Saturday, October 31, 2015

Bollox to it!

After deep thought and careful contemplation, the final outcome to my recent train of thought, is, "bollox to it".
A lot has gone on over recent weeks and months, health, personal life, work life, home etc. Lots to think over, loads to consider, and I have realised something. The more I rely on others, the more involvement others have on my day to day life, the more complex things become.

Right now, simplicity rules my life, having found a solitary existence, blocking out all sorts of external influences, and getting into my own solid routine was working well. Then came hospital appointments, changed priorities, and worst of all, a change in the routine I had found.

Training has slipped to one side, my creative mind has turned to absolute shit, and eating is terrible. All stuff three months ago which were high on my list of priorities. I have let myself become distracted, and have fallen victim to myself.

The worst part about the whole thing is my damn mind. Unable to let anything go, dwelling on random crap that just brings me down. Turning the slightest hiccup in to an almighty fuck up in a single heartbeat. If only my brain could just do what it did on meds, and just let shit slide once in a while, I'm sure I could be much happier.

My problem is free time, thinking time, dwelling time. If I stick to my plan and stay busy, my mind doesn't get a look in. The day flies by, spirits stay high, and negativity can just go do one. But having fallen from routine, I have these awkward gaps in my day and week which desperately need plugging. Its almost like a sanity leak.

The dilemma kills me time and time again. Boring but solid routine, or exciting but risky existence, with scope for dive bombing moments of disappointment, which can spiral into moments like this.
I trust routine, I crave routine, but maybe my routine needs a little freshening up. Nothing wrong with change here and there eh.

Right now though, I want to go to sleep this evening, wake on Monday morning with a huge cup full of motivation, a little luck on my side with my achillies, to allow me to get on with life, and slip back into routine. Chances of it happening like that are pretty damn slim, but hey, got to stay positive, right!

So many trains of thought all leaving the station together right now, tugging my heart and mind in so many directions, and it's confusing the hell out of me, wants, desires, ambitions, and inhibitions... Which way to go. Time to take the fall of faith, and just let myself drift into the path which wins me over I guess.

With all that out of my head, I am going to go and lay in bed and stare at the ceiling until my eyes can't stay open any longer. Then drift off into a state of broken sleep, filled with flashing images of the past, the future, and all that terrifies me. And you thought Halloween was a time of fiction and fun. Well, welcome to Halloween in my head! It's not pretty.

I bid you farewell for now, and remember... Bollox to it all !

Friday, October 23, 2015

SoundPEATS Q800 Bluetooth in-ear headphones.

A week ago I was approached by Grace from, and asked if I would be interested in reviewing a pair of their SoundPEATS Q800 Bluetooth in-ear headphones.

Now, I have to admit I was sceptical at first, a pair of affordable, quite cleverly designed headphones, with accessible controls. What was the sound quality going to be like? Surely can't be all that.

Over the past week I have taken the headphones to a variety of locations, in a number of situations, just to see how well they could actually do. So paired with my trust OnePlus 2 I got started.

Let's start at the beginning. A couple of days after speaking with Grace, a box from Amazon arrived on my doorstep. Inside was a neat little box, nicely packed with the headphones, a few pairs of spare and varying sized ear buds, a USB lead for charging, and of course some instructions.

Unpacking the headphones and switching them on for the first time, with the ear bud in, I was greeted with a voice prompt of "power on" followed by a voice prompt for my battery status too, which was "battery level medium". When switching them on again after you have paired them with a device, the additional prompt of "device connected"
Pairing of course is very simple. Using the instructions supplied, and the simple to follow guide of what flashing light meant what, pairing was done in seconds, partially thanks to the simple pairing process on the OnePlus2. Thankfully that is all the setting up that was needed for me, as the earbuds already on the headphones were perfect for me. I will come back to them later.
Once paired, the headphones were plugged in to the USB lead, and given a full charge.

Design wise, alarm bells were again ringing. I take forever to get used to new things on or around my person. Fitness tracker wristbands, sunglasses, and yes even new headphones, run the risk of not lasting with me for long, by irritating me too much to put up with them, regardless of how good they are. It has taken me years to get used to wearing sunglasses, and only recently found happiness with my Oakley's. So the idea of wearing a band around my neck, like a collar, with small wires running to the earbuds worried me.
That said, from the second I put them on, I instantly realised I could barely feel them there, they are so light and ergonomic for my neck. Having nice little leads that run from the band to the earbuds is a lovely solution. Not one I would have imagined would feel quite this comfortable. But in later tests when doing more active things, it was a godsend not having a trailing wire.
The collar unit also houses the controls / buttons for the headphones. With a physical slider switch for ON/OFF and a neat and discreet micro USB port for charging. Along with six buttons, three on either side.

