After deep thought and careful contemplation, the final outcome to my recent train of thought, is, "bollox to it".
A lot has gone on over recent weeks and months, health, personal life, work life, home etc. Lots to think over, loads to consider, and I have realised something. The more I rely on others, the more involvement others have on my day to day life, the more complex things become.
Right now, simplicity rules my life, having found a solitary existence, blocking out all sorts of external influences, and getting into my own solid routine was working well. Then came hospital appointments, changed priorities, and worst of all, a change in the routine I had found.
Training has slipped to one side, my creative mind has turned to absolute shit, and eating is terrible. All stuff three months ago which were high on my list of priorities. I have let myself become distracted, and have fallen victim to myself.
The worst part about the whole thing is my damn mind. Unable to let anything go, dwelling on random crap that just brings me down. Turning the slightest hiccup in to an almighty fuck up in a single heartbeat. If only my brain could just do what it did on meds, and just let shit slide once in a while, I'm sure I could be much happier.
My problem is free time, thinking time, dwelling time. If I stick to my plan and stay busy, my mind doesn't get a look in. The day flies by, spirits stay high, and negativity can just go do one. But having fallen from routine, I have these awkward gaps in my day and week which desperately need plugging. Its almost like a sanity leak.
The dilemma kills me time and time again. Boring but solid routine, or exciting but risky existence, with scope for dive bombing moments of disappointment, which can spiral into moments like this.
I trust routine, I crave routine, but maybe my routine needs a little freshening up. Nothing wrong with change here and there eh.
Right now though, I want to go to sleep this evening, wake on Monday morning with a huge cup full of motivation, a little luck on my side with my achillies, to allow me to get on with life, and slip back into routine. Chances of it happening like that are pretty damn slim, but hey, got to stay positive, right!
So many trains of thought all leaving the station together right now, tugging my heart and mind in so many directions, and it's confusing the hell out of me, wants, desires, ambitions, and inhibitions... Which way to go. Time to take the fall of faith, and just let myself drift into the path which wins me over I guess.
With all that out of my head, I am going to go and lay in bed and stare at the ceiling until my eyes can't stay open any longer. Then drift off into a state of broken sleep, filled with flashing images of the past, the future, and all that terrifies me. And you thought Halloween was a time of fiction and fun. Well, welcome to Halloween in my head! It's not pretty.
I bid you farewell for now, and remember... Bollox to it all !
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Friday, October 23, 2015
SoundPEATS Q800 Bluetooth in-ear headphones.
A week ago I was approached by Grace from soundpeatsaudio.com, and asked if I would be interested in reviewing a pair of their SoundPEATS Q800 Bluetooth in-ear headphones.
Now, I have to admit I was sceptical at first, a pair of affordable, quite cleverly designed headphones, with accessible controls. What was the sound quality going to be like? Surely can't be all that.
Over the past week I have taken the headphones to a variety of locations, in a number of situations, just to see how well they could actually do. So paired with my trust OnePlus 2 I got started.
Let's start at the beginning. A couple of days after speaking with Grace, a box from Amazon arrived on my doorstep. Inside was a neat little box, nicely packed with the headphones, a few pairs of spare and varying sized ear buds, a USB lead for charging, and of course some instructions.
Unpacking the headphones and switching them on for the first time, with the ear bud in, I was greeted with a voice prompt of "power on" followed by a voice prompt for my battery status too, which was "battery level medium". When switching them on again after you have paired them with a device, the additional prompt of "device connected"
Pairing of course is very simple. Using the instructions supplied, and the simple to follow guide of what flashing light meant what, pairing was done in seconds, partially thanks to the simple pairing process on the OnePlus2. Thankfully that is all the setting up that was needed for me, as the earbuds already on the headphones were perfect for me. I will come back to them later.
Once paired, the headphones were plugged in to the USB lead, and given a full charge.
Design wise, alarm bells were again ringing. I take forever to get used to new things on or around my person. Fitness tracker wristbands, sunglasses, and yes even new headphones, run the risk of not lasting with me for long, by irritating me too much to put up with them, regardless of how good they are. It has taken me years to get used to wearing sunglasses, and only recently found happiness with my Oakley's. So the idea of wearing a band around my neck, like a collar, with small wires running to the earbuds worried me.
That said, from the second I put them on, I instantly realised I could barely feel them there, they are so light and ergonomic for my neck. Having nice little leads that run from the band to the earbuds is a lovely solution. Not one I would have imagined would feel quite this comfortable. But in later tests when doing more active things, it was a godsend not having a trailing wire.
The collar unit also houses the controls / buttons for the headphones. With a physical slider switch for ON/OFF and a neat and discreet micro USB port for charging. Along with six buttons, three on either side.
The buttons on the left side give you control over tracks, skipping back and forth, as well as pausing and playing. To the right are 3 more buttons. A + and - for volume, as well as a phone button for answering and hanging up for phone function, if you are using the headphones with a mobile phone of course. This phone button also doubles as a notification LED, and will flash red or blue, and in sequences depending on what it is trying to tell you.
So on to the actual testing.
First use of the headphones was for a couple of hours, while writing some emails and getting a blog entry completed. So sitting at the desk, with just the noise of my keys on the keyboard to contend with. Sitting stationary and flicking through tracks on Spotify was a good opportunity for me to get to grips with the 6 buttons on the body of the headphones.
Popping the band around my neck and taking my seat at the computer, I put the headphones in and went for the switch to turn them on. First thing I noticed, sitting in the quiet of my office was how the ambient noise from the room almost disappeared as the earbuds went in. Unlike some others I have used, the seal was very good and instant. Flicking the switch and hearing the prompts peel out, it confirmed it was connected to my OnePlus2 . Let the fun begin.
Hitting play, the headphones burst into life, with nice crisp highs, and surprisingly clear mids and highs. With a quick bit of tweaking of the EQ on the phone, and I was in my zone. As I worked at the PC, and Spotify ran through its playlist, I got a chance to put the Q800's through their paces. From regular pop, to violin drum and bass. R&B to trance, the headphones didn't fail to deliver. Even the separation of instruments with classical music was possible when relaxing and immersing myself into the music.
The one big surprise I have to say, was the quality of the bass. With all in-ear headphones, the bass quality comes down to the fitment of the buds in your ears. With the snug fit I have with the standard buds, the bass was wonderfully deep. No distortion to speak of, and clearly able to hear a range of frequencies when listening to dance or trance tracks.
After a couple of hours at the PC, I was done, so flicking the switch to the off position, the voice prompt of "power off" rang out, and that was that. They immediately showed as disconnected on the OnePlus2.
Deciding to give the battery a full workout, I refrained from putting them on to charge, and just put them on the side.
Later that day, going for a long walk, which at points would take me along busy roads, so I decided it would be another great test for the headphones. Wearing a hoodie, I was slightly concious of how the headphone band would sit and look in the wild. However on popping the band around my neck, it slipped effortlessly down and sat nicely within reach, but not too obvious.
For 90 mins at a decent pace, including up and down stairs with some gusto, the ear bugs sat firm. Not needing to be pushed back in or adjusted. Ambient sound from the streets was minimal, although I should add, that as with all in-ear headphones I use, the ability to concentrate and hear road noise when needed was there. Obviously I didn't have the volume cranked right up for safety reason. None the less, when walking even on a busy road, the sound quality was not impaired. A good balance between safety and sound for sure.
By the end of the walking test, the running time was getting close to 4 hours. Half way through the claimed battery life and there was no change in any quality or function of the headphones.
The next day, another chilled out morning was called for, but so was housework. A morning of moving things, cleaning, and everyone's favourite, vacuuming. In went the headphones, on went the music. This mornings choice was ASOT, or A State Of Trance . High energy 2 hour long mix, perfect for the job at hand. Knowing I would be moving around a lot, I decided to leave the phone in one place, to avoid dropping it while doing something. So the phone was placed on a unit in the hallway. This would be a good test for the claimed 10 metre wireless range, especially through walls and doors. I can happily report that they passed with flying colours, and at no point suffered any break-up or loss of quality. From walking out front to put things in the bin and cars, to standing in the rear garden with the dogs, the quality remained solid.
As for the moving around, bending and lifting etc. At no point did an earbud fall out, although I will admit that a couple of adjustments were made. I didn't take note of when these occurred or what caused the movement. Whatever it was, it was not repetitive enough to form a pattern, or cause irritation. So they passed the housework / chores test nicely.
Two hours later the "You've been listening to A State of Trance" came through the headphones (part of the track, not a headphone feature), and that was another 2 hours clocked up on the Q800's.
My final test came the next morning, my return to my workout routine, and time for some higher energy usage. Cross trainer time, or elliptical as it is to some. A close to running pace, for 30 minutes workout awaited them. Flicking the switch on, the "battery level medium" rang out for the first time since starting the test. Or the first I noticed anyway. Possible it did it before the housework at the 4 hour point, but I most likely turned them on before putting them on this time.
So, into the home gym and onto the cross trainer, cranking up the volume to really get in the zone. This was going to be a test again of sound quality, noise pollution and sweat resistance.
With the volume a little higher than I had had it before, just in case there was going to be any whine from the Reebok cross trainer. Picking the running setting on Spotify, and letting it pick the music based on tempo for the duration, the playlist was bound to be mixed, and it was! With a variety across most up tempo genre's. Once again I am happy to report that there was no unwanted outside noise bleeding in. And also that even at higher volume, the sound quality remained solid.
With regards to sweat, heat and comfort while training. I have no negative comments whatsoever. The first concern was that the band / collar, would bounce around and irritate my neck. However they sat nicely, and have to admit at the end of training, I reached up to the sides of my head with the aim to remove my Sony bluetooth over ear headphones. Maybe muscle memory, or possibly just expecting them to be there based on the music which was currently flowing into my ears.
Being able to grab and hold the band while at running pace, to skip a track, change the volume etc is very helpful, especially for such a compact design. Far easier than trying to find in-line controls on other alternatives.
By the end of the session, with sweat pouring, the earbuds still sat tight. No irritating slip of them in the ears, and thanks to their size, not covered in sweat as with my over ears that I usually use on the elliptical.
So, to summarise.
Over all the design vs function is great. Simple but effective design, the as yet unmentioned magnets to hold the ear buds in place when not in use. See how they sit in the pictures when not pulled out. Thanks to handy magnets in the band, they remain in place even when moving the unit around.
Here is a pic of them OUT of their little stowage pods.
Sound quality in general was perfectly acceptable. There were no points while using them where distortion became an issue, not the sound quality became bad. For reference the sound quality on Spotify on my OnePlus2 is set to "extreme" (high quality). The EQ settings on the phone were set to R&B or Dance for the bulk of the time, with no tweaks made by me. Maxx Bass was turned on for a while, but I actually found the bass to be too heavy with this setting on, so off it went.
Battery life. Well in the 7 or 8 hours I have used them for so far, I am yet to get a low battery warning, suffer quality loss, or have them switch off on me. So it seems the 8 hours running time is more than realistic. No complaints from me there. With them easily and quickly recharging via an ultra popular micro USB port, charging is both easy and convenient.
Usability is great for numerous activities, and I have no doubt that I will be packing them for the next trip I take on a plane. Having bought over ear headphones for this purpose previously, it will be interesting to see if the in-ear equivalent can live up to their performance. Having no awkward wires on a plane is a dream. The only negative side I can see in this area, as well as other similar scenarios around the home, is the lack of a manual, wired jack plug. My Sony's have this option, which is helpful when using the in-flight entertainment on a plane, or wanting to plug into an audio device which doesn't support Bluetooth.
But in general, any potential buyer of these headphones would be choosing Bluetooth for a reason, and most likely primarily use Bluetooth devices. So not much of an issue at all.
All in all, I would happily recommend these headphones to anyone looking to buy compact, in-ear Bluetooth headphones. Ideal for using in other activities like cycling, or even maybe on a motorcycle, with the controls remaining accessible on the collar band under any helmet.
Thanks again to Grace from soundpeatsaudio.com, for getting in touch and giving me the opportunity to try these headphones out. If you need anything else reviewing, please feel free to drop me an email.
*All references to sound quality are based on the "bang for buck" scale. With full acceptance that my more expensive headphones deliver a richer sound, but are also in line with what I would expect for my money. The Q800's stand head and shoulders above a lot of headphones I have used around this price, including hard wired ones.
Now, I have to admit I was sceptical at first, a pair of affordable, quite cleverly designed headphones, with accessible controls. What was the sound quality going to be like? Surely can't be all that.
Over the past week I have taken the headphones to a variety of locations, in a number of situations, just to see how well they could actually do. So paired with my trust OnePlus 2 I got started.
Let's start at the beginning. A couple of days after speaking with Grace, a box from Amazon arrived on my doorstep. Inside was a neat little box, nicely packed with the headphones, a few pairs of spare and varying sized ear buds, a USB lead for charging, and of course some instructions.
