Saturday, March 26, 2011

Slowly slipping back.

For the past few days now I have noticed myself slowing down, losing motivation, and just being a little bit detached from it all. Like now for example, gone 8am and in still laying in bed, wondering what excuses I can make to myself NOT to get up and walk the dogs. But I know if I don't do it soon I will mess the days schedule up. And also know that once I start the walk I will enjoy it. But that little voice just keeps yelling NO, and my body insists on remaining in that sleepy state to try and discourage me getting up.

Its been a stressful week I guess, and my routine has been somewhat broken, with travelling and eating all out of pattern, so I'm guessing I have life-lag, and am just trying to find my routine again. For some reason health has been a bit of an issue this week too, with mad muscle aches in the early part of the week, and nausea. By Thursday that was gone, but by that afternoon it was my stomachs turn, with cramps and unrest to say the least. The stomach has not really improved since. Still unsettled and at times painful when I drink. So my only concern is stomach pain following stress can equate to ulcers. Let's hope not eh! I will monitor it and see how it goes now.

The other problem is my eating habits. Again the past few days have been a bit disrupted and I have had a fair bit of junk, not as much in the way of fluids as usual, and dare I say possibly too many jelly beans, if such a thing is at all possible! Lol. It irritates me as I lay here thinking about it. Its not like its hard to eat sensibly like normal, but my mind says otherwise at the moment. Comfort food maybe, or rebelling against the normal intake to break free of the gut wrenching routine. I don't know, but what I DO know is, I need to kick the habit and get back on track.

As my intake slips, so does my mind. Heading towards that downward spiral of thinking too much, worrying about nothing, and becoming obsessed with nothing! Example.. Last few days I have had a few simple bills to sort out, and to contact work about a meeting, but quite seriously my mind won't let me. I can lay here and think about it, and acknowledge it needs doing. But trying to do it is different. Distractions, obstructions, and all sorts of reasons not to just do it. Then the outcome is feeling low that its still not dealt with. Vicious circle or what!

Its all this sort of thing that really worries and frustrates me. The simple things in life that give it its content and quality, these are the things slipping away from my control lately, and I need to get a grip, fast to stay in control. Hence blogging it. So I can realise what I am doing, and look back to kick myself up the arse about it.

I guess the other angle on this whole matter is weekend blues. Usually I am planning a get away, to see people and get some time out from being at home. I'm sure in the back of my mind, the thought of being "trapped" here for the whole weekend, looking after mum etc is playing on my subconscious thoughts somewhere. In fact I know it is. But after travelling on Wednesday, its just not possible to get away today or tomorrow as well. Next weekend maybe.

Oh speaking of incomplete jobs, and travelling, there is an example. On Wednesday afternoon when I left home I noticed my windscreen had cracked. Knowing I had the trip ahead of me, replacing it wasn't an immediate option, and the crack was out of sight (for the time being). I got back safely with it, and replacing the screen is a phone call away, but have I bothered?.... Like hell I have! Such a simple and may I say important thing to do, yet I'm not motivated to do it!

Right enough talking, time for action. With all the above in mind, I have a full on action plan for today, so I better get started. Loads to do, let's see how many I can tick off..

Drink more
Walk dogs
Breakfast me and dogs
Call insurance

They are the keys of today... Let's see if I can just get those done without giving up and falling asleep. Hope your in a better place than me right now.

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