Thursday, March 8, 2012

Gutted... Thank heavens that's over with!

One of those strange things has just happened, one of those, 'I want this so bad' moments, but when it doesn't materialise somehow its not that bad either.

Anyone who knows me well will know what this is about, anyone who doesn't will simply be able to relate to the whole general situation.

When you work towards something so hard that it becomes a part of your day to day life, and everything starts to revolve around it. Almost to an unhealthy level of obsession. You reach a point that whatever the outcome, its for the best.

I think the word I'm looking for here is closure, or at least completion of a chapter. If it works out, great carry on, onwards and upwards as they say. If not, well then its a weight off your shoulders and somehow a relief that its all over with, at least for now.

Its a strange sensation, to visualise the word 'FAIL' but somehow read it as 'RELIEVED'. Strange, but good I have to say. Right now I feel a great weight has been lifted, and that I can just get on and focus on the more pressing and important things in my life now.
Am I relieved to have not succeeded, not at all, in fact its very disappointing to say the least. I hate not achieving goals I set myself, its one of the few things that really gets to me deep down inside. However on this occasion I can accept it without feeling defeated. I don't consider the matter over with, I shall re address the issue in the coming months, but for now I accept a little defeat, acknowledge that I have much to learn, and that I under estimated what was needed from me, and will just up my game when the time comes to revisit the matter.

For now... Its time to focus on my fitness and health, get my finances in order, and relax a little bit with one less thing to worry and stress about for a while. While I feel disappointed, and that I have let my late mum down a bit, and am sure to get it in the neck from my aunt, I know I gave it my all (in the later stages anyway).

When the moment comes again, I will be ready, prepared and on fire. Determined, informed and motivated to burst through this barrier that has placed itself in front of me. I will not draw weakness from my past experience, and instead will use my lessons from the past to drive me with more determination to my goal. When I do, it will bring change to my life, and those around me.

So, what things have dragged you down to a low point, so far in fact that you were relieved to get it over with, regardless of outcome?

For me, page turns now, and onwards I go.
A bookmark in place, and a page I will return to at some point, soon.
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