Unpacking the headphones and switching them on for the first time, with the ear bud in, I was greeted with a voice prompt of "power on" followed by a voice prompt for my battery status too, which was "battery level medium". When switching them on again after you have paired them with a device, the additional prompt of "device connected"
Pairing of course is very simple. Using the instructions supplied, and the simple to follow guide of what flashing light meant what, pairing was done in seconds, partially thanks to the simple pairing process on the OnePlus2. Thankfully that is all the setting up that was needed for me, as the earbuds already on the headphones were perfect for me. I will come back to them later.
Once paired, the headphones were plugged in to the USB lead, and given a full charge.
Design wise, alarm bells were again ringing. I take forever to get used to new things on or around my person. Fitness tracker wristbands, sunglasses, and yes even new headphones, run the risk of not lasting with me for long, by irritating me too much to put up with them, regardless of how good they are. It has taken me years to get used to wearing sunglasses, and only recently found happiness with my Oakley's. So the idea of wearing a band around my neck, like a collar, with small wires running to the earbuds worried me.
That said, from the second I put them on, I instantly realised I could barely feel them there, they are so light and ergonomic for my neck. Having nice little leads that run from the band to the earbuds is a lovely solution. Not one I would have imagined would feel quite this comfortable. But in later tests when doing more active things, it was a godsend not having a trailing wire.
The collar unit also houses the controls / buttons for the headphones. With a physical slider switch for ON/OFF and a neat and discreet micro USB port for charging. Along with six buttons, three on either side.
The buttons on the left side give you control over tracks, skipping back and forth, as well as pausing and playing. To the right are 3 more buttons. A + and - for volume, as well as a phone button for answering and hanging up for phone function, if you are using the headphones with a mobile phone of course. This phone button also doubles as a notification LED, and will flash red or blue, and in sequences depending on what it is trying to tell you.
So on to the actual testing.
First use of the headphones was for a couple of hours, while writing some emails and getting a blog entry completed. So sitting at the desk, with just the noise of my keys on the keyboard to contend with. Sitting stationary and flicking through tracks on Spotify was a good opportunity for me to get to grips with the 6 buttons on the body of the headphones.
Popping the band around my neck and taking my seat at the computer, I put the headphones in and went for the switch to turn them on. First thing I noticed, sitting in the quiet of my office was how the ambient noise from the room almost disappeared as the earbuds went in. Unlike some others I have used, the seal was very good and instant. Flicking the switch and hearing the prompts peel out, it confirmed it was connected to my OnePlus2 . Let the fun begin.
Hitting play, the headphones burst into life, with nice crisp highs, and surprisingly clear mids and highs. With a quick bit of tweaking of the EQ on the phone, and I was in my zone. As I worked at the PC, and Spotify ran through its playlist, I got a chance to put the Q800's through their paces. From regular pop, to violin drum and bass. R&B to trance, the headphones didn't fail to deliver. Even the separation of instruments with classical music was possible when relaxing and immersing myself into the music.
The one big surprise I have to say, was the quality of the bass. With all in-ear headphones, the bass quality comes down to the fitment of the buds in your ears. With the snug fit I have with the standard buds, the bass was wonderfully deep. No distortion to speak of, and clearly able to hear a range of frequencies when listening to dance or trance tracks.
After a couple of hours at the PC, I was done, so flicking the switch to the off position, the voice prompt of "power off" rang out, and that was that. They immediately showed as disconnected on the OnePlus2.
Deciding to give the battery a full workout, I refrained from putting them on to charge, and just put them on the side.
Later that day, going for a long walk, which at points would take me along busy roads, so I decided it would be another great test for the headphones. Wearing a hoodie, I was slightly concious of how the headphone band would sit and look in the wild. However on popping the band around my neck, it slipped effortlessly down and sat nicely within reach, but not too obvious.
For 90 mins at a decent pace, including up and down stairs with some gusto, the ear bugs sat firm. Not needing to be pushed back in or adjusted. Ambient sound from the streets was minimal, although I should add, that as with all in-ear headphones I use, the ability to concentrate and hear road noise when needed was there. Obviously I didn't have the volume cranked right up for safety reason. None the less, when walking even on a busy road, the sound quality was not impaired. A good balance between safety and sound for sure.
By the end of the walking test, the running time was getting close to 4 hours. Half way through the claimed battery life and there was no change in any quality or function of the headphones.
The next day, another chilled out morning was called for, but so was housework. A morning of moving things, cleaning, and everyone's favourite, vacuuming. In went the headphones, on went the music. This mornings choice was ASOT, or A State Of Trance . High energy 2 hour long mix, perfect for the job at hand. Knowing I would be moving around a lot, I decided to leave the phone in one place, to avoid dropping it while doing something. So the phone was placed on a unit in the hallway. This would be a good test for the claimed 10 metre wireless range, especially through walls and doors. I can happily report that they passed with flying colours, and at no point suffered any break-up or loss of quality. From walking out front to put things in the bin and cars, to standing in the rear garden with the dogs, the quality remained solid.
As for the moving around, bending and lifting etc. At no point did an earbud fall out, although I will admit that a couple of adjustments were made. I didn't take note of when these occurred or what caused the movement. Whatever it was, it was not repetitive enough to form a pattern, or cause irritation. So they passed the housework / chores test nicely.
Two hours later the "You've been listening to A State of Trance" came through the headphones (part of the track, not a headphone feature), and that was another 2 hours clocked up on the Q800's.
My final test came the next morning, my return to my workout routine, and time for some higher energy usage. Cross trainer time, or elliptical as it is to some. A close to running pace, for 30 minutes workout awaited them. Flicking the switch on, the "battery level medium" rang out for the first time since starting the test. Or the first I noticed anyway. Possible it did it before the housework at the 4 hour point, but I most likely turned them on before putting them on this time.
So, into the home gym and onto the cross trainer, cranking up the volume to really get in the zone. This was going to be a test again of sound quality, noise pollution and sweat resistance.
With the volume a little higher than I had had it before, just in case there was going to be any whine from the Reebok cross trainer. Picking the running setting on Spotify, and letting it pick the music based on tempo for the duration, the playlist was bound to be mixed, and it was! With a variety across most up tempo genre's. Once again I am happy to report that there was no unwanted outside noise bleeding in. And also that even at higher volume, the sound quality remained solid.
With regards to sweat, heat and comfort while training. I have no negative comments whatsoever. The first concern was that the band / collar, would bounce around and irritate my neck. However they sat nicely, and have to admit at the end of training, I reached up to the sides of my head with the aim to remove my Sony bluetooth over ear headphones. Maybe muscle memory, or possibly just expecting them to be there based on the music which was currently flowing into my ears.
Being able to grab and hold the band while at running pace, to skip a track, change the volume etc is very helpful, especially for such a compact design. Far easier than trying to find in-line controls on other alternatives.
By the end of the session, with sweat pouring, the earbuds still sat tight. No irritating slip of them in the ears, and thanks to their size, not covered in sweat as with my over ears that I usually use on the elliptical.
So, to summarise.
Over all the design vs function is great. Simple but effective design, the as yet unmentioned magnets to hold the ear buds in place when not in use. See how they sit in the pictures when not pulled out. Thanks to handy magnets in the band, they remain in place even when moving the unit around.
Here is a pic of them OUT of their little stowage pods.
Sound quality in general was perfectly acceptable. There were no points while using them where distortion became an issue, not the sound quality became bad. For reference the sound quality on Spotify on my OnePlus2 is set to "extreme" (high quality). The EQ settings on the phone were set to R&B or Dance for the bulk of the time, with no tweaks made by me. Maxx Bass was turned on for a while, but I actually found the bass to be too heavy with this setting on, so off it went.
Battery life. Well in the 7 or 8 hours I have used them for so far, I am yet to get a low battery warning, suffer quality loss, or have them switch off on me. So it seems the 8 hours running time is more than realistic. No complaints from me there. With them easily and quickly recharging via an ultra popular micro USB port, charging is both easy and convenient.
Usability is great for numerous activities, and I have no doubt that I will be packing them for the next trip I take on a plane. Having bought over ear headphones for this purpose previously, it will be interesting to see if the in-ear equivalent can live up to their performance. Having no awkward wires on a plane is a dream. The only negative side I can see in this area, as well as other similar scenarios around the home, is the lack of a manual, wired jack plug. My Sony's have this option, which is helpful when using the in-flight entertainment on a plane, or wanting to plug into an audio device which doesn't support Bluetooth.
But in general, any potential buyer of these headphones would be choosing Bluetooth for a reason, and most likely primarily use Bluetooth devices. So not much of an issue at all.
All in all, I would happily recommend these headphones to anyone looking to buy compact, in-ear Bluetooth headphones. Ideal for using in other activities like cycling, or even maybe on a motorcycle, with the controls remaining accessible on the collar band under any helmet.
Thanks again to Grace from soundpeatsaudio.com, for getting in touch and giving me the opportunity to try these headphones out. If you need anything else reviewing, please feel free to drop me an email.
*All references to sound quality are based on the "bang for buck" scale. With full acceptance that my more expensive headphones deliver a richer sound, but are also in line with what I would expect for my money. The Q800's stand head and shoulders above a lot of headphones I have used around this price, including hard wired ones.
Sunday, October 18, 2015
What an interesting week its been.
I have had some busy weeks in my life, some confusing ones, and some ground breaking monumental ones, but this one has taken the biscuit really.
I should start by saying, I am writing this blog while testing some SoundPEATS Q800 headphones, and listening to Years and Years. But I am sure I will mention the headphones again at some point, as I am reviewing them for the company.
Right, back to my week...
My week started with a visit from a surveyor to see how much movement there has been in the walls since the house collapse years ago, and to see about starting to make good the damage caused by the movement of the walls. Some fair sized cracks, but he is happy they are now totally stable and work can commence. So that is now another room I can get on with smartening up a bit, and who knows, I might even put a spare bed in there. Just in case one day I have guests. Unlikely I know!
Tuesday was a little busier with a visit from the gas people to do the annual safety check on the place, which I am happy to say was a pass. Last time this guy came to do the check, the cooker was condemned! Doh. Amazingly and almost irritatingly, the guys came pretty early to do the check, which left me with a void in my morning. So I made the most of it and did..... NOTHING!
The afternoon was a bit different, another of my trips to Guys Hospital for another session of ongoing treatment. As its the same ladies I see each time, it makes the visits a little less daunting, and a relationship of humour has been built quickly.
Visiting Guy's is a bit love hate for me. Each time I enter the building I see the signs for Tabbard Annexe and cringe slightly. Remember the many visits with mum during her fight with cancer. The staff in there were always amazing, but I guess it's memories like that which provoke the sadness of the whole matter. Even walking across the car park reminds me of having to rush into the hospital on the day mum collapsed getting out of the car. A trip which resulted in her going through a whole load of tests. Amazing place all the same.
Anyway, thankfully I am NOT visiting Tabbard, so it's not so bad I guess.
Tuesday was also the day that Florida was finally cancelled. Since splitting up, I guess I have always just wondered when the trip would be cancelled, and maybe would have liked it to have happened sooner, but hey, it was hardly unexpected. So no hard feelings or anything. Sure its disappointing, and strange not going to see The Gabbay's for the annual food and insults even of the year haha, but I am sure it will happen sooner or later. It's for the best, and all part of moving on in separate directions, so all is well. Shame British Airways are so harsh with their cancellation fees. 60% 30 days before really takes the biscuit. Not like re-selling a holiday to Florida is exactly going to be hard now is it?
Wednesday was weird, I got up, walked the dogs, went to work, came home and didn't really do much at all. After doing so much on the days prior, it was nice to not have anything to do. Catch up with Gotham which I have been meaning to watch for ages now, do some stretching for my back and achillies, and an early night.
Thursday was an unexpected trip to the vets with Aana. Having gone last week with concerns about her breathing, and being so lethargic at times, a week of antibiotics had not had an effect. The dogs had got into a couple of fights this week too, with the changing behaviours and moods of both causing clashes. One with a very near miss to Aana's eyes. Her leaving her food on Thursday morning was enough to trigger another call to the vets to get her seen asap. A short notice evening appointment was arranged, and I have to be grateful to my work and a colleague for being kind enough to make arrangements allowing me to make the appointment.
Getting Aana in the car raised more concerns on the way to the vets. Her usual playful excited bound to get in the car is gone, and replaced with a hesitant, jerky rocking trying to get in the car.
Arriving at the vets it was nice to see Rafa, the amazing and ever caring man who takes such good care of the dogs, and has a wonderful bond with them both. Aana immediately relaxed as he examined her. Thankfully within a minute of walking in, she presented her symptoms clearly, coughing and choking in the examination room in front of Rafa. So at least he knew exactly what I was trying to explain.
Sadly the examinations were inconclusive, so bloods were taken to check for a few things. I should add, on mentioning that she licks her paw / leg when shaved for a blood draw or cannula, Rafa suggested drawing from the neck, and as quickly as it was said, it was done, no fuss. Accompanied by another of his great stories of being in Spain, and how he drew blood from large flocks of sheep up in the Spanish mountains when he was a young vet. No sheering, just line up and hit the vein.
Another course of antibiotics have been given, and we are back in on Monday to follow up on her progress, and admit her for sedation and proper checks on her throat if needed. Its gonna get expensive, but hey, she is worth it really. The stinky, psychotic little furball.
