That helpless feeling.

Been here before, seeing someone so poorly, and not being able to do anything for them but it never gets any easier.

This morning my aunt was alert and a little chatty, I didn't stay for long as her mouth is very dry and talking can get painful, mum was the same. Nothing worse than making someone talk to be polite when it is causing them pain or discomfort. 

This afternoon I have come back to spend a little more time here, and to see if she needs anything else. And of course to come and see the nurses lol (joke). This time she seems a lot more tired, and less responsive. Rather than waking from her slumber to greet me and tell me how she was, I got a little head nod. 

Unable to take her hand either as her hands are gripped in tight fists. Before we have held hands for the visit, with some head strokes for good measure. In recent visits at home she had been slumped a little jn her chair, head forwards in what looked like an uncomfortable position but one she was happy with. Since being in the home she has been more horizontal, but today is more upright and slumped again. I asked if she was ok, and she said she felt ok with it. Doesn't want a drink either. So I am sitting in the corner quiet as a church mouse. 

There are roadworks outside and a loud tv on next door, so there is plenty of ambient noise around. The gulls calling as they fly by the windows, and a lovely cool sea breeze coming jn the window. Bliss apart from the obvious situation.

Wish I could do more, but for now all her meds have stopped and her pain medication has increased to get control of the pain management. Hopefully it is this that is causing the restful mature I am seeing right now.

Some might question the point of silent visits, but her knowing I am here is calming for her she is not alone in a strange place this way, and for me, I feel like I am trying to do something to help and am on hand if she should need me for anything, or anyone else should need me for that matter.

So I shall check with the nurses before I leave to see if there is anything I can do before I leave again, then off to see Chris and hand over the baton. She is coming here in a while to help with Joan's tea to see if she will eat a little. I might come back with her and just wait outside this time.

Til next time.....

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