Its wrong to judge.

Yet sometimes you can't help yourself. Especially when you have 95% of the facts. Knowing someone for a long time, from childhood, and seeing the way they turned out is sometimes a painful thing. I mean that in a nice way.

We all know someone who has done NOTHING with their life, through their own choices, they just fail to function, and are motivated to do absolutely nothing with their lives. No relationship, no career (or job for that matter), no direction. Just benefits beer and bed. How sad!

I am certainly not one to preach about a full and fun life, but I have had experiences, things to learn from, pass on and make me a 'better' person. Its not about wealth, its about fulfilling your goals and ambitions, making the most of each day, and being able to exchange stories with like minded people, and have different experiences to them.

When I was growing up, we had little money, few toys, and quite honestly nothing much to celebrate. But all that aside I had a great childhood really, some great friends who shared their toys and games, a loving mother who tried to give, and encouraged me to try and succeed, and a whole lot of energy. Compared to some in a similar situation I turned out alright really. Strong minded, determined and an individual.

Recently, as I walk around my local area, the area I grew up in, I see some of the people from my childhood and wonder what went wrong. Now I know my ideals are not theirs, but seriously, what sort of existence is it to spend half your life in the pub, to avoid work for 20+ years, and to really have nothing to show for the past two decades?

I am sure plenty of people look at me in the same light, and if that's the case, fair enough. I guess we can all only see down from our pedestals, so that makes it easier to 'judge'.

I don't know what else to say really, dunno where this is going. Other than to say its really sad to see these people, people that had all the same things as me, and decided to do nothing with it. I can't imagine having hardly ever worked in my life. To never have had a holiday, to not drive, no relationships etc, all because I just didn't have the interest to have a life.
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Feeling flaky

....and I'm not afraid to admit it.
First few sessions since re-starting are really taking their toll on me. However armed with previous knowledge I know not to push too hard. Pacing myself and making sure the impact levels are right, and splitting workouts where needed is the way to go.

This morning after the dog walks my legs were fatigued. So when I started yoga it was always going to be a bit of a battle. Instead of pretending to do the moves, and only giving 50%, I worked to the point where form was suffering, and stopped there. Once my legs have rested I will finish the routine this evening..... Before walking the dogs this time.

I know I push people hard, and to anyone in TeamSnaz who thinks I'm going soft, think again! But there is a point for anyone where training is pointless, and that is when form suffers. There is NO point in going through the motions if you cannot commit to it and dig deep to make those moves beautiful.

Missing a workout is not an option, but training wisely is, and that's what I am doing today. To anyone else training, who is struggling with the heat etc, drop the intensity if needed, stay hydrated and listen to your body NOT your mind. Your mind will want to quit a lot sooner than your body, trust me.

So today is a flaky day, but will end with perfect form, and beautiful yoga.

Dig in people, I know its hard, I know it hurts, and I know all too well that you will sweat like mad..... But its SO worth it. Trust me, I'm a doctor!

Happy workouts people.
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Behind the hoarding (today)

Well another nosey insight into what's going on at 6 Church Rise today. The hole gets deeper, the trucks keep coming, but there is still no sign of gold or Australia.
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Hurrah, the Olympics are coming!

Apparently that's a good thing. So I'm told.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not all negative about it, there are some positives in there too. But most of the positive things I see in the Olympics being in London are unconventional.
The actual events etc have very little interest for me if I'm honest. Yes of course there is the perving at girls in tight fitting clothes, but that's what the internet if for right! lol. (im joking!!) There are a couple of events that sound interesting, BMX and things like that. The athletics and all the other usual disciplines are a bit dull to me, never been that excited about watching people run marathons.

The questions like 'will Bolt win', and wondering if any records will be broken are also of some interest to me, but if it doesn't happen, I'm hardly going to be disappointed.

For me its more about the architecture, the technology, and all the other geek worthy stuff that has been put together to make the event happen. Watching Mega Structures about the Olympic park being built was fantastic, and many more special programs about that sort of stuff will be cool to watch.

On the down sides... Transport is going to suck. There is no doubt in any ones mind that getting around in London for the next 4-6 weeks is going to be a nightmare. The roads, public transport and probably even some of the streets in some areas will be horrible to say the least. With London Overground advising to walk parts of your journey, and messages coming out of the mayor's office suggesting people work from home, change their usual plans, and adapt to allow people going to the Olympics to travel, just makes me a little angry.
No impact on local businesses I'm sure by closing off huge chunks of roads to the public. No impact to businesses in general having half their workforce turn up an hour late because of over crowding on the trains and buses, and so on.

As a Londoner of course I am proud to live in the host city. Yes I think it is epic how much has been done to make sure London is ready for this 'once in a life time' event. I guess working in the transport industry, living in London and being a keen follower of current affairs, I kind of get the feeling that I am going to drown in the Olympics, and any excitement or enjoyment that could be found in it, will be lost with the overwhelming exposure to the issues caused by the damn things.

OK let me close on a more positive note.....
London 2012, I'm glad it has finally arrived, and am excited to see how it will all turn out. I am proud to have so many people visiting the great city that I live in, and chuffed that I live here and don't have to travel to get to the host city.