Friday, I was back in hospital again, so another day off work. Which was nice timing really, as it meant I could keep an eye on Aana too, and see how she is getting on with the antibiotics too. The trip to the hospital was a nice one, out of rush-hour for both trains and the lifts at the hospital. It is strange having to factor in lift waiting time, into your travel time to appointments, but it is a reality.
So, that was my activity for the week. But of course that gets mixed in with a whole load of other stuff, so lets cover that off too.
First up, I should go back to the headphones I am still listening to the Years and Years album on. Midweek I was contacted by someone via twitter, asking if I would be interested in doing a review of their headphones, and writing a blog about it for them. Strange to be approached that way, and no idea why I was selected like that, but honestly, I was grateful for the opportunity, so after doing some checks and speaking to them about it, I accepted. There is a possibility when I am done with the review, that I will be able to arrange a giveaway of another pair of them. So watch this space for the chance to win a pair. I have to say, early days, I'm honestly surprised and pleased with them.
When I got home yesterday evening, the box from Amazon was at my door, and the testing begun.
There have been highs and lows over the past week for sure. Moments of realisation, and a few genuine smiles. Feels strange.
A neighbour I have spoken to for a long time (who now reads this blog from time to time, (nosey cow!) has been kind enough to spend more time chatting, and keeping an eye out for me, so it has been nice to pop around and spend some time chatting with her and her brother (Hamilton fan, poor sod!) about a million and one topics.
I have always been quite solitary, but have always needed a sounding board, an outlet. For years mum played that role, then of course poor Chantal, who was forced to endure my moaning every evening while walking the dogs or watching TV(or trying to). So recently, being on my own has honestly been driving me crazy. All the thoughts, experiences, and noises in my head, trapped there unable to get them out into the open world. Apart of course by blogging them. But that doesn't always work for me.
I have to say at this point, that for a man of my stature, with drives, emotions, and habits like mine, I really do rely on females a LOT in my life. I'm not sure if I trust them more, relate better with women, or its just how it freakishly works out. Either way, I surround myself with women, and some rather gorgeous ones at that. Hopefully, it is a two way thing, and they benefit from me being around too. I would hate to think I impose myself on them, or am a chore.
I do of course speak and socialise with guys too, but I think at some times, rather than opening my soul and revealing the true issues eating away at me, I modify them, and get all testosterone filled, and macho about it, and avoid the issue completely. I have my moments of openness and honesty with some, but that is rare in comparison to how I am in the presence of women. It is almost like there is some male bullshit barrier and awkwardness. Shame really, as when the roles are reversed and a guy wants to chat to me about things, I am usually able to show compassion and be honest about their situation. Maybe it is just me holding back, and making the conversation more awkward than it needs to be. Barriers up, mask on.... Sounds about right for me, but then that is me over thinking things to the extreme, as usual.
Speaking of the women in my life who I find it easy to speak to, respect their opinions, and usually come away feeling better for speaking to, one of them without a doubt has to be Nikki.. Well in fairness there seem to be a lot of people around called Nikki (with that spelling) these days, but I'm sure the right one knows I mean her.
We share a common attitude to everyday life, and find honesty and openness being the best way to live your life. Think it, say it, act on it! So thank you to Nikki for her blatant, say it like it is attitude in our conversations. I would say you have no idea how refreshing and helpful it is, but I actually think you do. Given how frequently the conversations are two way about the same subject and predicaments we both find ourselves in. Last nights brief exchange was both hilarious and grounding, so cheers for that one too.
It has also been a week of realising I'm not as washed up as I maybe thought I was. Broken mentally and physically, it has never been an appealing feature for many, but it would appear I seem to focus on the negatives, and have ignored the positives. Positives others seem to have found in me from our occasional and short encounters. It is quite flattering really, and dare I say motivating too. Inspiring me to think a little higher of myself, and look after myself a bit better. It is probably what I need right now, a boost, and that feel good factor to make me push a little harder to get back into shape, and care for myself, as much as I seem to care for others.
Sure I have physical limitations which I need to explore and push a little to get to where I want, but hopefully a little positive mental attitude will go a long way for me.
The issue I have now is staying in control. Not letting the moment run away with me, not get caught up in the moment, and to take baby steps. Making sure that each step is the right one, a wanted one, and taking me where I feel comfortable and want to be. This is one of my biggest issues. Past being a coward who is too timid to take the first step onto a path. After taking the first step, my brain takes off running. I am miles along the road, and lost inside my head within seconds. Thinking is fine, taking the time to give matters thought is important in fact, but over thinking, obsessing and dreaming up doom outcomes is where my head works best. So if I have darkened your inbox with messages for chats in the past, prepare yourself. Shit might get real soon!
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in all this is, after a long, interesting and slightly challenging week, thanks to some great women, I am back up there. In a happy place with a positive mind. So thank you all. Three main ones ;)
And finishing up with this vague little gem. Thank you for making me realise I wasn't imagining things all this time.
I should start by saying, I am writing this blog while testing some SoundPEATS Q800 headphones, and listening to Years and Years. But I am sure I will mention the headphones again at some point, as I am reviewing them for the company.
Right, back to my week...
My week started with a visit from a surveyor to see how much movement there has been in the walls since the house collapse years ago, and to see about starting to make good the damage caused by the movement of the walls. Some fair sized cracks, but he is happy they are now totally stable and work can commence. So that is now another room I can get on with smartening up a bit, and who knows, I might even put a spare bed in there. Just in case one day I have guests. Unlikely I know!
Tuesday was a little busier with a visit from the gas people to do the annual safety check on the place, which I am happy to say was a pass. Last time this guy came to do the check, the cooker was condemned! Doh. Amazingly and almost irritatingly, the guys came pretty early to do the check, which left me with a void in my morning. So I made the most of it and did..... NOTHING!
The afternoon was a bit different, another of my trips to Guys Hospital for another session of ongoing treatment. As its the same ladies I see each time, it makes the visits a little less daunting, and a relationship of humour has been built quickly.
Visiting Guy's is a bit love hate for me. Each time I enter the building I see the signs for Tabbard Annexe and cringe slightly. Remember the many visits with mum during her fight with cancer. The staff in there were always amazing, but I guess it's memories like that which provoke the sadness of the whole matter. Even walking across the car park reminds me of having to rush into the hospital on the day mum collapsed getting out of the car. A trip which resulted in her going through a whole load of tests. Amazing place all the same.
Anyway, thankfully I am NOT visiting Tabbard, so it's not so bad I guess.
Tuesday was also the day that Florida was finally cancelled. Since splitting up, I guess I have always just wondered when the trip would be cancelled, and maybe would have liked it to have happened sooner, but hey, it was hardly unexpected. So no hard feelings or anything. Sure its disappointing, and strange not going to see The Gabbay's for the annual food and insults even of the year haha, but I am sure it will happen sooner or later. It's for the best, and all part of moving on in separate directions, so all is well. Shame British Airways are so harsh with their cancellation fees. 60% 30 days before really takes the biscuit. Not like re-selling a holiday to Florida is exactly going to be hard now is it?
Wednesday was weird, I got up, walked the dogs, went to work, came home and didn't really do much at all. After doing so much on the days prior, it was nice to not have anything to do. Catch up with Gotham which I have been meaning to watch for ages now, do some stretching for my back and achillies, and an early night.
Thursday was an unexpected trip to the vets with Aana. Having gone last week with concerns about her breathing, and being so lethargic at times, a week of antibiotics had not had an effect. The dogs had got into a couple of fights this week too, with the changing behaviours and moods of both causing clashes. One with a very near miss to Aana's eyes. Her leaving her food on Thursday morning was enough to trigger another call to the vets to get her seen asap. A short notice evening appointment was arranged, and I have to be grateful to my work and a colleague for being kind enough to make arrangements allowing me to make the appointment.
Getting Aana in the car raised more concerns on the way to the vets. Her usual playful excited bound to get in the car is gone, and replaced with a hesitant, jerky rocking trying to get in the car.
Arriving at the vets it was nice to see Rafa, the amazing and ever caring man who takes such good care of the dogs, and has a wonderful bond with them both. Aana immediately relaxed as he examined her. Thankfully within a minute of walking in, she presented her symptoms clearly, coughing and choking in the examination room in front of Rafa. So at least he knew exactly what I was trying to explain.
Sadly the examinations were inconclusive, so bloods were taken to check for a few things. I should add, on mentioning that she licks her paw / leg when shaved for a blood draw or cannula, Rafa suggested drawing from the neck, and as quickly as it was said, it was done, no fuss. Accompanied by another of his great stories of being in Spain, and how he drew blood from large flocks of sheep up in the Spanish mountains when he was a young vet. No sheering, just line up and hit the vein.
Another course of antibiotics have been given, and we are back in on Monday to follow up on her progress, and admit her for sedation and proper checks on her throat if needed. Its gonna get expensive, but hey, she is worth it really. The stinky, psychotic little furball.
Friday, I was back in hospital again, so another day off work. Which was nice timing really, as it meant I could keep an eye on Aana too, and see how she is getting on with the antibiotics too. The trip to the hospital was a nice one, out of rush-hour for both trains and the lifts at the hospital. It is strange having to factor in lift waiting time, into your travel time to appointments, but it is a reality.
So, that was my activity for the week. But of course that gets mixed in with a whole load of other stuff, so lets cover that off too.
First up, I should go back to the headphones I am still listening to the Years and Years album on. Midweek I was contacted by someone via twitter, asking if I would be interested in doing a review of their headphones, and writing a blog about it for them. Strange to be approached that way, and no idea why I was selected like that, but honestly, I was grateful for the opportunity, so after doing some checks and speaking to them about it, I accepted. There is a possibility when I am done with the review, that I will be able to arrange a giveaway of another pair of them. So watch this space for the chance to win a pair. I have to say, early days, I'm honestly surprised and pleased with them.
When I got home yesterday evening, the box from Amazon was at my door, and the testing begun.
There have been highs and lows over the past week for sure. Moments of realisation, and a few genuine smiles. Feels strange.
A neighbour I have spoken to for a long time (who now reads this blog from time to time, (nosey cow!) has been kind enough to spend more time chatting, and keeping an eye out for me, so it has been nice to pop around and spend some time chatting with her and her brother (Hamilton fan, poor sod!) about a million and one topics.
I have always been quite solitary, but have always needed a sounding board, an outlet. For years mum played that role, then of course poor Chantal, who was forced to endure my moaning every evening while walking the dogs or watching TV(or trying to). So recently, being on my own has honestly been driving me crazy. All the thoughts, experiences, and noises in my head, trapped there unable to get them out into the open world. Apart of course by blogging them. But that doesn't always work for me.
I have to say at this point, that for a man of my stature, with drives, emotions, and habits like mine, I really do rely on females a LOT in my life. I'm not sure if I trust them more, relate better with women, or its just how it freakishly works out. Either way, I surround myself with women, and some rather gorgeous ones at that. Hopefully, it is a two way thing, and they benefit from me being around too. I would hate to think I impose myself on them, or am a chore.
I do of course speak and socialise with guys too, but I think at some times, rather than opening my soul and revealing the true issues eating away at me, I modify them, and get all testosterone filled, and macho about it, and avoid the issue completely. I have my moments of openness and honesty with some, but that is rare in comparison to how I am in the presence of women. It is almost like there is some male bullshit barrier and awkwardness. Shame really, as when the roles are reversed and a guy wants to chat to me about things, I am usually able to show compassion and be honest about their situation. Maybe it is just me holding back, and making the conversation more awkward than it needs to be. Barriers up, mask on.... Sounds about right for me, but then that is me over thinking things to the extreme, as usual.
Speaking of the women in my life who I find it easy to speak to, respect their opinions, and usually come away feeling better for speaking to, one of them without a doubt has to be Nikki.. Well in fairness there seem to be a lot of people around called Nikki (with that spelling) these days, but I'm sure the right one knows I mean her.
We share a common attitude to everyday life, and find honesty and openness being the best way to live your life. Think it, say it, act on it! So thank you to Nikki for her blatant, say it like it is attitude in our conversations. I would say you have no idea how refreshing and helpful it is, but I actually think you do. Given how frequently the conversations are two way about the same subject and predicaments we both find ourselves in. Last nights brief exchange was both hilarious and grounding, so cheers for that one too.
It has also been a week of realising I'm not as washed up as I maybe thought I was. Broken mentally and physically, it has never been an appealing feature for many, but it would appear I seem to focus on the negatives, and have ignored the positives. Positives others seem to have found in me from our occasional and short encounters. It is quite flattering really, and dare I say motivating too. Inspiring me to think a little higher of myself, and look after myself a bit better. It is probably what I need right now, a boost, and that feel good factor to make me push a little harder to get back into shape, and care for myself, as much as I seem to care for others.
Sure I have physical limitations which I need to explore and push a little to get to where I want, but hopefully a little positive mental attitude will go a long way for me.
