Sexism!

A very common word to hear these days, seemingly becoming a generic term for any situation where the gender card can be played. Much like racism. That is not to say that both issues are not genuine and serious. But more that the frequency at which it is used, and the situations it is applied to, somewhat waters down the seriousness of the term, and makes it seem like an epidemic and common place.

So what does it actually mean?

noun

1.

attitudes or behavior based on traditional stereotypes of gender roles.

2.

discrimination or devaluation based on a person's sex or gender, as inrestricted job opportunities, especially such discrimination directedagainst women.

3.

ingrained and institutionalized prejudice against or hatred of women;misogyny.

As we can see there are a number of meanings, some of which somewhat conflict, or at least cause confusion. Stereotyping is the most commonly used example in current times, certainly in an issue which I will come to later, employment! However the second two are the more serious definitions, and ones that get my attention.

See, the issue I have here is, to combat discrimination, we discriminate. We have employment drives for more ethnic minorities,  or more females in certain roles. This is open discrimination, simply telling British white males they many NOT apply for the positions as they are the wrong colour, gender or religion. What would happen if there was a MEN ONLY employment drive, or whites only etc.
Do you see what I am getting at here.

Fighting discrimination, in itself causes discrimination. Legally backed discrimination at that, and sanctioned from the highest levels.

Whatever happened to "may the best person win" (see how I avoided "man" there!)
When it comes to jobs, there are some that can be done by a trained monkey ( like my job) and there are others which require a certain set of skills. Common sense says that you employ the best character suited for the job, with the best skill sets possible.
So what happens when three men an a woman are shortlisted for a role. Ranked in suitability in this scenario, the woman is ranked #3. So does the recruiter overlook positions #1 and #2 as the gender is more important in the recruitment drive, or do they go with the best person for the job?
Genuine question.

When I see big public services having drives to recruit more workers from a certain demographic, I often wonder how many people don't apply for a position, because they are aware that there is emphasis on another demographic, and they feel they would not be considered seriously.
Again, we are back to discrimination, but it's OK, because it is sanctioned! Ludicrous surely?

Now, before anyone starts flapping their arms in anger, or breathing deeply and huffing, let me explain something. I am all for equality, fairness, and overlooking gender for the best candidate for a job. However, there are certain roles which are predominantly one sex or the other for a reason. Be it physical ability, not really a male or female thing to do (this is a strange one, but accepted in a lot of roles for what it is), or indeed, due to dithering old sexist fools, choosing to hire "sexy secretaries" , or refusing to hire woman as they are the "weaker sex".
There is probably an argument somewhere that says some of these sexist fools only hired women into the boardroom, above the glass ceiling, for a peep up their skirt!

My main issue with this whole situation has come from a series of Tweets from areas of the LFB. They are having a #FireFightingSexism campaign at the moment, which I can appreciate, to a degree at least. More women firefighters, can't be a bad thing at all. Equality in the work place is a serious thing, and should be addressed in many roles. In many sectors we are seeing more and more balance of the sexes. Although the same can't be said for my own industry, comparisons drawn to similar roles but serving other trades would show the complete opposite. Different horses, for different courses and all that!

My problem comes when it comes to how people address a certain job role.
I have grown up with Policeman, Fireman , Postman, Milkman etc. It was a title for someone who carried out a role, and one I grew familiar with as I grew up. To me, the title is the same as Doctor, Manager, Actor etc. Actor being a strange one actually, as I grew up using actor and actress, but the gender was removed from that and it became actor. However many still use actress in day to day life.

Seeing a woman in a hospital, it was, and probably still is easy to use gender to identify a role, and a lot of people will still say "nurse" to a woman, and the same people will usually be surprised to see a man identify himself as a "nurse. It is an ongoing thing, but something I get the impression most are unbothered by, unless they are having a bit of a bad day, we all have them, right!
The main thing here is, these job titles are usually only used to address someone in a formal manner, or to get someones attention in a hurry. Not so much a term used all day, everyday.

