I guess the time of year doesn't help much with things, and a lot of people are heading in the same direction right now. Back down the rabbit hole in preparation for the short days, more time spent in darkness, and the gloominess of winter. Not to mention the stresses and strains associated with the "festive season".
So at least if nothing else, I don't feel surprised or alone as I pace in circles at the entrance to the rabbit hole.
Lots going on in life as usual for me, some putting a little extra strain on my mind, other self inflicted things weighing heavily on me both physically and mentally. At the start of the year, setting myself a realistic distance goal on the bike was a good idea. However as the year has progressed, the self imposed stresses have started to show through. Passing my preset goal much earlier than expected led me to aim higher, and higher... To the point where although officially I have passed my goals massively, I am still coaxing myself to push harder. Physically it's taken its toll, mentally I am starting to beat myself up a bit to achieve every mini-goal I have set since then.
Mid way through the year I had the energy and get up and go to do some running too, but soon realised I was spreading myself a bit thin. That said, I had avoided injury up until this point, so it made sense to back off from the running, and focus on wellness and the initial goals. Now later in the year, I am missing running, but lacking the energy to run too. So I am really looking forward to the new year, and new beginnings. Less riding, more running, more stretching, and more about looking after myself, rather than beating the hell out of myself day in day out.
Physical battering aside, my mind is starting to feel the strain of day to day life. Getting up later, having less energy or inclination to do anything other than what is officially on my agenda. Things that need doing can wait, non urgent things can just be forgotten about. Even getting out of bed for trainer rides in the morning is becoming a bit of a chore. Sleep is shocking, with about 45 mins a night of deep sleep. Only the first hour of sleep I get nightly seems to be worth it. Once I have woken at 1-2am, I may as well get up, as it is all downhill from there on.
Nothing is on my mind really. Life is busy, has it's challenges, and a few boulders have been thrown in the road recently, but in general, life is good. A far cry to years gone by where I would have struggled to tell you anything positive about my life. But still I find myself loitering at the entrance to the damn rabbit hole.
Focus is needed, a reboot too, and hopefully that is what the time off over Xmas, the trip to Wales, and the start of a new year will give me. Time and space to hit the reset, recharge a little, and get to grips with what I need to do to get the right results for myself for 2019.
A few ideas, some new goals, a new project or two. All sounds good, now I just need to put pen to paper, draw up the proper plans.
One of the key things for me is physical well-being. I know my body has taken a bit of a beating this year, so next year will be different. More running, or should that just be running, given how little I have done this year. A focus on stretching, recovery, and maintenance is also on the cards, with a return to yoga, and getting muscles like my Psoas recovered and back to full flexibility. Pain pain go away!
On top of that, I want to get back to a daily morning routine, be it floor, gym, HIIT or bike trainer. I remember back to the days of my first round of P90X, and remember feeling supercharged every day. Starting out with some physical activity is really a great way to get the body and mind into the right place. And I think that is the balance I am looking for here.
Physical activity equates to a stronger mind. Be it the endorphins released from the buzz of the training, to the positive feelings and state of mind from being active, and feeling good about yourself. For me it works a treat, so as we progress back towards Spring 2019, I want to arrive fresh, and fully charged in both mind and body.
Until then I just need to make sure I check in with myself regularly, and stay on the level. I know I am vulnerable, but I also know I can stay in control, and do what is needed to stay out of that rabbit hole this year.
I know there are others out there circling too, and would urge them to stay positive, keep active, don't lock those feelings away, and make sure you speak to someone (or the internet like me). Bringing all the thoughts to forefront of your mind, and processing them openly is a great way to rationalise what you are feeling, and breaking the cycle of doom and gloom which shows its face so quickly at times like this.
Take care all :)
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Monday, December 3, 2018
Monday, June 18, 2018
And so it continues....
The ongoing saga of community forums, and refusing to let them breathe.
When the old forum started to die off, one of the biggest complaints was that people were having their posts edited, moved, and condensed into other older, sometimes unrelated threads. Today a perfectly good thread, asking for advice has been merged into a cutesie little thread.
Sure no forum wants 20 threads about the same sort of thing, but sometimes it's needed. Sometimes people who participated in the older thread, and are done with it, see it pop up again, and just ignore it. Leaving poor Dave's new post out in the wilderness where no one cares about it. Had the new thread he started been left, and left with the title he posted it with, someone might have bothered to read it.