The issue I have now is staying in control. Not letting the moment run away with me, not get caught up in the moment, and to take baby steps. Making sure that each step is the right one, a wanted one, and taking me where I feel comfortable and want to be. This is one of my biggest issues. Past being a coward who is too timid to take the first step onto a path. After taking the first step, my brain takes off running. I am miles along the road, and lost inside my head within seconds. Thinking is fine, taking the time to give matters thought is important in fact, but over thinking, obsessing and dreaming up doom outcomes is where my head works best. So if I have darkened your inbox with messages for chats in the past, prepare yourself. Shit might get real soon!
Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in all this is, after a long, interesting and slightly challenging week, thanks to some great women, I am back up there. In a happy place with a positive mind. So thank you all. Three main ones ;)
And finishing up with this vague little gem. Thank you for making me realise I wasn't imagining things all this time.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Time marches on.
It's true, no matter what is going on in your life, what has happened, if you are paying attention or not, time waits for no man (yes, yes, or woman!).
It takes a glitch in the routine, a break from the norm to make you realise where you actually are right now. Like the monotonous daily commute, from time to time we look up and think "how the hell did I get here?" In reality we do that a lot, and think nothing of it.
However when something bigger happens, a change of job, a death, a break-up (well of course I was going to squeeze that one in somehow), once we get control of the spinning and pull out of the impending spiral of doom, suddenly it becomes apparent that things have changed around us.
This could be in many different ways, people, things, places. A bit vague maybe? Then I shall dig a little deeper.
For example, the people around us. There are those close to us, who we engage with daily. We know them well, and they form part of the structure of our daily routine. As simple as a shopkeeper, as important as a partner, they are all the fabric of our reality. Then there are those we tolerate. People we don't get much of a choice but to interact with, however wouldn't if we could help it. Co-workers are the main category here, although friends of friends can fall into this one quite often too.
Then there is "the rest". The background noise so to speak. We can come across the same people day in day out and never really pay any attention to them whatsoever. Or very little at best.
The crazy thing is, in times of confusion and need, all roles are reversed, and priorities change. In our routine, the background noise settles, and almost goes away, and we focus on the other two categories. But when routine is gone, all the noise returns.
An example if I may.
A busy underground station, full of faceless people making their own noises, all adding up to a crushing bombardment of sound. On a good day, in good company, engrossed in conversation with the friend, the sound is barely there, we are cocooned in our safe, happy world. Take that person away, and add a simple niggling concern to your mind, and the platform is suddenly deafening. So much noise, hard to think, the mind goes into overdrive.
Thankfully, finding ourselves out in the wilderness of the outer circles of life, isn't too common, and in general we don't go through it too many times in life. Depending on what sort of person you are will no doubt dictate how you cope out there. Overthinkers beware! It's is a minefield packed with booby traps and potholes. That said, there is a way through, so don't panic. For most, it is a simple journey finding their way back into the security of what remains of the inner circles. Supported by our caring friends, normality returns quickly, and we are back on track.
All that said and done, there IS a point to this, so let me see if I can find it in the mess.
How can I put this without sounding too stupid. Who am I trying to kid, most of my blogs sound a little bit daft at the best of times.
We are like cogs, and to operate properly we need a certain amount of corresponding cogs to work with. Being like this gives us support, and allows us to support others at the same time (nice eh!). So when something changes, we need to ensure the cogs keep turning. For some of us we prioritise ourselves, and some of us focus on the others. Either way, the time we spend paying more attention to our surroundings is important. It gives us time to appreciate that its not all just background noise, and that some of it is good stuff. It's almost like an intake of new friends.
Be it, socialising more, and realising what people bring to the table, taking more time to talk, and appreciating just how much you have in common with others. Or sometimes that stark reality, that you were living a lie! Whatever it is, to coin a phrase "It's good to talk".
When we talk, we listen. Well that's the idea anyway. I seem to excel at talking, but listening is a weakness at times. In fact talking is important to me, it's almost like a release valve, getting all the excess pressure out of my head, and just out there. Doesn't need deep, intellectual conversation, just a sounding board to blurt it all out to once in a while. As you might have guessed, occasionally I use my blog for this purpose, and this could actually be one of those times.
Anyway.... When we listen, we engage, and connect with people, and this is the key to it all.
From time to time when these encounters happen, we realise we actually enjoy the interaction of a person, and wonder why it was so hard to have bothered with this before. Then, before you know it, they are part of the routine.
So I guess what I am trying to say, and I have to guess at this point as it has gone all over the place now... The point is, change isn't a bad thing. Yup, it's unsettling, sure it leaves us feeling lost and vulnerable at times. But the positive side is, it is like us having a review of our lives, and who we surround ourselves with. A short moment to take stock of what you have in life, and what you are missing from your life. And most of all, an opportunity to make changes for the better, and fill those gaps.
Maybe the opportunity will present, and you will shy away. Maybe you will try and make something out of nothing. Or maybe just for once you will throw caution to the wind, scream "FUCK IT" from the highest point you can find, and just take a chance for once.
However you have read this, please take great comfort in the knowledge that I have got all this off my chest, and somewhere in all those words, I have made sense of what is going on once more in my complex little head. Take a look outside once in a while.... It's really not so bad.
It takes a glitch in the routine, a break from the norm to make you realise where you actually are right now. Like the monotonous daily commute, from time to time we look up and think "how the hell did I get here?" In reality we do that a lot, and think nothing of it.
However when something bigger happens, a change of job, a death, a break-up (well of course I was going to squeeze that one in somehow), once we get control of the spinning and pull out of the impending spiral of doom, suddenly it becomes apparent that things have changed around us.
This could be in many different ways, people, things, places. A bit vague maybe? Then I shall dig a little deeper.
For example, the people around us. There are those close to us, who we engage with daily. We know them well, and they form part of the structure of our daily routine. As simple as a shopkeeper, as important as a partner, they are all the fabric of our reality. Then there are those we tolerate. People we don't get much of a choice but to interact with, however wouldn't if we could help it. Co-workers are the main category here, although friends of friends can fall into this one quite often too.
Then there is "the rest". The background noise so to speak. We can come across the same people day in day out and never really pay any attention to them whatsoever. Or very little at best.
The crazy thing is, in times of confusion and need, all roles are reversed, and priorities change. In our routine, the background noise settles, and almost goes away, and we focus on the other two categories. But when routine is gone, all the noise returns.
An example if I may.
A busy underground station, full of faceless people making their own noises, all adding up to a crushing bombardment of sound. On a good day, in good company, engrossed in conversation with the friend, the sound is barely there, we are cocooned in our safe, happy world. Take that person away, and add a simple niggling concern to your mind, and the platform is suddenly deafening. So much noise, hard to think, the mind goes into overdrive.
Thankfully, finding ourselves out in the wilderness of the outer circles of life, isn't too common, and in general we don't go through it too many times in life. Depending on what sort of person you are will no doubt dictate how you cope out there. Overthinkers beware! It's is a minefield packed with booby traps and potholes. That said, there is a way through, so don't panic. For most, it is a simple journey finding their way back into the security of what remains of the inner circles. Supported by our caring friends, normality returns quickly, and we are back on track.
All that said and done, there IS a point to this, so let me see if I can find it in the mess.
How can I put this without sounding too stupid. Who am I trying to kid, most of my blogs sound a little bit daft at the best of times.
We are like cogs, and to operate properly we need a certain amount of corresponding cogs to work with. Being like this gives us support, and allows us to support others at the same time (nice eh!). So when something changes, we need to ensure the cogs keep turning. For some of us we prioritise ourselves, and some of us focus on the others. Either way, the time we spend paying more attention to our surroundings is important. It gives us time to appreciate that its not all just background noise, and that some of it is good stuff. It's almost like an intake of new friends.
Be it, socialising more, and realising what people bring to the table, taking more time to talk, and appreciating just how much you have in common with others. Or sometimes that stark reality, that you were living a lie! Whatever it is, to coin a phrase "It's good to talk".
When we talk, we listen. Well that's the idea anyway. I seem to excel at talking, but listening is a weakness at times. In fact talking is important to me, it's almost like a release valve, getting all the excess pressure out of my head, and just out there. Doesn't need deep, intellectual conversation, just a sounding board to blurt it all out to once in a while. As you might have guessed, occasionally I use my blog for this purpose, and this could actually be one of those times.
Anyway.... When we listen, we engage, and connect with people, and this is the key to it all.
From time to time when these encounters happen, we realise we actually enjoy the interaction of a person, and wonder why it was so hard to have bothered with this before. Then, before you know it, they are part of the routine.
So I guess what I am trying to say, and I have to guess at this point as it has gone all over the place now... The point is, change isn't a bad thing. Yup, it's unsettling, sure it leaves us feeling lost and vulnerable at times. But the positive side is, it is like us having a review of our lives, and who we surround ourselves with. A short moment to take stock of what you have in life, and what you are missing from your life. And most of all, an opportunity to make changes for the better, and fill those gaps.
Maybe the opportunity will present, and you will shy away. Maybe you will try and make something out of nothing. Or maybe just for once you will throw caution to the wind, scream "FUCK IT" from the highest point you can find, and just take a chance for once.
However you have read this, please take great comfort in the knowledge that I have got all this off my chest, and somewhere in all those words, I have made sense of what is going on once more in my complex little head. Take a look outside once in a while.... It's really not so bad.
Monday, September 14, 2015
I advocate free speech.... Now shut up!
The irony involved in the recent events with one Catriona Stewart and the editor at The Herald Scotland, is nigh on unbelievable.
I will start my latest rant with the news that in response to the ridiculous article written by Ms Stewart, and subsequently published by The Herald, being ridiculed by the public in mass, the editor made a statement saying, while he didn't agree with the article, he advocates free speech. This ironically was around the time that comments on the original article were deleted, and all future comments prevented. If that's not a good show of free speech, I don't know what it.
And by free speech I mean, free speech for the media, who feel they have the right to make outrageous comments about certain categories of society, incite acts of vandalism towards owners of expensive cars, and defend themselves with vague off point comments. And of course when it all gets a little too real world for them, they just block you from the conversation, be it on Twitter, or by turning off comments to an article.
In a twist of irony, it would seem a few months back Ms Stewart herself was the victim to her car being damaged in a supermarket car park. This of course was different, it was a car being driven at breakneck speeds, dangerously reversed in the car park. When the damage occurred, the driver of the other recklessly driven vehicle got out and said "its OK" or words to that effect. This alone would suggest the damage was minimal. Being that it was a car reversing would limit the speed somewhat too. But no, not according to the victim of the episode, Ms Stewart. No you had to be there to see it. It was dangerous driving, it was bad, it was wrong, she was a victim. Amazing how things change when the boot is on the other foot, eh!
A number of replies and tweets from the paper all indicate that there is little support for the piece within the upper echelons of the organisation. With most comments saying how it is not a shared opinion. One even commenting that as the editor he does not agree with the piece, but it wasn't on his watch, so its nothing to do with him. Sod responsibility and morals right, "ain't my fault" works every time.
Further questioning on the piece has lead to another gem, this time Ms Stewart passing the buck. You see the original seemed to have a gripe with Audi. In fact it was name dropped a few times in a couple of sentences. I can almost see her punching the four letters on the keyboard each time she typed it. Such focused hatred. Maybe you should speak to someone about that.
Now the problem was, Audi is quite a big company, and writing hateful things about a company the size of VAG is likely to quite quickly land you in trouble. So a copy reader was kind enough to look the article over, find the bit that would land them in deep do-do, and leave in the remainder of the nutty mindless rant. Of course, Ms Stewart is quick to point out that it wasn't her, it was the copy reader who made the changes from Audi to performance-car. I wonder how much more she would suggest was re-written, and how little is actually her doing. Hey I bet she doesn't even have an issue with people of better means than her own.
Following my first blog on this matter, which I would like to thank people for taking the time to read and share, I have actively been using Twitter to try and get some answers on her deluded approach to vandalism of cars. This, along with a little mocking of her car park accident, and re tweeting of other insightful tweets, landed me.... SILENCED ! That's right people, I have been not only muted but blocked from her Twitter now. As I believe have a whole host of other people who have also tried to engage with her about the matter.
All the while, as comments are disabled, twitter feed blocked, and comments on other mediums (like this one) ignored. The story remains front and centre. Editors disagree with the story, public figures in the motoring world have questioned the intentions of the piece, hell even Hackney Police have commented with a very simple "Wow, speechless" about the matter.
But we forget (OK some have pointed it out already on forums), this is the media we are talking about, and even more importantly the online media. For every person who clicks on the story, which I might add is close to going viral now, its a click through, a hit on their website, and looks amazing when they sell their next advertising spot.
So what was an outrageous story, written by an attention seeking, Hopkins wannabee nut job, has turned into something as simple as click bait now.
Anyone who works in the public eye knows they are only as good as their last piece or act. A massive history of great reporting can be destroyed by a single mindless piece with an agenda (like this one). I have no doubt Ms Stewart was employed based on fantastic qualifications and reporting abilities. None of which would appear to have been present when this last piece was written.
Attention is attention right, any press is good press, and all that. A name not to be forgotten. But its the title that goes next to the name that is important, not just having one. And when it is Catriona Steward - Imbecile Reporter, I would not consider it a great one.
There are plenty of examples in history to relate to.