And this is where my issue really starts to come into effect with firefighters. It comes across from the campaign, and many of the supporters of it, that it is the title (which many people will never use to address a firefighter) is the biggest concern. This came to a head yesterday for me when LFB Greenwich called out the wonderful Mr Nick Knowles of DIY SOS  for using the term "firemen" in a tweet, thanking the Fire Service for their assistance.
When it comes to quickly hammering out a Tweet or other social media post, we revert to our basics, and quickly write what we feel while it is fresh in our minds. He didn't say "the men of the fire service" not even "the guys" but "firemen". This apparently is offensive and disrespectful to the firefighters, and was worth calling him out publicly on social media.

The post read :

You had the fire service in to help you pump out the water tonight. Clearly both male and female firefighters helping out, yet you referred to them as firemen. Did the woman not deserve recognition for her hard work too? #firefightingsexism

This was followed by this one :

If you see us as brave, please call us by our names. Surely that's not too much to ask? None of us want to be called firemen, we are firefighters.You're right, children do still call us firemen and most girls still think they can't become firefighters as a direct result of that.

Now, I am all for freedom of speech, and I am all for fairness and respect, but I start to lose patience when such things are put in writing, especially things like this.
Externally, the public perception of firefighters is fantastic. Sometimes we don't understand the realities of what they do. But the public rally behind them when cuts are made, wage increases are unfair, and safety is questionable. Events like Grenfell Tower really drove home to the people of London just how brave, amazing and worthy all these people are. Huge respect was shown, people lined the streets to thank them. But it seems after all that love and respect was shown, the real issue was the use of the word "man" !
Seriously!

When I was at school, I called the teachers sir and ma'am. Identifying them by gender, rather than by occupation. I get that that is different, there is no generic term for teacher, other than "teacher", which would be a little disrespectful. However, it is a term I was raised to use. As was fireman.
Forgive me for being a child of such a generation. I am told that the term "firefighter" has been the correct term for 30 years now, so maybe I should sue the education system for failing to teach me correctly. Maybe it is a form of child abuse to have been misinformed for so long. I am sure if I look for long enough, I can find someone to blame, but lets be realistic, it is too trivial to pursue.

I get that firefighters are not all men. I get that fireman is unrepresentative of the workforce. But that is what it is, a misrepresentation, nothing more. Not an intentional disrespect of the female firefighters, not a sexist attack on women, not discriminatory. It is just an old fashioned generalisation which has not yet died out. With time it will, just like other terms have been corrected over the generations.
The argument that the correct term has been "firefighter" for 30 years now, so people should be using it is invalid. The simple fact is, it has NOT been commonly known. People have not refused to use the term, they have simply not been educated. Society didn't rebel, or choose to be sexist, they simply never changed. Postman.... Still common a very common term, but very little said about that.

The rise of Dany Cotton to commissioner of the LFB is fantastic. great for workplace equality,  great for moral, and a clear indication that sexism is no longer in place where it matters. I'm all for this sort of progress, and am pleased to see it continue into other sectors. Such as the Met, with Cresida Dick as the commissioner also. I wonder if the next push will be to demand that we use the term police officer religiously, rather than slipping up and saying Policeman. I do hope not. We are better than that, right?

My issue here, is not so much the message of the campaign, but the tone and ferocity of it. Being TOLD that firefighters will not have their job title dictated to them, and DEMAND that others call them by firefighter. Citing the term fireman as sexist and disrespectful.

I am going round and round in circles here now, I can tell, so I will summarise.

Some situations require a loud voice and stomping of feet to get the message across. Bully it through, and make people understand.
But sometimes, just a constant stream of information, repetition of a phrase, making it the norm, and more commonly used, is the way to go.
The media have trained us with many words over the years, more recently using immigrant instead of refugee, blurring the lines and changing the language of the masses, the same can be done here too.