The buttons on the left side give you control over tracks, skipping back and forth, as well as pausing and playing. To the right are 3 more buttons. A + and -  for volume, as well as a phone button for answering and hanging up for phone function, if you are using the headphones with a mobile phone of course. This phone button also doubles as a notification LED, and will flash red or blue, and in sequences depending on what it is trying to tell you.

So on to the actual testing.

First use of the headphones was for a couple of hours, while writing some emails and getting a blog entry completed. So sitting at the desk, with just the noise of my keys on the keyboard to contend with. Sitting stationary and flicking through tracks on Spotify was a good opportunity for me to get to grips with the 6 buttons on the body of the headphones.
Popping the band around my neck and taking my seat at the computer, I put the headphones in and went for the switch to turn them on. First thing I noticed, sitting in the quiet of my office was how the ambient noise from the room almost disappeared as the earbuds went in. Unlike some others I have used, the seal was very good and instant. Flicking the switch and hearing the prompts peel out, it confirmed it was connected to my OnePlus2 . Let the fun begin.

Hitting play, the headphones burst into life, with nice crisp highs, and surprisingly clear mids and highs. With a quick bit of tweaking of the EQ on the phone, and I was in my zone. As I worked at the PC, and Spotify ran through its playlist, I got a chance to put the Q800's through their paces. From regular pop, to violin drum and bass. R&B to trance, the headphones didn't fail to deliver. Even the separation of instruments with classical music was possible when relaxing and immersing myself into the music.
The one big surprise I have to say, was the quality of the bass. With all in-ear headphones, the bass quality comes down to the fitment of the buds in your ears. With the snug fit I have with the standard buds, the bass was wonderfully deep. No distortion to speak of, and clearly able to hear a range of frequencies when listening to dance or trance tracks.
After a couple of hours at the PC, I was done, so flicking the switch to the off position, the voice prompt of "power off" rang out, and that was that. They immediately showed as disconnected on the OnePlus2.

Deciding to give the battery a full workout, I refrained from putting them on to charge, and just put them on the side.

Later that day, going for a long walk, which at points would take me along busy roads, so I decided it would be another great test for the headphones. Wearing a hoodie, I was slightly concious of how the headphone band would sit and look in the wild. However on popping the band around my neck, it slipped effortlessly down and sat nicely within reach, but not too obvious.
For 90 mins at a decent pace, including up and down stairs with some gusto, the ear bugs sat firm. Not needing to be pushed back in or adjusted. Ambient sound from the streets was minimal, although I should add, that as with all in-ear headphones I use, the ability to concentrate and hear road noise when needed was there. Obviously I didn't have the volume cranked right up for safety reason. None the less, when walking even on a busy road, the sound quality was not impaired. A good balance between safety and sound for sure.

By the end of the walking test, the running time was getting close to 4 hours. Half way through the claimed battery life and there was no change in any quality or function of the headphones.

The next day, another chilled out morning was called for, but so was housework. A morning of moving things, cleaning, and everyone's favourite, vacuuming. In went the headphones, on went the music. This mornings choice was ASOT, or A State Of Trance . High energy 2 hour long mix, perfect for the job at hand. Knowing I would be moving around a lot, I decided to leave the phone in one place, to avoid dropping it while doing something. So the phone was placed on a unit in the hallway. This would be a good test for the claimed 10 metre wireless range, especially through walls and doors. I can happily report that they passed with flying colours, and at no point suffered any break-up or loss of quality. From walking out front to put things in the bin and cars, to standing in the rear garden with the dogs, the quality remained solid.
As for the moving around, bending and lifting etc. At no point did an earbud fall out, although I will admit that a couple of adjustments were made. I didn't take note of when these occurred or what caused the movement. Whatever it was, it was not repetitive enough to form a pattern, or cause irritation. So they passed the housework / chores test nicely.
Two hours later the "You've been listening to A State of Trance" came through the headphones (part of the track, not a headphone feature), and that was another 2 hours clocked up on the Q800's.

