So very lost!

For the first time in days I have some down time. On my own, relaxing and time to take in what's happened this week. Most importantly the passing of Graeme Breen. Now I know I have spoken of this before but suddenly I am overwhelmed by a deep feeling of loss and emptiness. How can this be so? How can someone so dear to me, to loving to so many possibly be gone? Can it really be true that I will never see his cheeky little face again!

As I lay here alone in bed, thinking of all the silly and sentimental times we shared, sadness washes over me, and tears form in my eyes. I want so desperately to cry a river of tears for such a loss, but the flood gates hold them back. Such emotion is rushing through my veins right now. Anger, frustration and utter confusion. Someone must have something wrong, surely... Please!

To have been trusted in his inner circle, told his deepest thoughts, and being someone he could turn to in times of need has been nothing less than an honour. To have shared time with him so recently after coming out of hospital, even if I did descend upon him and his parents house without invite, gives me some relief. In knowing I wrote my true feelings for him to see, and to have spoken about so much on that visit again makes me feel a little more relief that I managed that.

Is it possible to be so full of emptiness? Can you be consumed by an overwhelming feeling of absolutely nothing? If its not, then I have no idea what I feel right now, other than torn open, and emptied of all understanding of how things work, and why we do all this, only for life to do something like this to someone so precious.

I hope one day to have even one tenth of the friends and respect that graeme had. For such a little man, he was a mighty force, and made a huge impact on so many. Battling illness, offering support, pushing boundaries, and just being a great friend to so many, he will be remembered for so very much. A small man with a huge heard, a quiet guy with a mighty voice. His footprints on my heart, and voice in my head will live on until my own final breath.

Regards
Michael

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