Happy New Year

While you think I may finally be joining in the spirit of things, embracing tradition, and being positive about things for once, you qre sadly mistaken.

Instead I say those words with my tongue pressed firmly in my cheek. Happy New Year, seriously? The is nothing wrong with wanting to write off a bad year, put the past behind you and forget it all, but its the hope we enter the new year with, and pressure we put ourselves under that cracks me up.

In 2010 I lost my oldest friend John Littlebury to a motorcycle accident, at the end of the year mum was diagnosed with brain cancer to reinforce her breast cancer. So as I entered 2011 I did the traditional thing of accepting mum would pass soon, but planned for a better year. However soon I would discover all this planning, hoping and promising things to ourselves is hopeless. No one could have predicted Tas dying so suddenly, Graeme to take such a decline and pass like that, and for me personally, for my mental state to reach rock bottom, almost lose my job of 11 years, and then for mums condition to fall off a cliff and for me to watch her pass kind of so unexpectedly.

All the wishes being batted around right now, there is no harm in it really. But I feel for those with so much invested in the New Year thing. Face facts, about 5% of the population will start their New Year hung over, great start. Maybe 1% of those will spend it in hospital or receiving some form of treatment, not forgetting the other poor sods who have to work through the new year in order to nurse and mother the pathetic people back to full health again.

What I am getting at here is, please don't promise yourself 2012 will be a better year, or hope for too much from it. Most of what will happen is totally out of your hands, and for those dieting, seeking new employment, or wanting to change their lives, I wish you the best of luck. But just remember, the New Year is a dawn like any other, the sun will rise, and new day will begin, and opportunity will once again present itself to us. Treat every day like a new chance, not just tomorrow, and live it like it was the last, as for quite a few, it quite literally will be their last.

Stay safe, have fun, and I leave you with my preferred greeting.... Happy New Day.... Embrace it!
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I GOT IT!!

No stupid, not an infection or anything like that. I have worked out the reason of why I'm feeling the way I am. All I have done for days now is slept. I am not unhappy, not miserable or depressed, but whenever I'm on my own I just........ sleep!

It has just occurred to me this is the first extended period I have been on my own since mum passed. Its not that its Xmas, I'm sure of that. Just time to reflect for the first time in a long time, and there is a lot to reflect on.

I don't think its a bad thing, but having just woken from a type of dream I have not had for months, the signs are clear and obvious. I chose to spend most of Xmas alone, as I usually do anyway, maybe it was a subconscious decision to invoke this?

Really I would love to have spent a bit more time catching up with people I have not seen for a while, up and down the country and faces and embraces I miss dearly, but circumstances just have not allowed for it. Maybe I will make an effort over the coming week.

I just seem to have run out of steam right now, the ideas are there, but the motivation lacks, seriously. Decorating the house has come to an abrupt halt, even though I have the materials to do what I need to do.

Right now I need a kick up the bum, and a big one at that. So much lays ahead of me in the coming months, and again maybe that is something that is weighing on my mind, I'm not sure, but I need to get ready to deal with these things as they all start to arrive.

Right, time for some music on my new headphones, A-Jays 3's you know lol, and then try and get off my arse. Maybe a long walk?
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WTF

OK so as this letter says, this is my first involvement in this debt, until now my sister has been good enough to deal with mums affairs.

However... Right at this very second I am angry and offended by the language used in the letter. Yes I have agreed a payment plan, but never was a date discussed. And yes a sum is outstanding, but this is Day 1 for me, so mention of debt collection agencies etc in their first written contact with me is somewhat OTT.

I know it is a letter to my sister which I am cc'ed in on, but maybe as first contact they could have gone to the effort of writing to me separately, maybe even emailing me to first check a suitable payment date.

I am sure most will think I'm over reacting, but this has been a farce from Day 1 with this funeral director, with misinformation, and a number of other issues which I won't go into right now.

Friendly family run business..... Hmmmm

So much going on, so little time.

Time to blog that is. It has once again been a while since I managed to write anything meaningful, so as the dust settles, quite literally, I thought I would take a few mins out.

Currently sitting at the kitchen table watching the timer on the cooker counting down, coming closer to the moment my dinner is ready. Exciting or what. However in this case it is. I have undertaken a challenge (my own) to do something about the weight I have been gaining recently, and am in the first week of taking direct action.

Setting myself a target of around 1000 calories a day, and making sure I return to my original physical routines of walking the dogs etc, I am hoping to make some headway into the excess I am carrying. In the first few days as the body adjusts, losses are inevitable, but maintaining the routine and the loss is key. So I am having cereal in the mornings, fruit and snacks in the afternoon, and finishing up with a high protein dinner. Occasionally some fruit or cereal a little later if still actually hungry.

My starting point was 247lb, and the first goal is to drop that below 240, anything with 23* will signal the arrival at the first goal. Over all weight as a number isn't the objective, waist size and physical fitness is the true goal here and one I am dead set on.

In other news, major refurbishment of the house is under way, with the lounge being stripped and plastered this week. New roof going on, and some serious decorating to be done over the coming weeks that's for sure. Some great ideas in my head, now to turn them in to reality, that's the hard part.

Other than that, the main story has to be I'm DRUG FREE, over 3 weeks now, and about the only side effect as such is my lack of concentration, and memory loss from time to time, on a very small and short term scale. I'm forgetful, nothing more lol.

Hmmm what else was I going to say.....

Not a lot really at this point, other than to say you can follow my diet progress on Twitter. @therealslimsnaz . I was going to blog it all again but with my train of thought like it is, I thought best to keep the character count down.

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Long time, no blog

Well it has been hasn't it! I haven't looked at the date of the last one, but I know its been a while now.
So what's changed. Well I am 2 weeks clean from anti depressants, and feeling my normal self again. I have put weight on and know I need to sort myself out before it gets out of control again. The clothes are already starting to take the strain.
I have also just spoken to my aunt after not seeing her for a good few weeks now. He status is a bit up in the air at the mo, so I will have to make some more calls to find out what's really going on. She has requested no visitors til after Xmas now, and has a hospital appointment this afternoon as a follow up from one last week. So I'm not quite sure what's going on there. A call to Chris is needed.

So what's ahead for me. Well Xmas is around the corner, but I won't be doing much about that to be honest. Got work going on in and on the house at the moment, so the place is a bloody mess. Hallway in the middle of decorating, bathroom being torn apart, new roof being fitted, so the driveway is a mess. Oh its a great dusty place to be *sniff sniff.

My plan, get away from it all for a bit, get some fresh air on the day and enjoy it with myself. While trying to resist the temptations of fatty foods over the festive period.

To be honest, the whole weight thing is the important part to me right now, so I really wanna take the bull by the horns and get back under control and feeling healthier again. My poor Specialized Hardrock Pro really needs a good workout, so come Jan I want to be back on that again, and into a routine with the dogs, getting out twice a day.

Aaaah this looks rubbish, so I will try blogging again later.

Peace!
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