My final test came the next morning, my return to my workout routine, and time for some higher energy usage. Cross trainer time, or elliptical as it is to some. A close to running pace, for 30 minutes workout awaited them. Flicking the switch on, the "battery level medium" rang out for the first time since starting the test. Or the first I noticed anyway. Possible it did it before the housework at the 4 hour point, but I most likely turned them on before putting them on this time.
So, into the home gym and onto the cross trainer, cranking up the volume to really get in the zone. This was going to be a test again of sound quality, noise pollution and sweat resistance.

With the volume a little higher than I had had it before, just in case there was going to be any whine from the Reebok cross trainer. Picking the running setting on Spotify, and letting it pick the music based on tempo for the duration, the playlist was bound to be mixed, and it was! With a variety across most up tempo genre's. Once again I am happy to report that there was no unwanted outside noise bleeding in. And also that even at higher volume, the sound quality remained solid.
With regards to sweat, heat and comfort while training. I have no negative comments whatsoever. The first concern was that the band / collar, would bounce around and irritate my neck. However they sat nicely, and have to admit at the end of training, I reached up to the sides of my head with the aim to remove my Sony bluetooth over ear headphones. Maybe muscle memory, or possibly just expecting them to be there based on the music which was currently flowing into my ears.

Being able to grab and hold the band while at running pace, to skip a track, change the volume etc is very helpful, especially for such a compact design. Far easier than trying to find in-line controls on other alternatives.
By the end of the session, with sweat pouring, the earbuds still sat tight. No irritating slip of them in the ears, and thanks to their size, not covered in sweat as with my over ears that I usually use on the elliptical.

So, to summarise.
Over all the design vs function is great. Simple but effective design, the as yet unmentioned magnets to hold the ear buds in place when not in use. See how they sit in the pictures when not pulled out. Thanks to handy magnets in the band, they remain in place even when moving the unit around.

Here is a pic of them OUT of their little stowage pods.

Sound quality in general was perfectly acceptable. There were no points while using them where distortion became an issue, not the sound quality became bad. For reference the sound quality on Spotify on my OnePlus2 is set to "extreme" (high quality). The EQ settings on the phone were set to R&B or Dance for the bulk of the time, with no tweaks made by me. Maxx Bass was turned on for a while, but I actually found the bass to be too heavy with this setting on, so off it went.

Battery life. Well in the 7 or 8 hours I have used them for so far, I am yet to get a low battery warning, suffer quality loss, or have them switch off on me. So it seems the 8 hours running time is more than realistic. No complaints from me there. With them easily and quickly recharging via an ultra popular micro USB port, charging is both easy and convenient.

Usability is great for numerous activities, and I have no doubt that I will be packing them for the next trip I take on a plane. Having bought over ear headphones for this purpose previously, it will be interesting to see if the in-ear equivalent can live up to their performance. Having no awkward wires on a plane is a dream. The only negative side I can see in this area, as well as other similar scenarios around the home, is the lack of a manual, wired jack plug. My Sony's have this option, which is helpful when using the in-flight entertainment on a plane, or wanting to plug into an audio device which doesn't support Bluetooth.
But in general, any potential buyer of these headphones would be choosing Bluetooth for a reason, and most likely primarily use Bluetooth devices. So not much of an issue at all.

All in all, I would happily recommend these headphones to anyone looking to buy compact, in-ear Bluetooth headphones. Ideal for using in other activities like cycling, or even maybe on a motorcycle, with the controls remaining accessible on the collar band under any helmet.

Thanks again to Grace from, for getting in touch and giving me the opportunity to try these headphones out. If you need anything else reviewing, please feel free to drop me an email.

*All references to sound quality are based on the "bang for buck" scale. With full acceptance that my more expensive headphones deliver a richer sound, but are also in line with what I would expect for my money. The Q800's stand head and shoulders above a lot of headphones I have used around this price, including hard wired ones.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

What an interesting week its been.

I have had some busy weeks in my life, some confusing ones, and some ground breaking monumental ones, but this one has taken the biscuit really.

I should start by saying, I am writing this blog while testing some SoundPEATS Q800 headphones, and listening to Years and Years. But I am sure I will mention the headphones again at some point, as I am reviewing them for the company.

Right, back to my week...