People do listen, language does change, but not over night, and certainly not under duress. The message is fair, the method quite frankly sucks, and if there is anyone demonstrating disrespect, it is from the other side. Disrespecting the members of the public who dare to use a common adage, rather than carefully selecting the most PC term possible.

I love all members of our emergency services, and respect every single one of you. Just because I don't tell you every day, doesn't mean I have changed my views. Please, carry on with your campaign, but maybe stop being so precious about it, and making a huge issue of something which has not been addressed for 29 of the last 30 years.

What a year!

Well its been a long long time since I blogged anything simple and down to earth, let alone just about me, and not moaning about companies and organisations. So I thought it was about time I did, so here goes.

First off, apologies for any typos I might make and miss, but I am trying this blog entry out on my new ACER Chromebook. I shall come back to that in a bit.

So..... What a year. Without a doubt the main factor has to be the passing of my dear Aunt Joan Hughes. This time last year, this exact time and day in fact, I was in Colwyn Bay making a surprise visit to her. Spending a little too long over at the carers house getting up to speed on how Joan had been, I finally went over to a rather frosty reception, and quite a telling off. Something I have grown used to in the years of visiting.

Slightly taken aback by the changes which had happened since I had see her last, but the time spent there together was as special as ever. Little did I know at the time that this would be the last time I would really see Joan at home, and the last bit of quality time we would spend together. As chatty and argumentative as ever, we spent hours talking about all sorts of things, before it was time for me to head home.

I remember the day well, as on my journey to and from Wales there were a series of nasty accidents resulting in fatalities and major road closures. Leaving me getting home at about midnight, and popping my M&S turkey ready meal in the oven for  very late dinner. No repeat of that this year, with the creation of my own roast dinner, which was delightful.

It seemed only a few weeks later that I returned to Wales, around my birthday, on hearing the news that Joan had taken a turn, and was now in a home. It was only just over a week later, on what would have been mums birthday, that the last of the 3 Lunt sisters from Old Colwyn would pass away, leaving a huge hole in the fabric of my life as I knew it at that time. The end of a generation, the end of the blood connection to a place which has always been dear in my heart.

A sad time was quickly surpassed by a strange time for me. A time spent in Wales, with Chris, Noel, and Chantal to name but a few. A time spent organising what can only be described as the disposal of Joan's estate, and what felt like a deletion of a connection to a special place. Reading the eulogy at Joan's funeral, looking out at all the faces of the people who had come to share that last moment, and pay their respects, I realised that THIS was what really meant something to me. Not the reading, not the attention, but the love respect and connections of friendship.

Since this time I have really started to appreciate my true friendships, and respect those people  deem 'friends'. Knowing that I would move a mountain to help them at a moments notice, and to know that however infrequent the meetings and conversations, that respect is mutual. It gives me great comfort to know, just like my aunt, I too have people like this in my life. So to you, I say thank you.

The rest of the year has been full of stress and distractions. Dealing with solicitors, estate agents (some great, some rubbish), executors, car rental companies, the list is endless. But over this time two things have kept me afloat, material objects, and food. Both things that I actually despise to an extend. But seeing as I am typing on one of those material objects to write this blog, I guess some good comes from them.
Food however is my enemy right now, and I intend on doing something about that starting in a few weeks time. Until then, I shall indulge myself and make the most of it.

Just watching the Queen's Speech after my home made lunch, for the first time I might add. I was surprised to see quite a basic speech, not highlighting the years events, but focusing on the inner person. Something I like to do quite a lot. Time for reflection is something we all need, apparently even the Queen does from time to time. So it turns out im normal after all.

Throughout this year many people I know have suffered in one way or another. From losing a loved one, to suffering from ill health of some sort. Again, it is at times like this you realise who your friends are. Having been through most of the above quite frequently over the past few years, I can appreciate what they are going through. To you all, I wish you all the best in overcoming these times, and striving to be stronger, for yourself and those around you.