In turn, they may have replied, and a whole new conversation would be started. But alas, for some (who insist on maintaining control, and not being able to leave things alone for five minutes) this is all too much, and it needs sorting out. Topic title changes, moved into a sub-forum you may or may not subscribe to, and merged into oblivion. Poor Dave, he only wanted some advice on a nice Chinese to use!
Of course, if it is ANOTHER BLOODY COFFEE SHOP, it immediately deserves two things. It's own thread, and a test of the all important "flat white"!
Things which are not relevant to the area are not permitted, after all, who wants to just chat with locals. General Chatter was always one of the busiest forums on the forums I ran, but this is apparently not welcome in local forums these days, unless of course it one of the items on the agenda to ram down peoples throats.
Politics have no place on a community forum in my opinion. Of course they will pop up from time to time in conversation, and it can delicately be put that its not the place to delve into it.
However some feel it is appropriate the tout local politics all over a local forum, maybe even dominate the forum with political views. Of course, we are all entitled to an opinion, and once stated, that is all that is needed. Full on debate however..... overkill!
Forum killer in fact. Drawing out the anger and intent in some, provocation to use stronger and stronger language. Where does it all end? Well I will tell you where..... With the final say of the person who can, and usually will close the thread after having their say.
Or in some cases, posts will be edited or removed if they cause too much upset, or are damaging to reputations (for some at least)
Watching on from afar, recent posts about a local political meetings which were disrupted, it is easy to see the same pattern once again. People speaking out against the thread author (and forum owner) , and one by one being shot down by the posting of Wiki pages, links to news stories (which support the post) and comments berating and belittling those daring to have an opposing opinion.
Point this out, and it is either denied, or you are attacking the owner.
Most threads ending with the post being moved to another section of the forum where many fear to tread, not wishing to get tangled up in political venom, but preferring to keep topics light and local.
So, I want to put this nicely, and as unbiased as possible.
I know you want the forums to succeed, I believe you when you say you love the area you live in, and want to see what is best for it. (even if your actions contradict your words at times)
So, a message from an ever growing group of people (not a movement against you!)
Please stop being overwhelming and overpowering on the forum. To succeed it needs space, room to breathe, and people to be allowed to express themselves freely. In the actual definition of the word, not the one you consider to be the right version.
Everything is NOT political, remove politics from the forum.
All the hidden "opt in" forums make the landing page of the forum look dead, as well as pretty dull.
Here is a challenge. Step back, give it a month, trust the other moderators, let it do its thing.
Do you not see that time and time again, people post saying they feel something is overpowering the forum, and instead of listening, you shout. Shouting people down, telling them you know better. But all the while it is those people who make the forum what it is. Show some respect.
Only today two users have been blasted for simply saying they disagree with the way certain posts come across.
I know you think this is personal, I know you think I want the forum to die, but you could not be further from the truth if you tried. I simply don't like you or the way you treat the users. As well as users on other platforms too.
So that's that, I can't be more honest really.
The local forums have done some great things, great minds have been thrust together, and peoples problems solved. But right now, it is neither friendly nor welcoming, especially to the casual observer.
Your move.
When the old forum started to die off, one of the biggest complaints was that people were having their posts edited, moved, and condensed into other older, sometimes unrelated threads. Today a perfectly good thread, asking for advice has been merged into a cutesie little thread.
Sure no forum wants 20 threads about the same sort of thing, but sometimes it's needed. Sometimes people who participated in the older thread, and are done with it, see it pop up again, and just ignore it. Leaving poor Dave's new post out in the wilderness where no one cares about it. Had the new thread he started been left, and left with the title he posted it with, someone might have bothered to read it.
In turn, they may have replied, and a whole new conversation would be started. But alas, for some (who insist on maintaining control, and not being able to leave things alone for five minutes) this is all too much, and it needs sorting out. Topic title changes, moved into a sub-forum you may or may not subscribe to, and merged into oblivion. Poor Dave, he only wanted some advice on a nice Chinese to use!
Of course, if it is ANOTHER BLOODY COFFEE SHOP, it immediately deserves two things. It's own thread, and a test of the all important "flat white"!
Things which are not relevant to the area are not permitted, after all, who wants to just chat with locals. General Chatter was always one of the busiest forums on the forums I ran, but this is apparently not welcome in local forums these days, unless of course it one of the items on the agenda to ram down peoples throats.
Politics have no place on a community forum in my opinion. Of course they will pop up from time to time in conversation, and it can delicately be put that its not the place to delve into it.
However some feel it is appropriate the tout local politics all over a local forum, maybe even dominate the forum with political views. Of course, we are all entitled to an opinion, and once stated, that is all that is needed. Full on debate however..... overkill!