My week started with a visit from a surveyor to see how much movement there has been in the walls since the house collapse years ago, and to see about starting to make good the damage caused by the movement of the walls. Some fair sized cracks, but he is happy they are now totally stable and work can commence. So that is now another room I can get on with smartening up a bit, and who knows, I might even put a spare bed in there. Just in case one day I have guests. Unlikely I know!

Tuesday was a little busier with a visit from the gas people to do the annual safety check on the place, which I am happy to say was a pass. Last time this guy came to do the check, the cooker was condemned! Doh. Amazingly and almost irritatingly, the guys came pretty early to do the check, which left me with a void in my morning. So I made the most of it and did..... NOTHING!
The afternoon was a bit different, another of my trips to Guys Hospital for another session of ongoing treatment. As its the same ladies I see each time, it makes the visits a little less daunting, and a relationship of humour has been built quickly.

Visiting Guy's is a bit love hate for me. Each time I enter the building I see the signs for Tabbard Annexe and cringe slightly. Remember the many visits with mum during her fight with cancer. The staff in there were always amazing, but I guess it's memories like that which provoke the sadness of the whole matter. Even walking across the car park reminds me of having to rush into the hospital on the day mum collapsed getting out of the car. A trip which resulted in her going through a whole load of tests. Amazing place all the same.
Anyway, thankfully I am NOT visiting Tabbard, so it's not so bad I guess.

Tuesday was also the day that Florida was finally cancelled. Since splitting up, I guess I have always just wondered when the trip would be cancelled, and maybe would have liked it to have happened sooner, but hey, it was hardly unexpected. So no hard feelings or anything. Sure its disappointing, and strange not going to see The Gabbay's for the annual food and insults even of the year haha, but I am sure it will happen sooner or later. It's for the best, and all part of moving on in separate directions, so all is well. Shame British Airways are so harsh with their cancellation fees. 60% 30 days before really takes the biscuit. Not like re-selling a holiday to Florida is exactly going to be hard now is it?

Wednesday was weird, I got up, walked the dogs, went to work, came home and didn't really do much at all. After doing so much on the days prior, it was nice to not have anything to do. Catch up with Gotham which I have been meaning to watch for ages now, do some stretching for my back and achillies, and an early night.

Thursday was an unexpected trip to the vets with Aana. Having gone last week with concerns about her breathing, and being so lethargic at times, a week of antibiotics had not had an effect. The dogs had got into a couple of fights this week too, with the changing behaviours and moods of both causing clashes. One with a very near miss to Aana's eyes. Her leaving her food on Thursday morning was enough to trigger another call to the vets to get her seen asap. A short notice evening appointment was arranged, and I have to be grateful to my work and a colleague for being kind enough to make arrangements allowing me to make the appointment.
Getting Aana in the car raised more concerns on the way to the vets. Her usual playful excited bound to get in the car is gone, and replaced with a hesitant, jerky rocking trying to get in the car.
Arriving at the vets it was nice to see Rafa, the amazing and ever caring man who takes such good care of the dogs, and has a wonderful bond with them both. Aana immediately relaxed as he examined her. Thankfully within a minute of walking in, she presented her symptoms clearly, coughing and choking in the examination room in front of Rafa. So at least he knew exactly what I was trying to explain.
Sadly the examinations were inconclusive, so bloods were taken to check for a few things. I should add, on mentioning that she licks her paw / leg when shaved for a blood draw or cannula, Rafa suggested drawing from the neck, and as quickly as it was said, it was done, no fuss. Accompanied by another of his great stories of being in Spain, and how he drew blood from large flocks of sheep up in the Spanish mountains when he was a young vet. No sheering, just line up and hit the vein.
Another course of antibiotics have been given, and we are back in on Monday to follow up on her progress, and admit her for sedation and proper checks on her throat if needed. Its gonna get expensive, but hey, she is worth it really. The stinky, psychotic little furball.

Friday, I was back in hospital again, so another day off work. Which was nice timing really, as it meant I could keep an eye on Aana too, and see how she is getting on with the antibiotics too. The trip to the hospital was a nice one, out of rush-hour for both trains and the lifts at the hospital. It is strange having to factor in lift waiting time, into your travel time to appointments, but it is a reality.

So, that was my activity for the week. But of course that gets mixed in with a whole load of other stuff, so lets cover that off too.

