Self reflection.

Taking stock of the past few days, it is important to me to make sure I am fully aware of what has happened across the board, and the impact my actions may have had on others. And maybe others should too?

I don't like to be told what to do, never have, never will. Nor do I like being spoken down to. If anyone puts me in such a position, they will generally receive a response of sorts, and in some cases it can be knee jerk, and possibly a little excessive. Emotions are a powerful driver.

Sadly, when things like this happen, people who have no role in the situation sometimes get caught up in the moment, and for this I am sorry. For example, my other half choosing to leave the local forum, due to her being dragged into things. On this occasion, not by myself, but instead the admin of the forum. Contacting her, suggesting her account was being used to access information on threads, which they were then called out on.

Unfortunately, the tone of the emails took its toll on Ann, making her angry and upset at how she was being treated, and she made the decision to leave the forum. Requesting her account be deleted.
Strangely, I do not yet know the reason why, but her posts were also deleted from the forum. Not that this is a bad thing, but it is different to how my request was handled. Strange, but hey.... I'm sure there is a little game involved in there somewhere.

Now I know this sounds a little bit like a willy wave, but it is not. It is simply a fact, but one others may dispute.
The number of people who have contacted me (double figures) and either said they have received similar treatment, and felt too bullied to do anything about it. Or have simply stated they see the same issues I do, with the way people get treated for not conforming to the requirements of forum membership, is quite shocking.

I knew there were one or two who questioned the hierarchy, but the response to the blog has been quite the eye opener. And quite a relief too.

As some know, I can be a little bit nutty at times, and get too caught up in things. Blurred lines, over reacting, and suffering mentally for it.  So when I become embroiled in a cock fight on the internet, I can really make myself suffer. The bad outweighing the good on most occasions. A fact some have taken advantage of in the past.
It is a tough battle with my inner self, do I get treated like dirt, or do I stand up for myself (and others) and suffer the consequences of what it does to my state of mind. Usually the latter wins.

Over the weekend I received many threats of legal action, reports to the authorities, and other such things, as a way of making me panic and edit or remove the blog entry I posted. Initially I had to take a long hard look at things, and wonder if I was indeed in hot water. However as I did more digging, fact checking and research, I realised it was not all as it seemed.

The comments I made in the post were, to the best of my knowledge, factual. Having been involved in all matters I had raised, my recollection was supported by written and published forum posts, on various local forums. In fact, on doing a little research, I was quite astounded at some of the things I was reading. From suggesting people were not ready to have children as they received a form of financial support, from the eradication of local foxes. Detailed personal opinions on local people of influence, something I found quite amusing, given that I was in the middle of receiving threats to make me stop doing exactly that....Hmmm.

Another thing that tickled me was a post on a local forum where someone had divulged information about a private meeting which was due to take place. Using quotes from a private conversation to bolster the facts that this meeting would indeed take place.
Unfortunately, the other party had had no desire for this meeting to have been made public, and the repercussions of this revelation were quite damaging. Although part of me things this may have been the plan all along, in order to destabilise things, in order to make a move.

A move which would subsequently fail.

 There are questions to be asked about the actual intentions of some, with their actions not matching up with their comments of intent. Looking at things in a broader scope, alarm bells start to ring. In one arena the same topic is discussed in a very different manner. From harmless interest, to a desire of dominance, the messages are very mixed.
That in itself is very telling on some levels. Any person who has the need to have different personas in order to remain in certain circles gets my hackles up immediately.  That said, I too confess to having different personas, however most are aware of both. Polite and articulate on one hand, brash and a total prick on the other. Both sides of me are on display to all people I know, depending on the situation. I would say brash prick has been hanging around lately, but polite guy has kept him in check for the main part.

For me it works well, being able to make my point without being too polite or intimidated to leave anything out. Sadly for others, especially a couple of people I have spoken to, this has not been the case. Personally I find it outrageous that any person who desires to hold a position of any kind of trust in a local environment, should conduct themselves in a threatening and intimidating way. Especially on the basis that they simply do not like what another person thinks or has said. People like that really get on my nerves, and I will not stand by idle and watch someone be treated like that!

Sadly, some are blinkered to this behaviour, and refuse to accept that any wrong doing is taking place. Deciding to fully back the initial aggressor, rather than fact checking the situation, or taking a little time to actually ponder over the fact. Or of course, they just agree, even when presented with all the facts. Each to their own.
However, when the majority agree with the unwarranted behaviour are in a shared position of power, and able to almost decide the fate of someone, without any right to reply or appeal, then it becomes a much bigger problem. For some at least. If you play nicely, and say the right things of course, you would be none the wiser.

This was pretty much the reason I eventually decided to leave the forum. That is not to say that all were of the same mindset. This is NOT the case, and I want to be completely clear on this. However, with just enough support and goading, as well as assistance in mud slinging, anything is achievable, especially if you hold all the aces. Open and blatant "threats" about how people will get their comeuppance in time are tolerated because..... well because they can! When those who govern need governing, things go bad.

When other people of influence tell you they too feel something is wrong, you are clearly not barking up the wrong tree. I have received messages on a couple of platforms from such people, expressing their sadness at how things have evolved, and suggesting that things need to change. It is good to be in agreement, even if it is from within the silence.

Some walk the line to be respectful, included and remain involved. Then there are people like me, who walk along the line, scuffing it with our soles, blurring it, so others are not restricted by it.