So as the end of another year comes into sight, and all the memories of 2013 go into storage, regardless of what has happened, the highs, the lows... Lift your head high, and strive to fight on for another year, with each day of life being a gift in itself, everyday is Xmas, so don't waste the gift you have.

My final thought is a strange one, certainly for me, and might be a bit weird for others, including one certain person. But here goes...
2013 saw my daughter (the one I rarely speak of anymore) turn 18, an age of maturity, an age of independence. With this coinciding with my 40th year, my aunts passing, and many other milestones, something has changed in my life, and for the better (in a nice way).
I am the oldest generation of a family now, the highest tier, I have no legal responsibilities to anyone, I am soon to be debt free for the first time in years, so can catagorically say that I am borderline stress free, string free, chain free etc.
Seeing peoples pictures of their Xmas trees surrounded with gifts, having people reach out to me to ask me not to spend Xmas Day alone this year, and realising that the Xmas spirit I remember from a child is still within me somewhere, well its kinda made me quite sad. But at the same time determined too.
No longer am I in limbo between being a son, but also an absent parent. I no longer have the calling to travel to ensure relatives are ok on this day. But from this point on, I can enjoy Xmas again, and give it the respect it deserves.

So I say this now, and will keep my word. I have NO idea what I will do for Xmas 2014 yet, but I promise you one thing... I WILL celebrate it!

Thank you to everyone for reaching out, and helping reignite the flicker of Xmas within me.

Funerals are confusing places

In the past year or two I have attended probably a few more funerals than I should have at my age, sadly most for people were way too young to leave us. But you can't change the cards you are dealt can you.
One alarming thing I have found at too many funerals is bullshit. People bringing baggage, assumed authority, and all sorts of things that are quite simply not welcomed at such events.
The purest I have attended would without a doubt be Breeny's. No fakeness, no falseness, just pure respect for the person we had all mutually lost, and that was both refreshing and beautiful. At previous funerals it seemed that a battle erupted for authority, people feeling they knew what was best and wanted. A doorman attitude appears, and people feel they have the right to dictate who comes, who does what, and try to control all sorts of behaviour of those attending.
Tas's was without a doubt a shocking example of this. Such a beautiful man, and his day of departure tarnished with the behaviour of others, all in the name of being his 'best friend'. Too many people feeling they knew what Tas would have wanted, and so much infighting it was unreal. Truly damaging not only to the day, but also for the memories of those not involved in all the bullshit.
Funeral etiquette to me is not a hard thing to grasp. The family hold all the cards, and their respects should be combined and respected. No baggage should be brought to a funeral. We are gathering to pay our respects and send off some one we clearly all care about. Strangers, friend and enemies will all come together for a day to remember someone who we will never see again. We should make the most of this one last chance to see this person, and send them off with warmth in our hearts, and purity in our minds.
Sadly people use these occasions to be fake, be false, and worst of all, to display poor timing and blatant disrespect to the event. Raising topics that should not be discussed, using it as an impromptu opportunity to raise matters that are for personal benefit etc.... Such people are prize idiots and if they cannot conduct themselves properly, they should simply just avoid such occasions for everyones sake. You disrespectful little twats!
So... Should I be blessed enough to be allowed to attend Darrens funeral when it is announced, this is what you can expect from me. Now this might seem rude, but I'm just putting it out there.
I, Me, Michael Snasdell, Snazy will be there to pay my respects to a guy who put a smile on my face. Never did we exchange a bad word, but always I enjoyed his company. I am there for him.... And of course his immediate family.
The rest is a mixed bag, let me be clear. If I have not seen someone for years it will be great to see them, and I will make that known. If there is history between us, we have fallen out, or don't see eye to eye, this is NOT the place I will discuss it. I am not going to smile and be your friend for a day, nor pretend things are different.
I won't be agreeing that we should all meet up more, see more of each other or engaging in any other falseness. I have heard it all before.
Let me repeat, I am there for Darren, his family and my friends so I can offer a shoulder to, talk to, and help them cope, while we enjoy a few chosen memories of the great man himself.
I apologise again if this seems rude, and understand if it rules me out from being there. Call me old fashioned, respectful, disrespectful or just an idiot... But that's me.
I hope that the day will be one to remember for years to come, and that the media continue to give the big fella the publicity he deserves. Lest we forget!
Speaking of the media..... http://www.suttonguardian.co.uk/news/9563309.Tributes_to_car_lover_killed_in_crash/
Dear Media...
Thank you for covering this story of our dear friend who has passed, but if I am sure I speak for many when I say 'Mr Green' was Darren or Dazza (as well as some unprintable names) to most of us, and it would be lovely to see him spoken of as the person he was, not the formal Mr Green. He won't mind, honest. Just like Mr Steer is BJ, always makes me smile calling him that lol.
Anyway. Enough of what I want, and back to the family. Angela, Tony, any of you, if you need anything (inc me shutting up), please just say.
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RIP Steve Jobs 1955-2011