In short, dear Herald, you have had your fun, five minutes of fame, now its time for the story to go. It's hate filled, its immoral, and its glorifying illegal activities.
I would of course love to see a full, official response to the article, hey maybe even reply on here. I promise not to turn off comments ;)
That's me for now. Only other thing to say is I really do hope the owner of the Aston who was the victim of a crime, and has been made out to be some arrogant, dangerous driving, idiot here, pursues a complaint against the writer and organisation for deformation of character, and somehow making out that he deserved the damage, just for owning a car.
One more thing Ms Stewart... Just an idea. If you feel so strongly that his actions deserve a medal, and you really believe that keying expensive cars is the right way to go. When the man you admire so much, dear Gary, is next in court, why don't you offer yourself as a character witness, and tell a judge how you feel. I dare ya!
I will start my latest rant with the news that in response to the ridiculous article written by Ms Stewart, and subsequently published by The Herald, being ridiculed by the public in mass, the editor made a statement saying, while he didn't agree with the article, he advocates free speech. This ironically was around the time that comments on the original article were deleted, and all future comments prevented. If that's not a good show of free speech, I don't know what it.
And by free speech I mean, free speech for the media, who feel they have the right to make outrageous comments about certain categories of society, incite acts of vandalism towards owners of expensive cars, and defend themselves with vague off point comments. And of course when it all gets a little too real world for them, they just block you from the conversation, be it on Twitter, or by turning off comments to an article.
In a twist of irony, it would seem a few months back Ms Stewart herself was the victim to her car being damaged in a supermarket car park. This of course was different, it was a car being driven at breakneck speeds, dangerously reversed in the car park. When the damage occurred, the driver of the other recklessly driven vehicle got out and said "its OK" or words to that effect. This alone would suggest the damage was minimal. Being that it was a car reversing would limit the speed somewhat too. But no, not according to the victim of the episode, Ms Stewart. No you had to be there to see it. It was dangerous driving, it was bad, it was wrong, she was a victim. Amazing how things change when the boot is on the other foot, eh!
A number of replies and tweets from the paper all indicate that there is little support for the piece within the upper echelons of the organisation. With most comments saying how it is not a shared opinion. One even commenting that as the editor he does not agree with the piece, but it wasn't on his watch, so its nothing to do with him. Sod responsibility and morals right, "ain't my fault" works every time.
Further questioning on the piece has lead to another gem, this time Ms Stewart passing the buck. You see the original seemed to have a gripe with Audi. In fact it was name dropped a few times in a couple of sentences. I can almost see her punching the four letters on the keyboard each time she typed it. Such focused hatred. Maybe you should speak to someone about that.
I often feel like keying swanky cars. I particularly feel like keying Audis.That's right, get it off your chest now.
One day someone will buy an Audi and decide to be the one person to change the reputation of Audi drivers. They'll drive their Audi and they'll be a decent guy.
Now the problem was, Audi is quite a big company, and writing hateful things about a company the size of VAG is likely to quite quickly land you in trouble. So a copy reader was kind enough to look the article over, find the bit that would land them in deep do-do, and leave in the remainder of the nutty mindless rant. Of course, Ms Stewart is quick to point out that it wasn't her, it was the copy reader who made the changes from Audi to performance-car. I wonder how much more she would suggest was re-written, and how little is actually her doing. Hey I bet she doesn't even have an issue with people of better means than her own.
Following my first blog on this matter, which I would like to thank people for taking the time to read and share, I have actively been using Twitter to try and get some answers on her deluded approach to vandalism of cars. This, along with a little mocking of her car park accident, and re tweeting of other insightful tweets, landed me.... SILENCED ! That's right people, I have been not only muted but blocked from her Twitter now. As I believe have a whole host of other people who have also tried to engage with her about the matter.
All the while, as comments are disabled, twitter feed blocked, and comments on other mediums (like this one) ignored. The story remains front and centre. Editors disagree with the story, public figures in the motoring world have questioned the intentions of the piece, hell even Hackney Police have commented with a very simple "Wow, speechless" about the matter.
But we forget (OK some have pointed it out already on forums), this is the media we are talking about, and even more importantly the online media. For every person who clicks on the story, which I might add is close to going viral now, its a click through, a hit on their website, and looks amazing when they sell their next advertising spot.
So what was an outrageous story, written by an attention seeking, Hopkins wannabee nut job, has turned into something as simple as click bait now.
Anyone who works in the public eye knows they are only as good as their last piece or act. A massive history of great reporting can be destroyed by a single mindless piece with an agenda (like this one). I have no doubt Ms Stewart was employed based on fantastic qualifications and reporting abilities. None of which would appear to have been present when this last piece was written.
Attention is attention right, any press is good press, and all that. A name not to be forgotten. But its the title that goes next to the name that is important, not just having one. And when it is Catriona Steward - Imbecile Reporter, I would not consider it a great one.
There are plenty of examples in history to relate to.
In short, dear Herald, you have had your fun, five minutes of fame, now its time for the story to go. It's hate filled, its immoral, and its glorifying illegal activities.
I would of course love to see a full, official response to the article, hey maybe even reply on here. I promise not to turn off comments ;)
That's me for now. Only other thing to say is I really do hope the owner of the Aston who was the victim of a crime, and has been made out to be some arrogant, dangerous driving, idiot here, pursues a complaint against the writer and organisation for deformation of character, and somehow making out that he deserved the damage, just for owning a car.
One more thing Ms Stewart... Just an idea. If you feel so strongly that his actions deserve a medal, and you really believe that keying expensive cars is the right way to go. When the man you admire so much, dear Gary, is next in court, why don't you offer yourself as a character witness, and tell a judge how you feel. I dare ya!
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Dear Catriona Stewart and Herald Scotland...
Firstly may I apologise for the poor penmanship and structure of this open letter. I left school before taking any exams, and am therefore illiterate, uneducated and a smear on society. (Lets get the generalisations out of the way early on, eh!)
Now, lets get to the point of this blog entry.
Mid August some stills, and then a video of a man vandalising a car in a supermarket car park went viral. 48 year old Gary Brissett, while out on a walk with his child in a buggy, had taken it upon himself to cause £7,000 of damage to a parked Aston Martin. The reason for this, still unknown as he has not disclosed it in his court appearance to date.
The reason SO many were taken aback by this action varies from social group to social group. There are car enthusiasts who appreciate the beauty of the car, and craftsmanship which goes into every vehicle. There are people who are sick of mindless idiots causing damage to cars, and forcing their insurance premiums up. Then of course there is the majority. Law abiding citizens of the country, with morals and who know right from wrong.
On the flipside you have your eco-loving, mindless, jealous, judgemental fools who feel they can pigeonhole people, and build up a non-existent social structure. Drawing divides, makings judgements on people based on their choice of clothing, food, or transport. I would firmly put Ms Stewart into the latter. (You know what, you are right, it feels good to judge!)
So, somewhere in your deluded mind, while viewing the world through your eco-green coloured glasses, you decided that because a man decided to buy an expensive car, he deserved to fall victim to every narrow-minded vandal that passes by the car. How dare he work hard for a living and treat himself to a material item. How dare he be individual and stand out from the crowd. In fact, there lays the first issue. I assume you have done your research on this, and are sure this car is indeed an outright purchase, and not a company lease, private lease, a very expensive credit agreement?
You applaud and celebrate a criminal act, but then on Twitter claim you don't condone or encourage the action. All while saying "I often feel like keying swanky cars. I particularly feel like keying performance-cars". If nothing else, you glorify the act, and suggest it is rational to want to cause damage to someone else's property, based on your preconceived judgements of the person.
We are in agreement at one point, and that is that there are some people out there who drive like utter arseholes. However to suggest that either it is only performance car drivers, or that ALL performance car drivers fall into this pigeonhole of yours is ludicrous to the extreme. Some of the most horrific high speed accidents in the UK involve non performance cars. In fact I would go as far as to say that had some of the cars involved in some of these accidents had the equipment of a performance car, they may have been able to stop or turn, rather than crashing. When the arse biscuit behind the wheel decided he was a racing driver for the day.
Judging someone simply on a vehicle they drive, while being somewhat uneducated on the whole automotive world (which I will hazard a guess you are) is plain pathetic. To then play judge and jury on a high profile criminal matter, belittle the work done by the Metropolitan Police in finding Mr Brissett. Giving your character reference to the courts suggesting imprisoning poor nasty little Gary will be bad for his child, well that bit is just laughable. Are you familiar with the phrase "roll model"? Or do you think by putting up the hood on the buggy, Mr Brissett was shielding his child from the act, and would never encourage such behaviour from his children as they grow?
Speaking of Mr Brissett and his buggy. Let us focus on that for a moment. Now, I am a little out of touch with fashion in both clothing and baby products, but am reliably informed that Gary was in no way dressed in rags, and the illusive buggy which was used to shield the child from his actions, is in fact close to £1,000 in value.
Now, taking the buggy for an example. Am I to assume by you fussy judgemental logic, that a person of lesser stature is well within their rights to put a slash down the side of the unoccupied buggy, based on someone daring to have such a materialistic item? Oh of course, that's right. On Twitter when asked about similar actions based on spending obnoxious amounts of money on an item, deserving it to be vandalised, you switched back to the "boy-racer" argument.
So which is it? Do people who drive like prize idiots on the public road deserve to have their car vandalised, or do people who work hard in life and reward themselves with a nice car deserve to have their cars wrecked?
The whole reason this case gained such public support isn't because it was the middle classes rising up against the social scum of urban society. If you are not familiar with London streets, inner and outer, there are plenty of cars which are priced £50k and up, sports car, luxury cars, they are all there. Not a rare nor eye catching sight.
No, the reason it got the support it did, was because a nasty spiteful little piece of work, was caught bang to rights, lining up the offence, preparing for it, and carrying it out. All in glorious HD thanks to modern tech and dash cams. For the majority of people, actually watching someone carry out such an act is almost sickening. It angers people to see someone who believes they can judge someone, and in turn punish someone.
Suggesting the choice of car is in some way making up for a shortfall in his manhood. How very 1970's of you. Women drive Aston Martin's too you know. As well as Bentley's, Porsche's and other expensive cars. What do the cars say about these women? They have loose vagina's and a mono-brow? And by driving one it somehow makes us overlook this issues with them.
Not everyone is quite as judgemental as you think they are. Sure we all make brash judgements on some people who thrust themselves to our attention. Take you for example. I would guess that 90% of people who read your article think you are a lonely, bitter, electric car driving, cat loving, readymeal eating, Katie Hopkins wannabee, eco-loony. Probably all wrong, but hey, it's fun to judge, right?
Now some facts. You say you can't spend more on a car than a house. Well again. This is London, if you can find houses for under £100,000 which are habitable, I suggest you snap them up now, as there has clearly been a mistake in its pricing.
Racing along suburban streets, again, a bit of a myth really. With speed humps and traffic calming increasing at a rapid rate, the idea of speeding around London is a thing of the past. Especially given the traffic. Sure it clears up and there is the odd occasional chance to squirt it, but that's hardly an everyday thing. Of course, it is easy to forget, which the UK's rich racing heritage, just how many race tracks and airfields there are to use these high-performance penis extensions on.
You don't get boy racers in a Fiat 500.. Nope, you are right, because they are girls cars! (Sorry I got all judgemental again there. Wow it really gets a hold of you doesn't it!)
The Fiat 500 Abarth, with 160bhp, 0-60 in the mid 7's, top speed of 130mph (almost double the UK limit) and coughing out 155g/km Hmmm no potential to be an arse biscuit in that now is there?
Your summary will draw my blog to a neat close I think. Suggesting that "ostentatious cars" are somehow a symbol of all that is wrong in the country. Forming an opinion on someone based on the car they drive, I would argue, is far worse.
It is in fact those who feel they can pre-judge someone, and understand everything there is to know about someone. Their wealth, morals, social position, purely based on what car they drive. THAT is where things go wrong. Not giving people a chance, taking no interest in a person, but merely the material objects which surround them. Deciding in a split second that you indeed stand on the moral high ground. My god, the irony is all too much.
Without knowing a single thing about someone, you have decided they because of the car they drive, they are beneath you, and idiots like Mr Brissett should take the law into their own hands, and serve a sentence on said person. To write such a piece, and for the media outlet to then publish it simply perpetuates everything that is wrong with this country. Not an economic divide with the wealthy brushing away the poor and working class. But narrow minded, big mouthed idiots with a little bit of an audience, inciting others in to acts of stupidity, while banging the social divide, tax the rich drum.
Take a moment longer to know someone, before judging them. A little consideration goes a long way.
Yours sincerely
Smart Car driving wanker.
Now, lets get to the point of this blog entry.
Mid August some stills, and then a video of a man vandalising a car in a supermarket car park went viral. 48 year old Gary Brissett, while out on a walk with his child in a buggy, had taken it upon himself to cause £7,000 of damage to a parked Aston Martin. The reason for this, still unknown as he has not disclosed it in his court appearance to date.