First up, I should go back to the headphones I am still listening to the Years and Years album on. Midweek I was contacted by someone via twitter, asking if I would be interested in doing a review of their headphones, and writing a blog about it for them. Strange to be approached that way, and no idea why I was selected like that, but honestly, I was grateful for the opportunity, so after doing some checks and speaking to them about it, I accepted. There is a possibility when I am done with the review, that I will be able to arrange a giveaway of another pair of them. So watch this space for the chance to win a pair. I have to say, early days, I'm honestly surprised and pleased with them.
When I got home yesterday evening, the box from Amazon was at my door, and the testing begun.

There have been highs and lows over the past week for sure. Moments of realisation, and a few genuine smiles. Feels strange.
A neighbour I have spoken to for a long time (who now reads this blog from time to time, (nosey cow!) has been kind enough to spend more time chatting, and keeping an eye out for me, so it has been nice to pop around and spend some time chatting with her and her brother (Hamilton fan, poor sod!) about a million and one topics.
I have always been quite solitary, but have always needed a sounding board, an outlet. For years mum played that role, then of course poor Chantal, who was forced to endure my moaning every evening while walking the dogs or watching TV(or trying to). So recently, being on my own has honestly been driving me crazy. All the thoughts, experiences, and noises in my head, trapped there unable to get them out into the open world. Apart of course by blogging them. But that doesn't always work for me.

I have to say at this point, that for a man of my stature, with drives, emotions, and habits like mine, I really do rely on females a LOT in my life. I'm not sure if I trust them more, relate better with women, or its just how it freakishly works out. Either way, I surround myself with women, and some rather gorgeous ones at that. Hopefully, it is a two way thing, and they benefit from me being around too. I would hate to think I impose myself on them, or am a chore.

I do of course speak and socialise with guys too, but I think at some times, rather than opening my soul and revealing the true issues eating away at me, I modify them, and get all testosterone filled, and macho about it, and avoid the issue completely. I have my moments of openness and honesty with some, but that is rare in comparison to how I am in the presence of women. It is almost like there is some male bullshit barrier and awkwardness. Shame really, as when the roles are reversed and a guy wants to chat to me about things, I am usually able to show compassion and be honest about their situation. Maybe it is just me holding back, and making the conversation more awkward than it needs to be. Barriers up, mask on.... Sounds about right for me, but then that is me over thinking things to the extreme, as usual.

Speaking of the women in my life who I find it easy to speak to, respect their opinions, and usually come away feeling better for speaking to, one of them without a doubt has to be Nikki.. Well in fairness there seem to be a lot of people around called Nikki (with that spelling) these days, but I'm sure the right one knows I mean her.
We share a common attitude to everyday life, and find honesty and openness being the best way to live your life. Think it, say it, act on it! So thank you to Nikki for her blatant, say it like it is attitude in our conversations. I would say you have no idea how refreshing and helpful it is, but I actually think you do. Given how frequently the conversations are two way about the same subject and predicaments we both find ourselves in. Last nights brief exchange was both hilarious and grounding, so cheers for that one too.

It has also been a week of realising I'm not as washed up as I maybe thought I was. Broken mentally and physically, it has never been an appealing feature for many, but it would appear I seem to focus on the negatives, and have ignored the positives. Positives others seem to have found in me from our occasional and short encounters. It is quite flattering really, and dare I say motivating too. Inspiring me to think a little higher of myself, and look after myself a bit better. It is probably what I need right now, a boost, and that feel good factor to make me push a little harder to get back into shape, and care for myself, as much as I seem to care for others.
Sure I have physical limitations which I need to explore and push a little to get to where I want, but hopefully a little positive mental attitude will go a long way for me.

The issue I have now is staying in control. Not letting the moment run away with me, not get caught up in the moment, and to take baby steps. Making sure that each step is the right one, a wanted one, and taking me where I feel comfortable and want to be. This is one of my biggest issues. Past being a coward who is too timid to take the first step onto a path. After taking the first step, my brain takes off running. I am miles along the road, and lost inside my head within seconds. Thinking is fine, taking the time to give matters thought is important in fact, but over thinking, obsessing and dreaming up doom outcomes is where my head works best. So if I have darkened your inbox with messages for chats in the past, prepare yourself. Shit might get real soon!

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in all this is, after a long, interesting and slightly challenging week, thanks to some great women, I am back up there. In a happy place with a positive mind. So thank you all. Three main ones ;)

And finishing up with this vague little gem. Thank you for making me realise I wasn't imagining things all this time.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Time marches on.

