She may be taking a rest, but it feels great to be here. Connected, comforting, and just doing the right thing really. There is little I can do as breath is short for her, so conversation has to be kept short. Instead I find it easier to talk to her, so she can listen in short spurts. Local things, messages from people, and interesting news. Not money worries, or other depressing stuff.
Its great to actually grasp with what is needed, and to understand how best to be with her, rather than overwhelming her, and bombarding her with talk, questions and pressure to perform.
As she drifts in and out I just continue from where I was, as if she just closed her eyes. That way she doesn't feel the need to apologise all the time for dropping off.
At the moment she is snoozing, and sounds a little uncomfortable. Its times like this that honesty surfaces, and the masking of any pain or discomfort appears. Things to note for the next time a doctor or nurse does the rounds.
She really isn't very well right now, and from what I see there is unlikely to be any significant improvement from this state. Maybe an infection will pass a little and she may perk up. But from the wasting away of her muscle and tissue, she is unlikely to recover much strength or mobility from this state.
Its sad to see this unfold, but at the same time its natures cruel way, and there is little that can be done. So it is easier to try and accept it and go with the flow to be the best support to her I can.
Rather than mental turmoil within, and struggling to be of any use.
The final day may be a long way off, or very close. Whatever the case, I will be here whenever I can, just to be company for her, and comfort when needed.
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