The reason SO many were taken aback by this action varies from social group to social group. There are car enthusiasts who appreciate the beauty of the car, and craftsmanship which goes into every vehicle. There are people who are sick of mindless idiots causing damage to cars, and forcing their insurance premiums up. Then of course there is the majority. Law abiding citizens of the country, with morals and who know right from wrong.
On the flipside you have your eco-loving, mindless, jealous, judgemental fools who feel they can pigeonhole people, and build up a non-existent social structure. Drawing divides, makings judgements on people based on their choice of clothing, food, or transport. I would firmly put Ms Stewart into the latter. (You know what, you are right, it feels good to judge!)
So, somewhere in your deluded mind, while viewing the world through your eco-green coloured glasses, you decided that because a man decided to buy an expensive car, he deserved to fall victim to every narrow-minded vandal that passes by the car. How dare he work hard for a living and treat himself to a material item. How dare he be individual and stand out from the crowd. In fact, there lays the first issue. I assume you have done your research on this, and are sure this car is indeed an outright purchase, and not a company lease, private lease, a very expensive credit agreement?
You applaud and celebrate a criminal act, but then on Twitter claim you don't condone or encourage the action. All while saying "I often feel like keying swanky cars. I particularly feel like keying performance-cars". If nothing else, you glorify the act, and suggest it is rational to want to cause damage to someone else's property, based on your preconceived judgements of the person.
We are in agreement at one point, and that is that there are some people out there who drive like utter arseholes. However to suggest that either it is only performance car drivers, or that ALL performance car drivers fall into this pigeonhole of yours is ludicrous to the extreme. Some of the most horrific high speed accidents in the UK involve non performance cars. In fact I would go as far as to say that had some of the cars involved in some of these accidents had the equipment of a performance car, they may have been able to stop or turn, rather than crashing. When the arse biscuit behind the wheel decided he was a racing driver for the day.
Judging someone simply on a vehicle they drive, while being somewhat uneducated on the whole automotive world (which I will hazard a guess you are) is plain pathetic. To then play judge and jury on a high profile criminal matter, belittle the work done by the Metropolitan Police in finding Mr Brissett. Giving your character reference to the courts suggesting imprisoning poor nasty little Gary will be bad for his child, well that bit is just laughable. Are you familiar with the phrase "roll model"? Or do you think by putting up the hood on the buggy, Mr Brissett was shielding his child from the act, and would never encourage such behaviour from his children as they grow?
Speaking of Mr Brissett and his buggy. Let us focus on that for a moment. Now, I am a little out of touch with fashion in both clothing and baby products, but am reliably informed that Gary was in no way dressed in rags, and the illusive buggy which was used to shield the child from his actions, is in fact close to £1,000 in value.
Now, taking the buggy for an example. Am I to assume by you fussy judgemental logic, that a person of lesser stature is well within their rights to put a slash down the side of the unoccupied buggy, based on someone daring to have such a materialistic item? Oh of course, that's right. On Twitter when asked about similar actions based on spending obnoxious amounts of money on an item, deserving it to be vandalised, you switched back to the "boy-racer" argument.
So which is it? Do people who drive like prize idiots on the public road deserve to have their car vandalised, or do people who work hard in life and reward themselves with a nice car deserve to have their cars wrecked?
The whole reason this case gained such public support isn't because it was the middle classes rising up against the social scum of urban society. If you are not familiar with London streets, inner and outer, there are plenty of cars which are priced £50k and up, sports car, luxury cars, they are all there. Not a rare nor eye catching sight.
No, the reason it got the support it did, was because a nasty spiteful little piece of work, was caught bang to rights, lining up the offence, preparing for it, and carrying it out. All in glorious HD thanks to modern tech and dash cams. For the majority of people, actually watching someone carry out such an act is almost sickening. It angers people to see someone who believes they can judge someone, and in turn punish someone.
Suggesting the choice of car is in some way making up for a shortfall in his manhood. How very 1970's of you. Women drive Aston Martin's too you know. As well as Bentley's, Porsche's and other expensive cars. What do the cars say about these women? They have loose vagina's and a mono-brow? And by driving one it somehow makes us overlook this issues with them.
Not everyone is quite as judgemental as you think they are. Sure we all make brash judgements on some people who thrust themselves to our attention. Take you for example. I would guess that 90% of people who read your article think you are a lonely, bitter, electric car driving, cat loving, readymeal eating, Katie Hopkins wannabee, eco-loony. Probably all wrong, but hey, it's fun to judge, right?
Now some facts. You say you can't spend more on a car than a house. Well again. This is London, if you can find houses for under £100,000 which are habitable, I suggest you snap them up now, as there has clearly been a mistake in its pricing.
Racing along suburban streets, again, a bit of a myth really. With speed humps and traffic calming increasing at a rapid rate, the idea of speeding around London is a thing of the past. Especially given the traffic. Sure it clears up and there is the odd occasional chance to squirt it, but that's hardly an everyday thing. Of course, it is easy to forget, which the UK's rich racing heritage, just how many race tracks and airfields there are to use these high-performance penis extensions on.
You don't get boy racers in a Fiat 500.. Nope, you are right, because they are girls cars! (Sorry I got all judgemental again there. Wow it really gets a hold of you doesn't it!)
The Fiat 500 Abarth, with 160bhp, 0-60 in the mid 7's, top speed of 130mph (almost double the UK limit) and coughing out 155g/km Hmmm no potential to be an arse biscuit in that now is there?
Your summary will draw my blog to a neat close I think. Suggesting that "ostentatious cars" are somehow a symbol of all that is wrong in the country. Forming an opinion on someone based on the car they drive, I would argue, is far worse.
It is in fact those who feel they can pre-judge someone, and understand everything there is to know about someone. Their wealth, morals, social position, purely based on what car they drive. THAT is where things go wrong. Not giving people a chance, taking no interest in a person, but merely the material objects which surround them. Deciding in a split second that you indeed stand on the moral high ground. My god, the irony is all too much.
Without knowing a single thing about someone, you have decided they because of the car they drive, they are beneath you, and idiots like Mr Brissett should take the law into their own hands, and serve a sentence on said person. To write such a piece, and for the media outlet to then publish it simply perpetuates everything that is wrong with this country. Not an economic divide with the wealthy brushing away the poor and working class. But narrow minded, big mouthed idiots with a little bit of an audience, inciting others in to acts of stupidity, while banging the social divide, tax the rich drum.
Take a moment longer to know someone, before judging them. A little consideration goes a long way.
Yours sincerely
Smart Car driving wanker.
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
If bullets were reusable....
We are all soldiers in a war, it's true, we are. While sitting on our phones and tablets, or behind our PC's, each time we share, like, or air an opinion in any matter, be it war, immigration, or other political causes, we all fire a shot.
A single shot in a propaganda war which is raging across social media.
Of course we are all entitled to have opinions, and of course social media is there, so why the hell not share it. I know I do. But just for a second, take a breath, and think about this.
Wars are fought on propaganda, they have been for decades, and will continue to be for decades to come. Its a big and sometimes complex word, and really not as simple as one government telling their people how well they are doing, and forcing the message onto the people of the opposition.
Instead, these days it is done through hatred, confusion, and lies. Most of it which finds its way into our minds through the media and social media.
Posts reporting one side of a complex story, or taking a single snapshot of something that has been happening for 2 years, and using its powerful image or story to impress on others how serious the situation is. Why it takes ONE thing to make the whole of society to burst into action, I don't know. And quite frankly it pisses me off. If we are that high and mighty, that interested in humanity and the good of our country... What exactly have YOU been doing for the past 20 years to support that ethos? For many, I will hazard a guess and say naff all! (me included)
Look at 9/11 for example. There we were, rolling into a new millennium, not a care in the world. Then an organisation who most had never heard of struck with horrific force, taking the western world by surprise. This followed on with 7/7 in London, and with that the scene was set. All brown people are Muslims, Muslims are evil, Muslims want to kill the West. Clearly no doubt about it, 2 acts, (with a few more after) and a whole load of hype by the media and extremists on both sides, and it was job done. A religion resigned to the history books as one who reigned terror on the West. (A little like the Christians of centuries before, but we won't talk about that as it was for the greater good and all eh!)
And now here we are again. Syria.
There are two parts here, which I will try and separate, but I apologise in advance for any cross overs.
Firstly there is the refugee situation. I say refugee and NOT immigration for a reason. Let me explain for those who don't get it. The media have done a number on you, so it's ok, you are forgiven.
Immigration is the act of someone who has decided to move from the country of their residence, to another country. Hoops are jumped through, papers are complete. Requirements are usually met, in order to be accepted and integrated into the country of their choice.
Refugee is a person who is fleeing violence or threat of harm or violence in their current country of residence. Not through choice, but through necessity and persecution. The move is sudden, undesired, and usually involves dropping everything and running.
Now, I am not for one second saying the issue is not clouded or taken advantage of. Lets be honest, its perfectly clear in most refugee situations, that some of it is fuelled by greed and the want of a better life. Countries endless decisions to make travel between countries easier, encourage freedom of movement, and welcome migrants into their countries with arms maybe a little too wide open clearly doesn't help. But I'm not going into detail about the whole EU freedom of movement thing, as that's a whole other bone to chew on. That is migration, carried out by immigrants, seeking economic migration to better themselves.
The part I will comment on however are those from outside the EU, who are not part of the freedom of movement agreement, but still want to seek a better life and settle within certain choice parts of the EU. Travelling from their country of origin, way across Europe, before presenting themselves to the officials of their country of choice and applying for asylum. Falsely claiming asylum, straining many systems from border control, to transport, right through to the actual immigration and asylum systems. The problem is, we are so fed up of seeing people trying to get onto lorries to get across the Channel, that we have become intolerant to genuine asylum seekers.
Now again, I am not saying every person trying to get across the Channel is a fake, but there are plenty of questionables.
Fitting then don't you think, that the media, one of the group of instigators for hatred and anger towards whatever their target is for the current week or month, started showing huge interest in Calais, getting the UK wound up tightly about how it would affect everyone as more and more immigrants and asylum seekers bled into the country. Even taking the time to berate the government for using words such as a swarm. How despicable..... Or is it.
Well, there is an algorithm used when planning evacuations and people flow through buildings when they are at their design stage. It predicts movement behaviours in certain situations. The algorithm is called Distributed Swarm Evacuation Planning . How dare they indeed!
Anyway, getting back to Calais, or moving on from it at least, we have Syria. Clearly currently undergoing a devastating war, people terrorised, and genuinely fleeing violence. Again, most of them are anyway. I am sure there is a small percentage, like in any walk of life, taking advantage of it. Given the opportunity, most would. So now that the media have stirred the pot, built up intolerance and hatred towards anyone helping anyone else from another country, transferred that to social media, and built up a load of support for it. Now we have Syria, a genuine cause, which now no one has any time for and is blinkered by past events.
So as things in Syria unravel, and their world falls apart, we in the Western world continue with the important stuff. Bigotry, propaganda, and our faithful belief in anything we read in the media or social media. Very rarely do people ever bother to find things out. Instead we read something, go through the "its on the internet, so must be true" verification process, and immediately share, with a strong worded opinion of our own. Shot fired!
The funny thing is, each time we fire a shot of ignorance onto the internet, two things happen. One group take our comments, and use it to show others how fed up of the situation we all are. Waving it in the face of the undecided, screaming how many people have liked their status, and its proof, all the proof we need that its all a scam.
The other group take our negativity, and hatred, and show it to the other side. Showing their supporters and again the undecided, how much hatred and anger is directed at them. Their race, religion, or beliefs, and justifying why they should make a stand against you. Its always so easy to see one side of a story, and once we have our beliefs, it is almost impossible to open your eyes wide enough again to take a second, better look.
Think of it this way, if bullets were reusable, would you think more carefully about how many shots you fired at the enemy, knowing they could fire them back at you?
Now, the latest twist in the story is a message from ISIS (apparently) A threat that 500,000 would flood across Europe, claiming asylum, but in fact they will ALL be terrorists, and will destroy us all. Holy shit! Is this for real?
No, its propaganda at its finest. Like I said, most wars are fought with propaganda. Take a section of the world which is not paying much attention to the other. Put in place an all out assault which will displace tens of thousands, maybe millions. In the meantime, tell the country which isn't paying any attention that you will send an army to destroy them. Now launch your attack, drive the people from their homes and seeking refuge, and crank up the propaganda, media hysteria, social media assault vehicle.
Let me explain it simply.
IF, and I mean IF, this is all part of the plan to "destroy" Europe, its working well, and we are all playing our part.
Just like someone splitting from their cheating ex, hitting someone where it hurts (the pocket) is always the way to go.
Without weapons, without firing a shot or detonating any bombs, ISIS can cause serious damage to the UK and most of Europe.
Firstly by displacing the people of its country, it places strain on a country and its economy, let alone its resources and manpower, as well as infrastructure to cope with the sudden influx. Then in turn the influx causes stress, anger, hatred, and instability in society. This alone is powerful, and as I said before, is fed back to the extremists to fuel their cause. But also while all this is going on, the economy of any country involved in the whole matter, be it armed forces, taking refugees, or just part of the situation, takes a battering. Shares drop in price, currencies devalue, stability turns to instability.