I thought it only fair to say my peace on the passing of such a motivational and inspirational person.
Set in his ways, but determined for things to change, he had a vision for the future and followed it by any means necessary to achieve his goals and dreams. Often controversial, and always in the media for both good and bad, Steve Jobs is on the short list of the few people in the world who have set themselves a goal early on, and never deviated from their path. Occasionally adding more to his ideas, and raising the bar, Steve Jobs proved determination, and a whole bunch of money earned by previous success could make things happen.

Sadly as all families of cancer victims know, money cannot solve everything, and whilst being one of the wealthiest self made men around, none of his rich gains could cure the cancer which would finally take his life.

He has truly created a legacy that will live on for a long long time, and that's just his reputation. Then there is Apple, the company that has taken the world by storm, and motivated others to up their game, and move in the direction of the demands of the consumer market. Causing frenzy each time they launch a new product (ok maybe not the last one so much), and having the true definition of a loyal fan base. Almost a fanatical fan base in fact, but I guess in business that's not such a bad thing. Moving product is the name of the game here after all.

There is a huge gap in opinion between Apple users and users of other products, a void filled with arguments, and point proving, ego battles and some weird people who are FAR too involved in the companies and products for a mere consumer. But the sane ones in those groups will all agree that Steve Jobs was a key part in Apple, and Apple has at some point been a key part in moving the mobile phone market forwards in directions no one saw coming for a while yet.
That's not to say that others have not taken the ball and moved on with it, but there was definitely a line in the sand drawn by Apple at some point, there is no denying that.

So without taking sides, and without casting a shadow over an already dark day, I will end with R.I.P Steve Jobs.... Millions will miss you for a long time to come.

Oops, sorry!

While taking a moment to reflect recently, and talking to someone about day to day life, I realised something shocking.
I am without realising it, cutting away at life lines, and pushing people away, when in fact I actually need them close by.
Last week I had an amazing time in a friends company, we chatted, laughed and messed about in a way that truly felt unfamiliar to me at the time. Yet the more I think about it, the more I realise that was actually the real me, the normal me. Not the current me that is beaten down by emotions, and weighed down by events of day to day life.

But over the past days, as I have settled back into my normal role, I seem to have been a bit negative to said people, and really should think before I act.

Now I'm not trying to get all deep and emotional, I'm not going to run away and start a new life as a hermit living under a waterfall or anything. BUT... I am going to make a concious effort to make sure I treat the people who make a difference to me, with respect, and hope I can keep their company for a long time.

So thank you for listening to me, for entertaining my thoughts, and for all the kinds of company you offer. There are some special people out there, for which I am grateful.

A line of arrogance from me for a moment. Usually being the one offering the hand of help, I now know what it feels like to receive care, comfort and ne respected by someone who owes you none of that.

X
Regards
Michael

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