Forum killer in fact. Drawing out the anger and intent in some, provocation to use stronger and stronger language. Where does it all end? Well I will tell you where..... With the final say of the person who can, and usually will close the thread after having their say.
Or in some cases, posts will be edited or removed if they cause too much upset, or are damaging to reputations (for some at least)
Watching on from afar, recent posts about a local political meetings which were disrupted, it is easy to see the same pattern once again. People speaking out against the thread author (and forum owner) , and one by one being shot down by the posting of Wiki pages, links to news stories (which support the post) and comments berating and belittling those daring to have an opposing opinion.
Point this out, and it is either denied, or you are attacking the owner.
Most threads ending with the post being moved to another section of the forum where many fear to tread, not wishing to get tangled up in political venom, but preferring to keep topics light and local.
So, I want to put this nicely, and as unbiased as possible.
I know you want the forums to succeed, I believe you when you say you love the area you live in, and want to see what is best for it. (even if your actions contradict your words at times)
So, a message from an ever growing group of people (not a movement against you!)
Please stop being overwhelming and overpowering on the forum. To succeed it needs space, room to breathe, and people to be allowed to express themselves freely. In the actual definition of the word, not the one you consider to be the right version.
Everything is NOT political, remove politics from the forum.
All the hidden "opt in" forums make the landing page of the forum look dead, as well as pretty dull.
Here is a challenge. Step back, give it a month, trust the other moderators, let it do its thing.
Do you not see that time and time again, people post saying they feel something is overpowering the forum, and instead of listening, you shout. Shouting people down, telling them you know better. But all the while it is those people who make the forum what it is. Show some respect.
Only today two users have been blasted for simply saying they disagree with the way certain posts come across.
I know you think this is personal, I know you think I want the forum to die, but you could not be further from the truth if you tried. I simply don't like you or the way you treat the users. As well as users on other platforms too.
So that's that, I can't be more honest really.
The local forums have done some great things, great minds have been thrust together, and peoples problems solved. But right now, it is neither friendly nor welcoming, especially to the casual observer.
Your move.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Highs and lows
Without a doubt the most powerful drug know to humans it the mind. Yes Obviously the mind is affected by drugs, but the urges, sensations it creates all on its own are so damn powerful. Taking a perfectly good day into the pits, or a terrible day into the skies in a flash.
Some might say the heart plays a part in that, and maybe in a metaphorical way it can, in the same way we suffer heartbreak etc. But the truth is it is our thoughts and feelings which truly control our mood and state of mind.
Many years ago, before a night out, feeling down, a friend took a whole cocktail of drugs which would have most completely off their face, and high into the heavens. But seemingly over-riding the effects of the drugs, his mind kept him low as can be. Thought process and ability to function however was as affected as you would expect. Nothing but his own thought process was going to free him from this spiral.
As anyone who read the last few blogs will know, I have been on a bit of a whirlwind tour of my mind recently, dropping to basement level a few days ago, without warning, or indication that anything was wrong, my mind just bombed. Being quite familiar with lows like this, I prepared for the worst, and got myself ready for a long low period. Yet for some reason (part of which I understand) I bounced back, stronger and harder than I ever recall. By the next morning I was back to my old self +10% more. Strange for me.
For a long time now it has been clear to me that I am influenced by those around me, affected by their moods and state of mind. Am I a mood leech or something, or do I just get affected by trying to make others feel better at my own expense. Draining myself of mental energy for the sake of others? Strange, but I really don't know.
I had lunch with a good friend yesterday, speaking of lots of subjects including one very prominent at the moment to me. Speaking about it, I made perfect sense of the two conflicting sides of me which battle it out, trying to justify my behaviour towards certain others, and make sure that things are not totally one sided. But the truth is, its natural in today's life to give and not take, or vice versa. Sadly my tiny mind struggles with this concept at times, and for that, I pay the price.
Sometimes I wonder if I carry out apparently selfless acts for moral gratitude, from no other than myself. Like an arsonist who likes to watch their fire burn, gloat in the control of the situation and feed from its energy, I wonder if I am the same. Do I get some form of satisfaction from 'helping' others, or am I just getting close gloat on their misfortunes. Only to be drawn in, and feeling obligated to help. The two sides of my mind once again in conflict.