Like I say, the crazy part about this, is its warfare at its finest, but without any fighting (between the counties at least)
So right now, as I look in my social feeds, I see fear, distrust, anger, and a call to push back. Social instability. How long before there is a high profile, mass attended protest march. One planned as a peaceful one, but joined by the extremists on the West side (so they believe), and one which will turn into a violent, expensive, distraction, and cause even more instability.
The cycle is endless, and not about to lose momentum any time soon. I don't expect this post to make any difference whatsoever. I did however want to go on the record, put my thoughts out there, and get it off my chest.
If you have read this far, kudos to you, and thank you for reading. I would also hazard a guess that there is hope for you yet.
Whatever your belief, whichever side you support. I'm not saying stop posting, I'm not saying stop caring. I am simply asking that you put a pause between the seeing and sharing routine. A pause just to see if it's true, believable and not just hateful bullshit.
This what the Snopes website was built for, but on steroids.
Snopes made it's name from disproving stories posted on the internet. Gang initiations, celebrity stories, scams, police alerts etc. Think about this for a moment. Snopes made its name for one reason, and one reason alone. There are SO many gullible people on the internet who follow the belief that if you read it on the internet its true. It still to this day continues to make fools of people stupid enough to read any old bullshit they see on the internet, and then not content with being dumb enough to believe it themselves, they share that shit, and perpetuate it!
You got to admit, it's a fair point.!
Right, I'm done here for now, thanks again for reading.
A single shot in a propaganda war which is raging across social media.
Of course we are all entitled to have opinions, and of course social media is there, so why the hell not share it. I know I do. But just for a second, take a breath, and think about this.
Wars are fought on propaganda, they have been for decades, and will continue to be for decades to come. Its a big and sometimes complex word, and really not as simple as one government telling their people how well they are doing, and forcing the message onto the people of the opposition.
Instead, these days it is done through hatred, confusion, and lies. Most of it which finds its way into our minds through the media and social media.
Posts reporting one side of a complex story, or taking a single snapshot of something that has been happening for 2 years, and using its powerful image or story to impress on others how serious the situation is. Why it takes ONE thing to make the whole of society to burst into action, I don't know. And quite frankly it pisses me off. If we are that high and mighty, that interested in humanity and the good of our country... What exactly have YOU been doing for the past 20 years to support that ethos? For many, I will hazard a guess and say naff all! (me included)
Look at 9/11 for example. There we were, rolling into a new millennium, not a care in the world. Then an organisation who most had never heard of struck with horrific force, taking the western world by surprise. This followed on with 7/7 in London, and with that the scene was set. All brown people are Muslims, Muslims are evil, Muslims want to kill the West. Clearly no doubt about it, 2 acts, (with a few more after) and a whole load of hype by the media and extremists on both sides, and it was job done. A religion resigned to the history books as one who reigned terror on the West. (A little like the Christians of centuries before, but we won't talk about that as it was for the greater good and all eh!)
And now here we are again. Syria.
There are two parts here, which I will try and separate, but I apologise in advance for any cross overs.
Firstly there is the refugee situation. I say refugee and NOT immigration for a reason. Let me explain for those who don't get it. The media have done a number on you, so it's ok, you are forgiven.
Immigration is the act of someone who has decided to move from the country of their residence, to another country. Hoops are jumped through, papers are complete. Requirements are usually met, in order to be accepted and integrated into the country of their choice.
Refugee is a person who is fleeing violence or threat of harm or violence in their current country of residence. Not through choice, but through necessity and persecution. The move is sudden, undesired, and usually involves dropping everything and running.
Now, I am not for one second saying the issue is not clouded or taken advantage of. Lets be honest, its perfectly clear in most refugee situations, that some of it is fuelled by greed and the want of a better life. Countries endless decisions to make travel between countries easier, encourage freedom of movement, and welcome migrants into their countries with arms maybe a little too wide open clearly doesn't help. But I'm not going into detail about the whole EU freedom of movement thing, as that's a whole other bone to chew on. That is migration, carried out by immigrants, seeking economic migration to better themselves.
The part I will comment on however are those from outside the EU, who are not part of the freedom of movement agreement, but still want to seek a better life and settle within certain choice parts of the EU. Travelling from their country of origin, way across Europe, before presenting themselves to the officials of their country of choice and applying for asylum. Falsely claiming asylum, straining many systems from border control, to transport, right through to the actual immigration and asylum systems. The problem is, we are so fed up of seeing people trying to get onto lorries to get across the Channel, that we have become intolerant to genuine asylum seekers.
Now again, I am not saying every person trying to get across the Channel is a fake, but there are plenty of questionables.
Fitting then don't you think, that the media, one of the group of instigators for hatred and anger towards whatever their target is for the current week or month, started showing huge interest in Calais, getting the UK wound up tightly about how it would affect everyone as more and more immigrants and asylum seekers bled into the country. Even taking the time to berate the government for using words such as a swarm. How despicable..... Or is it.
Well, there is an algorithm used when planning evacuations and people flow through buildings when they are at their design stage. It predicts movement behaviours in certain situations. The algorithm is called Distributed Swarm Evacuation Planning . How dare they indeed!
Anyway, getting back to Calais, or moving on from it at least, we have Syria. Clearly currently undergoing a devastating war, people terrorised, and genuinely fleeing violence. Again, most of them are anyway. I am sure there is a small percentage, like in any walk of life, taking advantage of it. Given the opportunity, most would. So now that the media have stirred the pot, built up intolerance and hatred towards anyone helping anyone else from another country, transferred that to social media, and built up a load of support for it. Now we have Syria, a genuine cause, which now no one has any time for and is blinkered by past events.
So as things in Syria unravel, and their world falls apart, we in the Western world continue with the important stuff. Bigotry, propaganda, and our faithful belief in anything we read in the media or social media. Very rarely do people ever bother to find things out. Instead we read something, go through the "its on the internet, so must be true" verification process, and immediately share, with a strong worded opinion of our own. Shot fired!
The funny thing is, each time we fire a shot of ignorance onto the internet, two things happen. One group take our comments, and use it to show others how fed up of the situation we all are. Waving it in the face of the undecided, screaming how many people have liked their status, and its proof, all the proof we need that its all a scam.
The other group take our negativity, and hatred, and show it to the other side. Showing their supporters and again the undecided, how much hatred and anger is directed at them. Their race, religion, or beliefs, and justifying why they should make a stand against you. Its always so easy to see one side of a story, and once we have our beliefs, it is almost impossible to open your eyes wide enough again to take a second, better look.
Think of it this way, if bullets were reusable, would you think more carefully about how many shots you fired at the enemy, knowing they could fire them back at you?
Now, the latest twist in the story is a message from ISIS (apparently) A threat that 500,000 would flood across Europe, claiming asylum, but in fact they will ALL be terrorists, and will destroy us all. Holy shit! Is this for real?
No, its propaganda at its finest. Like I said, most wars are fought with propaganda. Take a section of the world which is not paying much attention to the other. Put in place an all out assault which will displace tens of thousands, maybe millions. In the meantime, tell the country which isn't paying any attention that you will send an army to destroy them. Now launch your attack, drive the people from their homes and seeking refuge, and crank up the propaganda, media hysteria, social media assault vehicle.
Let me explain it simply.
IF, and I mean IF, this is all part of the plan to "destroy" Europe, its working well, and we are all playing our part.
Just like someone splitting from their cheating ex, hitting someone where it hurts (the pocket) is always the way to go.
Without weapons, without firing a shot or detonating any bombs, ISIS can cause serious damage to the UK and most of Europe.
Firstly by displacing the people of its country, it places strain on a country and its economy, let alone its resources and manpower, as well as infrastructure to cope with the sudden influx. Then in turn the influx causes stress, anger, hatred, and instability in society. This alone is powerful, and as I said before, is fed back to the extremists to fuel their cause. But also while all this is going on, the economy of any country involved in the whole matter, be it armed forces, taking refugees, or just part of the situation, takes a battering. Shares drop in price, currencies devalue, stability turns to instability.
Like I say, the crazy part about this, is its warfare at its finest, but without any fighting (between the counties at least)
So right now, as I look in my social feeds, I see fear, distrust, anger, and a call to push back. Social instability. How long before there is a high profile, mass attended protest march. One planned as a peaceful one, but joined by the extremists on the West side (so they believe), and one which will turn into a violent, expensive, distraction, and cause even more instability.
The cycle is endless, and not about to lose momentum any time soon. I don't expect this post to make any difference whatsoever. I did however want to go on the record, put my thoughts out there, and get it off my chest.
If you have read this far, kudos to you, and thank you for reading. I would also hazard a guess that there is hope for you yet.
Whatever your belief, whichever side you support. I'm not saying stop posting, I'm not saying stop caring. I am simply asking that you put a pause between the seeing and sharing routine. A pause just to see if it's true, believable and not just hateful bullshit.
This what the Snopes website was built for, but on steroids.
Snopes made it's name from disproving stories posted on the internet. Gang initiations, celebrity stories, scams, police alerts etc. Think about this for a moment. Snopes made its name for one reason, and one reason alone. There are SO many gullible people on the internet who follow the belief that if you read it on the internet its true. It still to this day continues to make fools of people stupid enough to read any old bullshit they see on the internet, and then not content with being dumb enough to believe it themselves, they share that shit, and perpetuate it!
You got to admit, it's a fair point.!
Right, I'm done here for now, thanks again for reading.
Saturday, July 25, 2015
We're all different!
No one is the same, we all behave in different ways, and react differently to certain situations. Never is it more obvious than when something happens to YOU, and friends and acquaintances react.
My situation for example (well it's all I'm talking about but this could apply to many things life) with the recent change of circumstances for me, and the kind offer of friends to put me up in their place in Spain for a breather.
Breaking up is never easy, sometimes painful, other times confusing. Either way it's nice to get distance and reflect when possible. Add to that that having rooms in your house ripped apart and rebuilt over 10 days is never a great place to be at best of times... I speak from experience here.
Combine the two and it's a mess, so getting away is good.
Now I have done wild getaways before, and can say that while fun, it's not for me. I like peace, I like invited and wanted conversation, and I like being in control of things. So sitting up a mountain overlooking the coast of Spain and over to Africa with relaxed like minded people is a great solution. Remote, quiet, uninterrupted unless I want it.
I'm sure we all have our own ideas of what a break is, what constitutes peace and quiet, and for me, apparently much to the annoyance and dismay of others, includes using social media. Now being realistic, social media is where I'm at. It's something I like to use, a lot! As with all my trips over the years, I have been all over social media when I'm away, so this is no different. And just to add, my hosts are also online quite a lot, so if anything I'm fitting in better.
Now why you ask! Why go all the way to Spain and be online. Well that's easy. It's noise, it's activity, and just enough to keep my brain ticking over and now nose diving into self pity and sorrow about the break up. I didn't come away to cry or be depressed, I came away to find myself a little, and get my feet again without my partner in crime.
I know comments are made with the best interests at heart, and quite frankly those making them for their own reasons can happily stop following me. I can help with a how to if you don't know how to unfriend, or block me.
But as I said to someone yesterday, surely the concern for me should happen if I start acting abnormally, doing weird shit, (weirder than usual) or just plummet off the rails.
So, sorry if MY use of social media while I am making adjustment to MY life bothers YOU so much that YOU feel the need to insult or berate me for it. But for me right now, it's what works, and it's what I intend on continuing to do for as long as I please.
For those who have messaged with genuine concern or sadness, thank you.
Right, better get back to Facebook, Twitter and Instagram before it forgets me. Feet up, lay back, sun time.
Later!
PS sincere big thanks to my hosts for this break. (it's not a fuckin holiday!)
Sunday, July 19, 2015
All a bit strange..
Just thought I would try and put into words how I am feeling right now, as I don't seem to be able to understand it myself at the moment.
Waking this morning, I slept OK, so got straight to business, and getting the dogs walked.
Build up to it was fine, then walking out the door, the first wave of thoughts and emotions. It's Sunday, I don't do the morning walks alone on a Sunday, but I guess I better get used to it, this is Day 1 of different.
Getting into my stride, I start doing my usual chatting to myself in my head, playing things out, replaying any events of the past day or two. Its what over thinkers do, its nothing new to me. But obviously this time there is a rather prominent topic, and so it begins. Acceptance of the situation, as I have said before, it's a shock but no real surprise to me. Then the memories, the realisation of the changes, and what will I say to other people. Not, will I tell the truth, but how will the conversation go, EXACTLY. Word for word. Another over thinkers trait.
All around the walk, the dogs do things, but there is no one to talk to, thoughts come into my mind, but again, I'm alone. Sure there are many caring people only a message away, but its not the same. It's not spontaneous.
By the end of the hour and a half of dog walks (takes twice as long as I'm...... yup, alone!) I get back to the house, and I would be lying if I didn't say there was a feeling of dread as I walked up the drive, no Mini. In the house, deadly silence. Coming into the house a huge wave of emotion smashes into me, thoughts as fast and frantic as the pages of a book as you flick through it. Memories, worries, and loneliness.
