.
However, to some it read that I was suggesting that because it was a bike, and a fast road, that clearly the biker was to blame. Not quite sure how you twist it to get that. But some how it happened.

Comments were made, suggestions and accusations touted, and blame thoroughly cast upon me. I did try to make my point that I was just commenting on the dynamics of the situation, but apparently after knowing someone for 23 years, I'm not as transparent as I thought I was. 2 girls I have known for such a long time now, and been through thick and thin with now feel that I disrespected John by saying what I said, and am now just trying to make amends for my wrong doing.

Well I can only say this much. Anita, Nicola, I love you both like sisters, and have been honoured with the trust you both once installed in me. Sharing your darkest emotions with me, and trusting me with your thoughts. The only thing I can use the word sorry for is to describe how I feel about losing that trust, and how I feel about your decisions to just make such a snap judgement and cut me off. These are your decisions and ones I respect either way.

In the meantime, thank you to those who do truly know and trust me, and to those who know that I love John with all my heart, always have and always will. No matter the daft things he did, he was taken from us all, most of all his sons WAY too soon, and its is a tragedy that we all live with daily.

I have said my peace, and hope one day you understand that I have nothing but respect for John. And having lost 3 close friends in under 3 years to motorcycle accidents of all kinds, I am one of the last people who will ever just tar all with the same brush and immediately cast blame and doubt on one party.

And finally to John, I'm so sorry to have used your name in such an entry, for what seems quite petty. I would never wish to cause you harm or disrespect. X
Sent using BlackBerry®


  1. Surely the only way of reading this is 'bikes are vulnerable, so on a high speed road this means then when stuff goes wrong, it really goes wrong"?

  2. That was certainly the intention of the comment. Thank you for putting it into context.