Right, I'm going back to sulking about it now. The fun starts tomorrow, the impact begins on my job.

Enjoy 2012 London Olympics people.... someone has to!

An update from the Forest Hill mines.

Well as you can see its all looking a little more organised on the site now. Still not confident there will be no movement, but progress is progress eh.
I wonder what the projected completion date is, I really should look it up.
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P90X update

I know you wanted to read one while catching up on my rants, so here goes.
After training as much as possible while in Florida, I have returned to the UK with sore shoulders from messing about in the pool and the sea. So I have decided before embarking upon my beast month of strict diet and hard training, I will give myself a week to recover.
In the middle of this week I feel tired, lazy and unmotivated. Feelings I am no longer familiar with, so hope to shake them pretty soon. My mind is in other places, and secretly I think my body is pining to train again.

So next week I will be back in the grind, with Amit joining me on my quest for a month I will be in good company.
The team of people cracking on with P90X now is ever growing, and that makes me feel good about the program and myself. Seeing so many people giving it a go drives me on to keep working harder, and maybe inspire a few more.

Paul, Zak, Lee, Ivan, Amit, Rob,Dave, Ivan, Laura, Carly, Jason and more, all officially part of TeamSnaz and going through the motions of P90X. Others also considering and getting ready to start it. Its amazing what a simple conversation with Noel in a car on a Saturday afternoon can lead to.

Roll on next week, I cant wait to get back in to the swing of things, and maybe add a little running to the mix too. Hmmm

In a bit of a pickle right now

Its amazing how one simple thing can push you over the edge isn't it. There you are plodding along, 'coping' then suddenly WHAM you are on your arse!
Coming back from holiday is never easy, especially when its been an epic trip. Getting back into the grind of things, and taking the reins once again can really suck at times, but this isn't about post holiday blues. Well not entirely anyway.
Getting away for a couple of weeks is the best thing that could have happened for me right now, and I have returned with a new sense of being for sure. Obviously however this trip doesn't make everything simply go away. So needless to say there are still some sharp edges to my life. If did however allow me to return fresh, and start over with regards to certain aspects of my life.

The past few days, if I'm honest, I have struggled a bit. A little down, a bit jet-lagged and motivation to exist  a little shaky to say the least. I have taken a week off from P90X to allow my sore shoulders to recover a bit, so that inactivity is not helping either. I am sure I will bounce back from that.

However in a few weeks time its the first anniversary of mums passing, and one I will be marking in a rather strange manner.... Starting a tattoo. This tied in perfectly with me catching up with an episode of 24HRS in A&E last night, in which a lady suffering from cancer was admitted to Kings with very similar symptoms to those mum had a few times. This really hit home, and allowed me to see the whole situation from the outside for the first time. many thoughts came to mind throughout. Very touching indeed.

So really, this is just a cry for attention and sympathy right now I guess, and a kick in the pants. Having been put in my place regarding another matter recently, suddenly I feel a little down about myself, and like I am getting things wrong all over again. I hope that's not the case, as its never my intention to cause offence to anyone. Well that's not true, but if I intend do, I always succeed!

Thanks for reading, I shall now remove myself from the floor, and stop whining.

Done it again!

Apparently I have lied about people, misrepresented them and cast dispersions upon their reputation.
Well if writing things you remember as fact is a lie, then I am one big fat liar!
If remembering things in a different way to others is a sin, then I am a sinner.


To be honest im pretty fucked off right now, but I think im hiding it quite well.


Other than that, I have nothing of interest to say.  

A moment to reflect

With the anniversary of mum's passing fast approaching, and having some time away from everything and everyone to reflect, my mind is free to flow.

Just laying by the pool listening to some choice music tracks, and my mind wanders off for a while. Allowing me to take in the true depth of what's going on, and how different I feel right now.

I can honestly say this is the most relaxed I have felt for so very long now. 3 years of trips away from home, constantly worrying that the call might come. Many years of going away, but still feeling the need to stay in touch with base camp to make sure all was ok.

This year is different, I am in my home from home with my family from family, and feeling so relaxed its unreal. Looking at house prices I can see myself getting my finger out soon in the drive to move away once and for all. Anything left going on at home this year is under control, and the stress levels are non existent.

Laying in the sun, soaking up everything going on around me, then comparing it to previous years, its really crazy. On the flight out here I commented that it was strange not giving mum a kiss on the forehead and telling her I will see her soon. Knowing that when I take pics and videos, I won't be showing them to mum and getting her reactions to them. No calls home, telling the temperature and getting the response 'oh that's just too hot' lol etc. It all amounts to on thing.

A momentary realisation that mum is actually gone.

It takes lots of different but normal things to happen to make it all seem real. And I think this was the final page on 'real things' that needed turning. Don't get me wrong, there is no upset etc, a little sadness (especially with the music playing) but nothing bad. Its a celebration for me. I know mum wanted us to feel free of any guilt, burden and responsibility, and now I feel I am doing as she wanted.

So that's my deep thoughts of the moment. I can go back to laying here, smiling and enjoying myself, and planning how the hell I make this place my home!
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