I feed the dogs, and unlike usually, I skip breakfast myself. A twisting gurgle feeling in my stomach, now is not the time for food.
Instead I come to my little space (scattered with memories of trips, and adventures shared), head down, ignoring the keepsakes, I log on to the PC. Having posted a few status updates on Facebook before heading out with the dogs, the replies and comments are plentiful, for which I am grateful. Everything from deep expressions of sorrow, to totally missing the point. But it's only right to reply to them, and not seem like a recluse.
So I get started. Many comments tripping me up with emotions, unintentional triggers. Reflections of the past, surprise, and everything in between. A little light humour, a lot of gratitude, and a few ideas all thrown into the melting pot of thoughts. Meanwhile my IM is also pinging away, numerous conversations, again from all angles.
Now as the fury of messages and conversation grows, its getting too much. Too much to think about, decide, work out, plan..... My brain is melting.
Limiting myself to just a couple of conversations, I try and focus on what I need to do next, and work out what is happening immediately in front of me. Then logging off and hitting the streets. Walking once again, the mind goes wild all over again. Trying to keep my focus, shut out the negativity, and remember what is important. Friendship, staying in touch with my bestie, and knowing that while I have this almost overkill of activity and concern, she probably has the complete opposite right now.
As I finally get back home again, after a short unexpected trip to the shops, the doom greets me.
On the final few roads, it all starts to fall into place. That while we have been together for a long time, and I have almost stolen her youth away from her. I realise that I have realised for a long time that this day would come. Have even joked about it over the years, both with Chantal and others. But the realities don't dawn on you until it happens.
Our relationship has been unorthodox for a long time now. One if explained to others, they would just not get. But in all that, I have found my best friend, my companion, and someone who I can trust and rely on.
Or I had... And that's the bit really chewing at my heart right now. Put simply, I'm lonely... VERY VERY lonely, and it scares me so very much. Teeth clenched as I type this, throat tight, it is a horrible realisation, and one I simply don't want to get used to. I am surrounded by mates and a few good friends, but no one quite matches. I don't like this feeling one bit.
I know we will stay friends, I know I can rely on her for anything I need, someone to talk to etc. But that's the whole foundation of the situation. Dependency, on each other, has backed her into a corner which I simply can't justify trying to keep her in any longer.
So while I have nothing to fear, as I know help is so close by, I have EVERYTHING to fear, knowing that the only way we can stay friends and as close as we have grown, is if I give all of that up.
I'm sorry for putting my thoughts and personal life out there, and sharing things that possibly should remain between us, but I have to make sense of it all. I have to get the thoughts out of my head. Before they consume me.
I made a comment to someone earlier, that my head is like an all-in-one soup maker. And after shredding all my thoughts, destroying my mind, it sets about simmering them, bubbling away, cooking up something. Just sitting here waiting for it to churn out whatever the final outcome is.
I know I haven't said it much over years, but just want to throw this out there. Over 12 years, I have gone from spending time with a girl I hang out with, to learning to love someone so much, and fear any hurt or ill intent towards them. Secretly worrying all the time, and I guess you could say forming a synergy. Existing as one, even when far apart. There is a lot of emotional blurb coming to the surface right now, but I just need to be honest and say quite simply, I love you and I miss you SO much Chantal. Its been just over 12 hours, and already my mind is struggling with how things go on from here.
Of course we will be fine, it's not the end of the world. Its just quite simply, the end.
On the flip side to all this. I praise the courage it has taken to be honest about the whole situation, and reach this point. To be as mature and open about it as you have been, and for every gesture you have made since leaving last night. Of course I can say this all to you in private, but I want others to know how proud I am of the woman you have grown into. Strong, fierce, and now truly independent.
I could go on all day, this was only meant to be short, but that will do for now.
Sorry for rambling on so much, but it works for me.
Waking this morning, I slept OK, so got straight to business, and getting the dogs walked.
Build up to it was fine, then walking out the door, the first wave of thoughts and emotions. It's Sunday, I don't do the morning walks alone on a Sunday, but I guess I better get used to it, this is Day 1 of different.
Getting into my stride, I start doing my usual chatting to myself in my head, playing things out, replaying any events of the past day or two. Its what over thinkers do, its nothing new to me. But obviously this time there is a rather prominent topic, and so it begins. Acceptance of the situation, as I have said before, it's a shock but no real surprise to me. Then the memories, the realisation of the changes, and what will I say to other people. Not, will I tell the truth, but how will the conversation go, EXACTLY. Word for word. Another over thinkers trait.
All around the walk, the dogs do things, but there is no one to talk to, thoughts come into my mind, but again, I'm alone. Sure there are many caring people only a message away, but its not the same. It's not spontaneous.
By the end of the hour and a half of dog walks (takes twice as long as I'm...... yup, alone!) I get back to the house, and I would be lying if I didn't say there was a feeling of dread as I walked up the drive, no Mini. In the house, deadly silence. Coming into the house a huge wave of emotion smashes into me, thoughts as fast and frantic as the pages of a book as you flick through it. Memories, worries, and loneliness.
I feed the dogs, and unlike usually, I skip breakfast myself. A twisting gurgle feeling in my stomach, now is not the time for food.
Instead I come to my little space (scattered with memories of trips, and adventures shared), head down, ignoring the keepsakes, I log on to the PC. Having posted a few status updates on Facebook before heading out with the dogs, the replies and comments are plentiful, for which I am grateful. Everything from deep expressions of sorrow, to totally missing the point. But it's only right to reply to them, and not seem like a recluse.
So I get started. Many comments tripping me up with emotions, unintentional triggers. Reflections of the past, surprise, and everything in between. A little light humour, a lot of gratitude, and a few ideas all thrown into the melting pot of thoughts. Meanwhile my IM is also pinging away, numerous conversations, again from all angles.
Now as the fury of messages and conversation grows, its getting too much. Too much to think about, decide, work out, plan..... My brain is melting.
Limiting myself to just a couple of conversations, I try and focus on what I need to do next, and work out what is happening immediately in front of me. Then logging off and hitting the streets. Walking once again, the mind goes wild all over again. Trying to keep my focus, shut out the negativity, and remember what is important. Friendship, staying in touch with my bestie, and knowing that while I have this almost overkill of activity and concern, she probably has the complete opposite right now.
As I finally get back home again, after a short unexpected trip to the shops, the doom greets me.
On the final few roads, it all starts to fall into place. That while we have been together for a long time, and I have almost stolen her youth away from her. I realise that I have realised for a long time that this day would come. Have even joked about it over the years, both with Chantal and others. But the realities don't dawn on you until it happens.
Our relationship has been unorthodox for a long time now. One if explained to others, they would just not get. But in all that, I have found my best friend, my companion, and someone who I can trust and rely on.
Or I had... And that's the bit really chewing at my heart right now. Put simply, I'm lonely... VERY VERY lonely, and it scares me so very much. Teeth clenched as I type this, throat tight, it is a horrible realisation, and one I simply don't want to get used to. I am surrounded by mates and a few good friends, but no one quite matches. I don't like this feeling one bit.
I know we will stay friends, I know I can rely on her for anything I need, someone to talk to etc. But that's the whole foundation of the situation. Dependency, on each other, has backed her into a corner which I simply can't justify trying to keep her in any longer.
So while I have nothing to fear, as I know help is so close by, I have EVERYTHING to fear, knowing that the only way we can stay friends and as close as we have grown, is if I give all of that up.
I'm sorry for putting my thoughts and personal life out there, and sharing things that possibly should remain between us, but I have to make sense of it all. I have to get the thoughts out of my head. Before they consume me.
I made a comment to someone earlier, that my head is like an all-in-one soup maker. And after shredding all my thoughts, destroying my mind, it sets about simmering them, bubbling away, cooking up something. Just sitting here waiting for it to churn out whatever the final outcome is.
I know I haven't said it much over years, but just want to throw this out there. Over 12 years, I have gone from spending time with a girl I hang out with, to learning to love someone so much, and fear any hurt or ill intent towards them. Secretly worrying all the time, and I guess you could say forming a synergy. Existing as one, even when far apart. There is a lot of emotional blurb coming to the surface right now, but I just need to be honest and say quite simply, I love you and I miss you SO much Chantal. Its been just over 12 hours, and already my mind is struggling with how things go on from here.
Of course we will be fine, it's not the end of the world. Its just quite simply, the end.
On the flip side to all this. I praise the courage it has taken to be honest about the whole situation, and reach this point. To be as mature and open about it as you have been, and for every gesture you have made since leaving last night. Of course I can say this all to you in private, but I want others to know how proud I am of the woman you have grown into. Strong, fierce, and now truly independent.
I could go on all day, this was only meant to be short, but that will do for now.
Sorry for rambling on so much, but it works for me.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
So many thoughts trapped in my head.
You know me, when I can't get a thought out of my head, when it just keeps going round and round, it's to the blog I turn. Now is one of those times.
So I could beat around the bush, but lets get right to the crux of it... I just got dumped. After 12 years!
Now it's only fair that I am clear about this, and honest from the start. We have been together a long time, and there are NO bad feelings between us. But there comes a time when sometimes it's just best to go your separate ways. On this occasion, it is one of them.
The past week hasn't been a good one really. Obvious something was up, dreading asking because of the suspicion it would be just this conversation. So this evening I decided to pluck up the courage, et voila, there is was.
If I'm honest, I have probably expected this for years now. I haven't always been fantastic to be around, routine was becoming a bit obvious it was a chore, and lets face facts, what pretty girl in her late 20's wants to be stuck with a chubby broken guy in his 40's lol.
I'm just messing. We have had a fantastic time over the past 12 years, and she has truly been my rock through some dreadful times in my life. Caring for mum, putting up with my depression, and being there when I needed someone to rely on. So thank you for all the good times, and sharing the bad times.
Hopefully this mature approach (other than me putting it all over the internet within 20 mins of her leaving) will protect the amazing friendship and bond we have built over the years. I know I am happy to stay as besties as long as its permitted, and hope the feeling is mutual.
So for all you mutual friends out there, no being mean, ya hear! There is no bad blood, nor will there be. So no sides need to be taken. If anyone does, I will take hers, and kick YOU to the kerb :)
However, and there is always a however in these blogs.... I'm left kinda wide open right now. Having not shed a tear in about 12-13 years, not being one for being overly emotional, dealing with things like this always catches me out somewhat. Heart racing, stomach churning, dry mouth, and a little confused, but no actual exit or show of emotion about the matter. Instead I will blog lots, toss and turn, and be mentally restless for however long it takes to "get over" the situation.
I in advance thank anyone who contacts me, offers to talk, lends an ear, or just sends their expression of sorrow about the matter. I appreciate it very much, and will reply asap, in usual fashion.
Right, I'm going to sit and sulk for a while now, I may be some time! Don't worry about me though, I'm not a fan of doing stupid things, other than publishing my life. So if I am quiet, I am probably just doing something on my own for a bit to catch some air.
So there you go, WOWZA I'm single! But don't have a bad feeling in me, so please don't either.
So I could beat around the bush, but lets get right to the crux of it... I just got dumped. After 12 years!
Now it's only fair that I am clear about this, and honest from the start. We have been together a long time, and there are NO bad feelings between us. But there comes a time when sometimes it's just best to go your separate ways. On this occasion, it is one of them.
The past week hasn't been a good one really. Obvious something was up, dreading asking because of the suspicion it would be just this conversation. So this evening I decided to pluck up the courage, et voila, there is was.
If I'm honest, I have probably expected this for years now. I haven't always been fantastic to be around, routine was becoming a bit obvious it was a chore, and lets face facts, what pretty girl in her late 20's wants to be stuck with a chubby broken guy in his 40's lol.
I'm just messing. We have had a fantastic time over the past 12 years, and she has truly been my rock through some dreadful times in my life. Caring for mum, putting up with my depression, and being there when I needed someone to rely on. So thank you for all the good times, and sharing the bad times.
Hopefully this mature approach (other than me putting it all over the internet within 20 mins of her leaving) will protect the amazing friendship and bond we have built over the years. I know I am happy to stay as besties as long as its permitted, and hope the feeling is mutual.
So for all you mutual friends out there, no being mean, ya hear! There is no bad blood, nor will there be. So no sides need to be taken. If anyone does, I will take hers, and kick YOU to the kerb :)
However, and there is always a however in these blogs.... I'm left kinda wide open right now. Having not shed a tear in about 12-13 years, not being one for being overly emotional, dealing with things like this always catches me out somewhat. Heart racing, stomach churning, dry mouth, and a little confused, but no actual exit or show of emotion about the matter. Instead I will blog lots, toss and turn, and be mentally restless for however long it takes to "get over" the situation.
I in advance thank anyone who contacts me, offers to talk, lends an ear, or just sends their expression of sorrow about the matter. I appreciate it very much, and will reply asap, in usual fashion.
Right, I'm going to sit and sulk for a while now, I may be some time! Don't worry about me though, I'm not a fan of doing stupid things, other than publishing my life. So if I am quiet, I am probably just doing something on my own for a bit to catch some air.
So there you go, WOWZA I'm single! But don't have a bad feeling in me, so please don't either.
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