It's true, no matter what is going on in your life, what has happened, if you are paying attention or not, time waits for no man (yes, yes, or woman!).

It takes a glitch in the routine, a break from the norm to make you realise where you actually are right now. Like the monotonous daily commute, from time to time we look up and think "how the hell did I get here?" In reality we do that a lot, and think nothing of it.

However when something bigger happens, a change of job, a death, a break-up (well of course I was going to squeeze that one in somehow), once we get control of the spinning and pull out of the impending spiral of doom, suddenly it becomes apparent that things have changed around us.

This could be in many different ways, people, things, places. A bit vague maybe? Then I shall dig a little deeper.
For example, the people around us. There are those close to us, who we engage with daily. We know them well, and they form part of the structure of our daily routine. As simple as a shopkeeper, as important as a partner, they are all the fabric of our reality. Then there are those we tolerate. People we don't get much of a choice but to interact with, however wouldn't if we could help it. Co-workers are the main category here, although friends of friends can fall into this one quite often too.
Then there is "the rest". The background noise so to speak. We can come across the same people day in day out and never really pay any attention to them whatsoever. Or very little at best.

The crazy thing is, in times of confusion and need, all roles are reversed, and priorities change. In our routine, the background noise settles, and almost goes away, and we focus on the other two categories. But when routine is gone, all the noise returns.
An example if I may.
A busy underground station,  full of faceless people making their own noises, all adding up to a crushing bombardment of sound. On a good day, in good company, engrossed in conversation with the friend, the sound is barely there, we are cocooned in our safe, happy world. Take that person away, and add a simple niggling concern to your mind, and the platform is suddenly deafening. So much noise, hard to think, the mind goes into overdrive.

Thankfully, finding ourselves out in the wilderness of the outer circles of life, isn't too common, and in general we don't go through it too many times in life. Depending on what sort of person you are will no doubt dictate how you cope out there. Overthinkers beware! It's is a minefield packed with booby traps and potholes. That said, there is a way through, so don't panic. For most, it is a simple journey finding their way back into the security of what remains of the inner circles. Supported by our caring friends, normality returns quickly, and we are back on track.

All that said and done, there IS a point to this, so let me see if I can find it in the mess.
How can I put this without sounding too stupid. Who am I trying to kid, most of my blogs sound a little bit daft at the best of times.
We are like cogs, and to operate properly we need a certain amount of corresponding cogs to work with. Being like this gives us support, and allows us to support others at the same time (nice eh!). So when something changes, we need to ensure the cogs keep turning. For some of us we prioritise ourselves, and some of us focus on the others. Either way, the time we spend paying more attention to our surroundings is important. It gives us time to appreciate that its not all just background noise, and that some of it is good stuff. It's almost like an intake of new friends.
Be it, socialising more, and realising what people bring to the table, taking more time to talk, and appreciating just how much you have in common with others. Or sometimes that stark reality, that you were living a lie! Whatever it is, to coin a phrase "It's good to talk".

When we talk, we listen. Well that's the idea anyway. I seem to excel at talking, but listening is a weakness at times. In fact talking is important to me, it's almost like a release valve, getting all the excess pressure out of my head, and just out there. Doesn't need deep, intellectual conversation, just a sounding board to blurt it all out to once in a while. As you might have guessed, occasionally I use my blog for this purpose, and this could actually be one of those times.

Anyway.... When we listen, we engage, and connect with people, and this is the key to it all.
From time to time when these encounters happen, we realise we actually enjoy the interaction of a person, and wonder why it was so hard to have bothered with this before. Then, before you know it, they are part of the routine.

So I guess what I am trying to say, and I have to guess at this point as it has gone all over the place now... The point is, change isn't a bad thing. Yup, it's unsettling, sure it leaves us feeling lost and vulnerable at times. But the positive side is, it is like us having a review of our lives, and who we surround ourselves with. A short moment to take stock of what you have in life, and what you are missing from your life. And most of all, an opportunity to make changes for the better, and fill those gaps.

Maybe the opportunity will present, and you will shy away. Maybe you will try and make something out of nothing. Or maybe just for once you will throw caution to the wind, scream "FUCK IT" from the highest point you can find, and just take a chance for once.

However you have read this, please take great comfort in the knowledge that I have got all this off my chest, and somewhere in all those words, I have made sense of what is going on once more in my complex little head. Take a look outside once in a while.... It's really not so bad.