As ever, songs play a huge part in driving my moods, and there are certainly a few in my playlists recently provoking emotions for sure. But how.... Well simple.. My mind. Like I say, the most powerful drug known to humans. Taking the words of others used as lyrics for a song. Translating them in a way where they fit to my state of mind, thoughts or emotions, and turning them into powerful musical messages to myself. Stirring my emotions, and putting my mind into places of happiness and sadness. Sometimes in just minutes.
The drive to work can be torture, the wrong song at the wrong time and its all over for me, the day ruined in a flash. Or on the flip side the day is made in a second.
I have but a few influences on my mind recently, but powerful ones none the less. Conflicting, complex and confusing as hell, but the main thing is, im on a high, and I intend on staying here.
At times like this, my blog plays a key role, so my apologies for any weird ramblings like this that might appear over the coming days or weeks. But just know that getting it off my chest really halps with things, just like it did the other day. That simple Boom! entry changed a lot for me. So if you have things on your mind, trying to figure them out, get them onto paper or a screen. Better still if you can find anyone to listen, talk. Verbalising things can sometimes make so much sense. At times as I am saying something, I am understanding it at the same time.
The mind eh!
PS, I bought a new 'REAL' keyboard as I have a lot of writing planned over the coming weeks, so I am a happy man right now, loving typing once again.
Have a great day, and don't let that mind of yours mess about with you.
Some might say the heart plays a part in that, and maybe in a metaphorical way it can, in the same way we suffer heartbreak etc. But the truth is it is our thoughts and feelings which truly control our mood and state of mind.
Many years ago, before a night out, feeling down, a friend took a whole cocktail of drugs which would have most completely off their face, and high into the heavens. But seemingly over-riding the effects of the drugs, his mind kept him low as can be. Thought process and ability to function however was as affected as you would expect. Nothing but his own thought process was going to free him from this spiral.
As anyone who read the last few blogs will know, I have been on a bit of a whirlwind tour of my mind recently, dropping to basement level a few days ago, without warning, or indication that anything was wrong, my mind just bombed. Being quite familiar with lows like this, I prepared for the worst, and got myself ready for a long low period. Yet for some reason (part of which I understand) I bounced back, stronger and harder than I ever recall. By the next morning I was back to my old self +10% more. Strange for me.
For a long time now it has been clear to me that I am influenced by those around me, affected by their moods and state of mind. Am I a mood leech or something, or do I just get affected by trying to make others feel better at my own expense. Draining myself of mental energy for the sake of others? Strange, but I really don't know.
I had lunch with a good friend yesterday, speaking of lots of subjects including one very prominent at the moment to me. Speaking about it, I made perfect sense of the two conflicting sides of me which battle it out, trying to justify my behaviour towards certain others, and make sure that things are not totally one sided. But the truth is, its natural in today's life to give and not take, or vice versa. Sadly my tiny mind struggles with this concept at times, and for that, I pay the price.
Sometimes I wonder if I carry out apparently selfless acts for moral gratitude, from no other than myself. Like an arsonist who likes to watch their fire burn, gloat in the control of the situation and feed from its energy, I wonder if I am the same. Do I get some form of satisfaction from 'helping' others, or am I just getting close gloat on their misfortunes. Only to be drawn in, and feeling obligated to help. The two sides of my mind once again in conflict.
As ever, songs play a huge part in driving my moods, and there are certainly a few in my playlists recently provoking emotions for sure. But how.... Well simple.. My mind. Like I say, the most powerful drug known to humans. Taking the words of others used as lyrics for a song. Translating them in a way where they fit to my state of mind, thoughts or emotions, and turning them into powerful musical messages to myself. Stirring my emotions, and putting my mind into places of happiness and sadness. Sometimes in just minutes.
The drive to work can be torture, the wrong song at the wrong time and its all over for me, the day ruined in a flash. Or on the flip side the day is made in a second.
I have but a few influences on my mind recently, but powerful ones none the less. Conflicting, complex and confusing as hell, but the main thing is, im on a high, and I intend on staying here.
At times like this, my blog plays a key role, so my apologies for any weird ramblings like this that might appear over the coming days or weeks. But just know that getting it off my chest really halps with things, just like it did the other day. That simple Boom! entry changed a lot for me. So if you have things on your mind, trying to figure them out, get them onto paper or a screen. Better still if you can find anyone to listen, talk. Verbalising things can sometimes make so much sense. At times as I am saying something, I am understanding it at the same time.
The mind eh!
PS, I bought a new 'REAL' keyboard as I have a lot of writing planned over the coming weeks, so I am a happy man right now, loving typing once again.
Have a great day, and don't let that mind of yours mess about with you.
Friday, February 25, 2011
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